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      Welcome to the forum!   09/17/2017

      Please come in from the rain and sit by the fire! We're happy you found us and hope you will feel at home here.  
Willow

Some Things To Think About

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Willow
I would like to point out a few things. There have been a lot of people on this forum, some who no longer post, some who still do. Lots of name changes have happened, some of which have been in my absence. I struggle to recall everything that has happened here over the years, this relates both to individuals who have caused trouble in the past, and to members who have had feuds or whatever in the past. I struggle to remember who is who if names have been changed. This results in me dealing with most things as and when they happen and not being able to recall something from the past that may alter a decision I make. There is one of me and lots of you. You will of course remember everything pertaining to yourself, very clearly: I will not.
 
Also, I barely talk to anyone from the forum, therefore no one is really considered a friend, as such. This goes too for the people who email me and ask for my help, I cannot promise that I can reply frequently to people, because, once again, there is one of me and lots of you.
 
Yes, I could appoint other people to help me, but I don't want to, to be honest, and I would struggle to know who to pick, as at one time or another, most of you have clashed with people, which is only natural, but I don't think it's a good idea to have a member from here, moderate the forum. That's just how I see it. And with issues this past 6 months, which I won't drag up, I'm still a bit overprotective of the forum.
 
And no, I don't have to do all of this and stress myself out, and sometimes, I really do wonder why I bother haha! But I've done what I do for so long, that I don't wish to disappoint a lot of people by stopping. So, I will carry on as best I can. I am not in the best shape currently, which is why things are happening slower than I have suggested, and why I'm not as on the ball as I have been in the past. But it's fine, I am getting there.
 
You are not all going to agree with my decisions all, or even any of the time, and that's fine. But I do what I do for good reasons, and I've dealt with every kind of argument and feud that there seems to be in existence, and we always end up a nice, friendly forum again. And hopefully, that's because I do actually make the right decision. As I don't post here frequently other than to update you, I often end up the bad guy, because you only see me post when I'm stepping in to break something up. No one likes getting warning points, or being temporarily banned, or getting put in the mod queue - we're all adults here and largely, all think we know best, and sometimes, want the last word. Which is why we get so many clashes, that go on and on and on and on and on and on ... ..
 
If dealing with the person who has upset the peace doesn't work, I will have to deal with everyone involved. To me, at that stage, it does not matter who started it, or even who said what to who, the point is, everyone involved continued it, therefore I have to end it. Like I said it makes me the bad guy. And I get lots of PM's from those involved pleading their case, and honestly, what am I supposed to do? I'm not into taking sides. I'm not about that life.
 
The number one thing I cannot stand, is when people jump on a member and follow them around the forum having the same argument. Let. It. Go. That person will NEVER be able to recover from their initial mistake or wrong doing, because no one is giving them a chance to, they're being ganged up on so of course they will continue to lash out. This always happens. Y U NO LEARN DIS?!
 
Also:
  • Please filter your words, we are smart enough to know what isn't okay. 
  • Not everything that runs through your mind is worthy of sharing with everyone.
  • You are not always right. 
  • Opinions you have are not facts. 
  • Do not post loaded comments to wind other people up.
  • Do not post back handed comments.
  • Do not be passive aggressive.
  • Don't argue with someone because they don't think the same as or agree with you.
  • Do not get pissy with me if I happen to warn you or temp ban you etc. 
  • Do not get pissy with anyone, there's literally no point.
  • Remember how to adult.
  • World Peace.

 

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Dingo

A regular member wouldn't work as a helper because they'd be biased in some way, plus we all have different members that we are closer to than others, but what Spiderman and/or Spiderwoman?  Their ideas about how this place should be run would probably be more in line with yours, wouldn't they?

 

At first I got defensive about most of us clashing with other people at some point, but then I remembered, oh yeah, there have been a few incidents.  I had completely forgotten about a couple of them.

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not around here anymore

So let me get this straight. Some new guy turns up and calls you a "babe" and then talks about you like he owns you, and he simultaneously insults anyone who dares to challenge his opinion, and yet I am the bad guy here?!?

I literally no longer care what anyone here thinks of me because clearly the dye is cast. No matter what my intentions I will always be considered the instigator in such matters. I quit, I didn't join this forum to be walked over by some guy who has no respect at all for you or for the members on here. If he is the type of person you want on here then good luck to you, but I will not remain here under such circumstances. I have been pushed too far this time.

