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      Welcome to the forum!   09/17/2017

      Please come in from the rain and sit by the fire! We're happy you found us and hope you will feel at home here.  

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Popular Content

Showing content with the highest reputation since 01/14/2017 in all areas

  1. 8 points
    'Clubs' are a new feature for the forum, and I thought I'd do a quick post to let you know how it works. Head over to: http://asperclick.com/clubs/ to take a look - you can start your own club (I've started a photography club), and you can choose how that club is run to an extent. Once I've approved the club you, as the owner of the club, will be able to*: pin and unpin content hide and unhide content move content lock and unlock content delete content split and merge content *within clubs which you are admin of only. So it'll be kind of like running your own sub-forum of Asperclick and I won't be using any of my admin capabilities on your clubs beyond me initially approving it. Fun ideas which I thought might be nice are things like a book club or a film club, you could start the club and then when you have members you could agree upon a book or a film which you would all read or watch and then discuss together. Or a debate club etc., just think back to the clubs at high school or what hobbies you have etc., and go from there! Hope you enjoy this - I'm quite excited to see where it will go! Willow
  2. 8 points
    This picture popped up on my social media feed this morning: All is nice and cool until we get to the "fight against" part. Fight against? How do you fight against? Or more importantly, WHY fight against it? Are we labeling it as something bad? I mean, if you fight against something is because it's bad. So this shirt create the "awareness" that "autism is bad" and we must "fight against it". There's already enough discrimination as it is and now we gonna make t-shirts to further make people believe autism is bad?
  3. 7 points
    Lately, I've been greatly struggling with motivation to do anything productive. I read an article that someone put on The Mighty the other day about depression, and they said that they made a reward chart for themselves to get things done. Basically, you assign points to doing specific tasks, such as cooking a healthy meal, cleaning the dishes, taking a shower, etc. giving yourself the most points on the tasks that you find the hardest to complete, and when you get up to 100 points, you give yourself a reward, which can be pretty much anything you want. I think that I'm going to start doing this because basically I've been doing nothing except for playing Breath of the Wild, and when I get hungry I just eat popcorn or a poptart, basically anything that can be made in less than 5 minutes. I think that when I get up to 100 points, I might treat myself to a subscription box, or maybe a video game or something like that.
  4. 6 points
    Be VERY careful here - really, because it would be such a shame if you were to demonise your own perceptions of reality in favour of societies. Reality is whatever YOU want it to be. If you think it, you'll eventually become it. FACT. I don't care what anybody says, the mind is the most powerful force in the universe (next to God). You can argue the toss as much as you want, I'm where I want to be in life because of the way I think. I'm not depressed - because I'm fulfilling my authentic self. I'm not anxious because I'm aware that the future doesn't exist - only the here and now exists. I don't lack confidence because I'm limited to only one edition. No one else can do the things I do in the style I do them in - just like you. Society wants you to conform because they want you at the same level as them - they're not brave enough to be as unique as you. Don't let them stop you.
  5. 6 points
    I love being in my own little world as well. I accept I need to socialize with other people and actually can enjoy it sometimes. Although I feel frustrated other times because I don't always have the best responses and feel awkward a lot of the time. It is so good to be able to retreat into my shell and do my own thing. I think it also comes with maybe being an introvert as well... Introverts get their energy from within and are drained being with other people. This world often seems designed for extraverts who get energy from other people but there are a lot of people who are introverts who prefer their own company. And many in between.
  6. 6 points
    I hope you feel better soon. It is hard to break the cycle of negativity. Try to think of even one thing you are thankful for. Happiness starts with being happy with what you have in the present, even if it feels like you don't have enough. Also, remember, it always feels like other people have it better, but everyone goes through troubles. I hope you find things to be happy about soon.
  7. 6 points
    A person's hobbies or interests does not determine their intelligence or intellect. Stating that people on the Autistic Spectrum aren't typically empathetic, is a very narrow minded viewpoint, usually reserved for those who have little to no understanding of Autism. There are many generous, philanthropist footballers, that have given millions to various charities.
