Jump to content
  • Announcements

    • Willow

      Welcome to the forum!   09/17/2017

      Please come in from the rain and sit by the fire! We're happy you found us and hope you will feel at home here.  
Wicker

Relationship with family

Recommended Posts

Wicker

Im curious as to how other asperclickers see their relationships with their families;

My relationship with my family is very strained, half of the time I feel the same with them as i would a room of peers or strangers. I usually choose to sit in another room from the rest of them as to avoid the forced small talk, repeated lines, and general disinterest. I know some of it is me because I don't often talk and when I do it is generally single worded replies. I just don't know what else to say, I don't see things how they do or hold the same interests and they don't understand that. They project this image onto me of how they see me but it isn't right, I have a very hard headed and old family with traditions and beliefs that i do not keep. I could honestly say if I were to show my mother an ASD diagnosis she would flat out deny it. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, It's just i feel i have a duty to spend some of my time with them everyday and that gets tiring quick. After 2-3 hours with them I need to leave the room and get away from all the talking to sit somewhere alone and quiet for a bit, if i don't i get very frustrated and my anxiety starts settling in. Its hard for me to be around anyone who I can't connect with mentally and it's almost hurtful knowing that i will never have that kind of understanding with my family.

  • Helpful 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Paul
10 hours ago, Wicker said:

After 2-3 hours with them I need to leave the room

On holidays everyone would sit around. I would give them time to settle in, about an hour, then go off to the kitchen for something to drink then head up to my bedroom. Or head out the back door. Often they did not notice. Eventually they would let me be. It is polite to visit with guests. But we also had daily visitors, my parents were active in the community, with whom I just had to say hello when appropriate. . Every day! You should receive a medal.

11 hours ago, Wicker said:

it's almost hurtful knowing that i will never have that kind of understanding with my family

I am sure they feel the same way.

  • Helpful 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Heather

I can feel awkward many times when I am with extended family on holidays or special occasions (like weddings), but I know that they mean well and do not hate me, I just am not good with socializing. Though it's better when my sisters are also at the gathering because I am more comfortable with my sisters than my cousins just simply because I spent more time with my sisters, and my cousins were older than me. Though the age difference isn't actually that much, it felt like a lot when we were younger, so it was harder to socialize with them.  But in recent years, it has been getting better as we are all adults, however, I still don't talk a whole lot but my family is not a hurtful people, they are full of love and accepting which is nice.

I wish you all the best with your family and hope they accept you and understand you don't like the socializing as much as them and have different beliefs about things. 

I will say, I do not like to talk about a lot of things at family gatherings in case it is something that offends someone, but that's just me, because I overanalyze my thoughts too much sometimes. :P I wish you luck with your family and hope things will be okay.

  • Helpful 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Little Guy

I avoid family gatherings, reunions, etc. like the plague. One on one sometimes works until they "well I hope we will see you at the next [fill-in]" and that's it for me. NT's just naturally like being around each other and I just naturally don't. Whether I went to reunions or not used to be a big deal but one I said "Self. I don't need to go and I don't need to explain why." Eventually people stop asking... just think I am [ again fill-in]: unfriendly, unhappy, hate them, etc. I have dinner with my sister exactly twice a year - on her birthday and mine. I will visit a very few in-laws with my wife only once or twice a year.:o

  • Helpful 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Eliza

I feel awkward even with my adult children, except for the middle one who is a walking poster child for HFA/Aspergers. (Tall, skinny, white boy with an awkwardness and nerdiness that could have a knowledgeable stranger diagnose him).

When I was a kid, I was raised by a single dad. We were compatible in many ways, I spent the majority of my time in my room, occasionally joining him for a movie or TV show. He was not very social, had one friend at a time, and kept himself entertained by playing guitar and singing. I miss him very much. My (half) sister is like me too, very talkative, doesn't make friends easily, black and white thinker, and a silly sense of humor. Although we weren't raised together, over the years she has become my best friend.

Everyone else in my family gets annoyed with me. All the people who made me feel loved and comfortable in my own skin, except my sister and son, have died. Even my husband who was the best died.

It's all good, though, it makes me look at the harsh world with...joyful memories. :D

  • Helpful 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Paul

I am sorry for your losses. I lost my wife. I am completely familiar with the feeling. I hope you start feeling better.

  • Helpful 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
PossibleAspie
On September 20, 2016 at 5:28 PM, Wicker said:

Im curious as to how other asperclickers see their relationships with their families;

My relationship with my family is very strained, half of the time I feel the same with them as i would a room of peers or strangers. I usually choose to sit in another room from the rest of them as to avoid the forced small talk, repeated lines, and general disinterest. I know some of it is me because I don't often talk and when I do it is generally single worded replies. I just don't know what else to say, I don't see things how they do or hold the same interests and they don't understand that. They project this image onto me of how they see me but it isn't right, I have a very hard headed and old family with traditions and beliefs that i do not keep. I could honestly say if I were to show my mother an ASD diagnosis she would flat out deny it. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, It's just i feel i have a duty to spend some of my time with them everyday and that gets tiring quick. After 2-3 hours with them I need to leave the room and get away from all the talking to sit somewhere alone and quiet for a bit, if i don't i get very frustrated and my anxiety starts settling in. Its hard for me to be around anyone who I can't connect with mentally and it's almost hurtful knowing that i will never have that kind of understanding with my family.

I find I get along better with my dad because he talks less. My mom, meanwhile- I feel like she has unrealistic expectations of me. For instance, she says, "Look me in the eye when I'm talking to you." But I don't LIKE looking at people. And when she wants me to give her a hug and I don't want to, she'll get upset and say, "You know, you don't 'give' much emotionally." (Whatever that means.) I don't know what she expects me to do. So we have a lot of arguments and screaming matches these days. 

So the best descriptor for my relationship with my family is "strained".

  • Helpful 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
lifeis

I'll keep my post short (if I can) for this as otherwise it'll never end.

My family have honestly given me every reason to hate them (I'm talking about very serious reasons which others wouldn't put up with) and yet my devotion to helping and supporting them is still unchanged. I've come to terms with both their unchanging "issues" (I don't know how to phrase that) and my own stupidity/lack of self preservation that causes me to continue to support them. I simply don't have a choice. I love them, for lack of a less soppy term.

  • Helpful 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


×