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Dingo

So let me get this straight. Some new guy turns up and calls you a "babe" and then talks about you like he owns you, and he simultaneously insults anyone who dares to challenge his opinion, and yet I am the bad guy here?!?

I literally no longer care what anyone here thinks of me because clearly the dye is cast. No matter what my intentions I will always be considered the instigator in such matters. I quit, I didn't join this forum to be walked over by some guy who has no respect at all for you or for the members on here. If he is the type of person you want on here then good luck to you, but I will not remain here under such circumstances. I have been pushed too far this time.

Take a day or two if you need to, but please reconsider.  Not everyone thinks you are the bad guy or the instigator in such matters.  You are a valued member here and have been for well over a year now.  Please don't let that end over this.

Edited by Raziel
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RiRi

So let me get this straight. Some new guy turns up and calls you a "babe" and then talks about you like he owns you, and he simultaneously insults anyone who dares to challenge his opinion, and yet I am the bad guy here?!?

I literally no longer care what anyone here thinks of me because clearly the dye is cast. No matter what my intentions I will always be considered the instigator in such matters. I quit, I didn't join this forum to be walked over by some guy who has no respect at all for you or for the members on here. If he is the type of person you want on here then good luck to you, but I will not remain here under such circumstances. I have been pushed too far this time.

I feel the same way. I agree with everything you've said, especially this:

 

If he is the type of person you want on here then good luck to you, but I will not remain here under such circumstances. I have been pushed too far this time.

 

 You are a valued member and shouldn't leave, but the unfairness of this pisses me off. -_-  <_<

 

And @Raziel: Willow is biased in some way as well. Everyone is. I think Alex would make a good moderator though.

@GondorianAspie: I don't think you should take any days off, what for?! You've done nothing wrong!

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RiRi

@Willow: We did not follow this guy. He is the one that was posting everywhere else where he did post. We had replied to him when he was causing trouble. And I only asked this guy to stop insulting others, I don't see how that is being count as "jumping." Neither what GondorianAspie or what I replied is considered insulting, in my opinion. It wasn't an initial mistake either, this guy decided to make many posts and even post a thread called "a MESSAGE TO MY HATERS" What kind of peaceful making thread is that? In that thread he was dictating us what to do saying that when he comes back he expects it to be a new day. What kind of way is that to make amends with others when in the first place, he's the one that caused trouble. Another thread saying "THIS IS ME - LIKE IT OR DONT" Why couldn't he just admit that perhaps his "Willow is a proper babe" thread came across wrong and move on? I don't know. And yes, I don't agree with being given warning points for what happened. That is what I find so unfair about this. Why should we, valued members, be the ones at fault/receive some consequence when it's he who is baiting us, making crap false accusations saying I presume he wanted you in bed. I guess a reason why you could be doing this is because potentially if you ban this dude, he's going to go bully the shit out of you on other social medias. Whereas me or GondorianAspie wouldn't. I can't find another explanation. Yes, I gave this guy a chance, I replied to his thread, after the whole mess had gone done with the multiple threads in a polite manner even though previously he had called me an ageist and had disrespected several other members on this forum.

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RiRi

@Willow: Most of the time I have felt like you didn't like me. Worse of, that you don't want me here on this forum. Ever. You said no back handed comments. So there you have it. Direct as can be. If you want to ban me already then go ahead and do so. I guess ultimately I can't be in a forum where I'm not welcome by the moderator/founder of the forum. I just hope other members don't hate you for it. Wait, I guess they can't since they have no choice, but to agree with every action you make.

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Catman2016

This incident on Asperclick is getting out of control.  It needs to stop, period!  I am fed up of this shit on Asperclick!  I am tired of this bickering on Asperclick! GordonAspie (Phil) and Makelets (Anna) do not add insult to injury to this person named “Mermite”.  Also, do not add fuel to the fire to this Mermite problem.  Marmite wants you to yell at him back, quit it.  He is craving attention.  If he says “babe” about Willow, let him.  It is not worth it.  Do not waste your time and energy about Marmite.  If you do not object, I understand people are frustrated, but the does not mean to justify your reasoning with him.  We need to stop getting butt hurt over a fucking word.  Jesus Christ people!  Babe is a fucking word! 

