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      Welcome to the forum!   09/17/2017

      Please come in from the rain and sit by the fire! We're happy you found us and hope you will feel at home here.  
Nesf

How social are you?

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Sofi

Thanks! Just talked with the support worker here & we are hoping to hear back from another agency, which specialises in Autism. I think that's about as well sorted out as it can be, for now - it all depends what the 'experts' have to say about it, when I meet them. I'll let you all know how it goes!  :)

 

Good luck, it sounds better if this agency specialise in autism, definitely more chance of them understanding. I hope it can be sorted for now anyway.  :)

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Willow

How social am I? Not very social at all. I don't have any friends in real life, so there's no opportunity for me to be social anyway. I get on okay with Chris' friend and brother but other than that I don't see or speak with anyone other than Chris and family. And even family can be an issue for me, especially because we rarely see most of them, so I don't feel like I 'know' them. I would hate to have to be going out to pubs and clubs and socializing that way, or out for meals all the time. The noises etc would just be too much. As it is, even when me and Chris go somewhere, we rarely stay long. We get there, sit in the car for a bit, get out for 10 minutes if we're lucky, and then leave. 

 

Whilst I was in school, there was more of a need to be social, and I did okay to an extent - though most of my friends were male, and, I suspect, not actual friends. And due to that attention, most females hated me. So it was really doomed, if I'm honest. 

 

I had a breakdown when I was around 15 or 16, which brought an end to my schooling, socializing and any independence when going out. I haven't recovered from it; it changed me permanently. 

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Bruce

Thanks, everybody! :P  I'll be sure to keep you updated on it.  ;)

Sorry  to hear that, Willow  :( I certainly wouldn't want to keep on making myself socialize until something like that happened.  :(

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Sofi

I had a breakdown when I was around 15 or 16, which brought an end to my schooling, socializing and any independence when going out. I haven't recovered from it; it changed me permanently. 

 

Me too. I have never been the same since that time. In some ways, it's good because now I know what things I can't cope with so I won't do them, but in other ways, it's not so good as it's made me so much more anxious about everything.

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Toran

How social am I? Not very social at all. I don't have any friends in real life, so there's no opportunity for me to be social anyway. I get on okay with Chris' friend and brother but other than that I don't see or speak with anyone other than Chris and family. And even family can be an issue for me, especially because we rarely see most of them, so I don't feel like I 'know' them. I would hate to have to be going out to pubs and clubs and socializing that way, or out for meals all the time. The noises etc would just be too much. As it is, even when me and Chris go somewhere, we rarely stay long. We get there, sit in the car for a bit, get out for 10 minutes if we're lucky, and then leave. 

 

Whilst I was in school, there was more of a need to be social, and I did okay to an extent - though most of my friends were male, and, I suspect, not actual friends. And due to that attention, most females hated me. So it was really doomed, if I'm honest. 

 

I had a breakdown when I was around 15 or 16, which brought an end to my schooling, socializing and any independence when going out. I haven't recovered from it; it changed me permanently.

Well even though it has changed you and it must have been a hortiffic time its made you what you are today and your doing great achieved a lot. Be interesting to see where you are in say five years time how the sites grown and where you are. I think your one of lifes achievers you have gotten this far think with determination your going to have a bright future you and chriss.

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Toran

Me too. I have never been the same since that time. In some ways, it's good because now I know what things I can't cope with so I won't do them, but in other ways, it's not so good as it's made me so much more anxious about everything.

How did your breakdown happen what did you feel and how did you cope. I was at work yesterday and came home in tears with a headache and shaking terrible i still dont feel right today . Im dreading tomorrow when im due back and how im going to cope with full time work i dont know.

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Bruce

Is there any chance of doing less hours for awhile, to ease back into work, Toran?

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Sofi

How did your breakdown happen what did you feel and how did you cope. I was at work yesterday and came home in tears with a headache and shaking terrible i still dont feel right today . Im dreading tomorrow when im due back and how im going to cope with full time work i dont know.

