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Bongo

Relationship Preference (As And Non-As)

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King_oni

Given my recent issues; I'm not so sure if I'd be interested in dating someone on the spectrum. Though I must add that the majority of whom I dated were either on or suspected to be on the spectrum, so I have little to no experience with non-aspies.

 

Yet, as I said earlier in this post, dating someone with AS means that you have to think about someones issues as well. I'm not entirely sure if I'm remotely interested in it anymore.

 

More and more I've found that my preferences and interests clash so much with some people (so it seemed) that it would turn into "the immovable object vs. the irresistible force". I might have hard limits and preferences which are so specific and often against the grain, even for AS standards, where one might think that; if it's not a specific issue, this person might not have much of an issue with it... doesn't hold true either. It is not to say that someone with AS can't care about "regular" things so to speak, but just speaking for myself, the more specific my own "agenda" seems, the less issues I have with other peoples "agenda's".. perhaps it's how I tend to be a bit more liberal and open-minded with plenty of things, whereas I found the women I dated eventually all wanted some kind of conjured up ideal of perfection rather than this "go with the flow" type of thing.

 

Perhaps it's something that just comes with dating in general though...

 

I will say, that based on my recent experiences; if anyone thought an aspie was unable to "pretend" and.. well, basically... lie, they are dead wrong. "Pretending" everything is fine for 2 years, seems a bit excessive, even for AS standards... but perhaps I'm just a tad bitter over it, lol.

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BirdSong

My partner and I are only just realising we may BOTH be on the spectrum.  I think one of the reasons why I love her so much is that she understands me to a level that most people don't, and I don't think she could do that if she weren't a little aspie-ish too.

 

But I have a very stong need to be understood by those I love, actually everyone else too, it can border on obsessive.  For other this may be less important.  So I don't think there is a hard and fast rule as to who makes the best partners for Aspies.  As long as each person has the willingness to always put effort into making comunication the best it can be in order to keep your relationship honest and healthy.

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Eden

Unconditional love. Someone with a kind heart, who I can give my whole heart, to, on the spectrum, or otherwise, who could look beyond my mistakes and flaws, be a great friend, and be open to working through misunderstandings and feel that I am worth doing, so. Someone who will love me just as I am. 

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No Longer Here

I've been with my NT wife since we were 19 and 17. She has always been wonderful with me, despite my flaws. It's been good looking back together and applying the Asperger's Diagnosis to all my little quirks retrospectively.

 

The diagnosis and subsequent reading has really opened my eyes to realise that at least 2 of my friends are on the spectrum too. I wonder if we 'clicked' because we recognised it in each other.

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the-commander

 


I've been with my NT wife since we were 19 and 17. She has always been wonderful with me, despite my flaws. It's been good looking back together and applying the Asperger's Diagnosis to all my little quirks retrospectively.

 

The diagnosis and subsequent reading has really opened my eyes to realise that at least 2 of my friends are on the spectrum too. I wonder if we 'clicked' because we recognised it in each other.

intresting.

Edited by the-commander

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aspiesw

I'm in a relationship with an NT at the moment. There are occasional moments of misunderstanding. But I've told him about my AS, and it doesn't really affect our relationship

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staystrong07

ive dated a few Aspies. it wasn't as great as I thought. I mean it was nice to have someone who understands but in reality every aspie is different. we just didn't connect in a dating way.

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Nesf

ive dated a few Aspies. it wasn't as great as I thought. I mean it was nice to have someone who understands but in reality every aspie is different. we just didn't connect in a dating way.

I think that any relationship, Aspie or otherwise, won't work unless you have a few interests in common, things to talk about or things you both enjoy doing.

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collectingrocks

From my own personal experience, I used to think many Aspies are seen as boring who have an obsessive interest in things nobody else is interested in (or nobody NT for that matter.). 

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nichii

I wouldn't want to date someone with aspergers. Don't take this wrong way. You guys are awesome, but I really dislike (maybe even hate) having aspergers. I feel a lot less capable than a normal person and I can't handle basic things like conversation. It's brought me nothing but pain. Although I wouldn't want to date someone with aspergers, if I ever did date a normal person and later found out they have aspergers I wouldn't be a dick and break up with them because of something like that. I don't worry about this though. I've pretty much given up on relationships.

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No Longer Here

I'm married to a NT who I have been with for 32 years. 27 of which we have been married. Although my Asperger's behaviours can be challenging and miscommunication common it has all improved considerably since my diagnosis and subsequent understanding

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null

I have been in four relationships, two with confirmed aspies and two with women I strongly suspected to be aspie. Only aspies have ever shown any romantic interest in me so for the time being I'm gonna say I have a preference for aspies

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blacktiger911

i would like someone with as it would make for a crazy fun world only we would understand!!! :lol:

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waterboatman

If it can be called a relationship then I can list one maybe a few?

