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      Welcome to the forum!   09/17/2017

      Please come in from the rain and sit by the fire! We're happy you found us and hope you will feel at home here.  

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    Nesf

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Popular Content

Showing content with the highest reputation since 10/18/2017 in Posts

  1. 6 points
    Be VERY careful here - really, because it would be such a shame if you were to demonise your own perceptions of reality in favour of societies. Reality is whatever YOU want it to be. If you think it, you'll eventually become it. FACT. I don't care what anybody says, the mind is the most powerful force in the universe (next to God). You can argue the toss as much as you want, I'm where I want to be in life because of the way I think. I'm not depressed - because I'm fulfilling my authentic self. I'm not anxious because I'm aware that the future doesn't exist - only the here and now exists. I don't lack confidence because I'm limited to only one edition. No one else can do the things I do in the style I do them in - just like you. Society wants you to conform because they want you at the same level as them - they're not brave enough to be as unique as you. Don't let them stop you.
  2. 6 points
    I love being in my own little world as well. I accept I need to socialize with other people and actually can enjoy it sometimes. Although I feel frustrated other times because I don't always have the best responses and feel awkward a lot of the time. It is so good to be able to retreat into my shell and do my own thing. I think it also comes with maybe being an introvert as well... Introverts get their energy from within and are drained being with other people. This world often seems designed for extraverts who get energy from other people but there are a lot of people who are introverts who prefer their own company. And many in between.
  3. 5 points
    Sometimes I really hate "the real world". I very much prefer my own world. And it's hard when living in your own world is demonized by pretty much everyone. Even me. I constantly have this voice in my head that tells me I'm a weirdo or crazy or just lazy and that I'll never achieve anything because I simply don't want to be here enough to do so. I try to become invested in worldly affairs, I have since I was a child. And it never gets easier and it always hurts. I just want to be in here, in my world, where it's infinite yet safe, challenging yet without demand, stimulating but not obnoxious. But I'm not supposed to. I'm supposed to want these designated things and be an active participant, because if I'm not, there's something wrong with me. I'm tired. I'm past a meltdown. I don't have the energy for that. I'm just....tired.
  4. 5 points
    I just want to be able to do my own thing and for other people to accept that I don't necessarily want to do what they want to do, or that I have my own ideas about things. I'm not hurting anybody, just being different, and if people can't accept that, they they have the issue, not me.
  5. 5 points
    Come on, man. Let's try to raise the level here a bit. Don't contribute to the deterioration of society by acting and expressing yourself this way.
  6. 5 points
    I got diagnosed because I thought I had AS so we can definitely know about it. Here is a quote from the National Autistic Society: "It's quite common for people to have gone through life without an autism diagnosis, feeling that somehow they don't quite fit in." Link here: http://www.autism.org.uk/about/diagnosis/adults.aspx
  7. 4 points
    I do not think it is a substitute for friends, no. I don't mind the story, it is a sweet gesture of the sister to want to do something like that for her brother. Though a few close friends are better than a lot of strangers giving you cards & gifts, in my opinion.
  8. 4 points
    I am one who actually likes the routine of getting up at the same time each morning. I think because for a long time I had weird work shifts with fast food so I sometimes had late shifts and other times I had morning shifts, and it was difficult for me. I really did not like evening work shifts because I felt like I had work hanging over my head the whole day and couldn't do anything productive. I prefer morning work shifts as I can get work done and then come home, eat dinner and relax. Though it is difficult now that I am working full time to find time to get things done. Lucky my boyfriend can be helpful a lot of the time so it takes some of the pressure off me. Sometimes it gets tiring but for the most part I like my routine. I get up at 6 am and have coffee and toast (or some other breakfast but I usually have toast) and watch something on YouTube or Netflix or just browse the internet while I eat, and then my alarm goes off at 6:50 am (phone alarm) and I know it's time to get ready, get dressed and make sure my bag and lunch are in order. Sometimes it is difficult to know what to wear or I might have nothing prepared for lunch but so far so good. I know what time I need to leave at. And as a plus, my current job is so relaxed and I know what I am going to do most days so that is so nice. The worst thing is my commute as I have to take public transit but I am mostly good with it. I think why it might be difficult for some people on the spectrum is the change in routine, many on the spectrum might prefer to sleep in and stay up late, and also if the motivation is not there... if you do not like your job or school, then it would be more difficult to get up. I am much much more happy to go to work now than previous jobs. Not to brag or anything but I am just content. Not that it doesn't feel difficult sometimes and sometimes I don't want to go to work but I then think of the money and how I actually don't mind my job and that I like it better than previous jobs and I get through it.