  8. 6 points
    I had my interview today. Honestly, it wasn't as bad as interviews I've had in the past, but I have a feeling I didn't get the job. It's okay though. One of my friends had an interview for the same job today, and she said that she didn't think hers went very well either, so I don't feel too bad about it. At least I tried.
  9. 6 points
    You're quite right. If it were somehow saying we should fight against the mistreatment and lack of support for people with autism that would make sense but it doesn't. Unfortunately this kind of shirt is just likely to reinforce stereotypes and discrimination.
  10. 6 points
    Have you tried to meet others with ASD? You might find them more understanding and accommodating of your differences, as of course many find it harder to fit in. Though I get on with most people I know well, I feel much more of an affinity with others with ASD, and on the same wavelength. As it happens I only really have one friend without ASD, and that person has another disability. Posting here is a good start, as we're all on your side. Make the most of your hobbies, and immerse yourself in what you like doing. You have the right to be you, and make your own entertainment if it helps, but if you get fed up of your own company, come on here and chat with us.
  11. 6 points
    When I was younger and before I was diagnosed, it really bothered me that I was excluded/rejected/ostracized, or that I was in some way singled out, mainly because I didn't understand why this was happening. Then, I coped by withdrawing into my shell and doing my own thing, or just talking to people who were 'safe.' Now, if this happens, I think to myself that I don't need these people anyway and if they are rejecting me, they are not my friends, and do I really want to hang out with a group of pseudo-friends with whom I probably won't feel at ease with and who don't really accept me for who I am? They are not worth troubling myself over.
  12. 5 points
    Take a deep breath and calm down. You cannot change what you did, but you can reflect on it and decide how you will move forward. I think it is a good idea to look at mistakes as learning opportunities, and reflect upon how you could have responded differently. From my experience, it is always easier to think of an appropriate response after than during a spontaneous situation. It is frustrating to not be able to correct it but it does no good to ruminate on it and make yourself crazy. Here is some wisdom for the future, however hard it can be, sometimes it is better to ignore someone if they say something that offends you. Just walk away if you need to. From my experience, it gets easier to not care about other's opinions with age and experience. I hope you are okay. Just remember, deep breaths, calming music, maybe a bubble bath or read a nice book, enjoy a hot beverage, take a nap... relax.
  13. 5 points
    Sometimes I really hate "the real world". I very much prefer my own world. And it's hard when living in your own world is demonized by pretty much everyone. Even me. I constantly have this voice in my head that tells me I'm a weirdo or crazy or just lazy and that I'll never achieve anything because I simply don't want to be here enough to do so. I try to become invested in worldly affairs, I have since I was a child. And it never gets easier and it always hurts. I just want to be in here, in my world, where it's infinite yet safe, challenging yet without demand, stimulating but not obnoxious. But I'm not supposed to. I'm supposed to want these designated things and be an active participant, because if I'm not, there's something wrong with me. I'm tired. I'm past a meltdown. I don't have the energy for that. I'm just....tired.
  14. 5 points
    I just want to be able to do my own thing and for other people to accept that I don't necessarily want to do what they want to do, or that I have my own ideas about things. I'm not hurting anybody, just being different, and if people can't accept that, they they have the issue, not me.
  15. 5 points
    Come on, man. Let's try to raise the level here a bit. Don't contribute to the deterioration of society by acting and expressing yourself this way.
