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      Welcome to the forum!   09/17/2017

      Please come in from the rain and sit by the fire! We're happy you found us and hope you will feel at home here.  

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Popular Content

Showing content with the highest reputation since 11/18/2016 in all areas

  1. 8 points
    'Clubs' are a new feature for the forum, and I thought I'd do a quick post to let you know how it works. Head over to: http://asperclick.com/clubs/ to take a look - you can start your own club (I've started a photography club), and you can choose how that club is run to an extent. Once I've approved the club you, as the owner of the club, will be able to*: pin and unpin content hide and unhide content move content lock and unlock content delete content split and merge content *within clubs which you are admin of only. So it'll be kind of like running your own sub-forum of Asperclick and I won't be using any of my admin capabilities on your clubs beyond me initially approving it. Fun ideas which I thought might be nice are things like a book club or a film club, you could start the club and then when you have members you could agree upon a book or a film which you would all read or watch and then discuss together. Or a debate club etc., just think back to the clubs at high school or what hobbies you have etc., and go from there! Hope you enjoy this - I'm quite excited to see where it will go! Willow
  2. 8 points
    This picture popped up on my social media feed this morning: All is nice and cool until we get to the "fight against" part. Fight against? How do you fight against? Or more importantly, WHY fight against it? Are we labeling it as something bad? I mean, if you fight against something is because it's bad. So this shirt create the "awareness" that "autism is bad" and we must "fight against it". There's already enough discrimination as it is and now we gonna make t-shirts to further make people believe autism is bad?
  3. 8 points
    He sounds horrible, if he cant accept you for who you are then he doesnt deserve you has a friend i know you may not believe this right now but you will find people to be your friend and that accept you for who you are
  4. 7 points
    Lately, I've been greatly struggling with motivation to do anything productive. I read an article that someone put on The Mighty the other day about depression, and they said that they made a reward chart for themselves to get things done. Basically, you assign points to doing specific tasks, such as cooking a healthy meal, cleaning the dishes, taking a shower, etc. giving yourself the most points on the tasks that you find the hardest to complete, and when you get up to 100 points, you give yourself a reward, which can be pretty much anything you want. I think that I'm going to start doing this because basically I've been doing nothing except for playing Breath of the Wild, and when I get hungry I just eat popcorn or a poptart, basically anything that can be made in less than 5 minutes. I think that when I get up to 100 points, I might treat myself to a subscription box, or maybe a video game or something like that.
  5. 7 points
    Well I feel like moving to a mountain with no people around again. I haven't had the urge to run away and live in the woods in a while, but this last month sucked (actually all 2017). I won't start listing the sh*t that's been driving me crazy, since I decided a while ago to focus on the positive stuff in life. People are idiots and I'd rather spend time with the animals now. Don't know what else to say. Felt like telling everyone here.
  6. 6 points
    Be VERY careful here - really, because it would be such a shame if you were to demonise your own perceptions of reality in favour of societies. Reality is whatever YOU want it to be. If you think it, you'll eventually become it. FACT. I don't care what anybody says, the mind is the most powerful force in the universe (next to God). You can argue the toss as much as you want, I'm where I want to be in life because of the way I think. I'm not depressed - because I'm fulfilling my authentic self. I'm not anxious because I'm aware that the future doesn't exist - only the here and now exists. I don't lack confidence because I'm limited to only one edition. No one else can do the things I do in the style I do them in - just like you. Society wants you to conform because they want you at the same level as them - they're not brave enough to be as unique as you. Don't let them stop you.
  7. 6 points
    I love being in my own little world as well. I accept I need to socialize with other people and actually can enjoy it sometimes. Although I feel frustrated other times because I don't always have the best responses and feel awkward a lot of the time. It is so good to be able to retreat into my shell and do my own thing. I think it also comes with maybe being an introvert as well... Introverts get their energy from within and are drained being with other people. This world often seems designed for extraverts who get energy from other people but there are a lot of people who are introverts who prefer their own company. And many in between.
  8. 6 points
    I hope you feel better soon. It is hard to break the cycle of negativity. Try to think of even one thing you are thankful for. Happiness starts with being happy with what you have in the present, even if it feels like you don't have enough. Also, remember, it always feels like other people have it better, but everyone goes through troubles. I hope you find things to be happy about soon.