  9. 4 points
    I agree but I think NT's probably deal with it better, where as I seem to completely shut down and stop going (like I did at school) because I found it too tiring and pressuring Where as I could manage 2 or 3 days of school (or work) no problem, but anything more I get burnt out mentally pretty quickly and then just shut down.. (which makes everything worse for me, as then don't want to go back, feel I've let people down, get depressed etc) it makes me sound really lazy but I'm not, I know I have good intentions !
  10. 4 points
    Life is stressful sometimes especially when you reach adulthood. You're not lazy. Everyone has different perspectives on everything because everyone is different I think. The key thing to me is really not care what people think. I'm still working that of course, but I think it's important not to care about others think because then you feel happier and have a better attitude.
  11. 4 points
    I don't think anyone would label themselves with Aspergers if they didn't really have it. Finding out is a relief, but it's also a shock and not the most fun realization. If you've done your research and know you have it, own it. Besides, doctors like to label people 'depressed' and then put them on meds. Easy fix, big money. Ditto. Reading my teacher's notes on my kindergarten report cards is very telling.
  12. 4 points
    Not, not true - People with Asperger's without a diagnosis grow up feeling that they don't fit in, can't relate or connect, or feel that others treat them differently. We can see that we are being treated differently, we can see that we are different. We might not know that it is Asperger's specifically, but we usually know that we are different. I would see a different doctor and get a second opinion from someone who is better informed about autism.
  13. 4 points
    When I was a kid, my dad used to play Supertramp and Manfred Mann's Earth Band in the car on our road trips to, for example Norway. I really liked the music back then, and for years and years, Blinded By the Light (by Manfred Mann's Earth Band) used to be my favourite song of all time. When I became a teenager I got heavily into heavy metal. I think my first band was either System of a Down or Rammstein, I loved it. I sort of didn't discover a lot of new music at the time though, for whatever reason, apart from Pendulum (an electronic Drum and Bass band), but then when I turned 17, I was exposed to a song by Rush on a TV show called Chuck. It was Tom Sawyer, and I loved it. I thought it was so interesting and different that I decided to look up the band on Youtube and Wikipedia, and I discovered that they were a Progressive Rock band, a genre I didn't really know what was at the time. At that time I also read about related bands and came across the name Dream Theater, which I found to be an interesting name, and it sort of made me think about Halloween and pumpkins for some reason. I didn't really check them out though until... Fast forward a year or so, I was 18, it was the year I joined Asperclick funnily enough (4 years ago now), I heard a song on an internet radio for metal on iTunes.. It was an obscure instrumental piece by Dream Theater called Raw Dog... It was almost as if the band wanted me to discover it! Sounds crazy, I know. I thought it was good, but I forgot about it again... Then at some point later that year, for some reason I decided to look up Dream Theater again, and I found The Spirit Carries On, which was soon to be my new favourite song of all time... I thought it was good too, but for some reason I still didn't look them up further... It wasn't until the summer of that same year, 2013, that I was in a record store and I saw Dream Theater's Metropolis Part 2: Scenes From a Memory, and I was thinking to myself that that was the band I had stumbled upon on several occasions, and I bought it. When I came home that day, I remember being all alone at home, and I decided to listen to my new mysterious CD... I put it on and lay in bed... and immediately, especially as I heard the opening to Overture 1928, I was blown away. My perception of music had changed forever. It was the most incredible-sounding music I had ever listened to... I even remember being in tears over the beauty of songs such as The Spirit Carries On and Through Her Eyes... I became a Dream Theater super-nerd. I even remember posting about it on this forum and Nesf (thanks by the way) told me that their genre were Progressive Metal. That band changed my life, I swear to god. Well, the rest is history, but basically my search for other prog rock and metal bands started from Dream Theater and it was because I wanted to find similar bands, and also bands that had inspired them, like the classics Yes, King Crimson, Genesis... Even though I didn't realise the genre of the music until my late teens, Progressive Rock and Metal music has become my go-to music, that I never get tired of, even though I love other kinds of music like the electronic chill out stuff such as Zero 7, and other completely different types of music. Oh dear, that became a long post! But I think that covers my story pretty well Thanks to anyone who reads. Cheers and prog on!
