• Announcements

    • Willow

      Hello!   03/17/16

      Welcome to Asperclick! I'm Willow, the founder and moderator. Have a browse around the site and sign up to talk with our members. I hope you find the site useful
Dr-David-Banner

Borderline Personality Disorder

40 posts in this topic

I don't think I have this but have researched it a little. It seems some aspects apply to me but maybe not enough of them to point to a diagnosis.
It says with BPD a person's self-image may suddenly change and there are mood swings. Also a disassociation or even depersonallisation. I don't struggle specifically with a change of self image but I do get changes in perception as to how I feel others relate to me. When it happens, it's scary. Where I would normally feel liked and popular, it suddenly changes and instead I feel unwanted, insignificant and a nuisance to friends. I will go very quiet as if reality has shattered any hope of acceptance. I will then freeze people out and act very moody and withdrawn. It's basically akin to a personality change that may last a few days. So, it's not my self image that changes but more how I perceive others always viewed me. However, the mood swings and disassociation I get does fit with BPD. Other traits like impulsive behaviour doesn't fit.
As I looked into BPD, I became aware I think a friend has this disorder. This friend is now in Washington. She's very wary of getting close to any boyfriend and, if she does, she becomes hyper affectionate. Then I recall something may make her jealous and she will then come to hate her boyfriend and the relationship ends in tears. I suspect she had a troubled childhood which she shared with me in the past. I did suspect she had AS but she tested very high for NT but, as I'm aware, BPD isn't the same as autism. Plus BPD is more common in females.
These days I try to avoid attempts to create some concrete diagnosis but am more interested in taking information and comparing. What I have concluded is people who tend to withdraw from friends and freeze are deep down afraid of being hurt or rejected, or maybe self esteem issues. Another thing I related to in BPD was the sensitivity aspect where you feel the slightest comment could be negatively conceived.
Only recently I noticed I had a pattern of pretty much sabotaging friendships at the point where they become a bit stronger. I made a big effort not to cut these people out but sort of wait till the mood swings subsided and then try and get back to normality.
I still don't know if I do have BPD or maybe just aspects of it. Even for trained psychologists any concrete diagnosis isn't straightforward.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I strongly aspect that a member or my partner's family has this. She has all these symptoms, but definitely not on the spectrum. She is extremely sensitive, takes offense easily and gets upset at the slightest thing, very moody like Jeckyll and Hyde, will be fine the one minute and then suddenly just changes, withdraws, gets angry. It's like walking on eggshells, I don't feel comfortable around her and I avoid her. She also has a history of depression and a suicide attempt.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Dr-David-Banner not sure I agree with your definition as there is way, way more to it. Its not so simple.

Personality disorder is very complex and problematic for the person and people they come into contact with.

Its also complex for 'professionals'.  People with the diagnosis can be quite manipulative and create quite an impact for reasons people don't understand.

It defies all other single diagnosis and is sometimes used as a umbrella term for 'we have no idea what this persons problem is, but its a big one'

People who present (or quietly experience) social challenges always end up with some label or other

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

" not sure I agree with your definition as there is way, way more to it. Its not so simple."

That's why I go another way around it and don't try to pinpoint a diagnosis. You have to be totally honest and accurate. What matters above all is the recognition of an actual problem and coming to understand the implications. One source said with BPD, your world is unstable and prone to change and the other big factor is the fear of rejection, and avoidance of such a scenario.
I guess I am lucky to have any friends left at all. Whenever I get this sudden shift of perception, the quiet withdrawel, paranoia and feelings of being disliked somehow, I act very cold. It's like one minute you view the world through a rainbow, then suddenly it changes to a new, dark perception. It now seems one or two of my friends have finally figured something out and assume it's depression so they are supportive. However I feel it's unfair to pass such behaviour on around friends - it must be confusing. Years ago my psychologist did mention "depersonalisation" but not AS or personality disorders. That was back in the 1980's.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't know you, but wouldn't have thought you were BPD as you appear structured. (the word borderline does confuse matters though)

 

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In my opinion and experience BPD can be summarised as 'I hate you ..please dont leave me' 

They stick around dysfunctional abusive people for the fear of being all alone. They are in a lot of internal psychological pain and some say they feel as though they don't have a skin all over and everything hurts really bad.

In my understanding and experience, they have been treated really badly by their primary care giver but had no way of escaping them and the abusive situation so they play this same dynamic out as an adult with other people.

