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      Hello!   03/17/16

      Welcome to Asperclick! I'm Willow, the founder and moderator. Have a browse around the site and sign up to talk with our members. I hope you find the site useful

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  1. Today
  2. Borderline Personality Disorder

    I wasn't over thinking, at least I think I'm not, just saw more replies. I read some words, but at the moment, I don't feel like I have the energy to read long passages. I've always found it hard to do so anyway. 
  3. Borderline Personality Disorder

    On second thought, I think the reason why I might relate to @Nesf's husband family member is in that the lady is depressed. Maybe the extra high sensitivity relates to depression. I've been told in the past on this forum that people would walk on egg shells when they were around me. I'm only using as an example as to how I relate to her. Maybe it's to do with the depression. 
  4. Borderline Personality Disorder

    Maybe the answer is to seek stability without any need for other people. I function really well with animals and understand them better. I guess I know how Michael Jackson felt as he too felt people were pretty screwed up with their wars and abuse of the environment.
  5. Borderline Personality Disorder

    "The symptoms of borderline personality disorder include: a recurring pattern of instability in relationships, efforts to avoid abandonment, identity disturbance, impulsivity, emotional instability, and chronic feelings of emptiness, among other symptoms." I'll take a few of these as they stand: identity disturbance - most of the time I'm chatty and bubbly and not very sensitive (as to whether my company is even that welcome). Simple triggers may cause then another personality to take over for several days. The other personality is withdrawn, quiet, bruised, insecure and vulnerable. Also feeling very unwanted and sort of disconnected (disassociation). For anyone around the change will be possibly troubling or puzzling. For me it may be alarming as I feel no control over it and just want to withdraw. Efforts to avoid abandonment - if there are signs of a relationship, I may freeze someone right out as if pre-empting risk of rejection. It's rooted I think in total distrust of other people. The article I quote from also mentioned anger if someone stands you up. Well, when I was teaching I'd feel if a student missed a class it was somehow my fault and I'd done something wrong. Feelings of emptiness - it doesn't help either that most people are shallow and superficial. Conversation rarely goes beyond materialism and routine. You're not going to get a conversation on philosophy or physics. Neither is there any interest in music so (apart from basic disconnection), society itself is very robotic - job, bills, TV shows, money.... The diagnosis of BPD hardly matters to me but certain things I mentioned do matter. For example, not being able to trust anyone at all is a worrying frame of mind to be in. As are the mood swings and personality shifts. The friend I mentioned probably has classic BPD but without AS. Unlike me she can be very manipulative and impulsive. She can make friendships but then seriously fall out with friends. She used to come and see me, come on strong sexually but later not even greet me on the campus on passing by. Most women attracted to me are always strange.
  6. Yesterday
  7. Borderline Personality Disorder

    From what I know about BPD, I've considered that I might have it, but people have told me that I don't come across as an impulsive person and that I think a lot about what I do. Which I've come to realize that I do. Sometimes the way we view ourselves ins't exactly accurate and sometimes how others see us can help us see or selves better. For example, I am capable of thinking very negatively of myself I've even considered that I might be a sociopath, but have realized that I'm definitely not.  Like when I read @Nesf's post about that girl, I thought I can be like that. One moment I'm okay, but the next I'm not. But, then I realized that I'm really not like that. Plus, I wouldn't lash out on people like that unless it was a constant behavior that they were engaging in and I was fed up already because I was just being treated horribly. Or if it's something that was triggering. I once watched a video on BPD, but didn't really understand it. 
  8. Borderline Personality Disorder

    I think my dad may have it.
  9. Borderline Personality Disorder

    Everything you say makes sense. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. 
  10. Borderline Personality Disorder

