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    • Willow

      Hello!   03/17/16

      Welcome to Asperclick! I'm Willow, the founder and moderator. Have a browse around the site and sign up to talk with our members. I hope you find the site useful

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  3. My problem is working with other people is now impossible. Some days ago I was helping 2 friends catch up with their shelves at work. It's no big deal as I'm just helping. One of the girls remarked it didn't have to be so exact and that I needed to just cover the whole aisle in much less time. Yet physically I can't not do something perfect. So I work kind of slowly. It has to be lined up and so on. So my problem is in various ways I can't work with others and also feel out of place. I can help out but I'd feel like a cat on hot bricks if employed there. I've also had a feeling before under stress of working as if underwater where movements seem to be dragging and slowed down.
  4. Anyone non-Capitalist....

    United States.... Why?
  5. Thank you for sharing your thoughts! i agree, it helps to have a plan B. Sometimes, though, it's not always possible to predict what might go wrong, and i still get thrown when something changes suddenly or goes wrong.
  6. Routines, particularly in areas where we don't feel entirely confident, can certainly be very helpful. There is always the risk though that they can take on a life of their own and create more anxiety rather than reduce it. This is particularly true if it's not possible to follow the routine for some reason and they can make adapting to new circumstances more difficult. However I think for people on the spectrum there often isn't much alternative - we need routines and structures to a greater or lesser degree. Perhaps the key is to plan alternative routines for those occasions when the preferred one isn't possible or has become less relevant to the situation.
  7. @Nesf I can relate a lot to your post. Sometimes I find a way to do things like if the first trial run works well with me then I stick to it rather than experimenting and do it another way. I would take the long way if it meant less anxiety, less people, something that would help me cope. For example, when I used to go out, I would either google map the directions if I could use google maps or if I had been there already, I would map how to get there in my head. There are multiple ways to getting to a place and sometimes perhaps even short cuts, but I would only use the mapped out direction I have chosen because I had chosen it and because I was comfortable with it. When I go with someone else, they sometimes choose different ways. I think it's true that one of the reasons why we insist on not deviating from what we're used to is that we can't cope as well as them (NT's), like you said. I also always ask people what to expect from a new situation. I ask too many questions (or at least it seems like this to others) because I feel like I don't know how to do things while I think an NT wouldn't ask. They would just go ahead and do it and deal with the changes as they come to them. I try to go in a new situation the most prepared I can to cope better and have less unexpected things happening. Unless someone else is doing the talking, leading, etc. and I know I can rely on them, then I worry less about unexpected things since I'm only tagging along. However, I know that with there's always room for unexpected things happening, especially with NTs, but could happen with anyone, and I can only have anxiety because of that. I do tell the person to not leave my side, but it's not always possible. I know there are other things, but I'm too mentally exhausted to do more right now. I'm even scared of posting this because I feel like I will end up getting stressed somehow. *sigh*
  8. I'm so grateful I read this post! Right now my life circumstances from every angle are changing. I've been fighting overwhelming emotions by the bucketful for the last few weeks. New boss, new office, a car that's not working, medical question marks, family drama, and I feel vulnerable and worn out. Yesterday one of my student's parents yelled at me, was actually abusive, and it left me stunned. She also called the main office and voiced her opinions. I feel overworked, underpaid, and unappreciated. Without my routine, I'd go bonkers. It's the only stable thing I have in my life right now. Sometimes people get hurt, angry, or tease me about it, but I don't care. I also need more down time right now and struggle to not feel guilty about it. Your post reminded me it's okay to just be me, it's okay to be different from the majority. Thank you, Nesf!
  9. During the last couple of weeks, I've had to use the metro system a lot. I don't usually use public transport, but my current situation makes it necessary. At first, I was very on edge and anxious while on the train, but it's a lot better now. This has lead me me to think about how I and other people on the spectrum might cope with adapting to new situations, and how the strategies that we tend to use more may be different to the strategies that other people might use. Firstly, I often feel anxious because I'm not good with dealing problems or situations that might crop up unexpectedly. People (NTs) are less anxious because they are more confident in their ability to cope with unexpected situations. They have the social skills to deal with it and don't get overwhelmed so easily. When I'm in a new situation like using the metro, I tend to become hyper-aware of my surroundings, and notice a lot of things going on around me, as if I am seeing, hearing and experiencing everything in HD. After a couple of metro trips, I began to notice certain patterns to the metro system, that at one end there is always very few people, that people always use the escalators and never the stairs, so the stairs have no people and I can move freely on them, that I feel safer and better near the doors, and not in the middle where the seats are. I begin to establish the optimal way for me to travel on the metro with the least possible stress, right down to the smallest detail. Having established this, I stick to it, and don't deviate. It is my coping mechanism for dealing with stressful situations, and I become very reliant on it. So if I were to travel with someone who wants to stand on a different place on the platform, that would really stress me out and I would react, insisting on doing it my way. The thing I've noticed with most people is that they tend not to do this. Because people are confident in their ability to deal with unexpected situations, they just go with the flow and tend not to  establish such routines. So they really don't care where they stand on the platform, and then don't understand how it might be so important for me to stand in a certain place. Then they say that I'm being too rigid, and experts pathologize this, saying that autistics insist on routines, have excessively rigid behaviour, etc. My metro routine gives me the feeling (the illusion, perhaps) that I have some control over my surroundings, because I choose to go to a certain place on the platform, I choose where to stand, choose to use the stairs, etc. It makes me feel less anxious about using the metro. If I feel I have no control, I become very anxious. I think that this is an important difference between how we deal with the world and how other people (NTs) deal with the world. Other people will 'go with the flow', but we use coping strategies such as establishing routines to deal with stress and anxiety. What are your thoughts on this?
  10. Someone Finally Noticed