From the age of 8 I had a girl friend who was 7, a school year behind, we would walk around the school playing ground together. This lasted up into secondary school but ended when she entered puberty before me (girls grow up faster than boys), a look that said no, and that was the last I saw of her.

My preference is non existent, anyone who is lonely and would like to be my friend is really quite welcome, I have always been like that, so two brief school era friends were had that way. I will tolerate things I would not normally, just to be near someone who is welcoming and will talk to me, one was a very good friend.

A teacher in the primary school actually asked another boy to be my friend, that lasted quite a long time.

 

I have not had a friend since school of any description. Although I had a case of unrequited love at first sight of my assistant (dark red/auburn hair and deep black eyes), she was a great help and lots of fun, I cried when she left the company.

 

If any new relationship is going to happen, then it would have to be slow starting and gentle in its development, most likely someone of my own age, as I would appear almost to be from another planet as far as a youngster is concerned.

 

Intellectually the other would have to be close, I do not regard there to be a distinct difference so large to justify a description of "NT" apart to say that the non "NT" is a non-viable human. So please drop/stop using the term "NT" please, I find it inconsistent with reality. 

 

I expect the above is enough to put you all off having anything to do with me. I am a opinionated pain in the arse. :) or is it :(

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Mihaela

 

I expect the above is enough to put you all off having anything to do with me. I am a opinionated pain in the arse. :) or is it :(

Haha!  I think I've got used to you by now! :D

In answer to the question - Aspie, without a doubt.  The only NT's that don't bore or irritate me are those who share my special interests, in which case we can talk for hours.

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brokenOne

After my experiences with NT relationships i am rather curious as to how it would work with an Aspie. But much like nichii111, ive pretty much given up on relationships.

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Charlie M

The longest relationship I had was like 9 months and it was with an NT. They are hard work :/ Someone who is smart enough to understand is enough for me. It woyld be cool to both have that unique level of understanding though. I don't think an NT really can understand fully what it's like.

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Marmite

I have preferences like everyone and i have high standards but weather she had autism or not i dont care. I see a woman for who she is, not what she isn't. I don't see disability, just the person.

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Harrow

I was thinking about this recently. I am currently seeing someone an NT but it's only going be a short term relationship, seen I'm leaving soon for Dubai. And it's all good. But honestly if it was long term it wouldn't workout and she agrees. The problem is there isn't much understanding. I can appear normal mostly (like an NT)  but when im not able to it causes trouble. Not that she isn't supportive she is, she just doesn't know how to deal with it and neither do I. 

And I know love can happen between anyone regardless anything. 

But I think it would be nice to date an As girl, I generally take control of most things and I don't mind been the one that works. Shopping, socializing, sorting things out and all that. But it would be nice to have someone that understands me and has the same problems, it also may be nice, because I'll know how to be there for them. Because currently I'm not good at that :mellow:

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Whoknows

I just care about being comfortable with the person I would be with. :lol:

I wouldn't feel good, otherwise. :mellow:

I don't care if the person has Asperger's or not.

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Little Guy
On 11/16/2013 at 3:30 PM, Sofi said:

How could I Learn about relationships? I really want to learn

Practice and learn. No one starts out with a perfect relationship. The first one or first fifty may not work out; don't be afraid to move on. But only move on when you understand where you both are. The worst is a codependent relationship where you spend all your time trying "fix" the other person - happens to alcoholics/drugs partners a lot.

Straight talk from the beginning. Everything you need to know about someone can be seen from the first time you sit down for coffee or dinner; if only you have the courage to believe it. Many people come into relationships so needy that they choose to overlook the telltale signs ... abusive, unsupportive, fawning, alcohol (do you both sip or does he/she have three to your one), narcissistic, controlling, etc.

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Eliza

This is a topic I've never really thought about--interesting. It could be very helpful, sort of yin and yang.

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DavidTheWitch

Male... Intelligent!

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Wotan

For whatever reason, I do best with bipolar women. Every women besides my ex that told me they were bipolar, I got along with well. It's just too bad most of them lived too far for a relationship to last. Most women with aspergers that I've met have been either asexual, or have a low sex drive. Bipolar women are the exact opposite in my experience and I myself am hypersexual. 

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PandaPrincess

I think that being with someone who also has AS would be nice because I don't like it when NTs play their little mind games with each other, and you can't tell if they like you or not.  It drives me crazy.   I would like someone who is very direct so that that way I don't have to guess what they're thinking.  Also, sometimes people with AS are very calm and cool, and they're more on the rational side rather than on the emotional side, which is good because sometimes I become completely overwhelmed by my emotions, and I freak out about things a lot, but when I discuss things with the other person, and they don't get emotional about it too, and they just stay calm and cool, then it actually calms me down  a good bit because I don't have to deal with their emotions on top of mine, and it makes me realize that I'm probably freaking out over nothing :).

I also think it would be nice to have someone around who knows exactly what I'm going through and doesn't judge me for it or try to change me in anyway.  

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