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      Welcome to the forum!   09/17/2017

      Please come in from the rain and sit by the fire! We're happy you found us and hope you will feel at home here. ย 

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    Gone home

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Popular Content

Showing content with the highest reputation since 11/12/2017 in all areas

  1. 5 points
    Take a deep breath and calm down. You cannot change what you did, but you can reflect on it and decide how you will move forward. I think it is a good idea to look at mistakes as learning opportunities, and reflect upon how you could have responded differently. From my experience, it is always easier to think of an appropriate response after than during a spontaneous situation. It is frustrating to not be able to correct it but it does no good to ruminate on it and make yourself crazy. Here is some wisdom for the future, however hard it can be, sometimes it is better to ignore someone if they say something that offends you. Just walk away if you need to. From my experience, it gets easier to not care about other's opinions with age and experience. I hope you are okay. Just remember, deep breaths, calming music, maybe a bubble bath or read a nice book, enjoy a hot beverage, take a nap... relax.
  2. 3 points
    Don't move and don't let them worry you. My advice, send an apology, if you feel comfortable say you have aspergers and that you miss read the signs. If you want help wording it here, I'm sure people will be happy to help โ˜บ This kind of thing happens to everyone
  3. 3 points
    It clearly is an awkward situation. I think the best policy is to handle the matter in a low-key way and not raise it with this person unless they raise it with you - just carry on as you did before the incident. If they do raise it and seem unhappy just apologise and just say you misread the situation. Often these issues quickly fade from the scene. You certainly shouldn't think about moving with the massive disruption that would involve.
  4. 3 points
    Gone home has offered some very good advice. All of us have done things we shouldn't have in our pasts, whether that's a desire to fit in with the neurotypical world or a response to the difficulties we face in our lives. They may be things that we regret but those feelings of regret are themselves positive as they show we know we did wrong whereas there are plenty of people who have done bad things and feel no sense of guilt at all. Also accept that any wrongs we have done are mitigated by these difficulties - we didn't do these things out of selfishness or lack of morality but pushed by circumstances. Sometimes we can atone for past wrongdoing but that isn't always possible. What matters most is what we are doing now - are we now doing the right things and heading in the right direction. Feelings of frustration, even despair, are common, especially to many people on the spectrum who have had to cope with more than their fair share of difficult times. Giving up or running away - in whatever forms those take - are very tempting options but it's better not to be defeated. Take on the challenges and see what can be achieved. Even if you're not successful you will have stood up to those problems but you may well overcome them or be better placed to take on future events. Giving up just means certain defeat and that presents its own indignity that then has to be faced. Keep going and I hope things get better.
  5. 3 points
    Life can be more challenging when one has principles and conscience. I certainly get the not wanting to be here thing and have had very strong impulses to arrange that (due to some bullying from a couple of corrupt work related care organisations) ... but obviously not done. It can be a problem when we burn out ... especially when life has got in the way of therapeutic interests. It takes time to get over. For me my interests keep me functioning well ... sort of akin to charging batteries and simplifying + strengthening resolve. Interests help oppose that pointless feeling ... though it does take a while to get back that zest after prolonged periods of problems. All these depressing periods eventually pass as long as thats the aim. Anxiety is worrying about imagined future scenarios ... we can frighten ourselves by what we imagine ...trying to imagine better scenarios is more useful if you can. I imagine your feelings are common
  6. 3 points
    Because: 1. I was diagnosed. 2. Because I can relate to the experiences of other people who have it. 3. I know that I'm different to most other people, and other possible conditions or explanations don't explain it/cover it adequately.
  7. 2 points
    It sounds like you've already tried to apologize. I think you should just let it go and try not to act any different than you normally would when you bump into this person. I agree with this. We've all done things that left us feeling embarrassed and vulnerable. This sort of thing usually fades with time.
  8. 2 points
    Thanks for posting this. I work at a medical office with sarcastic and rude coworkers too. I've learned just to let it roll off. People say things and it's a reflection towards themselves. When they say something about your appearance, it says something more about them than you to be honest. I used to cry at work but if you smile and laugh along with them. Then, they have nothing to say. You shouldn't let them take advantage of you though. You're better than that. It's also not a bad thing that you're overly sensitive. Just do the best job you can and be nice to everyone. You don't have to like all your coworkers just be cordial. Focus on life outside of work too. If you have any questions, just message me. I'm dealing with similar issues. good luck!!