Only when they realise that they don't need a parent figure anymore and they are adults themselves capable of looking after their needs, when they truly realise this and fill the gap in themselves on their own, only then they can have any hope of forming a meaningful relationship. Until then they and their partners are largely fooked.

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My chiildhood was very unstable. I grew up in quite a large, well--to-do house but both parents fell far short of normality. There were constant violent arguments. Add to that my autism condition at school and the seeds of instability were sewn. The first major consequence was easily being drawn into a religious cult. Religious groups offer a strong attraction to people from insecure backgrounds. This is because they offer an alternative family structure with lots of brothers and sisters and so forth.
As to abusive relationships, I somehow attract unstable, dominant women like a magnet. I had one who was very wealthy but forced me to do stuff like wear contact lenses and wear certain clothes. The closer we got, the more critical and bullying she became. And, sure, as was stated above, I enjoyed the relationship in a sense the way it was.
Some aspects of borderline personality disorder struck a few chords. What happened was I suddenly came to realise I tend to react very strongly to any friendship that becomes more established. There's a feeling something will go wrong so you start to back off and withdraw or you feel mistrust. Then come the mood swings and disassociation. Or even avoidance. So, reallly it's not a good situation at all.
The way I see it the mind is always geared to protect from trauma. It creates defensive mechanisms. It's like if you put your finger in a flame and get a burn, you will then avoid the flame in future. So, if your early years were unstable, your mind programs itself to avoid repeated trauma.
It seems like the friend I mentioned has classic BPD. She drifts from job to job. She never had a stable boyfriend. She develops hatred towards friends who cross her and can be very manipulative. She once told me her mother was an alcoholic so I suspect family issues were a factor. BPD I read is also more typically a female disorder.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

One approach is to attempt to understand the workings of your emotions but without introspection. That is, trying not to grind life to a halt due to disability. More a case of freezing problem emotions and then analysing what they suggest. That is, is it normal? Is there a comparison with a specific disorder among accepted symptoms? Do other people have similar feelings? If the feelings are abnormal (eg meltdowns), is there a cause or trigger?
I say this because for years I was totally unaware of the extent of my mental health problems. I had no idea what AS was. Or HFA. I put my meltdowns down to "bad temper". In the 80's psychology hadn't accepted AS so I was diagnosed with anxiety, depression and panic attacks. I was handed meds and so on.
Discovering AS was a huge relief. At least it took away the idea I was a failure, or stupid or lazy. I came to see I simply couldn't just function normally or "pull myself together". I know there's a danger of using AS as a cop-out and an excuse to simply not try but, truthfully, everything for me was always an uphill struggle. It's not a game or a fashion or some means to say, "Hey, I have Asperger's look at me!" In fact I never disclosed my self-diagnosis to anyone, apart from here where I'm incognito.
Anyway, the point is diagnostics helped. However, with AS there are often co-morbid issues as well. Not only that but there may even be causes or catalysts.
As to the basic pattern of BPD, it's early days yet. I would say that definitely being autistic created a background of rejection and intolerance as I grew up. That then seems to have created personality disorder symptoms as a by-product. Not all aspies had tolerant families or schools, for that matter.
One thing I will state is there's a crossover between distrust and paranoia and a genuine need to be defensive. Symptoms like avoidance, lack of trust, withdrawel are triggered by real experience. It's not just a disorder. Sure, we may over--react or misinterpret people with good intentions but sometimes we do pick up and react against genuine intolerance. The question I ask myself is HTF can you attempt to "cure" something that was partly caused by environment? Do we pretend life was all the time a bed of roses and simply embrace the world with open arms?
I found this quote:
"If you begin to understand what you are without trying to change it, then what you are undergoes a transformation." Jiddu Krishnamurti

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Everything you say makes sense. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. 

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think my dad may have it.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

From what I know about BPD, I've considered that I might have it, but people have told me that I don't come across as an impulsive person and that I think a lot about what I do. Which I've come to realize that I do. Sometimes the way we view ourselves ins't exactly accurate and sometimes how others see us can help us see or selves better. For example, I am capable of thinking very negatively of myself I've even considered that I might be a sociopath, but have realized that I'm definitely not. 

Like when I read @Nesf's post about that girl, I thought I can be like that. One moment I'm okay, but the next I'm not. But, then I realized that I'm really not like that. Plus, I wouldn't lash out on people like that unless it was a constant behavior that they were engaging in and I was fed up already because I was just being treated horribly. Or if it's something that was triggering.

I once watched a video on BPD, but didn't really understand it. 