    One approach is to attempt to understand the workings of your emotions but without introspection. That is, trying not to grind life to a halt due to disability. More a case of freezing problem emotions and then analysing what they suggest. That is, is it normal? Is there a comparison with a specific disorder among accepted symptoms? Do other people have similar feelings? If the feelings are abnormal (eg meltdowns), is there a cause or trigger? I say this because for years I was totally unaware of the extent of my mental health problems. I had no idea what AS was. Or HFA. I put my meltdowns down to "bad temper". In the 80's psychology hadn't accepted AS so I was diagnosed with anxiety, depression and panic attacks. I was handed meds and so on. Discovering AS was a huge relief. At least it took away the idea I was a failure, or stupid or lazy. I came to see I simply couldn't just function normally or "pull myself together". I know there's a danger of using AS as a cop-out and an excuse to simply not try but, truthfully, everything for me was always an uphill struggle. It's not a game or a fashion or some means to say, "Hey, I have Asperger's look at me!" In fact I never disclosed my self-diagnosis to anyone, apart from here where I'm incognito. Anyway, the point is diagnostics helped. However, with AS there are often co-morbid issues as well. Not only that but there may even be causes or catalysts. As to the basic pattern of BPD, it's early days yet. I would say that definitely being autistic created a background of rejection and intolerance as I grew up. That then seems to have created personality disorder symptoms as a by-product. Not all aspies had tolerant families or schools, for that matter. One thing I will state is there's a crossover between distrust and paranoia and a genuine need to be defensive. Symptoms like avoidance, lack of trust, withdrawel are triggered by real experience. It's not just a disorder. Sure, we may over--react or misinterpret people with good intentions but sometimes we do pick up and react against genuine intolerance. The question I ask myself is HTF can you attempt to "cure" something that was partly caused by environment? Do we pretend life was all the time a bed of roses and simply embrace the world with open arms? I found this quote: "If you begin to understand what you are without trying to change it, then what you are undergoes a transformation." Jiddu Krishnamurti
  11. Last week
  12. Are you on Meds

    Risperdal and Baseborn?
  13. Are you on Meds

    I thought I'd never say this, but I have been on medications. I've always been con medications because I feel like they change you. (Just my personal belief). But unfortunately I was on some and they ended up not working. At first I was on Sertraline, I noticed small changes, so the dose was upped, but then I went back to crying etc. Like the effect went away. So then I was placed on Citalopram (by request) and it had been working better than Sertraline, but I think the dosage needs to be upped again because I feel like the effect is starting to go away again. I feel like Citalopram is stronger than Sertraline, but I don't think I will continue taking it anymore. I haven't been able to go to the doctor to tell her to up the dose and I need a therapist. Plus, I was told that there's no cure for depression, it only makes you feel better which I guess sucks because I don't like having crying episodes and episodes where I'm intolerable. 
  14. Signatures

    @Miss Chief I know this is random, but I love your signature. I've liked it for a while now. Did you make it on your own? On photoshop or some graphic design program? 
  15. Borderline Personality Disorder

    My chiildhood was very unstable. I grew up in quite a large, well--to-do house but both parents fell far short of normality. There were constant violent arguments. Add to that my autism condition at school and the seeds of instability were sewn. The first major consequence was easily being drawn into a religious cult. Religious groups offer a strong attraction to people from insecure backgrounds. This is because they offer an alternative family structure with lots of brothers and sisters and so forth. As to abusive relationships, I somehow attract unstable, dominant women like a magnet. I had one who was very wealthy but forced me to do stuff like wear contact lenses and wear certain clothes. The closer we got, the more critical and bullying she became. And, sure, as was stated above, I enjoyed the relationship in a sense the way it was. Some aspects of borderline personality disorder struck a few chords. What happened was I suddenly came to realise I tend to react very strongly to any friendship that becomes more established. There's a feeling something will go wrong so you start to back off and withdraw or you feel mistrust. Then come the mood swings and disassociation. Or even avoidance. So, reallly it's not a good situation at all. The way I see it the mind is always geared to protect from trauma. It creates defensive mechanisms. It's like if you put your finger in a flame and get a burn, you will then avoid the flame in future. So, if your early years were unstable, your mind programs itself to avoid repeated trauma. It seems like the friend I mentioned has classic BPD. She drifts from job to job. She never had a stable boyfriend. She develops hatred towards friends who cross her and can be very manipulative. She once told me her mother was an alcoholic so I suspect family issues were a factor. BPD I read is also more typically a female disorder.
  16. Singing to self soothe and feel better

    How about carrying around a mocking bird the way my favorite Aspie did!
  17. Famous people with Asperger's Syndrome