  9. 2 points
    I told the manager, she said she will speak to the person today but now I've had panic attacks and don't want to go in today as they are there today.. think it would be too uncomfortable and awkward atmosphere. She reckons the person doesn't mean to be mean but to me it came across as personal put-downs masked as jokes which is what bullies use to do to me at school. I regret telling her now as it will probably lead to me quitting.. just reminds me so much at why I dropped out of school
  10. 2 points
    I hope you're doing better. Just wanted to give you an update--my game plan worked! I started the new group today, went in deciding to be 100% myself and was given a warm welcome. It's opened up a door to several options for volunteer work. I'm happy for the first time in months. I encourage you to make your own game plan for a fresh start, fairytattgirl. You deserve to be yourself and to be happy!
  11. 2 points
    For a very long time I'd been aware that I was "different". I had limited social skills and an almost entirely solitary lifestyle. I had very unusual, intense interests. I had always had a very limited diet and a long list of anxieties and aversions. I found practical and spatial tasks such as learning to drive very difficult. I didn't really know what to make of all this until I heard a "Book of the Week" on the radio called "Born on a Blue Day" by Daniel Tammet. The book is about his life with AS and so many of the characteristics he mentioned (not his savant skills I should stress) seemed to apply to me. I then read other autobiographies of people with AS and very soon was certain I also had it. There may be some people who have no idea they have AS until they are diagnosed but I would say most will recognise the characteristics long beforehand. These characteristics come in different combinations but the number and strength of them usually leaves little doubt that someone is on the spectrum.
  12. 2 points
    Pretty much everything listed above. I'd add poor executive functioning skills, constantly misinterpreting what people are saying, constantly misunderstood by what I say, easily stressed, a need to break assignments by details- the big picture is way too overwhelming, processing information can take days, weeks, or months, and chit-chat is physically painful. There's more, but these are my daily frustrations.
  13. 2 points
    Apsergers is from birth and therein is the acid test in diagnosing ASC - rather than acquired brain injury or anxiety / depression etc Myself - I did not know how to play with toys like other kids. Many toys seemed pointless and things like cars would just be lined up. I was dogmatic and could only understand things in a practical pragmatic sense ... so religion did not make sense - I did not understand idioms at all - or anything cryptic - I would get overwhelmed in public places - narrow range of interest - was quite a concrete thinker - I had a strong sense of being trapped in a body - I did not fit in socially - .... etc. ... there are so many fluid aspects that change as we move on through life There are online tests
  14. 2 points
    Sorry to read you lost a job. Hopefully you can find another thats better than the last one. I lost my job too ... or rather was pushed out. Going to work, (whether its enjoyable or not) does provide a focus, momentum and inner rhythm. When the job is gone the cognitive momentum does freewheel to an eventual halt for some. I think it takes some of us longer to process what happened, adapt and commit to refocusing. How to get out of the funk? I can only assume getting over the trauma of the circumstances surrounding the employment terminating, re-establish some physical and mental strength and well-being, make yourself have a little trivial fun and recommit to something you believe will work for you employment wise. I have I think given up trying to look for long term employment because it eventually seems to go terminally wrong ... (no particular fault of my own, I just tend to take issue with power freaks and liars) so I am going to take a shorter term view this time which might make it easier for me to adapt / switch roles if needed. Lonely, bored, mentally fried are all terms I can relate to ... I think you need to ask yourself - what have you got? ... and ... what are you going to do with it? Life seems to require the ability to pick oneself up and start again repeatedly.
  15. 1 point
    Thanks for all the tips! I'll check into the drops and tea. I want to avoid feeling high at all costs, it sounds like hemp might be an option for me. Thanks again!
  16. 1 point
    Might be his later stuff like Russians and Americans.
  17. 1 point
    I'm sure many here will be that familiar with that counting jargon once common in rural parts of Northern England. The first three numbers would be; yan, tan, tethera And that is in some versions, other versions may differ.
  18. 1 point
    It's pretty easy to spot PTSD and bipolar is very easy to spot given that people swing from manic to depressed. As long as you know what you're looking at/for then it is easy to see it. Like most aspies I would imagine you have some interest in mental health and therefore you recognise these traits more easily but no I don't think this is some kind of super power. As for Psychopathy I would be very surprised if you noticed it since psychopaths are exceedingly good at hiding it.