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"The symptoms of borderline personality disorder include: a recurring pattern of instability in relationships, efforts to avoid abandonment, identity disturbance, impulsivity, emotional instability, and chronic feelings of emptiness, among other symptoms."
I'll take a few of these as they stand: identity disturbance - most of the time I'm chatty and bubbly and not very sensitive (as to whether my company is even that welcome). Simple triggers may cause then another personality to take over for several days. The other personality is withdrawn, quiet, bruised, insecure and vulnerable. Also feeling very unwanted and sort of disconnected (disassociation). For anyone around the change will be possibly troubling or puzzling. For me it may be alarming as I feel no control over it and just want to withdraw.
Efforts to avoid abandonment - if there are signs of a relationship, I may freeze someone right out as if pre-empting risk of rejection. It's rooted I think in total distrust of other people. The article I quote from also mentioned anger if someone stands you up. Well, when I was teaching I'd feel if a student missed a class it was somehow my fault and I'd done something wrong.
Feelings of emptiness - it doesn't help either that most people are shallow and superficial. Conversation rarely goes beyond materialism and routine. You're not going to get a conversation on philosophy or physics. Neither is there any interest in music so (apart from basic disconnection), society itself is very robotic - job, bills, TV shows, money....
The diagnosis of BPD hardly matters to me but certain things I mentioned do matter. For example, not being able to trust anyone at all is a worrying frame of mind to be in. As are the mood swings and personality shifts.
The friend I mentioned probably has classic BPD but without AS. Unlike me she can be very manipulative and impulsive. She can make friendships but then seriously fall out with friends. She used to come and see me, come on strong sexually but later not even greet me on the campus on passing by. Most women attracted to me are always strange.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Maybe the answer is to seek stability without any need for other people. I function really well with animals and understand them better. I guess I know how Michael Jackson felt as he too felt people were pretty screwed up with their wars and abuse of the environment.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

On second thought, I think the reason why I might relate to @Nesf's husband family member is in that the lady is depressed. Maybe the extra high sensitivity relates to depression. I've been told in the past on this forum that people would walk on egg shells when they were around me. I'm only using as an example as to how I relate to her. Maybe it's to do with the depression. 

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wasn't over thinking, at least I think I'm not, just saw more replies. I read some words, but at the moment, I don't feel like I have the energy to read long passages. I've always found it hard to do so anyway. 

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, AugustGrace said:

On second thought, I think the reason why I might relate to @Nesf's husband family member is in that the lady is depressed. Maybe the extra high sensitivity relates to depression. I've been told in the past on this forum that people would walk on egg shells when they were around me. I'm only using as an example as to how I relate to her. Maybe it's to do with the depression. 

The symptoms I described could be due to depression, and she did tell me that she had suffered from depression, but I think she might not be telling me the whole story and there is something more to it - she's manipulative, sometimes has crises where she says that she is ill but the doctors can't find anything wrong with her, and sudden mood swings. I don't know that she's diagnosed with anything other than depression, obviously I'm not a doctor so I'm not in a position to 'diagnose' her, but she's been like that all the time that I've known her, nearly 20 years. It's possible that she may have bipolar disorder, or that she as a personalty disorder, or that she has depression, or has psychological problems without any specific disorder.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It could be depression. From the little I know of BPD I suspect it is connected to unstable childhood and psychological trauma. My friend opened up her mother was an alcoholic and said her parents favoured her siblings. This friend drifts from job to job although she managed to get a BA years ago. She tends to lie and enjoys manipulating people or sometimes hurting them emotionally. When her boyfriend met another girl she punched him and knocked his glasses off. Then she removed all his photos. I would say borderline psychotic. She fits all the traits of BPD including the compulsive part. She can make friends quite intensely but turns nasty if she's crossed.
My symptoms are more diassociation or maybe the change of self-image although I'd say change of perception fits better.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Nesf I understand the part of her thinking she's ill, when perhaps it's just her mind thinking she is? But I don't understand the manipulative part. I ask because I want to see whether I can relate to her on that part or not. I don't think I'm manipulative, but maybe it means other stuff to other people? Manipulative to me sort of means controlling people for your own personal convenience. I don't think I do that, I usually take people into consideration (I think of myself as a very considerate person) and I care about people even if they don't care about me. Also, I try to help others by doing what I think (in my mind) will be helpful for them, but I'm not sure if that counts as manipulative?

I hope I haven't gone too off topic, but I'm just interested in this sort of thing. 