  9. 6 points
    A person's hobbies or interests does not determine their intelligence or intellect. Stating that people on the Autistic Spectrum aren't typically empathetic, is a very narrow minded viewpoint, usually reserved for those who have little to no understanding of Autism. There are many generous, philanthropist footballers, that have given millions to various charities.
  10. 6 points
    I had my interview today. Honestly, it wasn't as bad as interviews I've had in the past, but I have a feeling I didn't get the job. It's okay though. One of my friends had an interview for the same job today, and she said that she didn't think hers went very well either, so I don't feel too bad about it. At least I tried.
  11. 6 points
    You're quite right. If it were somehow saying we should fight against the mistreatment and lack of support for people with autism that would make sense but it doesn't. Unfortunately this kind of shirt is just likely to reinforce stereotypes and discrimination.
  12. 6 points
    Call it "politically correct" if you want, but the view that any group of people is superior to the rest is wrong. Simply wrong. As people on the spectrum, we are in the minority when compared to people who are NT. If we want to be accepted by society, one way to guarantee that won't happen is having a superiority complex. We are not superior to people who are NT, we are different from them.
  13. 6 points
    Any NT person who thinks they are superior to those on the spectrum is wrong, but there are many people on the spectrum who think they are superior to people who are NT and that is equally wrong. Neither group is superior, and suggesting they are is divisive and wrong.
  14. 6 points
    Have you tried to meet others with ASD? You might find them more understanding and accommodating of your differences, as of course many find it harder to fit in. Though I get on with most people I know well, I feel much more of an affinity with others with ASD, and on the same wavelength. As it happens I only really have one friend without ASD, and that person has another disability. Posting here is a good start, as we're all on your side. Make the most of your hobbies, and immerse yourself in what you like doing. You have the right to be you, and make your own entertainment if it helps, but if you get fed up of your own company, come on here and chat with us.
  15. 6 points
    UPDATE!!! I have just had my final assessment this morning, and they told me there and then the results. I have finally been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome! I have mixed feelings but I guess atm I'm pretty glad as it means I am finally able to get the help I need. Thanks everyone for the replies and help
  16. 6 points
    When I was younger and before I was diagnosed, it really bothered me that I was excluded/rejected/ostracized, or that I was in some way singled out, mainly because I didn't understand why this was happening. Then, I coped by withdrawing into my shell and doing my own thing, or just talking to people who were 'safe.' Now, if this happens, I think to myself that I don't need these people anyway and if they are rejecting me, they are not my friends, and do I really want to hang out with a group of pseudo-friends with whom I probably won't feel at ease with and who don't really accept me for who I am? They are not worth troubling myself over.
  17. 5 points
    Sometimes I really hate "the real world". I very much prefer my own world. And it's hard when living in your own world is demonized by pretty much everyone. Even me. I constantly have this voice in my head that tells me I'm a weirdo or crazy or just lazy and that I'll never achieve anything because I simply don't want to be here enough to do so. I try to become invested in worldly affairs, I have since I was a child. And it never gets easier and it always hurts. I just want to be in here, in my world, where it's infinite yet safe, challenging yet without demand, stimulating but not obnoxious. But I'm not supposed to. I'm supposed to want these designated things and be an active participant, because if I'm not, there's something wrong with me. I'm tired. I'm past a meltdown. I don't have the energy for that. I'm just....tired.
  18. 5 points
    I just want to be able to do my own thing and for other people to accept that I don't necessarily want to do what they want to do, or that I have my own ideas about things. I'm not hurting anybody, just being different, and if people can't accept that, they they have the issue, not me.
  19. 5 points
    Come on, man. Let's try to raise the level here a bit. Don't contribute to the deterioration of society by acting and expressing yourself this way.