  19. 1 point
    No, I don't think you are a psychopath detector, you are not a machine and please be aware, you will almost positively be wrong in the future even if you have good intuition about these things. The more knowledge you have, the more you observe someone and the more intuitive you are, the more you are going to be able to understand what is really going on with someone. Just because you were right a few times, does not mean you have some secret knowledge about everyone's mental state. I am sure it is because you knew your mother and father well, and people in your group, and so you had time to observe them and you had previous knowledge that you could use to "diagnose' them. But please try not to let this make you arrogant because just because you know one person does not mean you know everyone. AND it makes sense you would know your parents and group well. Your brother probably just had other ways of thinking about it, or maybe it was easier for him to think of your father as a narcissist, it might have been his way to understand his world. Point is, it is not a superpower or anything, it just shows you observed them as well as at least a psychologist would who diagnosed your mother and father and group. Not trying to downplay it but it's what I think.
  20. 1 point
    I totally understand the embarrassment. I think the best course of action here is to try and limit your interactions as much as possible with the person and try and keep it casual if you see them or their kids outside. Just smile and say hi if you choose and then say you have to go and continue on your walk. I think the idea of sending an apology note could be okay, as you could take your time to say what you want to say. I know that I am better at writing things down if I really want to say something. I think it helps also that the person has the opportunity to read and take in all you have to say without interrupting. I think we on the spectrum tend to overthink things and overexplain things a lot... which can make it worse. I have learned it is best to let things go. It helps when I write out what happened and how it makes me feel because at least I know my truth is written somewhere. I know it is difficult to move past it. I know with me, I do not like thinking others are upset with me. But I think at this moment, you both need time away from each other to settle and cool down and hopefully, in the future, you can be comfortable around each other again to be friends. Don't feel bad though, I think this situation got blown out of hand and hopefully, things settle down. It might be a good idea some time to let them know you have Aspergers or are on the spectrum and sometimes have trouble explaining yourself and hope they can give you the time to listen and that you did not mean any harm by what you said... but I think some time away might be good first. And just try to move past the incident as best as you can.
  21. 1 point
    I do find that antidepressants help... they by no means completely fix things but I am much better on them than off (they don't make me a zombie/numb at all). Other things that can help are a healthy diet and exercise (although both can be very difficult if you are feeling low/lethargic). I just watched this video that might offer some help too:
  22. 1 point
    This comment made me laugh. An instant video popped into my head of doing exactly that. To be honest, I don't feel at all able to understand NTs ways of thinking. I don't feel half NT is what I mean. I'm wondering if this guy is thinking Vulcan stereotype. For me, it feels like I'm completely different from 'them', at least in my thought process...which is my entire life. I wish I could articulate this better....
  23. 1 point
    Hybrid human !? ...... Half autistic? ... does that mean half human? .... does that mean autistics are not human? I get what the guy is trying to express but don't think its a good or helpful way. I'd send him back to his drawing board ...
  24. 1 point
    There's more information here and in this book preview.
  25. 1 point
    ๐Ÿ˜Š here a funny quote of if you where liveing with a St. Bernard ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿถ
  26. 1 point
    Here's one of my favourite drawings of scobby doo I really enjoyed drawing him ๐Ÿ˜Š
  27. 1 point
    ah same!!! though most of my traits go unnoticed by my peers because i kinda hold it all in till I'm alone, and then deal with it all. so people often presume i simply don't have these traits because they only see one side of me.
