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Dr-David-Banner

Maturity And A.S.

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Dr-David-Banner

I found this in the asperclick archives while Googling and will, therefore, make the first post to date that isn't mine. Below I will comment:
"I know several aspie friends who are in their early twenties but whose level of emotional and social intelligence and awareness is about the age of a thirteen year old.  They constantly talk about the desire for a fiinding a romantic partner but unfortunately because of their immaturity, their chances are slim. Some older aspies can be immature as well. I can think of one person in the fifties whose acts like someone aged about seveteen. The disparity between biological age and behaviour age can be striking. I don't recall meeting any aspie who appeared older or paricularly mature for their age."

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Dr-David-Banner

The above post got one like and one response.
It's hard to accurately respond to it but I have noticed for ages now the Debates section of the forum has always been pretty dead. OK there was a fair amount of interest in the Brexit threads but otherwise interest in global politics, history, archeology and even travel or music just seems to not exist. And weirdly, on some NT websites a thread on, say, the economy in China will draw about 20 responses in the first few hours. Or technical interest threads like the decline of Panasonic may get hot.
So, the big two questions: Has anyone else noticed the scarceness of mature debate? Is AS now no longer stereotyped by ornithologists or stamp collectors but more so by chit chat and everyday social media?
Could there be any Joans who study Paterphysical science in the home? Or has AS lost its nerdiness that made it a breath of fresh air?

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Nesf

It's not specifically the debates section that is dead, the whole forum is dead in general. The debates section isn't getting any posts because people are no longer visiting the forum. No new members are joining (their introductory posts await moderator approval to appear and that can take weeks) and the old ones are drifting away. Whether a thread gets posts or not doesn't depend on whether its a NT or ASD forum, it depends on the number of active members it has. At the moment, this forum has very few active members, and no new ones. The future doesn't look good for the forum.

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Dr-David-Banner

Well, 2 points. Firstly I had been unaware you had been unwell, Nesf, so I take the opportunity to express support and my hope you are now better in health. I hope all is well with you at this time and sorry I was unaware earlier. Second point. To be fair, Asperclick isn't alone and there's been a bit of decline in forums overall. The electronics forum I'm on is pretty similar to Asperclick and has lots of members but not many posts. I must say I always found your posts well put together and different (teaching in Greece) so maybe you can suggest ideas? I suspect there are some good members here who lurk but don't post much.

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Dr-David-Banner

Last night I was having an interesting conversation with H about ancient languages. She's only 21 and just passed her teaching exams. We are simply superficial friends and joke about. Funnily enough she doesn't have AS but does get panic attacks. For 21 she's very mature in conversatiin.

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Nesf
22 hours ago, Dr-David-Banner said:

Well, 2 points. Firstly I had been unaware you had been unwell, Nesf, so I take the opportunity to express support and my hope you are now better in health. I hope all is well with you at this time and sorry I was unaware earlier. Second point. To be fair, Asperclick isn't alone and there's been a bit of decline in forums overall. The electronics forum I'm on is pretty similar to Asperclick and has lots of members but not many posts. I must say I always found your posts well put together and different (teaching in Greece) so maybe you can suggest ideas? I suspect there are some good members here who lurk but don't post much.

Thank you. I have nearly finished my treatment and soon will be able to get back to my normal life.

Firstly, there always is a dip in forum activity during the summer months when people go on holiday or find other things to do. But the biggest problem is the fact that no new members are posting. Whenever a new member posts, there is a surge of interest and the forum becomes active again, for a while. Members come and go, and that has always been the case. But having new members means that a moderator must approve their post and this should ideally be done within 24 hours, or the person will lose interest and move on. Having new members is entirely dependent on @Willow @spiderwoman0_2 or @Spiderman0_2 approving the new members posts quickly.

Another thing that would increase interest in the forum would be a name change. The forum name refers specifically to Asperger's, but in many areas of the world, this is no longer used as a diagnosis and people might not relate to it or think that it doesn't relate to them. If the name had ASD or autism in the title, it might generate more interest.

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Dr-David-Banner

Glad to hear you are recovering, Nesf. That's good news your life is getting back to normal.
For me, I don't often post in the AS sections as I endlessy discussed already OCD, diagnosis and so on. Therefore, I normally gravitate to debates or special interests which is a desert land here.
I agree with you about new members and I personally gave up trying to join a site yesterday as it was too complicated. The Russian sites take ages to get back to you if at all.
For some time I've been on one tech site I imagine is full of NT's. I simply can't figure out why they seem to have this idea I'm some sort of a "novice". I never get touchy about these days or react but I suspect the fact I make a lot of questions makes them feel that is synonymous with being some sort of rank beginner. If I delve into theoretical matter they get defensive. What does stand out is my solitary profile and being a bit on the sidelines. I keep being recommended more modern books and I'm too polite to spell out I prefer my old books. So often I"m seen as rude and stubborn. NT's feel you should be affiliated "somewhere". Bruce Lee said he experienced this problem that he was supposed to have a style or a school but he just did his thing.
Nesf, keep an eye on my ancient language thread as later I want to ask you about ancient Greek.

