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      Welcome to the forum!   09/17/2017

      Please come in from the rain and sit by the fire! We're happy you found us and hope you will feel at home here.  
Willow

Some Things To Think About

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L Lawliet

Oh dear none of this is good. What's happening? :(

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Echo

I'm suspicious. I have a feeling that members from rival ASD forums are joining up here to cause trouble. It HAS happened before, and I'm seeing a similar theme occurring here. There's just too many new(ish) members arriving here and causing rifts... 

 

Call me paranoid, BUT... 

 

It's possible

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Nesf

It's a bad sign that some of the oldest (as in been here for a long time), most active and many valued members are leaving, or wanting to distance themselves from the forum :(

Edited by Nesf
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Gone home

The posts causing and upsetting so many people have been hidden, so the evidence is no longer there to be examined.

 

I don't think bans should be punitive in any way ... but rather protective of forum members and the aims of and health of the forum in general.

 

I don't think a 24hr ban is either useful or kind.

It just allows upset and confusion to compound  / wind up, ready to explode again the day after.

It should be much longer as then it would be ultimately kinder and more useful for all.

 

A temporary ban should be long enough for victims of disrespect / emotional abuse to accept / come to terms with and fully  'process' what has happened.

It should be long enough for the person banned to fully rethink, examine and understand how their behaviour has effected others.

It should be long enough for the person banned to seriously and honestly rethink what it is they want from the forum.

If they care about the forum aims and more importantly respects other users who are the forum ... they will visibly try and put things right so their agenda is open.

 

Humility and honesty costs nothing.

 

I'm guessing outside observers may say that people with asperger traits need longer time than NT to process certain matters (especially social matters).

24hrs to process this recent devastation is very insufficient.

 

A lot of forum users will have vulnerabilities -

I think this should be made clear at registration and a brief code of conduct be agreed upon prior to forum use.

 

I hope no one leaves as I feel I was making on-line friends with people I could relate to.

I'm very upset myself as I wanted a 'safe place' to exist online. I feel I was safe with some people who are now wanting to go.

 

As suggested, I don't think the short 24hr ban was the best decision by the moderator, but no one is born with the ability to manage a forum ... its largely trial, error and continued learning curve ... much like life...just doing what seems best at the time.

 

Importantly, what is right and what is kind differ (don't ask, still getting my head around that)

 

Shit happens ... but passes.

 

Disclaimer: The above is the view of the writer at that time and no ill feeling or disrespect is intended or promoted toward any forum user. I reserve the right to hold and also alter any personal opinion (valid or flawed) based upon variable access to my internal faculties and external evidence at any given time. No terms or conditions apply.

Edited by chris@chris
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Gone home

From XKCD 

 

duty_calls.png

Edited by chris@chris
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Pinky and his brain

Noooooooo !!, yesterday evening everything was calm. Today I come home from work, and Asperclick looks like a war zone. :(

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Dingo

Rather than start a new thread that might make people feel obliged to post on I thought I would bury this here.

I joined Asperclick when I was newly diagnosed and was suffering from workplace stress and GAD. I needed advice and support. I found it here.

Most of you know that I underwent CBT and took early retirement. I am now so much better.

Since then I have been trying to repay the debt I feel for all the support I got here.I have done this by trying to support everyone who needed it as much as I possibly could.

Unfortunately this place has changed character beyond what I am comfortable with. The tone of the place has been causing me stress that I don't need in my life.

With that said I am out of here. I wish you all well and thank you from the bottom of my heart for the support you gave me when I most needed it.

I'm really sorry to see you go  :(  I always liked reading your posts.  They were positive and friendly  :)  I feel like I've been asking a lot of people to reconsider leaving lately, but I don't feel right saying it since you are no longer comfortable here and it gives you too much stress.

 

If I'm being truthful, I have written loads of replies to these "arguments" that I haven't posted and I'm thankful for that. Some had been written with the intention of either educating specific individuals or hurting the other person back with "reality checks", this I'm not proud of. Again, I'm glad that I didn't post what I wrote. It just goes to prove that whilst writing something can be cathartic, it is always best to distance yourself from it before posting, no matter what your intention for it was. Many times, I write what I want to say in Word documents and end up deleting them.This helps me to process my feelings without escalating a situation. Although I do post heated replies on occasions. Have a cup of tea and read it again as if it was written by someone else towards you, then decide whether it is appropriate to post. Self-censoring in a sense. I'm not saying don't post, I'm just saying be careful what you post or how you word your posts, even if it was meant with the best intentions. Try assessing whether it is worth replying to commenters who you think are intentionally being nasty.    