  20. 5 points
    I got diagnosed because I thought I had AS so we can definitely know about it. Here is a quote from the National Autistic Society: "It's quite common for people to have gone through life without an autism diagnosis, feeling that somehow they don't quite fit in." Link here: http://www.autism.org.uk/about/diagnosis/adults.aspx
  21. 5 points
    First, you gotta understand that you aren't 'defective' and grasp that concept. Everyone reacts in different ways to conflict and rough times. Aspies usually struggle with emotion regulation (they feel too much and have meltdowns, they feel too numb/overwhelmed and shut down, or even both), so it's understandable you react that way when facing obstacles or when something goes wrong. It's part of the condition and it's not a 'wrong' way of reacting, just different. You will meet people who won't understand this. Those are ignorant or seriously lack empathy. Luckily, some will at least sympathize if you explain what affects you and why. Once you understand this, develop tolerance and patience towards yourself. How I cope now? I go to a nice corner, the bed or the couch, I listen to music, put on comfy clothes and socks and wait for my body to process what's happening at its own pace. Maybe you can have a calming playlist or a coloring book on your devices, or watch your favorite movie? Self-care comes first. If you're outside, make sure you can leave the place, go to a green area with a bench, breathe. I repeat: self-care comes first. You can also avoid the temptation of self-harming by getting away from dangerous objects and engaging in a activity that keeps your mind busy, text a friend/acquaintance and ask for help. Post on places like this forum. Once you start texting or posting, the urge to harm yourself will gradually fade away. I hope it works for you as it has for me. Stay safe.
  22. 5 points
    This is something I wanted to say, particularly to any young Aspies who are feeling particularly lost, confused or alone. A state in which I am very familiar. I've come to the point in my life, that I actually am very pleased with who and what I am. I have no problem with having Aspergers, and in a way, I'm proud. I find myself in a sort of middle ground. I've noticed there are some Aspies who are of this mindset:" I am what I am and I shouldn't have to change for stupid NTs and their backwards world". I've also noticed Aspies who are of this mindset: " How do I fit in? How is it done? I just wanna make friends, I just want to fit in, tell me what to do, help, help!" I'm right in between, because as far as fitting into the NT world, I want to insofar as that it benefits me. There's no getting around the fact that sometimes you need other people to get things done, and most of those people are NTS who need the world to make sense and be neat and tidy in their judgments throughout the day. I'm past analyzing it, NTs out in the world help civilization function, and that benefits me, so I push myself to fit in so long as it benefits me. But I don't consider it to be changing myself, I consider it to be another tool in my toolbox. And when I see Aspies struggling to fit in and be like NTs, I have the tendency to want to pull them aside and say,"the more desperate you are, the further they'll push you away." They're pack animals. If you're acting weak, they'll see you as weak, and they'll distance themselves. If you embrace who and what you are with no shame and no need of their approval, you will often come across as an alpha, and you'll have their allegiance. But do you really want it? I just wonder sometimes, if Aspies really want to be like NTs, or if they just want it to be easier, so it makes sense to say they want to fit in. Don't get me wrong, I remember wanting to fit in when I was a kid. But looking back, it was never truly that I wanted to fit in, I just wanted less confrontation. I don't like the idea that an Aspie is feeling some pressure from someone or some situation that's causing them to try to mutilate who they are in order to "fit in". What is fitting in, anyway? It's fleeting, for one thing. And doesn't have nearly the amount of meaning and sentiment young Aspies think. Don't try to fit in because you think there's love to be found in it. Fit in only so long as it benefits your day-to-day life. That's my opinion, anyway. In my own experience, the more I've tried to fit in, the more unhappy I became. The more I've just let myself be free to be me, the happier I am. And for the most part, people either like me or don't. And as it happens, any time someone has not liked me, they're not interesting in any way, so it doesn't matter. If you ever managed to change yourself to fit in, you'd be living in a cage of your own creation. Know how to function in their silly little world, but at the end of the day, know who you are and love it. The words happiness and love are so misused and misunderstood. No one is responsible for my happiness. And love is not the same as attachment. Happiness is not something you go off on an adventure to find, it's already in your possession. It is there, ripe for the plucking, every moment of every day. And love is found at the center: orbiting you is all the debris left behind from relationships gone wrong, all the little hurts and failures that left scars and misalignments. But none of that is real, and none of it is you. The only you lies at the very center, untouched by worldly affairs. And all that you are is love. In case you were wondering who you are.