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Sanctuary
On ‎26‎/‎06‎/‎2017 at 10:13 PM, Dr-David-Banner said:

The above post got one like and one response.
It's hard to accurately respond to it but I have noticed for ages now the Debates section of the forum has always been pretty dead. OK there was a fair amount of interest in the Brexit threads but otherwise interest in global politics, history, archeology and even travel or music just seems to not exist. And weirdly, on some NT websites a thread on, say, the economy in China will draw about 20 responses in the first few hours. Or technical interest threads like the decline of Panasonic may get hot.
So, the big two questions: Has anyone else noticed the scarceness of mature debate? Is AS now no longer stereotyped by ornithologists or stamp collectors but more so by chit chat and everyday social media?
Could there be any Joans who study Paterphysical science in the home? Or has AS lost its nerdiness that made it a breath of fresh air?

The kind of debates you refer to are ones which people could have in many other places, not just on an AS forum, and this may explain why few members join in - not because of lack of interest but because they are covered elsewhere. I also feel that debates often don't get very far because opinions are frequently quite firmly set. Although I'm very interested in a lot of topics, particularly related to politics, the chief reason I come to Asperclick is to find out more about AS, share experiences, get advice and so on and this may be true for other members as well. As regards threads about specialised interests these may also often be covered elsewhere and therefore not attract much interest here. I wouldn't bemoan that there might not be much discussion of "highbrow" topics. In some cases, as just mentioned, these may be discussed elsewhere but I think it's fine for people to come here to discuss "lighter" issues. Leisure time is precious and while some may happily fill that time with high culture, science or technical pursuits others may prefer light relief - and of course many do both.

As regards Asperclick I've been a member for almost nine months. I check in every day and I'm sure I will do for as long as it's around which I hope is a very long time. It's an excellent site and I wish I'd discovered it sooner. Most of my time is spent exploring threads before I joined where there is a huge amount of fascinating discussion, experiences and advice. For me only reading the latest topics would be like only reading the newest items in an encyclopaedia. I appreciate that some members have been here far longer so are much more familiar with those past topics but they can still be worth re-exploration even for very experienced members.

It is true that there doesn't seem to be so much activity recently on the site and not many new members - or at least ones who post often. I'd like to see more activity but even if there were no new posts the site would still be an excellent resource in terms of its archive. Going through those threads it is striking to see some members who still post regularly but I do feel a tinge of sadness (if that's not too strong a word) at seeing some once-regular voices who seem to have disappeared, at least in terms of posting messages. I often wonder why those members don't post any more and hope it isn't for any negative reasons. I suppose often members stop posting for fairly mundane reasons such as other interests or commitments taking over. Perhaps this is just the norm and those members of a forum who continue to post regularly for many years are a small - but very important and valued - minority.

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Gone home

Speaking for myself if there a chance of a debate I walk the other way. I'm not a debate fan at all ... I prefer more tangible real life stuff.

I'm not posting much because of very corrupt managers, directors and chief executive at work who are sucking the life out of me by refusing normal contact ... They have rehearsed scripts they mostly resort to inbetween nasty warped comments.
I've been suspended (with pay) for 7 months now (done nothing wrong) which has majorly messed up my life ... they are abusing the grievance and disciplinary and complaints policies and ignoring all the others.

The sociopathic HR execs literally laugh at and mock me.
Can't be sure of anything with these professional abusers, but Its not unlikely that this may become a national news case in the future as its a major disability charity.
Their unregulated corrupt abusive nature is at a saturation point ... they have been like this so long they are desensitised to it.
I just keep collecting the evidence which is actually astounding.

Edited by Going home

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Dr-David-Banner

Doesn't surprise me. All year round I've been working on my boat as a means to literally drop dependency on society. I am not willing to work anywhere without employment rights. So, I acted. My last job was so bad I just decided to take a new direction. Life this way is tough but I want to run my own show. People around me now noticed how far my project has come and now they're kind of surprised.

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Nesf

I also prefer debates or more serious discussions and am not interested in chit chat or lighter conversations, mainly because they tend to focus on pop culture, what movies you have watched or video games or something else that is totally irrelevant to my life, or mundane, boring things. If people ask for advice, I try to give it (if I can). However, it might take me a while to post - I'm not a very verbal, talkative person and I often lurk while I think about an issue, and how to explain myself before posting. it takes me a long time to write posts. Also, many debates concern the internal politics of a specific country I don't live in, I may not have a particular opinion and I feel that I'm not qualified to post.