 

It was one day when I had been out in a kind of socialising capacity and I started to feel panicked on the way home but I kept trying to put it off and delay the inevitable panic attack - I did this a lot on my journey home a lot because I tried so hard not to have a panic attack on my own on public transport, then when I arrived home, I had a... panic attack/meltdown I don't know what you'd call it, it lasted all evening, I remember sitting on my bed crying with my head in a scrunched up pair of pyjama trousers. I went to bed, but I had this same sort of meltdown reaction every day for a good while  and I kept just resorting to my bed for days in the dark, but not actually sleeping. I remember losing my appetite completely and I couldn't eat anything without feeling so sick. When I eventually managed to stay out of bed for a while, I just played my games all the time not eating not washing. That sort of thing lasted the several months.

That's roughly what happened. 

Yes, that's horrible. How often are you working now? Bruce is right, can you ease into full time at all? You don't want it to make you feel any worse, it will be difficult for a while I guess though.

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Toran

It was one day when I had been out in a kind of socialising capacity and I started to feel panicked on the way home but I kept trying to put it off and delay the inevitable panic attack - I did this a lot on my journey home a lot because I tried so hard not to have a panic attack on my own on public transport, then when I arrived home, I had a... panic attack/meltdown I don't know what you'd call it, it lasted all evening, I remember sitting on my bed crying with my head in a scrunched up pair of pyjama trousers. I went to bed, but I had this same sort of meltdown reaction every day for a good while  and I kept just resorting to my bed for days in the dark, but not actually sleeping. I remember losing my appetite completely and I couldn't eat anything without feeling so sick. When I eventually managed to stay out of bed for a while, I just played my games all the time not eating not washing. That sort of thing lasted the several months.

That's roughly what happened. 

Yes, that's horrible. How often are you working now? Bruce is right, can you ease into full time at all? You don't want it to make you feel any worse, it will be difficult for a while I guess though.

Thats how i felt trying to hold it back until i got home but driving made it an awful lot worse but i got home safely. Ive had these things before but they seem a lot more and im taking longer to get over them and my tablets arnt helping and think i could be heading for a breakdown as its so often now.

Im back on reduced hours bruce im working three days a week for three weeks then four days for a week before going back to full time. I couldnt have started straight back i would never have coped but even the short time working is causing problems and im dredding full time im in a bit of a mess if im honest.

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Bruce

So, are you getting any help/ support/ treatment? Ideally, you'd be able to tell them your concerns?

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mary

How social am I? Not very social at all. I don't have any friends in real life, so there's no opportunity for me to be social anyway. I get on okay with Chris' friend and brother but other than that I don't see or speak with anyone other than Chris and family. And even family can be an issue for me, especially because we rarely see most of them, so I don't feel like I 'know' them. I would hate to have to be going out to pubs and clubs and socializing that way, or out for meals all the time. The noises etc would just be too much. As it is, even when me and Chris go somewhere, we rarely stay long. We get there, sit in the car for a bit, get out for 10 minutes if we're lucky, and then leave. 

 

Whilst I was in school, there was more of a need to be social, and I did okay to an extent - though most of my friends were male, and, I suspect, not actual friends. And due to that attention, most females hated me. So it was really doomed, if I'm honest. 

 

I had a breakdown when I was around 15 or 16, which brought an end to my schooling, socializing and any independence when going out. I haven't recovered from it; it changed me permanently. 

 

Willow, I'm so sorry to read this.  I can see how lifechanging that would be.  I just feel for you that things are still so difficult for you still :(  I think you do amazingly well doing everything you do for those of us with Aspergers and I can only truly express my gratitude for what you do.

 

Me too. I have never been the same since that time. In some ways, it's good because now I know what things I can't cope with so I won't do them, but in other ways, it's not so good as it's made me so much more anxious about everything.

 

Sofi, I am truly sorry for you too.  I have no idea what it is like to experience something like this, but I can see how lifechanging this can be.  At least you have all of us now, so you'll never be alone, and always have someone you can turn to when you need to.

 

Thats how i felt trying to hold it back until i got home but driving made it an awful lot worse but i got home safely. Ive had these things before but they seem a lot more and im taking longer to get over them and my tablets arnt helping and think i could be heading for a breakdown as its so often now.