This argument is getting nowhere.  Ignore Marmite.  If you leave Marmite, he will leave you alone.  If I call, Willow a babe, then, my account will be suspended in a heartbeat.  I do not know Willow personally.  She might call me a creep or she might say to me, That is inappropriate."  I choose to stay of out it for a while, but I cannot take it anymore of this arguing.  Now let us be reasonable here.  We need to stop being like little kids.  We are not 12 years old anymore!  KNOCK IT OFF!  This forum is here to be a tool for autistic people, not for fighting. Stop being childish people!  Grow up!  Let us be bygone by bygones.  If this happens again, I will block people.  Marmite you need to grow up and stop being the bully. Phil and Anna you need to leave Marmite alone. 

I am sorry for getting upset, but I have it. 

Edited by Catman2016
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(deleted)

Yet Mytronos who's been winding all of us up for the past I-don't-care-how-many months is allowed to continue, and we get the blame because our response is targeted at one individual (him)?

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RiRi

@Catman2016: I wasn't planning on interacting with Marmite anymore. Because even though I had politely replied to his age-gap thread, he still went ahead and made a false accusation about me. And it looks like GondorianAspie has also had enough and has left the forum, so there won't be any more interactions happening between us, I assume. Even if GondorianAspie comes back, I don't think he's be replying this dude. I just hope Marmite learns to respect the members of this forum. I hope he is respectful.

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Catman2016

Just wanted to say sorry if I offended anybody about my rant.  I had to vent. 

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RiRi

@Catman2016: I don't think your post was offensive, you didn't offend me. There was a lot of truth to your post actually. Especially maybe this:
 

If I call, Willow a babe, then, my account will be suspended in a heartbeat.  I do not know Willow personally.  She might call me a creep or she is say it is inappropriate.

 And that would be why this whole situation is just so weird.



It's good that you vented.

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Catman2016

@Catman2016: I don't think your post was offensive, you didn't offend me. There was a lot of truth to your post actually. Especially maybe this:

 

 And that would be why this whole situation is just so weird.

It's good that you vented.

 

 

Thank you.  You actually agree with me?  Again, thanks. 

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Dont fit in on here

@Catman2016: I wasn't planning on interacting with Marmite anymore. Because even though I had politely replied to his age-gap thread, he still went ahead and made a false accusation about me. And it looks like GondorianAspie has also had enough and has left the forum, so there won't be any more interactions happening between us, I assume. Even if GondorianAspie comes back, I don't think he's be replying this dude. I just hope Marmite learns to respect the members of this forum. I hope he is respectful.

i dont think Marmite will learn to respect now since he knows he will be allowed to talk to members like they are nobodies and he knows he will get away with it
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Catman2016

Hi, DebzMeta08.  What do you mean by your sentence?

Edited by Catman2016

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RiRi

@Catman2016: Yes, I agree with you. May I ask why it's surprising? Just curious.
 
@DebzMata08: Yes, I agree with everything you said. He might feel entitled and very well backed up. I agree as well that he is disrespectful and talks to us like we're nobodies. Like he's superior. 

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Catman2016

@Makelets I actually thought you would be offended for posting my rant. 

Edited by Catman2016

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Dont fit in on here

Hi, DebzMeta08.  What do you mean by your sentence?

i donno how to explain it another way

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RiRi

@Catman2016: No, maybe a few hours back, I wouldn't have taken it so well. But what you wrote is reasonable. We have to stay away from Marmite because he might feel like we're attacking him either way. I feel like we can't really patch up things with him because it feels like he's being hostile towards us.

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Catman2016

@Catman2016: No, maybe a few hours back, I wouldn't have taken it so well. But what you wrote is reasonable. We have to stay away from Marmite because he might feel like we're attacking him either way. I feel like we can't really patch up things with him because it feels like he's being hostile towards us.

 

I agree.

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Nesf

We are all different people and have different personalities, and it is inevitable that at some point we will clash and disagree, and that's ok. What's not is ok is when various members start throwing personal insults around, like members of the forum being referred to as "16th century biggots" to give just one example (there have been many others, this is just one that comes to mind right now because it's fresh and I found it posted in my otherwise peaceful thread). Things like this, to my mind are unaccaptable. We can disagree with each other without bringing personal insult into play. I must admit that I've used the "f" word on a couple of occasions, but it was in frustration of the whole situation, and not being used as a personal insult.