  14. 4 points
    First, you gotta understand that you aren't 'defective' and grasp that concept. Everyone reacts in different ways to conflict and rough times. Aspies usually struggle with emotion regulation (they feel too much and have meltdowns, they feel too numb/overwhelmed and shut down, or even both), so it's understandable you react that way when facing obstacles or when something goes wrong. It's part of the condition and it's not a 'wrong' way of reacting, just different. You will meet people who won't understand this. Those are ignorant or seriously lack empathy. Luckily, some will at least sympathize if you explain what affects you and why. Once you understand this, develop tolerance and patience towards yourself. How I cope now? I go to a nice corner, the bed or the couch, I listen to music, put on comfy clothes and socks and wait for my body to process what's happening at its own pace. Maybe you can have a calming playlist or a coloring book on your devices, or watch your favorite movie? Self-care comes first. If you're outside, make sure you can leave the place, go to a green area with a bench, breathe. I repeat: self-care comes first. You can also avoid the temptation of self-harming by getting away from dangerous objects and engaging in a activity that keeps your mind busy, text a friend/acquaintance and ask for help. Post on places like this forum. Once you start texting or posting, the urge to harm yourself will gradually fade away. I hope it works for you as it has for me. Stay safe.
  15. 3 points
    Gone home has offered some very good advice. All of us have done things we shouldn't have in our pasts, whether that's a desire to fit in with the neurotypical world or a response to the difficulties we face in our lives. They may be things that we regret but those feelings of regret are themselves positive as they show we know we did wrong whereas there are plenty of people who have done bad things and feel no sense of guilt at all. Also accept that any wrongs we have done are mitigated by these difficulties - we didn't do these things out of selfishness or lack of morality but pushed by circumstances. Sometimes we can atone for past wrongdoing but that isn't always possible. What matters most is what we are doing now - are we now doing the right things and heading in the right direction. Feelings of frustration, even despair, are common, especially to many people on the spectrum who have had to cope with more than their fair share of difficult times. Giving up or running away - in whatever forms those take - are very tempting options but it's better not to be defeated. Take on the challenges and see what can be achieved. Even if you're not successful you will have stood up to those problems but you may well overcome them or be better placed to take on future events. Giving up just means certain defeat and that presents its own indignity that then has to be faced. Keep going and I hope things get better.
  16. 3 points
    Life can be more challenging when one has principles and conscience. I certainly get the not wanting to be here thing and have had very strong impulses to arrange that (due to some bullying from a couple of corrupt work related care organisations) ... but obviously not done. It can be a problem when we burn out ... especially when life has got in the way of therapeutic interests. It takes time to get over. For me my interests keep me functioning well ... sort of akin to charging batteries and simplifying + strengthening resolve. Interests help oppose that pointless feeling ... though it does take a while to get back that zest after prolonged periods of problems. All these depressing periods eventually pass as long as thats the aim. Anxiety is worrying about imagined future scenarios ... we can frighten ourselves by what we imagine ...trying to imagine better scenarios is more useful if you can. I imagine your feelings are common
  17. 3 points
    Because: 1. I was diagnosed. 2. Because I can relate to the experiences of other people who have it. 3. I know that I'm different to most other people, and other possible conditions or explanations don't explain it/cover it adequately.
  18. 3 points
    If you have friends, then maybe you can chat with them on facebook, maybe even arrange to meet up with them in real life if you feel like it. It's so hard to keep in contact with my friends, especially since I'm not in school anymore, but I try to contact them every month or two, unless they contact me first. If you don't have any friends, then I suggest going out in public occasionally and doing something. For me, the only time I really go out is when I go out to eat or go shopping, but maybe you can find other things to do.