  23. 5 points
    @Biker1 I do get the statement of not being a fan of people. I've said that many times in a similar enough way to you. And analyzing, I think it's because I've had so many negative experiences with people and because I'm an introvert. However, seeing how I'm here on this forum, I can say that statement is only true to some extent or could be rephrased because I do talk to some people and I genuinely care about others. Some people, I've found, even if they are very few, are nice and genuinely care. I don't really know what advice to give you or what else to say, but I also hope you feel better.
  24. 5 points
  25. 5 points
    It may be that with football comes along teams, scores, league tables, numbers etc which (as data) appeals to the autistic mind in a similar manner to timetables, train/bus numbers, telephone directories etc. Also that most sports in general have rules and structure which also appeals
  26. 5 points
    I'm reminded of the saying / idiom ... 'don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm' / 'don't burn yourself to warm others'
  27. 5 points
    What is 'PA'? Personal assistant? Paid assistant? I wouldn't want to pay for someone to do things with me, it seems false somehow, I don't think I'd be comfortable with it. I have heard of 'buddying' schemes for people with anxiety or social difficulties organised by charitable organisations or volunteers, perhaps there is such a scheme in your area?
  28. 5 points
    One thing I'm very aware of is that I don't seem to experience emotions the same way as people around me. For example, happiness for me is what I can only describe as a state of nothingness, but not in a bad way. What I mean by that is I'm well aware of what anxiety, stress, depression etc, the negative feelings are like. What I've come to understand as happiness for me is a mental state where no negative feelings are present and I experience a sort of empty calm, devoid of negative or uncomfortable feelings. Is that the same for everyone? I ask because as for my children for example, I'm fairly certain that they seem to experience a sort of elation mixed with excitement and joy combined, or something similar when they are demonstrating happiness. Perhaps as we get older the highs aren't so high anymore, but then when are the lows the same or lower? I hope this question makes sense and just so you know, I'm not at all sad or depressed or anything like that. I'm just interested to know if others experience happiness as I do, or as a feeling in and of itself, separate from other emotions that can be described and categorised without any ambiguity, thanks.
  29. 5 points
    I do experience happiness or feelings with no/little anxiety or negative feelings but I feel this is very rare. I generally always have some kind of anxiety going on the background at least. It doesn't mean I'm unhappy though, just my neutral state. I've suffered with depression (whether I knew it or not) for a long time so I think I now might find it difficult to recognise or accept true happiness, which is kind of sad. A therapist once told me we get so used to our feelings of depression and mental anguish that it's almost like a comfort familiarity to us and we get scared when we're getting better and get scared of happiness. Some things do make mean really happy though, like being with lovely friends, or being in my favourite places (both at the same time ) or reading my favourite books.
  30. 5 points
    I think sometimes my feelings of happiness is like you described, more of a calm feeling without anxiety or stresses. Sometimes I will get more visually excited, probably most when something I have waited for is here, but more of the time, actually, it is probably more of a calm feeling. Though I do recognize when I am happy and feeling good because of being very internal. I also get more extreme "lows" when irrational thinking takes over and I react without thinking too much because that's typically what happens. I react more in my home environment, I have always been like that, though that is probably normal for most people because it is when we are with people who we trust (ideally, hopefully).
  31. 5 points
    I do experience what you describe, but I also experience excitement. Sometimes I get excited over small things that other people aren't enthusiastic about. Other times, when others are getting really enthusiastic, I feel nothing. I seem to get extreme emotions - extreme happiness or extreme anger or frustration or unhappiness. So it's not the case that I don't experience such emotions, I just experience them in a different way to most people. Since taking antidepressants, I feel these extremes of emotion less and everything is kind of neutral, or I'm not aware of any specific emotion. What you describe seems like calm contentment, satisfaction, lack of stress. Subtle emotions are hard to describe or distinguish.
  32. 5 points
    I think education may be a big portion of the robot thing. In most classes you learn to be passive. To learn passively, listen passively, work passively and think passively. Daydreaming is condemned time and time again, as this waste of time that indicates a bleak future for a lazy person. Yet studies show the brain is extraordinarily active during "daydreaming". It's when ideas are born. But we're not taught to have ideas, we're taught to sit still, be quiet and wait til it's over. And so that's what they do. They do it til it's over.