    Thomas Jefferson? – President That’s right, our third president was thought to be on the spectrum. This may be stretching it when it comes to writers, but he wrote the Declaration of Independence, so I say it’s fair game. According to word from back in the day, he was an uncomfortable public speaker, had an inability to relate to others, and a huge sensitivity to loud noises. He also had very peculiar routines, like wearing slippers to important meetings or having a mockingbird on his shoulder a lot of the time (possibly as a method of self soothing in social situations). Unfortunately, as his childhood home burned down, we have no way of telling if he showed any of the childhood symptoms. Hans Christian Andersen? – writer The writer of The Ugly Duckling and The Little Mermaid was said to be very gangly in his youth and prone to strange tantrums. His diary entries also show him pining after many unobtainable men and women, which I can tell you from personal experience can happen to people on the spectrum. A closer look at his stories show a trend of outcast characters who weren’t always lucky enough to get a happy ending, which indicates perhaps some self-projection into his stories. Amadeus Mozart? – music No doubt about it, the man was a musical maestro. But Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart was also thought by scholars to be on the spectrum. Allegedly, the man had a set selection of facial expressions he cycled through, was active with a short attention span akin to ADD, and had ultrasensitive hearing that could physically make him sick when his surroundings were too loud. There was apparently one time that he got bored in a public setting, so he started meowing out loud, doing cartwheels all over the place, and vaulting and doing flips over tables. If nothing else, you now know that the world’s greatest musician was also a great acrobat. Truly, he’s a man of many talents. Michaelangelo? – artist We have two doctors to thank for this diagnosis, specifically Dr. Muhammad Arshad and Professor Michael Fitzgerald. They described him having very limited interests, a fiery temper, repetitive routines, and poor social and communication skills, all things associated with high-functioning autistics. All of this and more was determined through notes and accounts on paper from his friends and family, so there’s validity to the diagnosis. It’s very likely that his autism gave him the edge he needed to become one of the greatest artists the world has ever seen. Trust me, I’ve seen the Sistine Chapel in person. Nikola Tesla? – scientist For those who are unaware, Nikola Tesla was a brilliant scientist and a rival to Thomas Edison, who wound up stealing a lot of Tesla’s inventions and took advantage of him in other ways. He’s also what the subject of the latest car craze is named after. Records say that Tesla had an intense sensitivity to light and sound, a huge amount of phobias, tendencies to be reclusive, and an obsession with the number three (which is something I can definitely relate to). Sadly, he wasn’t recognized for his genius or struggles and died alone, penniless, and shunned by the scientific community. Now if you want a story with a happier ending… Albert Einstein? – world renowned scientist Now here’s a name we’re all familiar with, seeing as he revolutionized the scientific world. In addition to being a brilliant mind, there has been speculation that he was on the spectrum. He had difficulty socializing as an adult, which manifested in speech delays, he was very technical minded, and in his youth, he used to repeat his sentences to himself, a phenomenon known as echolalia. Those are all, you guessed it, signs of the spectrum. Another sign was his ability to focus his research around abstract details that only someone with Asperger’s or autism could spot. History has been peppered with heroes on the spectrum, even if they didn’t realize it at the time. But armed with the tools and knowledge of our time, we can uncover the unsung aspies of the past and tell their whole story in the future. Tune in next time where we take a look at musicians on the spectrum and be prepared, there are a lot. *** http://the-art-of-autism.com/historical-figures-who-may-have-been-on-the-autism-spectrum/
  18. Famous people with Asperger's Syndrome

    Thomas Jefferson was unable to shake hands well and highly aspergery?
  19. Borderline Personality Disorder

    In my opinion and experience BPD can be summarised as 'I hate you ..please dont leave me'  They stick around dysfunctional abusive people for the fear of being all alone. They are in a lot of internal psychological pain and some say they feel as though they don't have a skin all over and everything hurts really bad. In my understanding and experience, they have been treated really badly by their primary care giver but had no way of escaping them and the abusive situation so they play this same dynamic out as an adult with other people. Only when they realise that they don't need a parent figure anymore and they are adults themselves capable of looking after their needs, when they truly realise this and fill the gap in themselves on their own, only then they can have any hope of forming a meaningful relationship. Until then they and their partners are largely fooked.
  20. Borderline Personality Disorder

    I don't know you, but wouldn't have thought you were BPD as you appear structured. (the word borderline does confuse matters though)  
  21. Elliot Rodger's Youtube Channel

    The guy was a special kind of crazy!
  22. Borderline Personality Disorder

    " not sure I agree with your definition as there is way, way more to it. Its not so simple." That's why I go another way around it and don't try to pinpoint a diagnosis. You have to be totally honest and accurate. What matters above all is the recognition of an actual problem and coming to understand the implications. One source said with BPD, your world is unstable and prone to change and the other big factor is the fear of rejection, and avoidance of such a scenario. I guess I am lucky to have any friends left at all. Whenever I get this sudden shift of perception, the quiet withdrawel, paranoia and feelings of being disliked somehow, I act very cold. It's like one minute you view the world through a rainbow, then suddenly it changes to a new, dark perception. It now seems one or two of my friends have finally figured something out and assume it's depression so they are supportive. However I feel it's unfair to pass such behaviour on around friends - it must be confusing. Years ago my psychologist did mention "depersonalisation" but not AS or personality disorders. That was back in the 1980's.
  23. Borderline Personality Disorder