  28. 1 point
    @Willow I have a quick question... on the forum homepage, beneath 'Announcements' and above 'Forums' I have a section called 'My Clubs' and all the clubs I am a member of are there but the club I manage (Fantasy) is not there. Is there a reason it isn't included? Is it perhaps somewhere else that I've missed? Could it be added or could there be a new section for 'Clubs you manage/moderate'? This isn't a huge problem but it would be easier if I had a shortcut on the homepage to get to the club when I want to work on it or do some checks/moderation (especially if I or presumably others were to manage more than one club). Perhaps a shortcut up by the Notifications and Messages shortcuts at the top of the page... I do understand if it isn't available on the forum software there is not much you can do about it but perhaps you could have a look and see if there is an option for it to go somewhere that can be enabled? I don't really mind where I was just trying to think of where is might be and would look good. Like I said it isn't a huge issue... I currently just open a second tab for that club but it would be easier if there was a shortcut I've included a screenshot of the section I'm talking about and you can see that the Fantasy Club isn't there... EDIT: I do know there is a shortcut to the Clubs section but even in there the Fantasy club doesn't get any prominence (I don't mean for everyone I mean just for me as the owner) so I have to scroll down to it and while that's no biggie at the moment if there are an awful lot of clubs in the future it could be a problem. Also on a different but related note, why aren't the clubs sorted alphanumerically in the Club Directory (All Clubs section) they seem to be sorted by creation date, which again is fine at the moment with only so many but will get confusing as the number of clubs increases?
  29. 1 point
    Not responding to mocking or abusive comments can be seen as a sign of strength which deters bullies but it can also be seen as a sign of weakness which encourages more of the same. Ignoring comments is best done from a position of strength and confidence or where the person making the comments lacks credibility and influence. If you have already been upset by such comments it's very difficult to adopt a more confident attitude towards them. Bullies are very skilled in reading the responses of victims. Even if a victim tries to appear strong and confident they will often spot non-verbal signs of frustration and upset which encourage them to carry on. Whatever the response it's important not to let matters persist. Bullying becomes much more difficult to overcome if it is not tackled promptly and too often victims have suffered in silence for long periods, even years. Reporting the comments to the manager at an early point is a very good step and it is important the manager takes decisive action. Hopefully she will have the desired impact.
  30. 1 point
    You did the right thing, because the situation would probably wouldn't have improved. Hopefully she'll tell the person in a subtle way so as not to create problems and a bad atmosphere - NTs are good at that kind of thing. I would go in and see how it goes before making a decision to quit. It could be that the person genuinely didn't know that they were bothering you, and will regret it change their behaviour for the better.
  31. 1 point
    I am having a hard type coping right now. I break down crying because I feel overwhelmed by life. I feel I am not good enough and that everything I do is wrong. I also feel sometimes I should just give up. My recent breakdown was due to my past ( I did some things Im ashamed of it my attempt to appear like a nt girl). Im am scared it may come back to bite me and that everyone will reject me. Im scared of this and it makes me feel like I am not worthy of this life (im not suicidal as such) especially since others have done worse but get forgiveness and happiness. I feel real down just want to run away from everything. Just need to vent and know if others feel the same
  32. 1 point
    It's better to live alone and love yourself, than to try and fit in with people who don't love you for you. The take home message? Be your own best friend. Treat yourself exactly as you would someone you love.
  33. 1 point
    Routine overhauls and changes in thought patterns, it's the only way to do it. Listen to different music, wear different clothes, eat different foods and eat at different times. Take on new hobbies, new projects, new goals. There's no easy way...
  34. 1 point
    Have you listened to any of the 70s material? This is the prog forum, after all...
  35. 1 point
    He or she is pushing your boundaries and going too far s/he needs to be shown where the limit is, and put in their place. I would think up a strong but controlled word to have with them, or retort, and use it the next time there is an incident.
  36. 1 point
    He's certainly a jerk. I once worked with someone like that. They didn't like the fact I was an internally controlled character and they just kept pushing and pushing trying to get a response. Eventually he got a mouthful back which established some boundaries. Characters that won't set boundaries sometimes need them illustrating so they know how far to go. I doubt he will majorly change in a hurry. Yes he's a tiresome bully ... he probably senses there may be some masking (which we have to do to work) and wants to see whats beneath ... not that he has any right of course as he sounds a monumental shit head. It may even be his weird way of getting attention because he fancies you ...(shudder) What can you do? .... dunno as it depends on your character - give him a mouthful, discuss with manager, discuss with volunteer coordinator, choose to work when he's not there, work somewhere else, reduce hours and work somewhere else in tandem .... I expect there will be a formal complaints/grievance procedure too ... Myself I have had issues staying with the same employer even when its destructive as I get anxiety about changing jobs ... my strategy now (in between jobs after being monumentally bullied and harassed out) is to try an be more flexible / adaptable and strong enough to firmly move on when things get sticky ...