 

I guess my point is, I shouldn't feel as if I have to do this in the first place, but I feel as I have to do this on a much more regular basis these days in regards to this forum. If I feel like this, perhaps others do too. IDK

 

So far these arguments have taken too many "casualties" :(      

I hope this made sense. I also hope that no one feels as if my comments were directed at them :)

This is a good idea.  I might start doing this.

 

I'm suspicious. I have a feeling that members from rival ASD forums are joining up here to cause trouble. It HAS happened before, and I'm seeing a similar theme occurring here. There's just too many new(ish) members arriving here and causing rifts... 

 

Call me paranoid, BUT... 

I thought it seemed odd, but I didn't suspect anything like that.  Now I'm a little paranoid, but I don't want new members to think they aren't trusted.

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(deleted)

From XKCD 

 

duty_calls.png

Just my opinion, but I often think that some of the guys in XKCD might have Asperger's, and for that matter I know both theoretically and from experience that aspies often struggle to "let go" of a disagreement or incorrect fact.

And I think that anyone who tries to correct every mistake on the internet will spend the rest of their life trying to do so, and will never succeed...

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Gone home

Just my opinion, but I often think that some of the guys in XKCD might have Asperger's, and for that matter I know both theoretically and from experience that aspies often struggle to "let go" of a disagreement or incorrect fact.

And I think that anyone who tries to correct every mistake on the internet will spend the rest of their life trying to do so, and will never succeed... 

 

I know ...tenacity can get in the way of moving on sometimes. The pic was just an attempt at humour ...  :D . If we can't laugh at ourselves from time to time things get too serious ...

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not around here anymore

I cannot and will not remain here as long as someone posting in the manner of a troll is allowed to get away with things while myself and Makelets get punished. We are both long term members on here and both of us, I would like to think, are fairly well respected. The support we have both received whenever either of us has said we are leaving gives credit to this view.

How can Willow warn us for baiting? BAITING?!? This guy has been provocative on numerous threads yet we are the people to blame. I am sorry for how things got out of hand, it was not my intent. He has shown no remorse at all. I feel let down. It feels like Willow has shown bias towards this guy, ignoring the fact that he is trying to cause trouble. Things are mixed up on here.

Edited by GondorianAspie
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Willow

Marmite has received 2 temp bans and is in the mod queue for a few days, so he hasn't gone unpunished.

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not around here anymore

Marmite has received 2 temp bans and is in the mod queue for a few days, so he hasn't gone unpunished.

For what he has done, that is just a slap on the wrist. As I said, he has shown no remorse at all. Sorry, but I feel like I am being made the scapegoat here - again.

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(deleted)

We're always the scapegoats. I can't think of one place in society where the innocent parties don't become the scapegoats.

Edited by invisible
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L Lawliet

Maybe everyone should back off from Willow for two seconds and keep in mind that she is one person! Look I don't understand what's happening but it seems like we've all lost sight of why this forums here. Support!

Sadly I don't know Willow personally, but she's already said she's going through a rough patch and everyone is still attacking her and making her personally responsible for the actions of others. How would you all feel if a large group of people online were all ganging up on you when you were feeling down? I don't know about you guys but it would definitely send me down a path of depression.

Whether you agree with her or not, this is her forum and for one person, she has done a bloody good job and sorting issues out in the past. She is, as always, stuck in the middle and I think it's awful that she can't feel that she can offload some of the work on us because of how we've made her feel, on her own forum! It's sad that people feel the need to leave, and I understand why, but I don't feel that constantly going on about this is going to solve anything. Would it not be better off if we could just all move on? Create some new fun threads maybe to take everyones mind off this whole ordeal?

I agree with so many peoples different points, but I think it's silly that we are all arguing when we are all here for the same thing.

Just my opinion on the matter, sorry.

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not around here anymore

^I agree with much of what you have said, but for me personally it is too late. I know Willow works hard. I have defended her many times, including this time. Respect works both ways. I have always been respectful towards Willow but I severly doubt it is mutual. This incident has underlined that. My presence on this forum has become unwanted.