Im back on reduced hours bruce im working three days a week for three weeks then four days for a week before going back to full time. I couldnt have started straight back i would never have coped but even the short time working is causing problems and im dredding full time im in a bit of a mess if im honest.

 

Toran, if you feel like this already maybe you need to speak to your doctor and your manager.  If you let it continue to build up it could cause you far more problems in the future.  You'd be better off trying to nip it in the bud, and get yourself sorted.

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Nesf

I have the same concerns about my councillor i dont think she understands the problems i have and face each day. It makes you think that if your awaiting an assesment it would be more benefial to hurry that through because we could be getting the wrong counciling due to them not having a correct diagnosis in the first instance.

I don't think they automatically give you a counsellor knowledgeable about ASD even if you have your diagnosis, you'd have to ask them, or as I suggested, give the counsellor the NAS leaflet, so that they can suggest some suitable strategies to help you.

 

How social am I? Not very social at all. I don't have any friends in real life, so there's no opportunity for me to be social anyway. I get on okay with Chris' friend and brother but other than that I don't see or speak with anyone other than Chris and family. And even family can be an issue for me, especially because we rarely see most of them, so I don't feel like I 'know' them. I would hate to have to be going out to pubs and clubs and socializing that way, or out for meals all the time. The noises etc would just be too much. As it is, even when me and Chris go somewhere, we rarely stay long. We get there, sit in the car for a bit, get out for 10 minutes if we're lucky, and then leave. 

 

Whilst I was in school, there was more of a need to be social, and I did okay to an extent - though most of my friends were male, and, I suspect, not actual friends. And due to that attention, most females hated me. So it was really doomed, if I'm honest. 

 

I had a breakdown when I was around 15 or 16, which brought an end to my schooling, socializing and any independence when going out. I haven't recovered from it; it changed me permanently. 

 

I know that such an event can have a very profound effect on your life as it is really hard to gain confidence and trust in yourself and others. But at least you now know your strengths and weaknesses at the beginning of your working career so you can build on those, and you know which situations to avoid and don't feel you have to push yourself to do social stuff you aren't comfortable with. It's great that you have such a supportive family and fiance who no doulbt helped you a lot to get past the rough patch, and continue to give you all the support you need.

 

How did your breakdown happen what did you feel and how did you cope. I was at work yesterday and came home in tears with a headache and shaking terrible i still dont feel right today . Im dreading tomorrow when im due back and how im going to cope with full time work i dont know.

I hope work goes ok for you tomorrow. Perhaps it was too soon for you to go back to work? It doesn't sound like you enjoy your job, have you thought about changing it?

 

It was one day when I had been out in a kind of socialising capacity and I started to feel panicked on the way home but I kept trying to put it off and delay the inevitable panic attack - I did this a lot on my journey home a lot because I tried so hard not to have a panic attack on my own on public transport, then when I arrived home, I had a... panic attack/meltdown I don't know what you'd call it, it lasted all evening, I remember sitting on my bed crying with my head in a scrunched up pair of pyjama trousers. I went to bed, but I had this same sort of meltdown reaction every day for a good while  and I kept just resorting to my bed for days in the dark, but not actually sleeping. I remember losing my appetite completely and I couldn't eat anything without feeling so sick. When I eventually managed to stay out of bed for a while, I just played my games all the time not eating not washing. That sort of thing lasted the several months.

That's roughly what happened. 

Yes, that's horrible. How often are you working now? Bruce is right, can you ease into full time at all? You don't want it to make you feel any worse, it will be difficult for a while I guess though.

That sounds horrendous Sofi! i can understand why socialising is so hard after an experience like that. Mine wasn't pretty but didn't affect me as badly as that, and lasted days, not months. It must have been really hard to recover from that and find the courage to face life again. I'm pleased to see that you are better now, even if the recovery may not have been 100% for you.

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Bruce

Ditto what Nesf said about changing jobs - although that's also difficult, in many ways, it may be better in the long run. I'm not sure that reading leaflets on Autism is always enough but it might help or, if needed, push for a specialist, like I've been doing. Best wishes with sorting that out, somehow, anyway!