  19. 3 points
    Yes, it sounds like she's not being fair to you. You could send what you wrote in your post to her via email (or an edited version of it) to tell her how you feel. Is she older than you? Older siblings often assume a dominant role over younger siblings, and then try to maintain it in adulthood when it isn't appropiate. My older sister was a bit like this, she was very bossy and trying to control/dominate me, and it frequently lead to conflict and resentment. I rarely talk to her now. When I was diagnosed with Asperger's, my younger sister was supportive and helped me with filling in forms, etc, but my older sister was completely indifferent.
  20. 3 points
    I can't believe I'm about to say this, but perhaps it's worth popping into the Job Centre (I know, swear word) and asking about what courses are available - and by courses I mean career coaching, etc. In 2010 when I was well and truly in the shit, I had an appointed personal advisor and an advocate from two separate work based programs. One was organised by the Job Centre, and the other I sourced myself from searches - and yes, this was an agency specific for disabled people - whether physical, mental or otherwise. I don't think it's a case of being incapable, I just think you're in the wrong jobs. With coaching, an advocate will sit down with you, work with you, and get you to take work based psychology tests to determine your best career path. Because you shouldn't be getting to the two year mark and walking out, you should just be getting into your stride and chasing down that promotion/bonus.
  21. 3 points
    Depends... Some aspies like the idea of structure, routine and predictability I certainly do I like schedules and timetables and don't like it when things change suddenly. I also tend to function better in the morning
  22. 3 points
    I work in the healthcare industry. I think it's important to realize that everyone was different (even people with Aspergers) and have different strengths. But I think strengths of people with Aspergers are generally effective for every industry. In my area, I've been seeing more and more people hire people with intellectual disabilities so hopefully we're moving in the right direction with hiring neurodiverse people.
  23. 3 points
    I thinik it's true that we can become overwhelmed more easily than most people, though it's not exclusively ASD thing. It becomes easier once it is incorperated into the daily routine.
  24. 3 points
    Farming - it's the only job I'm willing to do for someone else. After that, I work for myself. The world is too coperate and full of bullshit these days. As a herdsman, I work to my own schedule and only deal with vets and contractors who are all on my side and speaking my language. I spend 80% of my life on my own. The other 20% is by choice.
  25. 3 points
    I get those same nagging thoughts. I like what Asperger expert Tony Attwood said, that aspies are basically hermit monks born in the wrong era.
  26. 3 points
    Yes. Im always curled up on the couch with a book or just dozing, and my cat comes in and joins me. I always think we are just two of the same kind. Shes really sensitive to noise, and hates people. So whenever we hear a noise outside, a neighbour or footsteps of a postman, we both perk our heads up prepared to run haha. Unfortunately if there is someone coming she gets to hide under the bed or jump out the window and I have to do the people stuff.
  27. 3 points
    Yes its hard because a party for the kids is also an excuse for the adults to have a party too Guess you just have to bite the bullet, keep reminding yourself that it's only for a short time and you can just play with the kids without having to interact much with the adults
  28. 3 points
    I'm one of the older members of the forum. This forum is the only one that I actively participate in at the moment, and I would say that there is a fairly even distribution of people of all different ages, with different interests. Just as well, because it it were all about Snapchat or video games or other stuff that the younger generation is typically more into, then I wouldn't fit in here at all. I like that there are people of all different ages, with different interests and coming from different walks of life. I once belonged to a chat group where the participants were mostly a lot younger than me - I did find it a bit difficult and I didn't think I fit in, but that was for various reasons that weren't necessarily to do with the age of the participants.
  29. 3 points
    Either the entire forum is younger then you and thinks your a wierdo or the entire forum is super mature and older and thinks your nuts?
  30. 3 points
    I tend to feel people are a lot older and wiser than me on the internet. But I also get the feeling sometimes that people are younger than me when they know all about Snapchat. I feel okay on this forum though, I feel sort of middle in age and nobody thinks I'm a weirdo (I hope)
  31. 3 points
    The statement made by the doctor is very worrying - that she could have such a view and then be involved in the diagnosis process. Is she your GP or a specialist of some kind? Even if she is your GP rather than a specialist in AS she should know better or at the very least refrain from taking a view and refer you to someone more informed. GPs are the gatekeepers to more expert analysis and diagnosis and they need to be very careful about ruling out AS (or any other condition) unless they are certain of their facts. Unfortunately I think these sorts of views and other misleading ones about AS can deter many people from seeking a diagnosis. As others have mentioned many who have AS have had years of feeling different - and other people often making it clear they are "different". They have often tried very hard not to be different and found they cannot do so. There may be a small number of Aspies who genuinely don't feel themselves to be different but I imagine the great majority are only too aware that they "don't fit in". It's certainly a case of getting a second - hopefully more genuinely expert - opinion.