14 hours ago, Dr-David-Banner said:

Nesf, keep an eye on my ancient language thread as later I want to ask you about ancient Greek.

I see that you have indeed posted in the ancient language thread, but there is no question. If there is just a statement and no specific question, I often find it hard to respond. I don't know what to say, or how to continue the discussion. This is one of the communication difficulties I have as a result of having AS. If you want more replies to debate threads, perhaps you should include a question, something specific for people to grasp and respond to, then you will get more replies.

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Dr-David-Banner

" I often find it hard to respond. I don't know what to say, or how to continue the discussion. This is one of the communication difficulties I have as a result of having AS."

I'm the opposite. I'm a vocal thinker. I also change thoughts rapidly so for ages Google software was picking up robot activity. I kept being closed down for unusual activity. I gave a friend just two suggested searches to do and she typed in some data. Then she just looked at me and yelled, "It's called me a robot!" Very often I type in a word but will get a message to say why did you search for that word and please post where you heard it. "Preambulate" was one word.
You would sometimes struggle to chat to me as I switch topics a lot and think out loud. Actually a friend who is Indian phoned me last night and we talked (her son has acute OCD) so she had some success. However she has this habit of going quiet so I have to ask if she's still there.
Sounds like you feel you need cues and prompts to make your post but you can maybe make your own. Or pretend you're making a blog post. I just gave some thoughts on ancient Greek as they came to mind. However now I am squeezing in Latin for fun in my spare time.

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Dr-David-Banner

"If you want more replies to debate threads, perhaps you should include a question, something specific for people to grasp and respond to, then you will get more replies."

I never really learned social interaction as my childhood was totally withdrawn. So my sense of self became strong as well as dependency on myself to solve problems. So sometimes the normal give and take of communication is not automatic. It wasn't easy for the people who know me personally to adjust to it. I only socialise with females so I can communicate with them better (once they get used to me). I believe autism altered my gender as I was too cut off to lock on to any gender role model. The weirdest part of it is always being in female groups where I feel more relaxed.

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DavidTheWitch

My family says I am immature... The fact is though when I am around other gay guys I find myself engaged in even more immaturity then I normally would be?

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Nesf
On 29/6/2017 at 0:42 PM, Dr-David-Banner said:

"If you want more replies to debate threads, perhaps you should include a question, something specific for people to grasp and respond to, then you will get more replies."

I never really learned social interaction as my childhood was totally withdrawn. So my sense of self became strong as well as dependency on myself to solve problems. So sometimes the normal give and take of communication is not automatic. It wasn't easy for the people who know me personally to adjust to it. I only socialise with females so I can communicate with them better (once they get used to me). I believe autism altered my gender as I was too cut off to lock on to any gender role model. The weirdest part of it is always being in female groups where I feel more relaxed.

My greatest difficulty is socialising in groups because I don't process as fast as other people, and I find that I can't join in a conversation - by the time I've thought of something to say, someone else is speaking and the conversation moves on. I feel very isolated in conversations, it's like watching TV or being behind a glass screen and I can't really connect to people. So this is why I don't talk much, especially in groups. Also, they talk over the top of me, don't let me finish my sentence, or simply don't listen to me. So I stop following the conversation, tune out, withdraw inside my head, and become 'invisible'. For them, the conversation flows naturally and has its own rhythm, but I can't tune into this rhythm. Also, social groups use a lot of banter and joking around, but I often don't understand banter or can't give banter back. I'm too boring and serious and not enough fun, so people soon lose interest in me. I can talk to people one to one because they will usually wait for me to speak and finish, but I tend to over-explain, to repeat or over-elaborate, go on about the same thing and I'm quite monotone.

But I'm quite introverted - if you talk a lot, I guess you are more extroverted.

I don't follow a gender role either, and resent society trying to impose one.

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Dr-David-Banner

"But I'm quite introverted - if you talk a lot, I guess you are more extroverted."

I talk a lot with women - even strangers. Some time ago, I came to understand my chances of a male/female (or otherwise) relationship is zero. Therefore, I don't feel any pressure that I have to flirt or try and impress. I'm free to just make little jokes, offer small favours, generally chat and try and relax. Ultimately, I'll go back home by myself and study a while, then watch a film. Anyway, my conversation skills aren't so good but I can make jokes. The big question I ask myself is how on earth did I become like Mork from Orc? I mean, Mork was always fun to have around but not really part of the group. The snag is if I were somehow "normal" life would be much easier but then I'd lose my different perspective. Plus socialising would eat into my thinking time. You're right I can be extrovert for periods of time but, on the other hand, I dislike being part of any group, network or collective. It seems I got more reclusive as I aged.

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Harrow

I'm more extroverted then introverted. I'm generally the one speaking the most in the group and people generally listen too me I find. But like Nesf said I still feel like I'm behind the glass or watching on a TV set. Like there is no real emotional connection. And I always feel that once they know me more then that, they realise the unattachement there is. 