 

@ Catman - you are right.

@ invisible - I have clashed with Mytonos in the past, and he made a mistake, but to be fair to him, he never uses personal insults. He never swears at people or call names. I think that he just has a rather rigid way of thinking, a common ASD trait, and he doesn't always understand why people are disagreeing with him, or why people react as they do to certain things.

 

I hope that people don't leave because of this incident. There have been other similar incidents in the past, but the forum has always survived them because the members have been willing to put the incident behind them and not given up on it. It would be a real shame if people left because of this incident.

Edited by Nesf
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No Longer Here

Rather than start a new thread that might make people feel obliged to post on I thought I would bury this here.

I joined Asperclick when I was newly diagnosed and was suffering from workplace stress and GAD. I needed advice and support. I found it here.

Most of you know that I underwent CBT and took early retirement. I am now so much better.

Since then I have been trying to repay the debt I feel for all the support I got here.I have done this by trying to support everyone who needed it as much as I possibly could.

Unfortunately this place has changed character beyond what I am comfortable with. The tone of the place has been causing me stress that I don't need in my life.

With that said I am out of here. I wish you all well and thank you from the bottom of my heart for the support you gave me when I most needed it.

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Echo

Rather than start a new thread that might make people feel obliged to post on I thought I would bury this here.

I joined Asperclick when I was newly diagnosed and was suffering from workplace stress and GAD. I needed advice and support. I found it here.

Most of you know that I underwent CBT and took early retirement. I am now so much better.

Since then I have been trying to repay the debt I feel for all the support I got here.I have done this by trying to support everyone who needed it as much as I possibly could.

Unfortunately this place has changed character beyond what I am comfortable with. The tone of the place has been causing me stress that I don't need in my life.

With that said I am out of here. I wish you all well and thank you from the bottom of my heart for the support you gave me when I most needed it.

 

:( I'm saddened by the fact that all these arguments have led you to think of no other option but to leave this forum. I'm really sorry to see you leave. Having said that, I don't blame you and wish you all the best in whatever you decide to do x You have been an asset to us. 

It has become a very hostile place to visit lately and it's forcing me to keep my distance from it too.

 

Discussions, I have no problem with, even if they get a bit heated. Sometimes they can be funny to read :) *gets the popcorn out*

 

Arguments on the other hand...well, they seem to be nothing more than a desperate attempt to get attention through provocation by certain individuals. Some of these can be entertaining too because they are so stupid, but on a whole most of them are offensive and were designed to hurt or provoke as many people as possible. Although, it is important to note that some arguments here have been because of misunderstanding and confusion, these aren't anybody's fault and are bound to happen from time to time.      

If I'm being truthful, I have written loads of replies to these "arguments" that I haven't posted and I'm thankful for that. Some had been written with the intention of either educating specific individuals or hurting the other person back with "reality checks", this I'm not proud of. Again, I'm glad that I didn't post what I wrote. It just goes to prove that whilst writing something can be cathartic, it is always best to distance yourself from it before posting, no matter what your intention for it was. Many times, I write what I want to say in Word documents and end up deleting them.This helps me to process my feelings without escalating a situation. Although I do post heated replies on occasions. Have a cup of tea and read it again as if it was written by someone else towards you, then decide whether it is appropriate to post. Self-censoring in a sense. I'm not saying don't post, I'm just saying be careful what you post or how you word your posts, even if it was meant with the best intentions. Try assessing whether it is worth replying to commenters who you think are intentionally being nasty.    

 

I guess my point is, I shouldn't feel as if I have to do this in the first place, but I feel as I have to do this on a much more regular basis these days in regards to this forum. If I feel like this, perhaps others do too. IDK

 

So far these arguments have taken too many "casualties" :(      

I hope this made sense. I also hope that no one feels as if my comments were directed at them :)

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Ben

I'm suspicious. I have a feeling that members from rival ASD forums are joining up here to cause trouble. It HAS happened before, and I'm seeing a similar theme occurring here. There's just too many new(ish) members arriving here and causing rifts... 

 

Call me paranoid, BUT... 

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