  16. 5 points
    I got diagnosed because I thought I had AS so we can definitely know about it. Here is a quote from the National Autistic Society: "It's quite common for people to have gone through life without an autism diagnosis, feeling that somehow they don't quite fit in." Link here: http://www.autism.org.uk/about/diagnosis/adults.aspx
  17. 5 points
    First, you gotta understand that you aren't 'defective' and grasp that concept. Everyone reacts in different ways to conflict and rough times. Aspies usually struggle with emotion regulation (they feel too much and have meltdowns, they feel too numb/overwhelmed and shut down, or even both), so it's understandable you react that way when facing obstacles or when something goes wrong. It's part of the condition and it's not a 'wrong' way of reacting, just different. You will meet people who won't understand this. Those are ignorant or seriously lack empathy. Luckily, some will at least sympathize if you explain what affects you and why. Once you understand this, develop tolerance and patience towards yourself. How I cope now? I go to a nice corner, the bed or the couch, I listen to music, put on comfy clothes and socks and wait for my body to process what's happening at its own pace. Maybe you can have a calming playlist or a coloring book on your devices, or watch your favorite movie? Self-care comes first. If you're outside, make sure you can leave the place, go to a green area with a bench, breathe. I repeat: self-care comes first. You can also avoid the temptation of self-harming by getting away from dangerous objects and engaging in a activity that keeps your mind busy, text a friend/acquaintance and ask for help. Post on places like this forum. Once you start texting or posting, the urge to harm yourself will gradually fade away. I hope it works for you as it has for me. Stay safe.
  18. 5 points
    This is something I wanted to say, particularly to any young Aspies who are feeling particularly lost, confused or alone. A state in which I am very familiar. I've come to the point in my life, that I actually am very pleased with who and what I am. I have no problem with having Aspergers, and in a way, I'm proud. I find myself in a sort of middle ground. I've noticed there are some Aspies who are of this mindset:" I am what I am and I shouldn't have to change for stupid NTs and their backwards world". I've also noticed Aspies who are of this mindset: " How do I fit in? How is it done? I just wanna make friends, I just want to fit in, tell me what to do, help, help!" I'm right in between, because as far as fitting into the NT world, I want to insofar as that it benefits me. There's no getting around the fact that sometimes you need other people to get things done, and most of those people are NTS who need the world to make sense and be neat and tidy in their judgments throughout the day. I'm past analyzing it, NTs out in the world help civilization function, and that benefits me, so I push myself to fit in so long as it benefits me. But I don't consider it to be changing myself, I consider it to be another tool in my toolbox. And when I see Aspies struggling to fit in and be like NTs, I have the tendency to want to pull them aside and say,"the more desperate you are, the further they'll push you away." They're pack animals. If you're acting weak, they'll see you as weak, and they'll distance themselves. If you embrace who and what you are with no shame and no need of their approval, you will often come across as an alpha, and you'll have their allegiance. But do you really want it? I just wonder sometimes, if Aspies really want to be like NTs, or if they just want it to be easier, so it makes sense to say they want to fit in. Don't get me wrong, I remember wanting to fit in when I was a kid. But looking back, it was never truly that I wanted to fit in, I just wanted less confrontation. I don't like the idea that an Aspie is feeling some pressure from someone or some situation that's causing them to try to mutilate who they are in order to "fit in". What is fitting in, anyway? It's fleeting, for one thing. And doesn't have nearly the amount of meaning and sentiment young Aspies think. Don't try to fit in because you think there's love to be found in it. Fit in only so long as it benefits your day-to-day life. That's my opinion, anyway. In my own experience, the more I've tried to fit in, the more unhappy I became. The more I've just let myself be free to be me, the happier I am. And for the most part, people either like me or don't. And as it happens, any time someone has not liked me, they're not interesting in any way, so it doesn't matter. If you ever managed to change yourself to fit in, you'd be living in a cage of your own creation. Know how to function in their silly little world, but at the end of the day, know who you are and love it. The words happiness and love are so misused and misunderstood. No one is responsible for my happiness. And love is not the same as attachment. Happiness is not something you go off on an adventure to find, it's already in your possession. It is there, ripe for the plucking, every moment of every day. And love is found at the center: orbiting you is all the debris left behind from relationships gone wrong, all the little hurts and failures that left scars and misalignments. But none of that is real, and none of it is you. The only you lies at the very center, untouched by worldly affairs. And all that you are is love. In case you were wondering who you are.