  37. 1 point
    See now I am confused... Google Translate literally translates what you ask it to... first of all surely you told it what to translate so how did it get it wrong? Secondly do you speak N. Korean to understand how it translated it or did you translate it and then translate it back the other way? Also I think 'mean trickster' is fine... mostly tricksters are clever and fun although they can also have a cruel streak but this is almost always for a reason i.e. to teach a lesson, so to clarify that you mean an unpleasant kind of trickster... mean trickster is fine. To be honest I have more of an issue with 'old lunatic' I think there should be a comma between them, I don't think they mean he has been a lunatic for a long time, why would you specify that. However, given barely anyone in N. Korea has access to GT I doubt there are many people contributing to the translations on GT. Is N. Korean really that different to S. Korean? Presumably there was just Korean prior to the country splitting?
  38. 1 point
    I've noticed NTs like to tease and it's hard to tell when they're kidding around or just being mean. Normally, I'd tease back, but the fact he's zoning in on you specifically is either some weird type of flirtation or he's a bully. I think you should speak to your manager about how uncomfortable it's making you feel and ask for advice on how to handle it. Volunteer work should be a source of joy, not a wrestling match, so remember you can always decide to work somewhere else if this jerk persists.
  39. 1 point
    Wow, thank you for sharing this. This is so close to what I've been going through, and it ended with a long period of isolation. This is a terrible pattern I've repeated time and time again. I spoke with a friend yesterday and we came up with a game plan. I'm going to start with two new groups of people (different activities) and start fresh. If I decide to go back to the old groups, I'll use my great 'acting' skills to pretend like nothing is different. (I've observed NTs using this approach, and figure if it works for them, it'll work for me.) We deserve to be happy and have a life. If certain people want to be judgemental, I don't want them for friends anyway. I hope this post helps you as much as your's helped me. There's a weird comfort knowing that another person on the planet has had the same issues.
  40. 1 point
    You're only a fraudster if you are claiming something that isn't true - so if you have told them that you are writing them entirely on your own without any help, then yes, you are a fraudster. Otherwise, I think it's reasonable and perfectly legitimate to want to check your work for accuracy.
  41. 1 point
    I doubt Google Translate can ever be a total solution. Its open to all sorts of strange interpretations. I've tested it out in the past by finding something accurate in French, and trying to get that translated, and it can produce a weird translation. It may very well have improved since then but I think that rather than a person not fluent in the foreign language trusting it, a translator would still be used but the translator may themselves use Google Translate and then proofread the translation, thus they may be able to take on more work. That said, if I was paying someone to do a translation for me, I'm not sure how happy I'd be for them to use Google Translate. Then again, is it cheating or is it actually a good idea?
  42. 1 point
    Even if you use Google Translate to translate texts, you will still need someone to proof read the text. Google Translate may be able to translate word for word, but it is still limited in the vocabulary, idioms and expressions, and quirks of grammar it knows and can translate... which means that you still need a native speaker with considerable knowledge to be able to translate those expressions. Google Translate is good and has got better in recent years, but it still can't replace a person.
  43. 1 point
    Aspies often have problems with expressiveness - whether it's an apparent lack of expressiveness or appearing to lack the appropriate expression as mentioned by Nesf. In many ways it's similar to acting with the person with AS seeming either to be "wooden" and "underperforming" or simply "false" and unconvincing. Their inner feelings may be very different and exactly appropriate but somehow they are not communicated in ways others find "correct". These things are not easy to change as they have developed over a lifetime. Sometimes the biggest problems come with trying to "fake" or broadly perform expressions as this can seem inauthentic and insincere. I think it's best as much as possible to act in the way you feel comfortable - smile if that genuinely feels right to you but be more neutral if that feels more natural to you. The photo situation David mentioned is a little different. In a sense it's a fun occasion and I think a big, broad smile just for the camera is in order. It won't matter if it seems a little over the top whereas a neutral or even nervous expression will look odd. Alternatively just say you're not comfortable being photographed although that they can seem strange as well. If it's a rare thing I would just put on some sort of a smile and get it over with. In ordinary interaction though I feel it's best not to force expressions - smiles or otherwise.