  33. 5 points
    I get frustrated very easily, and I sometimes it feels like life is a constant battle between me and my frustration. I get extremely frustrated when dealing with people, including my students, when trying to explain things to them, because they don't see something that's obvious to me, and then when I try to explain, they still don't get it. And then, they make the same mistakes over and over again, even though I have already corrected them, often several times. Or they don't listen and don't follow my instructions. I know that if I want to get on with people, I need to control and hide my frustration, but I'm not good at this. My frustration shows. It's a constant battle, me against my emotions. It's exhausting. When I was a child, I had huge problems with frustration, and as I had neither the social skills nor the emotional maturity to deal with it, I just used to melt down. Even as an adult, I still struggle with this and I still sometimes have frustration meltdowns. Do you have problems with frustration? How do you deal with it?
  34. 5 points
    i started a new med, and ive been told i seem so much happier and I feel happier too in all honesty
  35. 5 points
    ????? this made me laugh tbh
  36. 5 points
    First rule of April Fools - do it on April Fools Day. This is just ridiculous.
  37. 5 points
    I'm going to say one serious thing here. This thing needs to stop. It's too fucked up for words. (The irony in me saying that.) But seriously, the sh*t will hit the fan real quick, and you will end up in serious trouble. Anyone who agrees, like my post.
  38. 5 points
    I agree. Autism is not some sort of disease we need to fight against, like cancer. Autistic people shouldn't be seen as putting society in danger, but as valued members of society and a valuable part of the diverse range of people who make up society.
  39. 5 points
    Damn, that is just the kind of message autism doesn't need. The only fight regarding autism should be the fight for awareness and acceptance of autism, not the other way. Looking at it from a different angle, hopefully it is supposed to mean fighting against the struggles autism causes, though even so if true that is poorly worded and open to misunderstanding.
  40. 5 points
    i got to quit my job today and get to walk in with a new one with my father as he is a fedex contractor i am going in as a driver and maybe sometime down the road i may even be able to take over the business.
  41. 5 points
    It's better to focus on what's being said rather than on making eye contact. Conversations are more productive that way.
  42. 5 points
    Also, if you can learn to be very confident in "doing YOU", the most judgmental, gossipy alienating NT's will sometimes fall in line with you, quite loyally. Those kinds of people are the weakest ones in whatever territory you're roaming. That's why they act the way they act, because they know they're weak, and that they need an alpha to protect them. So if someone who is not only confident, but confident in all of their whimsies and "abnormalities", that will translate to strength, and they will be loyal subjects. It's really not about who acts the most normal. It's about whoever is the most confident in whatever way they act. So jst own it, and if you can be a level-headed, good person on top of that, almost zero people will mess with you.
  43. 5 points
    So true. And I'm the same way with eye-contact. There's two things I've tried. One, is what I call "the dance". Okay, she's talking so look at her eyes for one, two, three, look away as though considering to the left, two, three, okay back to the eyes, two, three, four, five, nod, look away, this time to the right, sure I've seen people do that, wait what has she been talking about? Yes, I've gotten better at "the dance", but also, I have found it's better if I just do things my way so that I get the information. I find that if you're kind, helpful and easy-going, nobody really gives a sh*t what you're looking at, doing with your hands or face. And they may think you're a little off, but just keep in mind that NT's kind of instinctively look for abnormal behavior even in one another and themselves because they are instinctively driven to be a part of the pack, because there's safety in numbers. One easy hack for feeling like you're a part of the group is by simply alienating another. It's kind of like a backward self-compliment. Nt's do this, even good people who may not realize and are for the most part, not cruel ( or at least don't mean to be). I wouldn't lose sleep over it. You will be seen as weird by someone, sometime, no matter how perfectly NT you act. That's just the world of socializing. The harder I've tried to "act NT", the weirder I think I come across, and also the more uncomfortable I am. So at some point I just decided to try out "acting like me". For the most part, it's worked out much better.