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Sofi

Sofi, I am truly sorry for you too.  I have no idea what it is like to experience something like this, but I can see how lifechanging this can be.  At least you have all of us now, so you'll never be alone, and always have someone you can turn to when you need to.

 

It did seem to be life changing, as well as altering my personality a lot. Yes, I absolutely have all of you now. I am very grateful for this. Before I joined Asperclick, I was still kind of in that phase, I guess I still am but I feel a lot better in myself and giving me motivation and enthusiasm to change things more.

 

That sounds horrendous Sofi! i can understand why socialising is so hard after an experience like that. Mine wasn't pretty but didn't affect me as badly as that, and lasted days, not months. It must have been really hard to recover from that and find the courage to face life again. I'm pleased to see that you are better now, even if the recovery may not have been 100% for you.

 

Yeah, it is difficult to find any courage to do anything now. I can just see how many things could go wrong if I went out and socialised, I never want to feel so panicked on public transport again! Going out on my own seems like such a huge challenge, so many things can go wrong and I would now spend so much more time panicking about it than the actual time being out, it'd be so draining.

Anyway, I am fine now, in comparison to that, but it has changed me. I'll be able to move on now as a different kind of person, but that's okay  :)

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Nesf

It did seem to be life changing, as well as altering my personality a lot. Yes, I absolutely have all of you now. I am very grateful for this. Before I joined Asperclick, I was still kind of in that phase, I guess I still am but I feel a lot better in myself and giving me motivation and enthusiasm to change things more.

 

 

Yeah, it is difficult to find any courage to do anything now. I can just see how many things could go wrong if I went out and socialised, I never want to feel so panicked on public transport again! Going out on my own seems like such a huge challenge, so many things can go wrong and I would now spend so much more time panicking about it than the actual time being out, it'd be so draining.

Anyway, I am fine now, in comparison to that, but it has changed me. I'll be able to move on now as a different kind of person, but that's okay  :)

It may take a while but I think it'll get easier given time. It's still quite recent, I guess, and recovery won't be overnight. Things will get slowly better, I'm sure! :)

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Toran

Thanks for the support and messages , i have regular appointments with my doctor and will be talking to her about how im feeling in the next few days. I dont think i was ready to go back have to see what she says about it and go from there and take her advice.

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Bruce

OK, best wishes with that, then!  :)

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Whoknows

How social am I? Not very social at all. I don't have any friends in real life, so there's no opportunity for me to be social anyway. I get on okay with Chris' friend and brother but other than that I don't see or speak with anyone other than Chris and family. And even family can be an issue for me, especially because we rarely see most of them, so I don't feel like I 'know' them. I would hate to have to be going out to pubs and clubs and socializing that way, or out for meals all the time. The noises etc would just be too much. As it is, even when me and Chris go somewhere, we rarely stay long. We get there, sit in the car for a bit, get out for 10 minutes if we're lucky, and then leave. 

 

Whilst I was in school, there was more of a need to be social, and I did okay to an extent - though most of my friends were male, and, I suspect, not actual friends. And due to that attention, most females hated me. So it was really doomed, if I'm honest. 

 

I had a breakdown when I was around 15 or 16, which brought an end to my schooling, socializing and any independence when going out. I haven't recovered from it; it changed me permanently. 

Seriously, even if the UK is nearing shambles again and her majesty is only giving a half a quarter about the situation, there is life outside your apartment. Madam, life can't be that bad if you're still alive, and you're either engaged or married.

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Willow

Seriously, even if the UK is nearing shambles again and her majesty is only giving a half a quarter about the situation, there is life outside your apartment. Madam, life can't be that bad if you're still alive, and you're either engaged or married.

Life isn't that bad, but I was just explaining how not social I am. It's not an issue. There is life outside my apartment, but I don't like to experience it without my partner and he's not home in the day, so I work on my sites then.

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King_oni

I'm not that social; right now there's 2 people in my life who I see pretty regularly by choice (since living with parents and seeing them pretty much daily; that's not choice, now is it?)