  19. 5 points
    @Biker1 I do get the statement of not being a fan of people. I've said that many times in a similar enough way to you. And analyzing, I think it's because I've had so many negative experiences with people and because I'm an introvert. However, seeing how I'm here on this forum, I can say that statement is only true to some extent or could be rephrased because I do talk to some people and I genuinely care about others. Some people, I've found, even if they are very few, are nice and genuinely care. I don't really know what advice to give you or what else to say, but I also hope you feel better.
  20. 5 points
  21. 5 points
    It may be that with football comes along teams, scores, league tables, numbers etc which (as data) appeals to the autistic mind in a similar manner to timetables, train/bus numbers, telephone directories etc. Also that most sports in general have rules and structure which also appeals
  22. 5 points
    I'm reminded of the saying / idiom ... 'don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm' / 'don't burn yourself to warm others'
  23. 5 points
    What is 'PA'? Personal assistant? Paid assistant? I wouldn't want to pay for someone to do things with me, it seems false somehow, I don't think I'd be comfortable with it. I have heard of 'buddying' schemes for people with anxiety or social difficulties organised by charitable organisations or volunteers, perhaps there is such a scheme in your area?
  24. 5 points
    One thing I'm very aware of is that I don't seem to experience emotions the same way as people around me. For example, happiness for me is what I can only describe as a state of nothingness, but not in a bad way. What I mean by that is I'm well aware of what anxiety, stress, depression etc, the negative feelings are like. What I've come to understand as happiness for me is a mental state where no negative feelings are present and I experience a sort of empty calm, devoid of negative or uncomfortable feelings. Is that the same for everyone? I ask because as for my children for example, I'm fairly certain that they seem to experience a sort of elation mixed with excitement and joy combined, or something similar when they are demonstrating happiness. Perhaps as we get older the highs aren't so high anymore, but then when are the lows the same or lower? I hope this question makes sense and just so you know, I'm not at all sad or depressed or anything like that. I'm just interested to know if others experience happiness as I do, or as a feeling in and of itself, separate from other emotions that can be described and categorised without any ambiguity, thanks.
  25. 5 points
    I do experience happiness or feelings with no/little anxiety or negative feelings but I feel this is very rare. I generally always have some kind of anxiety going on the background at least. It doesn't mean I'm unhappy though, just my neutral state. I've suffered with depression (whether I knew it or not) for a long time so I think I now might find it difficult to recognise or accept true happiness, which is kind of sad. A therapist once told me we get so used to our feelings of depression and mental anguish that it's almost like a comfort familiarity to us and we get scared when we're getting better and get scared of happiness. Some things do make mean really happy though, like being with lovely friends, or being in my favourite places (both at the same time ) or reading my favourite books.
  26. 5 points
    I think sometimes my feelings of happiness is like you described, more of a calm feeling without anxiety or stresses. Sometimes I will get more visually excited, probably most when something I have waited for is here, but more of the time, actually, it is probably more of a calm feeling. Though I do recognize when I am happy and feeling good because of being very internal. I also get more extreme "lows" when irrational thinking takes over and I react without thinking too much because that's typically what happens. I react more in my home environment, I have always been like that, though that is probably normal for most people because it is when we are with people who we trust (ideally, hopefully).
  27. 5 points
    I do experience what you describe, but I also experience excitement. Sometimes I get excited over small things that other people aren't enthusiastic about. Other times, when others are getting really enthusiastic, I feel nothing. I seem to get extreme emotions - extreme happiness or extreme anger or frustration or unhappiness. So it's not the case that I don't experience such emotions, I just experience them in a different way to most people. Since taking antidepressants, I feel these extremes of emotion less and everything is kind of neutral, or I'm not aware of any specific emotion. What you describe seems like calm contentment, satisfaction, lack of stress. Subtle emotions are hard to describe or distinguish.