  44. 5 points
    I was reading David's Banner post about suffering really badly when he was young and been excluded and I'm not exactly opposite I was excluded a fair bit too. But sometimes I can be more NT then AS (at times) for me it more feels wrong like everyone says been sociable to that degree but I think where I differ is at I can do it, especially amongst people no one would guess I have Asperger's until they really know me. Not that I fully understand it, maybe I'm just good at imitating to a degree. But the point I'm trying to make is I've flirted with both sides of the spectrum. And it's not right to say one is better or worse, smarter or dumber or anything along those lines to one another. A condition doesn't automatically make you a good smart person, been a good person and working hard makes you good and smart. But from observations I'd say NTs have larger fields of knowledge because they're exposed to more but AS specialise much, much more because they're comfortable with what they choose. Anycase even that's wrong it's just a thought PS. Another observation I have sometimes noticed is people on the spectrum seem to care more about others following there opinions and ideas then an NT does. So just because they don't always respond to you in a way you'd expect doesn't mean they don't follow or understand as much as you
  45. 5 points
    They do this, yes. Claiming that they're always right even when they're clearly wrong. Or that they're better at something even when they're clearly worse.
  46. 5 points
    Yep - i get this... We see things MUCH more clearly than the foggy NT sight. I am always being ignored and then when I'm proved right, they deny that I said it in the first place. Partly because from what I can make out - NTs can't remember much beyond their working memory. So if I said something a few weeks ago and then what I predicted happens - the NT will deny all knowledge that I had already told them. Not that they do it on purpose but they really do seem to have less ability to remember things.
  47. 5 points
    I feel like I have felt like that before. I think it is not uncommon for people to go through stages where they are unsure of what they are doing with their life and feel like things are wrong. I have often found myself comparing myself to other people. I think social media like facebook make this worse because people can selectively post so their life looks better than it is. I know that I have seen other people and felt sad because I should be more like them. I know I have gone through times when I was unhappy with myself. Though as I have gotten older, I have gotten confidence with who I am and my identity and it is easier to stop myself comparing myself to others. Although I still do it!! I see my friends from school or see classmates from university and maybe hear or overhear plans that make me think maybe I should have done things a different way or maybe I am doing things wrong. I try to remind myself that my life will be different from other people's lives because I am different from other people. And sometimes when I catch myself comparing my life to someone else's, I try to remember that I am only seeing a fraction of their picture and to try and focus on my own. I feel often that I am way behind a lot of other people because it has taken me so long to figure out what I wanted to do as a career and it still is a bit foggy, and I feel behind when I see friends who are married and starting their families and I am just trying to start a career and life. But I have to remind myself that my life is different from others and that doesn't make it wrong...... maybe that can help you too, that just because your life might feel wrong or different or not right, doesn't mean it is, and that there is probably a bigger plan out there and it just doesn't make sense yet. Anyway, I will stop rambling for now, but I hope you can take some kind of peace from this, just know that it might not seem right now, but that doesn't make it wrong, just that you can't see the full picture yet! Don't stop being you because you were born to be you.
  48. 5 points
    Sounds like you have empathy or you wouldn't be nice and care about hurting people. Perhaps you just don't express it? I too want to be kind, but when I hurt someone's feelings I don't automatically apologise or comfort them and have to make a conscious effort to do so. It's taken a long time but it's slowly becoming a habit. I hope this helps.
  49. 5 points
    I came to the conclusion that I am not a fan of the species as a whole but on an individual basis people are more tolerable, obviously there are many who even on an individual basis I don't like otherwise I wouldn't have come to the conclusion I dislike the species but I find it is rarely black and white, even people I don't like usually have a redeeming quality and even the ones I do like usually have some aspect that annoys me. I suppose the real question is what can you do about it? Unless you are planning on wiping out the species then there isn't much you can do other than accept that there are people who you will never like, to be honest I think even NT's feel this way. Some people are worth your time though and I suppose it is those people who make it worth the effort
  50. 5 points
    It's difficult for me to make a decision "on-the-spot" - usually it happens so quickly that the other person is expecting an answer before I've fully processed: that someone is talking to me that they're asking me a question what question they're asking me why they're asking me the question (which, of course, is important to understand ) When it comes to decisions that I have a reasonable amount of time to think about, I find it difficult to settle on a choice and not worry that I'm making the wrong decision - I find that the best thing to do in situations like this is to follow one's instincts, to try to "feel" what choice you feel the most comfortable with, as the truth is that that's usually the best choice even though you might think otherwise.
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