  44. 1 point
    My problem isn't that I have not expression, but that I have the wrong expression to the social situation. I can and do smile, but I don't always smile (or produce other facial expressions) on cue or I smile when I'm not supposed to, or I smile too much and seem child-like. My facial expression is determined by my internal emotion and not the emotion or the people around me, and I don't always pick up on or respond to people's emotions, so I have the 'wrong' expression. I was frequently punished or told off as a child for displaying the wrong expression.
  45. 1 point
    Sometimes I really hate "the real world". I very much prefer my own world. And it's hard when living in your own world is demonized by pretty much everyone. Even me. I constantly have this voice in my head that tells me I'm a weirdo or crazy or just lazy and that I'll never achieve anything because I simply don't want to be here enough to do so. I try to become invested in worldly affairs, I have since I was a child. And it never gets easier and it always hurts. I just want to be in here, in my world, where it's infinite yet safe, challenging yet without demand, stimulating but not obnoxious. But I'm not supposed to. I'm supposed to want these designated things and be an active participant, because if I'm not, there's something wrong with me. I'm tired. I'm past a meltdown. I don't have the energy for that. I'm just....tired.
  46. 1 point
    Since the changes at work (I lost my job at the end of May) I've been isolating. I can't get myself motivated to do anything. Do you guys go through these weird periods? I'm lonely, bored, and kind'a mentally fried. What can I do to get out of this funk???
  47. 1 point
    Yeah, I feel like that a lot, especially during the summer when I am off of work. Finding something to do to keep you busy is the best thing that works.
  48. 1 point
    So do you want friends/family? Do you think they are better than 'other' people? I'm not having a go or anything I suppose in some ways they are better than other people but perhaps because you hold them to a higher standard they can also let you down very easily too. I'm not really sure how you manage to have no friends at all, they tend to force their way into my life and while I am completely shit at keeping in touch they tend to reach out to me every so often to keep things going, I suppose it can be done but it must require some real effort to push everyone away. I am going to assume you have a motor bike, how the hell do you go out on that without meeting other bikers? You pull over for a smoke within 10 minutes you have 6 friends (on a nice day), you pop in the shop you got 4 admirers by the time you get back to the bike, it doesn't even really matter what bike it is, it could be a bandit, a harley or a CBR. Does being jobless at this time of year bother you... cause I have to say this time of year is one of the easiest to find work if you're not fussy, perhaps you could even do some volunteering? Plenty of charities and soup kitchens crying out for help as the winter comes in, especially if you don't have family commitments over the festive period. I assume you are on benefits so volunteering won't interfere with that but it will get you up and out and around people and seeing mostly that there is some good in the world but also perhaps that some people have it a lot worse than you... even if you can't face doing that maybe next time you see a homeless dude stop and give him a smoke but instead of walking off chat to him while he smokes it, you never know you might make a friend but even more than that it might snap you out of your slump to realise no matter what you think you are not alone on this earth, even if you wish you were you're life still impacts others. What I'm trying to say is that your life is your own and only you are responsible for it but you must have made a big effort to exclude everyone from it and if you regret that, well it is very easy to let people back in, you could start here online... feel free to PM me anytime, or you could go meet people at a volunteer place, colleagues will quickly become friends and as long as you don't push them all away eventually a friend will either become or introduce you to family. It just so happens that I am at a bit of a lose end this year for Christmas and I am thinking about maybe going to help out at a soup kitchen or some such. I'm not entirely sure what you mean by praising apathy... if we are truly apathetic we wouldn't have answered at all, but I do think it can be difficult for us to know what you need to hear, it's a pretty tough title and post, we don't want to say anything to make you feel worse, but we don't really know you well enough to help.
  49. 1 point
    @Biker1 I do get the statement of not being a fan of people. I've said that many times in a similar enough way to you. And analyzing, I think it's because I've had so many negative experiences with people and because I'm an introvert. However, seeing how I'm here on this forum, I can say that statement is only true to some extent or could be rephrased because I do talk to some people and I genuinely care about others. Some people, I've found, even if they are very few, are nice and genuinely care. I don't really know what advice to give you or what else to say, but I also hope you feel better.
  50. 1 point
    Work sucks! I got made redundant in April this year and feel great about it after recovering from the initial shock of course. I worked for 14 years in a sales based role before that. I was good at my job coz it was repetitive but had numerous problems relating with work colleagues and managers.
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