    @Dr-David-Banner not sure I agree with your definition as there is way, way more to it. Its not so simple. Personality disorder is very complex and problematic for the person and people they come into contact with. Its also complex for 'professionals'.  People with the diagnosis can be quite manipulative and create quite an impact for reasons people don't understand. It defies all other single diagnosis and is sometimes used as a umbrella term for 'we have no idea what this persons problem is, but its a big one' People who present (or quietly experience) social challenges always end up with some label or other
  24. Borderline Personality Disorder

    I strongly aspect that a member or my partner's family has this. She has all these symptoms, but definitely not on the spectrum. She is extremely sensitive, takes offense easily and gets upset at the slightest thing, very moody like Jeckyll and Hyde, will be fine the one minute and then suddenly just changes, withdraws, gets angry. It's like walking on eggshells, I don't feel comfortable around her and I avoid her. She also has a history of depression and a suicide attempt.
  25. Elliot Rodger's Youtube Channel

    The debate goes on over his diagnosis. Seems pretty certain malignant narcissistic personality disorder is part of it. You will notice his earlier YouTube videos were less extreme than the last ones. As I said, yes, I understand what it feels like to be socially isolated. One thing I never forgot was the teams selection at school. I would be the last one picked and, even then, under the insistance of a teacher (to a chorus of groans and protests). In my twenties I was very shy of girls maybe due to pressure that I was supposed to be masculine and do the chasing. Nowadays, I am not shy at all. One sort of bonus is if you get to the point of giving up altogether, talking to women becomes easy. Instead of seeing them as partners to be chased about or impressed, they become just good company. I find women more expressive and mature and figure I relate more psychologically to them. So like Elliot Rodger I have no woman "on my arm" but friendship wise it's easier for me to make small talk with women. Weirdly I always remember their names in conversation whereas with guys I don't. As to sex, well, yes there was a time I had lots of encounters without any emotional ties. However these days sex isn't a big deal.
  26. I don't think I have this but have researched it a little. It seems some aspects apply to me but maybe not enough of them to point to a diagnosis. It says with BPD a person's self-image may suddenly change and there are mood swings. Also a disassociation or even depersonallisation. I don't struggle specifically with a change of self image but I do get changes in perception as to how I feel others relate to me. When it happens, it's scary. Where I would normally feel liked and popular, it suddenly changes and instead I feel unwanted, insignificant and a nuisance to friends. I will go very quiet as if reality has shattered any hope of acceptance. I will then freeze people out and act very moody and withdrawn. It's basically akin to a personality change that may last a few days. So, it's not my self image that changes but more how I perceive others always viewed me. However, the mood swings and disassociation I get does fit with BPD. Other traits like impulsive behaviour doesn't fit. As I looked into BPD, I became aware I think a friend has this disorder. This friend is now in Washington. She's very wary of getting close to any boyfriend and, if she does, she becomes hyper affectionate. Then I recall something may make her jealous and she will then come to hate her boyfriend and the relationship ends in tears. I suspect she had a troubled childhood which she shared with me in the past. I did suspect she had AS but she tested very high for NT but, as I'm aware, BPD isn't the same as autism. Plus BPD is more common in females. These days I try to avoid attempts to create some concrete diagnosis but am more interested in taking information and comparing. What I have concluded is people who tend to withdraw from friends and freeze are deep down afraid of being hurt or rejected, or maybe self esteem issues. Another thing I related to in BPD was the sensitivity aspect where you feel the slightest comment could be negatively conceived. Only recently I noticed I had a pattern of pretty much sabotaging friendships at the point where they become a bit stronger. I made a big effort not to cut these people out but sort of wait till the mood swings subsided and then try and get back to normality. I still don't know if I do have BPD or maybe just aspects of it. Even for trained psychologists any concrete diagnosis isn't straightforward.
  27. Elliot Rodger's Youtube Channel

    I didn't really the last two posts made my @Dr-David-Banner.  I agree that most aspies on this forum have been in a relationship. We do have communication deficits, but I think one of the reasons why it faltered in Elliot Roger was the superficiality he engaged in. I think most aspies on this forum, or regular basis members, aren't shallow like that. So they could date someone who isn't as conventionally beautiful, but have a more attractive personality. So I think that's where one of the possible problems lied in Elliot Roger.
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