  28. 5 points
    I think education may be a big portion of the robot thing. In most classes you learn to be passive. To learn passively, listen passively, work passively and think passively. Daydreaming is condemned time and time again, as this waste of time that indicates a bleak future for a lazy person. Yet studies show the brain is extraordinarily active during "daydreaming". It's when ideas are born. But we're not taught to have ideas, we're taught to sit still, be quiet and wait til it's over. And so that's what they do. They do it til it's over.
  29. 5 points
    I get frustrated very easily, and I sometimes it feels like life is a constant battle between me and my frustration. I get extremely frustrated when dealing with people, including my students, when trying to explain things to them, because they don't see something that's obvious to me, and then when I try to explain, they still don't get it. And then, they make the same mistakes over and over again, even though I have already corrected them, often several times. Or they don't listen and don't follow my instructions. I know that if I want to get on with people, I need to control and hide my frustration, but I'm not good at this. My frustration shows. It's a constant battle, me against my emotions. It's exhausting. When I was a child, I had huge problems with frustration, and as I had neither the social skills nor the emotional maturity to deal with it, I just used to melt down. Even as an adult, I still struggle with this and I still sometimes have frustration meltdowns. Do you have problems with frustration? How do you deal with it?
  30. 5 points
    i started a new med, and ive been told i seem so much happier and I feel happier too in all honesty
  31. 5 points
    ????? this made me laugh tbh
  32. 5 points
    First rule of April Fools - do it on April Fools Day. This is just ridiculous.
  33. 5 points
    I'm going to say one serious thing here. This thing needs to stop. It's too fucked up for words. (The irony in me saying that.) But seriously, the sh*t will hit the fan real quick, and you will end up in serious trouble. Anyone who agrees, like my post.
  34. 5 points
    I agree. Autism is not some sort of disease we need to fight against, like cancer. Autistic people shouldn't be seen as putting society in danger, but as valued members of society and a valuable part of the diverse range of people who make up society.
  35. 5 points
    Damn, that is just the kind of message autism doesn't need. The only fight regarding autism should be the fight for awareness and acceptance of autism, not the other way. Looking at it from a different angle, hopefully it is supposed to mean fighting against the struggles autism causes, though even so if true that is poorly worded and open to misunderstanding.
  36. 5 points
    i got to quit my job today and get to walk in with a new one with my father as he is a fedex contractor i am going in as a driver and maybe sometime down the road i may even be able to take over the business.
  37. 5 points
    I feel like I have felt like that before. I think it is not uncommon for people to go through stages where they are unsure of what they are doing with their life and feel like things are wrong. I have often found myself comparing myself to other people. I think social media like facebook make this worse because people can selectively post so their life looks better than it is. I know that I have seen other people and felt sad because I should be more like them. I know I have gone through times when I was unhappy with myself. Though as I have gotten older, I have gotten confidence with who I am and my identity and it is easier to stop myself comparing myself to others. Although I still do it!! I see my friends from school or see classmates from university and maybe hear or overhear plans that make me think maybe I should have done things a different way or maybe I am doing things wrong. I try to remind myself that my life will be different from other people's lives because I am different from other people. And sometimes when I catch myself comparing my life to someone else's, I try to remember that I am only seeing a fraction of their picture and to try and focus on my own. I feel often that I am way behind a lot of other people because it has taken me so long to figure out what I wanted to do as a career and it still is a bit foggy, and I feel behind when I see friends who are married and starting their families and I am just trying to start a career and life. But I have to remind myself that my life is different from others and that doesn't make it wrong...... maybe that can help you too, that just because your life might feel wrong or different or not right, doesn't mean it is, and that there is probably a bigger plan out there and it just doesn't make sense yet. Anyway, I will stop rambling for now, but I hope you can take some kind of peace from this, just know that it might not seem right now, but that doesn't make it wrong, just that you can't see the full picture yet! Don't stop being you because you were born to be you.