    Its nice to be validated.
  11. Someone Finally Noticed

    I think a girl I know has somehow noticed what happens to me. By that I mean, I get totally ignored around people in a way that has me even scientifically curious. Whatever the case, the effect tends to sometimes be irritating. I mean, consider this: One girl I met casually has a Phd in arts so to a certain extent you'd imagine I could have a conversation at least. Yet she totally ignores me and chats to a rough and ready worker (not into art at all). It sort of comes across as a bit rude though it's not deliberate. On the other hand unstable women come to me like a magnet.. Anyway, the girl I referred to at first really seems to have noticed her friends sometimes ignore me or tend to get me to run errands but not quite pick up on my situation. She keeps being nice. And she keeps making a clear effort to listen to me when her friends are about and engage. And that for me is unheard of. Not even my family has the remotest interest in my projects, music, struggles or whatever. Pretty much all the time I'm Mork from Ork. What's different about this girl is she's very stable and NT but she did have a difficult childhood. So, I figure that created a certain connection with me. It's very weird but I can see her looking at me then looking how her friends are connecting only to one another and she's noticed something unsettling. Also she really sticks up for me and quietly intervenes to smooth things over if I've annoyed any of her friends. So, it's a bit like being a ghost someone just found out exists. I find it very unusual for someone to just stride up to me, smile and communicate. Today she also confided she noticed something last week she thought was rudeness towards me, so she told her husband. And he said he thought it was awful too.
  12. Anyone non-Capitalist....

    what country are you from?
  13. Oh, Eye-Contact

    I think this is something you need to train early....
  14. Oh, Eye-Contact

    I'm not sure why it is exactly, but people with anxiety disorders or low confidence also have the same issue. Perhaps it's due to feeling exposed and vulnerable. Also, it's hard to concentrate when someone is looking directly into your eyes.
  15. Living In A World Of Robots