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm beginning to think maybe when the dust settles my best bet is to work on just trying to forget other people. I can maybe put a name to my symptoms and lean on basic psychology but....... As Jiddu Krishnamurti once stated, where's the joy in being well adapted to a screwed up society? Sure, I admit in the context of normal, accepted social interaction, I have all sorts of issues. I believe it was caused by unstable family environment and also how my autism symptoms impacted generally. In all honesty, I see no real prospect of being able to relate to others as social groups and make friendships, so I have to be careful not to overly dwell on it. There's even a dash of Educating Rita in the situation. This is the famous film where a working class girl meets a university professor. He's a depressive alcoholic and she yearns to become educated. The professor tells her not to try and change. He fears if she becomes an A grade student, her stability may suffer. This is what happens. She drifts apart from family and splits with her husband (who tried to burn her course books). Lately I came to see if I just acted and thought like the crowd life would be less complex and isolated. Does that equate to a cure, though. The irony is you may have all these defects but no ideal standard of a healthy society to aspire to.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, AugustGrace said:

@Nesf I understand the part of her thinking she's ill, when perhaps it's just her mind thinking she is? But I don't understand the manipulative part. I ask because I want to see whether I can relate to her on that part or not. I don't think I'm manipulative, but maybe it means other stuff to other people? Manipulative to me sort of means controlling people for your own personal convenience. I don't think I do that, I usually take people into consideration (I think of myself as a very considerate person) and I care about people even if they don't care about me. Also, I try to help others by doing what I think (in my mind) will be helpful for them, but I'm not sure if that counts as manipulative?

I hope I haven't gone too off topic, but I'm just interested in this sort of thing. 

Yes, that's what I meant, that she tries to control people for her own personal convenience, but this could be a personality trait rather than part of a disorder.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think that maybe my ex has this.  He would often completely flip out over little things, and there were a couple of times where he threatened to commit suicide after he had an argument with his dad.  He was pretty unstable at times.  

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
16 minutes ago, PandaPrincess said:

I think that maybe my ex has this.  He would often completely flip out over little things, and there were a couple of times where he threatened to commit suicide after he had an argument with his dad.  He was pretty unstable at times.  

Why did you go out with him in the first place if he was like this? 

I wonder if he has a girlfriend now considering how he is. 

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
14 minutes ago, AugustGrace said:

Why did you go out with him in the first place if he was like this? 

I wonder if he has a girlfriend now considering how he is. 

He wasn't like that at first, and back then, I still had extremely low self-esteem, and I didn't think that I deserved better.  I think I was also afraid to be alone, and I wanted the companionship, even though he was emotionally abusive towards me.  

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
43 minutes ago, PandaPrincess said:

I think that maybe my ex has this.  He would often completely flip out over little things, and there were a couple of times where he threatened to commit suicide after he had an argument with his dad.  He was pretty unstable at times.  

My dad is like that. He flips in seconds. I didn't know we kept the oil after cooking (I've never lived with my dad only visit) so I threw it out and he's girlfriend just came and politely asked me to keep it the next time and he started hitting himself in the head and screaming on the top of his voice he then slept in the garden that night and refused to come back into the house and he does things like that really often. 

I don't know if that is Borderline Personality Order but sounds like it from the descriptions above

P.s @PandaPrincess sorry I've quoted you I'm on my phone and I can't work out how to unquote you 

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, PandaPrincess said:

He wasn't like that at first, and back then, I still had extremely low self-esteem, and I didn't think that I deserved better.  I think I was also afraid to be alone, and I wanted the companionship, even though he was emotionally abusive towards me.  

That makes sense about the low-selfesteem. 

I'm wondering if I have BPD still because from reading about @Harrow's post, his dad has a gf even though he seems BPD. I wonder if I have BPD even though I still have a bf. 

49 minutes ago, Harrow said:

My dad is like that. He flips in seconds. I didn't know we kept the oil after cooking (I've never lived with my dad only visit) so I threw it out and he's girlfriend just came and politely asked me to keep it the next time and he started hitting himself in the head and screaming on the top of his voice he then slept in the garden that night and refused to come back into the house and he does things like that really often. 

I don't know if that is Borderline Personality Order but sounds like it from the descriptions above

P.s @PandaPrincess sorry I've quoted you I'm on my phone and I can't work out how to unquote you 

But @Harrow this sounds like autistic behavior as well, hitting himself in the head sounds like a meltdown from things not going the way he's used to. Aspies can find it extremely hard to deal with change. I once threw my sauce because I got ranch when I asked for barbecue. It was a mini meltdown and little things like that can set me off too. 

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now