  38. 4 points
    For a very long time I'd been aware that I was "different". I had limited social skills and an almost entirely solitary lifestyle. I had very unusual, intense interests. I had always had a very limited diet and a long list of anxieties and aversions. I found practical and spatial tasks such as learning to drive very difficult. I didn't really know what to make of all this until I heard a "Book of the Week" on the radio called "Born on a Blue Day" by Daniel Tammet. The book is about his life with AS and so many of the characteristics he mentioned (not his savant skills I should stress) seemed to apply to me. I then read other autobiographies of people with AS and very soon was certain I also had it. There may be some people who have no idea they have AS until they are diagnosed but I would say most will recognise the characteristics long beforehand. These characteristics come in different combinations but the number and strength of them usually leaves little doubt that someone is on the spectrum.
  39. 4 points
    I agree but I think NT's probably deal with it better, where as I seem to completely shut down and stop going (like I did at school) because I found it too tiring and pressuring Where as I could manage 2 or 3 days of school (or work) no problem, but anything more I get burnt out mentally pretty quickly and then just shut down.. (which makes everything worse for me, as then don't want to go back, feel I've let people down, get depressed etc) it makes me sound really lazy but I'm not, I know I have good intentions !
  40. 4 points
    Life is stressful sometimes especially when you reach adulthood. You're not lazy. Everyone has different perspectives on everything because everyone is different I think. The key thing to me is really not care what people think. I'm still working that of course, but I think it's important not to care about others think because then you feel happier and have a better attitude.
  41. 4 points
    Not, not true - People with Asperger's without a diagnosis grow up feeling that they don't fit in, can't relate or connect, or feel that others treat them differently. We can see that we are being treated differently, we can see that we are different. We might not know that it is Asperger's specifically, but we usually know that we are different. I would see a different doctor and get a second opinion from someone who is better informed about autism.
  42. 4 points
    Suicide is never selfish or even wrong, but it is not the answer to your problems. You need to reach out and get the right help, from professionals really if you're at the point of thinking about suicide. You need to go to a doctor and tell them how you're really feeling, if you haven't already.
  43. 4 points
    I'm similar in that respect - I do proof reading and need a good eye for detail for that. When I'm at home, I can concentrate well and tune out my surroundings (unless something disturbs me like a noise) but when I'm in a new environment I become hyper-aware of all that's around and find it hard to focus. My sensory issues are always worse when I go somewhere new. I can be very absent-minded and I'm not good at multi-tasking. I think that the best solution would be to make a conscious effort to stop what you are doing and look around you to see what's going on, perhaps every time you finish a page of work or something like that. As to being more observant in the NT world, that's hard, because we don't necessarily notice or pay attention to the same things as they do. Making lists can help not to forget things or to prioritize them, you can tick things off the list as you do them.
  44. 4 points
    i work at fedex as a delivery driver i drive a truck thats 33 feet long 10 ft hight and 8 feet wide and work 13 hour days monday through friday love it. i hate to say it but you might need to find a way out of your shell or find a midnight type job where you dont need to interact with people.
  45. 4 points
    This comment brought a smile to my face! It's true that employment brings valuable income and can have its good times but the bottom line is almost of us would rather be doing something else if we could. However most of us in the end do need to be employed... I think the ideal for someone with AS is a job where they can spend lots of time by themselves working on a particular task that they are comfortable doing. Self-employment may be ideal for this and can be built around your skills and interests but it's not always practical. However even when working for others there will be jobs which allow solitary work and which can relate to your skills and interests to some degree, e.g. data input / processing. Job centres / advisers may be able to point you in the direction of such jobs including some you'd never thought of. When discussing options with them it's best to pitch matters in positive terms, e.g. to say you are very happy to work independently rather than you are not so good working with other people. Good luck in your job search.