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Dingo

My presence on this forum has become unwanted.

You are not unwanted.

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not around here anymore

You are not unwanted.

Thank you, I appreciate that. I wish I could convince myself that is true.

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L Lawliet

Right everyone! No more, over to the "Happy Things" thread now! :)

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Gone home

For what its worth I'm not a believer in penalties or punitive acts per say. 'Time out' to reconsider things is of value though.

In some ways it would be better if we were all born holding needle sharp sticks.

We would be far more careful how we treat each other then.

 

After 54yrs (birthday today) I have learned that there isn't really any justice in this world ... it just doesn't appear to exist and probably never will.

 

With respect to Ben, I understand his worry but honestly don't believe his suspicions are warranted.

With respect to Marmite, he evidentially has real social 'issues' which people have witnessed. There may be reasons for such issues which no-one knows about here. There may have been times when some of us had 'issues' but moved on. Sometimes people 'over-correct' their nervousness with unfortunate results.

At the moment he doesn't have the opportunity to express his feelings on forum.

Alot of people have got very upset personally and collectively and understandably so. Its stirred up a lot of strong feeling and once stirred takes time to settle.

The concept of punishment only exists in the mind of those believing in it.

And yes ... respect to Willow for her ongoing learning curve and achievements but shes got her life off forum to manage too. 

GondorianAspie, you are wanted. You talk sense. Feel damn good about yourself.

We all need to learn that Aspie traits like unbelievable tenacity, commitment and strong sense of whats right are something to be proud of ... but can sometimes hinder us being happy ... the knowledge of when to let go of upset isn't easy, but does have to happen. Bitterness only kills its carrier. 

Don't know how much sense I'm making as a number of responses have arrived while I've been typing.

 

Disclaimer: The above is the view of the writer at that time and no ill feeling or disrespect is intended or promoted toward any forum user. I reserve the right to hold and also alter any personal opinion (valid or flawed) based upon variable access to my internal faculties and external evidence at any given time. No terms or conditions apply.



Right everyone! No more, over to the "Happy Things" thread now!  :) 

Yes, Yes, Yes! (sorry, I posted but took ages typing it)  :)

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L Lawliet

Happy things thread, go now. Don't make me come over there :D

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blacktiger911

the important thing here is to realize that he made a few mistakes but yelling and bombarding him wont help, work and talk to him is the best way to fix this situation. it seems to me he just doesn't have the filters you and I have. I know I am problem coming around as an over optimistic person but that is just what I think.

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Alex

@L Lawliet, I fully agree. Well said!

 

I'm not even sure what's going on either, as I've been away for a few days. I haven't seen most of the threads that upset people, but I'm sure that it's being dealt with by Willow in the best way she can - I've never been a moderator on a forum before, but I'm damn well sure it's a tough job. Props to Willow for managing for so long.

 

Also I'm really sorry to see that some of us are leaving, but I can understand it especially if they're getting stressed out by the forum. That's not good. This place should be a sort of sanctuary for people with ASD. That's always been how I saw the 'ideal' Asperclick at least. We need to get back to that good old Asperclick family-like vibe. That's actually what I liked so much about this forum in the first place. But I think we can work through this rough patch if we just try to keep our heads 'cool', as they say.

 

Actually, Echo said something really valuable... Sometimes it's good to take a step back from the forum for, say, 10-15 minutes. Do something else. Cool off. Then take up the situation/your reply again, and more often than not you'll have a fresh view on it. Personally I do it all the time, as a lot of what I write seems sort of incoherent, or like it doesn't flow well.

 

Hopefully this makes sense.  :)

 

Edit: God, that took a while to type. Sorry for continuing the thread!  :P

Edited by Alex
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not around here anymore

Very well, I will stay. But I am staying with my eyes open. I am leaving if something kicks off again, if it involves me.

I am sorry for my part in all of this. Now let me go that happy thread...

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L Lawliet

Very well, I will stay. But I am staying with my eyes open. I am leaving if something kicks off again, if it involves me.

I am sorry for my part in all of this. Now let me go that happy thread...

:D

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not around here anymore

One more thing. I ask any member who decided to leave because of this to reconsider. This forum needs more positivity, not less. Excluding myself, the people who have claimed they might leave bring a lot of good to this forum. I would hate for that to change.

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