I can't really comment on the maturity aspect though, I was forced to take a lot of responsibility at a really early age, most people my age complain and my sisters complain that I was never a kid so I don't know what that says. 

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Nesf
6 hours ago, Harrow said:

my sisters complain that I was never a kid so I don't know what that says. 

This is what my family always said of me, mainly because I had a wide vocabulary and general knowledge at an early age, I read adult books and watched the news and documentaries, and had more adult interests, I wasn't into the things that other kids my age were into. I also had difficulty with roles - I never saw myself as a kid and didn't follow the role that was expected of me as a child. I didn't see why I shouldn't do the things that the adults were doing, for me me the fact that I was a child wasn't a valid reason. However, despite this, I was very socially naive and emotionally immature.

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.......
20 hours ago, Nesf said:

My greatest difficulty is socialising in groups because I don't process as fast as other people, and I find that I can't join in a conversation - by the time I've thought of something to say, someone else is speaking and the conversation moves on. I feel very isolated in conversations, it's like watching TV or being behind a glass screen and I can't really connect to people. So this is why I don't talk much, especially in groups. Also, they talk over the top of me, don't let me finish my sentence, or simply don't listen to me. So I stop following the conversation, tune out, withdraw inside my head, and become 'invisible'. For them, the conversation flows naturally and has its own rhythm, but I can't tune into this rhythm. Also, social groups use a lot of banter and joking around, but I often don't understand banter or can't give banter back. I'm too boring and serious and not enough fun, so people soon lose interest in me. I can talk to people one to one because they will usually wait for me to speak and finish, but I tend to over-explain, to repeat or over-elaborate, go on about the same thing and I'm quite monotone.

But I'm quite introverted - if you talk a lot, I guess you are more extroverted.

I don't follow a gender role either, and resent society trying to impose one.

If an aspie banters back - they tell you youre aggressive somehow or your banter will be way to intelligent and they get offended or upset and feel inferior. 

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Dr-David-Banner

"This is what my family always said of me, mainly because I had a wide vocabulary and general knowledge at an early age, "

I chanced upon an article on family dynamics. I think my family background was very similar to Brian Wilson so the film really hit home for me. There is one sibling that destabilises the equilibrium so the combination of autism and family turmoil can make things much worse. It seems Brian tried to bury it all by using recreational drugs because, at the end of the day, The Beach Boys had become a huge group by the early sixties. Then Brian started to develop schizophrenia and depression and spent a few years in his bedroom. Anyway the family aspect for me was the most destabilising so, to this day, I have very little connection to family. As mentioned before, making friends is still very tough going as I get mood swings and varying levels of disconnection. However mental illness does enhance your musical imagination which is why so many musicians were screwed up but making great sounds.

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Dr-David-Banner

"If an aspie banters back - they tell you youre aggressive somehow or your banter will be way to intelligent and they get offended or upset and feel inferior. "

Where I live the women work in shops, banks, travel agents and offices. They may be becoming economically dominant because communication is their strength. Men are supposed to drive vans with logos on, build extensions or (if younger) load trucks or do basic tasks. This may sound a bit arrogant but my view is men have to be non-threatening and docile to fit in at work. My problem was even though I'm fairly quiet I was immediately perceived as a threat by jumped-up, insecure so-called managers. If you don't appear to conform to what's normal, it's amazing how upset these people can get. I had major major issues at work and eventually realised employment in those places wasn't going to work. In turn, I guess to a point I border narcissistic personality traits since I also discovered I can outperform NT's in many areas, yet was told for years, one way or another, I was inferior. It may all have led to anti social personality disorder but I think now I'm gradually defusing the anger and figure I made my point. I get on OK with women and sometimes give presents or help out so I got a bit closer to connecting in my own way. The big factor is women don't see me as a threat at all so it's easier for me to be in female company and join in their discussions.

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.......

Bet they would if you were their employee and started to give them banter. 

My demeaner is enough to bother most people. They hate somebody who seems in total control! 

 

A customer asked me if i did yoga last week! She said its because I seem different in some way.  I told here I lived in the moment ever since 1991. :D  Oxy

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CB

Actually, I just joined and I agree that seeing  my post has not been posted makes me wonder about if  this forum is active. It isn't motivating because the  point  of joining  a forum for me, at least, is to share experiences with others. I look and  since  yesterday, no  post approval. It's just sitting there and I wrote it on  a topic of great meaning--about me, haha, but about finding contentment while being the person I am with the Asperger-ish quirks.

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Dr-David-Banner

Hi, welcome to the forum. It's just been a bit quiet so sorry you had delays posting. Hopefully you'll stick around and liven things up.

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Gone home

@CB Hi and welcome :)

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