  46. 4 points
    The kind of debates you refer to are ones which people could have in many other places, not just on an AS forum, and this may explain why few members join in - not because of lack of interest but because they are covered elsewhere. I also feel that debates often don't get very far because opinions are frequently quite firmly set. Although I'm very interested in a lot of topics, particularly related to politics, the chief reason I come to Asperclick is to find out more about AS, share experiences, get advice and so on and this may be true for other members as well. As regards threads about specialised interests these may also often be covered elsewhere and therefore not attract much interest here. I wouldn't bemoan that there might not be much discussion of "highbrow" topics. In some cases, as just mentioned, these may be discussed elsewhere but I think it's fine for people to come here to discuss "lighter" issues. Leisure time is precious and while some may happily fill that time with high culture, science or technical pursuits others may prefer light relief - and of course many do both. As regards Asperclick I've been a member for almost nine months. I check in every day and I'm sure I will do for as long as it's around which I hope is a very long time. It's an excellent site and I wish I'd discovered it sooner. Most of my time is spent exploring threads before I joined where there is a huge amount of fascinating discussion, experiences and advice. For me only reading the latest topics would be like only reading the newest items in an encyclopaedia. I appreciate that some members have been here far longer so are much more familiar with those past topics but they can still be worth re-exploration even for very experienced members. It is true that there doesn't seem to be so much activity recently on the site and not many new members - or at least ones who post often. I'd like to see more activity but even if there were no new posts the site would still be an excellent resource in terms of its archive. Going through those threads it is striking to see some members who still post regularly but I do feel a tinge of sadness (if that's not too strong a word) at seeing some once-regular voices who seem to have disappeared, at least in terms of posting messages. I often wonder why those members don't post any more and hope it isn't for any negative reasons. I suppose often members stop posting for fairly mundane reasons such as other interests or commitments taking over. Perhaps this is just the norm and those members of a forum who continue to post regularly for many years are a small - but very important and valued - minority.
  47. 4 points
    I believe aspies notice a lot more little things, but their senses are physically the same. The apparent "super vision" is a result of the way the brain processes what the eyes are seeing - rather than filtering out the small or irrelevant stuff, our brains consciously process all of it.
  48. 4 points
    I can be clumsy at times, I sometimes notice bruises over my legs and never remember how i got them i drop things a lot too like tv remotes, ive been known for tilting a cup when holding it thats full
  49. 4 points
    My dad is probably on the spectrum though he has never been tested and I doubt he has ever even heard of Aspergers and I'm never going tell him, because he wouldn't listen or even acknowledge. But the point is I loved and hated my father growing up. I loved him because he was a friend and when I was older he was like a brother. But I hated him because he wasn't a father and couldn't be a father, he struggled with life and dealing with things and had many, many breakdowns all the time. And in a way it forced me to grow up and be a man at a really young age. All which has given me and my sister a little resentment in later life. Now don't get me wrong I'd do anything for my dad, but it was hard growing up with him like that when I needed a father and didn't have one. And it may be the same for your kids its easy to understand as adults how things are, but as kids who need there parents, sadness and confusion often stay into adulthood. All you can do is be there for them now and show them you love them now days if I go more then two weeks without seen my dad he phones me to come pick me up or to find out when I'm visiting and he tries to share things with me that I enjoy, because I think he knows he wasn't a good father but he'd still do anything for me and my sisters. And you come across like that @Eliza a very loving caring person P.S sorry for quoting you that was a mistake and I can't work out how to remove it
  50. 4 points
    I can relate to what you're saying, especially true for female aspies. I have this alter-ego persona that people like but it leaves me feeling empty because it's not authentic. So I decide to be myself, and it feels right. I like it, but other people don't. The only solution I can think of is to be my best self around other people despite their opinions (easier said than done). Am I sometimes disappointed in my weaknesses and lacks? Yep. But learning to accept ourselves fully (the good, the bad, the ugly) is where inner peace hides. There are times when we aren't supposed to "do" anything. Just "be". As the saying goes, 'We are human beings, not human doings.' A door will open for you at the right time.
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