  32. 3 points
    I don't believe thats true. It may be for some, but aspies tend to be observant. I think most will know they are different ...
  33. 3 points
    I think that "different, not less" is a good mantra to have whenever you start to think of yourself as defective.
  34. 2 points
    I hope you're doing better. Just wanted to give you an update--my game plan worked! I started the new group today, went in deciding to be 100% myself and was given a warm welcome. It's opened up a door to several options for volunteer work. I'm happy for the first time in months. I encourage you to make your own game plan for a fresh start, fairytattgirl. You deserve to be yourself and to be happy!
  35. 2 points
    For a very long time I'd been aware that I was "different". I had limited social skills and an almost entirely solitary lifestyle. I had very unusual, intense interests. I had always had a very limited diet and a long list of anxieties and aversions. I found practical and spatial tasks such as learning to drive very difficult. I didn't really know what to make of all this until I heard a "Book of the Week" on the radio called "Born on a Blue Day" by Daniel Tammet. The book is about his life with AS and so many of the characteristics he mentioned (not his savant skills I should stress) seemed to apply to me. I then read other autobiographies of people with AS and very soon was certain I also had it. There may be some people who have no idea they have AS until they are diagnosed but I would say most will recognise the characteristics long beforehand. These characteristics come in different combinations but the number and strength of them usually leaves little doubt that someone is on the spectrum.
  36. 2 points
    Apsergers is from birth and therein is the acid test in diagnosing ASC - rather than acquired brain injury or anxiety / depression etc Myself - I did not know how to play with toys like other kids. Many toys seemed pointless and things like cars would just be lined up. I was dogmatic and could only understand things in a practical pragmatic sense ... so religion did not make sense - I did not understand idioms at all - or anything cryptic - I would get overwhelmed in public places - narrow range of interest - was quite a concrete thinker - I had a strong sense of being trapped in a body - I did not fit in socially - .... etc. ... there are so many fluid aspects that change as we move on through life There are online tests
  37. 2 points
    Bear in mind though that the cast are professional actors who are much more skilled than ordinary people at performing emotions. Comparisons are often misleading but even more so when we make the comparisons with experts and trained performers. Making comparisons with those who don't have AS (some of whom also have difficulties expressing emotions) is also not helpful though I'm as guilty of it as anyone. It's best to accept and work within our limitations where they occur but also realise that AS gives us strengths in other areas.
  38. 2 points
    Might be nerves or stimming - If its involuntary I'd consult a GP just to be sure - for your own peace of mind. Don't be sorry for asking / being new to things ... we've all been there
  39. 2 points
    I like walking to look for mushrooms, or cycling or swimming. I need to have some kind of goal or target to reach to motivate myself, or I can't get motivated.
  40. 2 points
    A real friend is someone who genuinely wishes you well. I like the story.
  41. 2 points
    The issue with that is if people don't know you have a disability and they see you making jokes they could take it wrong. Also, I think disabled people need to stand together and not put each other down. You say you've made jokes about Down Syndrome. How would you like it if someone with Down Syndrome made a joke about you?