 

Those 2 people are my girlfriend and my aspie friend who lives around the corner. There's a few people I "know" and interact with on rare occaisions; they're all aspies as well (or at least fit the criteria, but can't be bothered to get a dx).

 

I'm not a person to go out that much. I always felt that world didn't have a lot of interesting stuff for me. The only times I go out, aside from appointments, which I guess is hard to not leave the house for, is either for groceries and other shopping and that once every few months evening to go to a club, have some drinks and go home again.

 

Yes, I go to a club, but the only interaction I have is with the bouncer and with the guy serving drinks. I'm not interested in talking to people there. I'll have my drinks, zone out a bit, relax and leave after a few hours.

 

I've been a bit more social before, but even then; it was not for being social, it had different reasons. There was a local gaming store that often had 50+ people hanging out and some came up and wanted to chat with me. I didn't really find it that annoying, but then again I should add; If I'm at a gaming store playing cards and people talk about cards, I can probably ramble on for hours. It's not neccesary the crowds that bother me, it's more that there's this collective hive mind of small talk. Talking about the weather is only fine when you almost got killed in a lightning storm.

 

So obviously, compared to a lot of the people on the spectrum it's not really social anxiety going on with me. But I might have an unhealthy obsession where I just cannot be bothered to talk about stuff I don't care for and would like to spend my time at home, where my hobbies are.

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Toran

Ive just been told we have another works convention an overnight stay again I find myself liking that more and more even though I know them. I dont think its the work during the day that bothers me so much but the big meal around the long table and after the drinks been flowing they get quite rowdy just like a city pub its horrible.

I dont like that environment but you have to be there as its team building so im told more like a drunkards tab up on the company I would much rather be up in the room.

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Nesf

Ive just been told we have another works convention an overnight stay again I find myself liking that more and more even though I know them. I dont think its the work during the day that bothers me so much but the big meal around the long table and after the drinks been flowing they get quite rowdy just like a city pub its horrible.

I dont like that environment but you have to be there as its team building so im told more like a drunkards tab up on the company I would much rather be up in the room.

That doesn't sound like my idea of fun, it's the sort of thing I find extremely tiring, just like weddings and other such formal events. Such things are to be endured, not enjoyed. I would stay the shortest time politely possible, and then say you're tired and retire early to your room.

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HalfFull

I can be social but before breaking the ice, I can be very mute. I suppose I'm more social when the other person has made the first move. I can start a party being the one in the corner who doesn't speak at all to finishing it as a complete chatterbox with people I've just met for the first time. That said, I can approach people more easily on Aspie meet ups, but even that can be a real stretch but I have to do it if I happen to be the meet-.up host but once I do its easy from that point on.

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Nesf

I can be social but before breaking the ice, I can be very mute. I suppose I'm more social when the other person has made the first move. I can start a party being the one in the corner who doesn't speak at all to finishing it as a complete chatterbox with people I've just met for the first time. That said, I can approach people more easily on Aspie meet ups, but even that can be a real stretch but I have to do it if I happen to be the meet-.up host but once I do its easy from that point on.

I'm curious to see what an Aspie meet-up would be like. I once met two on the spectrum when I was in Romania and both were of the non-stop talking kind, where as I'm thequiet kind that struggles to make conversation... so all the time they talked non-stop, I wasn't able to join in and felt left out. I suppose that in an Aspie meet-up some would be like that, but others would be quieter and I might be able to talk to those a lot easier.

Edited by Nesf

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spiderwoman0_2

I've been reading all of what everyone's been saying and to me it seems that you all most likely struggle with what to say to people.  Halffull mentioned that he's social if someone breaks the ice first and I think that most of you would probably be able to be social if someone started the conversation first.  Having said that if you're anything like my son he would just answer the question and then just sit there and say nothing until the other person said something else.  I think you all have trouble coming up with things to say and so this makes it difficult for you and so you put off having a social life because you're not sure what you're supposed to do and say.

 

It's a pity you all didn't have me with you in those social situations, I could tell you all what people are on about.

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