    Some Taoist word bellow that Robots could use   Reality as you know it is merely one version, a version predicated entirely on your belief system. It is therefore entirely up for grabs and can be morphed by adjusting your beliefs. You’ve no doubt been raised with the belief that to produce results you have to exert enormous effort and be willing to sacrifice even your joy in the process, and even though your rational mind may heartily disagree, the unconscious belief will still be driving your version of reality and hence how reality shows up for you. But by changing the belief, you can change the result, For instance, tell yourself the following six times with utmost sincerity and feeling, the fullness of your person brought to bear on saying it, feeling it and meaning it, even though your rational mind can make no sense of it: I reduce the amount of effort I put in by 50%, reduce the amount of pointless output by 50%, increase quality of output by 50% and increase personal gain to the benefit of everyone around me by 100%. Then forget all about it, but repeat it daily for the next three days and your whole life will start morphing of itself to produce that sort of result. Obviously the percentages used are merely arbitrary and impossible to measure accurately in any case, but the mind works in symbols and by and by starts adjusting its beliefs accordingly, thus producing a shift of external conditions by extension.    
  16. Living In A World Of Robots

    I'd say they do it when it's over  carrot on end of stick scenario.   
  17. Living In A World Of Robots

    First let's be careful of the term NT's. Lots of geniuses had mental illness that wasn't Asperger's. Such as schizophrenia or bipolar depression. Tesla had OCD, for example. Going by my own experience, I do definitely feel an affinity with XMen. I started out with extreme autism which I now know affected my ability to learn. I was low-functioning. The system tried to use traditional schooling with me but assumed I was an idiot. I was too self-absorbed to interact and withdrew into a world of my own. Later, once I was free from school, I gradually discovered I could learn information different ways. It was like meditation. I started off with languages and got "A" grades so stuck to that. Then I got into history and literature. Finally fairly late in life I addressed my poor maths then got into sciences. In sciences I was ridiculed on some internet forums because somehow it was noticed I was approaching things differently and back to front. Like anything though if you do the work, you just keep developing. The reason I refer to XMen is I now found out how weird it is to be educated without any social element to it. Added to that, to have zero social connection skills. It's as if all the self study made the social interaction side much worse. I just get this weird effect of people feeling threatened or uneasy. Not only that but even scared as if they figured I might be psychotic. So employment became a real problem. So much of a problem I'm building my boat each day with a view to just get out of involvement in society. You'd be amazed how disturbing just little things can be. Like anyone else, it would be nice to be just treated the same. Yet I get treated differently. Sometimes people will treat me with favouritism. They keep giving me things. Or they'll not include me in various ways, ignore me or even be nasty. I only feel at ease with my dog but it still creates stress not to be able to communicate. I also developed different skills such as noticing things about peoples' speech patterns and the way details stand out. I communicate great with dogs. I've also noticed things about dogs and their senses that are extraordinary. Conclusion: When a person has very poor sight his touch and hearing compensates. Even psychologists recognise schizophrenics develop unusual senses of musical creative ability (eg Brian Wilson). I think there's a connection between mental illness and the X Factor. Often, such people go off the rails as they can't balance out the mental chaos involved. Tesla also wrote once a person can be quite insane and think deeply. I guess for some time now psychologists have suspected mental illness can allow other spheres of the brain to develop. And when I saw XMen and it dealt with people being born as mutants it sort of resonated.
  18. Living In A World Of Robots

    I think education may be a big portion of the robot thing. In most classes you learn to be passive. To learn passively, listen passively, work passively and think passively. Daydreaming is condemned time and time again, as this waste of time that indicates a bleak future for a lazy person. Yet studies show the brain is extraordinarily active during "daydreaming". It's when ideas are born. But we're not taught to have ideas, we're taught to sit still, be quiet and wait til it's over. And so that's what they do. They do it til it's over. 
  19. Oh, Eye-Contact

      Yes that's what I often do. I shoot for the forehead. If anyone notices or thinks it's weird I've not been told. I haven't actually researched why this is a common issue, but I do wonder why it feels so wrong. 
  20. What an incompetent uncommunicative arse. Bullying with music volume ... how sad for her. You did well to keep your temper (if you did)
  21. Oh now I get it. So she said you did something which was a reason for her not to let you leave the van but she didn't say what that thing was that you did. I can see how that's frustrating.
  22. she tells she would if I hadn´t done something she did not explain.
  23. What did you mean to say with that sentence? It doesn't make sense the way it is now.
  24. Of course you can. But can you understand it?
  25. Understand say what I you do not.
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