  42. 2 points
    Sorry guys, as I've said elsewhere I have been super busy for a few weeks, I have been keeping an eye on the club but haven't been posting so I will make up for it now... @Nesf I have to be honest I am not a big Tolkien fan, I like the Hobbit but found LotR very slow going, I have read Jordan's WoT but as with most long series it had some slow books, I do really like Feist but again it did go on a bit in places (my favourites are probably the trilogy he did with Janny Wurts) I do like Pratchett a lot, if you are familiar with any of my list you will know I like my books quite dark so Pratchett is always a nice light change of pace, I have Aldiss' Helliconia trilogy in my too read pile, I've never read Herbert and I love Moorcock but he fits right into my love of dark and grim stuff @Tylermc I was a bit old for J. K. Rowling by the time she came along and I don't tend to go for the books aimed at younger audience now, I have tried a few times but just can't get into it. I do love Martin's SoIaF/GoT though Again being as I was a girl I was always pushed away from comics growing up (they were considered a boy thing when I was young) so I only really got into them as a grown up and tend to be more inclined towards adult ones like Preacher and V for Vendetta type thing, I kind of missed the whole Marvel and DC thing, although I am definitely more in the Marvel camp rather than the DC camp if you have to pick one over the other @Joie6 I do have Paolini's Inheritance Cycle to read although I have to be honest it doesn't appeal so much, again it feels like it is aimed at a younger audience which is really not my thing but I do keep getting him recommended so he is still in my to be read pile, I haven't read Piers Anthony either but I will add him to be recommendation list thank you
  43. 2 points
    @Fighter101 I'm sure you have done plenty of good things in your life. When encountered in a low point in life like the one you're describing, it can be hard to think about the positive contributions we've made, but they're there somewhere.
  44. 2 points
    It's certainly true that people who feel themselves to be outsiders and have low self-esteem - which includes many Aspies and some neurotypicals - want to rectify these situations and see being as helpful and cooperative as possible as the ways to do so. While these strategies can help - and in general it's good to be helpful - they don't always work. As mentioned it's easy to be taken advantage of and to be seen as a "pushover". As David suggested the opposite approach of standing up for oneself and being prepared to say "No" can produce an even more negative response. Aspies and other outsider groups can find themselves in a no-win situation - soak things up, don't complain and try to help others and you're weak and a pushover; stand up for yourself and challenge those who take advantage and you're being confrontational. Gone home is right that we have to be aware of our limitations. Sometimes people may value our help but if it leaves us very stressed we risk burn-out and no-one benefits in the long run. it's certainly not worth being helpful for people who don't appreciate it and who are ungrateful. Sometimes we are more productive to others in the long-run if we put our own welfare first. There is no value in being a martyr and always trying to put other people first - unless maybe they're willing to do the same. It's hard to know where to draw the line. I am certainly someone who tends to be unassertive and prone to guilt. Perhaps the best guide is not to make any special efforts for those who don't show gratitude and to stop "giving" when you start to feel the strain. Saying "No" also doesn't have to be confrontational - it can be a matter of politely saying "I'm sorry but I can't help" or words to that effect.
  45. 2 points
    Interesting topic. I am beginning to feel older than others, not just on the internet, but in general . Like, the other day I asked a question on google and I went to read responses to a similar question. The person who was asking was 20, but going through a similar situation as mine, and I thought, "Wow, I am getting older." Then I'm watching this show which the main protagonists are kids and the older people look 18 (I searched them up and they're like 20, still younger than me). I'm beginning to feel older, I think 5 years isn't that much of a difference, but maybe it is. I just know I'm getting older and older. People who surround me where I live are older than me, at least 10 years (according to my calculations), but I know that one day I will be them and I will see other people flourish, and be what I was once. I really hope I can someday have kids so I can see a part of me flourish, too.
  46. 2 points
    I don't think wallowing in self hate makes anyone popular ... quite the contrary. Seeking popularity is ... unnecessary. Best to just be yourself. As autistics we all belong to a minority group. How strongly we choose to identify is a personal thing. There are many varied minority groups in this world. They don't need to copy each other
  47. 2 points
    I do find many NTs are superficial in their relationships whilst aspies like deep, meaningful relationships
  48. 2 points
    @Alex I like Wilson's solo albums, though I didn't like Raw to the Bone as much as his previous ones. The Raven that Refused to Sing and Han. Cannot. Erase. are both good albums. I like Porcupine Tree a lot. @Prism Good track. I also really like Scheherazade And Other Stories, that is my favourite album. Turn of the Cards is also good. I heard a small clip of this album on a documentary, just a small clip but enough to recognise the album and to remind me of it and bring certain memories flooding back.
  49. 2 points
  50. 2 points
    Hey! I was so happy to see that there is a prog rock club on the forum. I didn't know. I'm glad to be a member I'm a big big fan of Porcupine Tree and Steven Wilson's solo work and I just found this song today, which is an outtake of his newest album, To The Bone, and it sounds like old Porcupine Tree. Enjoy!
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