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PandaPrincess

Do guys only think about sex?

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PandaPrincess

I read something online that says that women look for love, and they have sex with men so that the men will love them, while the end goal for men is sex, and they act caring and stuff towards the woman just so they can get sex.  From my experiences, this seems pretty accurate because every time a guy starts paying attention to me, at some point in time, their true intentions always become clear.  Some guys are more obvious about it, while others can be really sneaky, but I can always tell what they're really after.  

The thing is, I just want to be in a relationship with a guy, and I don't want to have sex with them right away.  I don't think that sex should be taken as lightly as it usually is, and I know some people will disagree with me, but that is my personal opinion and feelings about it.  I mean, if other people want to go around having casual sex, then that's really none of my business, but that isn't what I want or need for myself.  

Another problem is that I was in an abusive relationship for a few years, and basically, the guy just used me for sex, but I didn't know that at the time.  I didn't want to do it with him, but he kept pressuring me to, and I ended up doing it because I wanted him to love me, and I had really, really bad self-esteem at the time.  Because that happened though, every time somebody says something or does something that reminds me of my ex, I basically freak out and feel like self-harming.  I don't know if I have PTSD from it or not, but I've definitely suffered trauma from that experience.  It's a lot like that scene from 13 Reasons Why where Clay Jensen and Hannah Baker are getting ready to have sex, but when Clay touches her, she starts remembering how guys like Justin and Bryce treated her, and she has this huge outburst with Clay and pushes him off of her and tells him to leave.  I think that if I was in a relationship with someone, then that same thing would probably happen, and basically, I would be too much for the guy to deal with, and they would just run away.  I mean, why stay with someone who can't have sex with you, when there are plenty of girls who would go sleep with you after the first date?  It honestly makes me feel like damaged goods.  

I honestly don't understand if this is how guys usually are, or if there are some that are actually gentlemen and actually care about the girl and not what they can get from her.  I don't have anything against guys in general.  I just don't understand how a guy is supposed to treat a girl since I don't have a good frame of reference for that, and I don't want the same thing to happen to me again.  

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RiRi

@PandaPrincess I can tell you that assumption is wrong to make. Not everyone is like something, or like that. Some will never fit into a norm. That said, guys don't only think about sex.

If there's a guy you are planning on dating/having a romantic relationship with/want to date/like and he likes you back, then tell him your issues. If he likes you that much the trauma won't be an ssiue for him. He will stay with you an workout the trauma with you. 

If don't want contact in your relationsip tell him that too, but temrmber that relationships are sometig that goes both ways. You ave to accomate the guy too. Ask him if he can help you overcome that trauma so you can have contact and if it goes too far you can always tell him to stop. If he likes yuo he will back the fuck off. If he doesn't then he really isn't someone you want to date.

You can alsoh just keep the sexual compotent through text. and move on to contact again. Because what are you looking for in a relationship? The point of having a relationship is to ultimately have contact with someone, whether it's sex related or not. And what differentiates a frendshep with a romantic relationship? consider those answers.

You shouldn't thikn that every guy will turn out like him. Not everyone is the same. 

Guys and girls both think about sex/get horny/aroused/enfautaed/whatever you want to call it. That is nature. and taht is a reason why masturbation exists. you don't also have to have sex. 

Let's not forget that when we like osmeone we get this feeling inside us which I believe is closely related to the infautation/arousal/horyn/and the like. We can't stop thinking about them, we fantiasize about them. That's how we know we like them/are attracted to them and this is human nature because humans were meant to procreate and this is part of the process.

Although we all think about sex, it doesn't mean that's all we think about.

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RiRi

Btw, I'm a girl.

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Peridot

I don't have anyone "in my life" at the moment. It's like sitting on the sideline seeing how a lot of people play the game and it's a lot of foul play and plenty of people are injured where they have to be carried off on a stretcher and so on... More and more I've just got this attitide where I'm basically just happy to sit on the sideline without being bothered by anyone.

I haven't given up on relationships but chances of meeting any women where it's natural and not tense or anything and just nice to be with each other are seemingly slim sooner than they aren't.

So many people are after "things" it seems and there's no passion or romance where people just want to be with each other because they like each other. It's often very clinical and egotistical... A lot of people say they like "spontaneity" but like I said it's often all very clinical and without passion and it's also very judgemental where people give each other ratings regarding every aspect of their personality and lifestyle and it just has no dignity. Just what I think I see around me.

But I haven't become cynical. There are still plenty of women who are just nice, mature people whom I wouldn't mind making dinner for. We (i.e. these women and I) wouldn't even have to have sex afterwards. We'd just have dinner, we'd talk for a bit, watch some silly movie then take a shower and head off to bed. Maybe cuddle for a while and then have a good night's sleep. -_- No problem whatsoever. :lol:

I'd make dinner for five women. :) We'd have a banquet. lol Then all climb into bed together and get a good night's sleep.

I think there's plenty of nice guys/people out there but you may indeed not run into them constantly. :unsure: Which is too bad.

Edited by Peridot
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Juniper

@PandaPrincess The end goal is not sex for all guys. For some such as myself there are much more important things in a relationship than sex. I think it's vastly overrated, and because it's on TV, in magazines, everywhere on the internet etc there is so much pressure on people to be almost obsessed with it. If I wasn't married I would be quite happy without it. For me companionship, humour, working together for common goals, enjoying the company and closeness of someone else among other things, are just as important. Admittedly my ASD is no doubt a factor as I don't enjoy being touched much, i'm not good at expressing my feelings and sex can be quite stressful and pressurising when it's expected of one without time to prepare mentaly. 

If you don't want sex right away don't do it, i never did in any of my relationships. If you have had traumatic experiences in the past that is all the more reason to take your time and not be pressured into it if you don't want or feel ready for it. When you meet the right guy, he will wait for you, and help you to work through any issues in your time. Not all guys are the same I can assure you of that, and for some sex is at the bottom of the list, not the deal breaker.

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RiRi

@PandaPrincess What did u mean by some can be very sneaky about it? And what has led you to believe they only want sex? You should not believe everything that's written on the internet.

It seems like you ultimately want sex too, just not as fast. 

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Peridot
1 hour ago, Juniper said:

@PandaPrincess Not all guys are the same I can assure you of that, and for some sex is at the bottom of the list, not the deal breaker.

That's "het andere uiterste" as we say in Holland, where it may be the opposite but it's equally bad. :P I mean that's not necessarily flattering if a guy says "Having sex with you? That's the last thing on my mind!". :lol:

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RiRi
3 minutes ago, Peridot said:

That's "het andere uiterste" as we say in Holland, where it may be the opposite but it's equally bad. :P I mean that's not necessarily flattering if a guy says "Having sex with you? That's the last thing on my mind!". :lol:

I get what you meant :lol: haha the girl might think she ugly. haha

I think some girls would probably get disgusted even if it's a guy they liked, if he talks to them too sexually. haha They want the dude to build up to it, otherwise they won't like it. haha Relationships can be so damn hard.

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RiRi

It's like they're like disgusted and then the guy backs off but then they want it, it's like what the fuck do you want then? :lol: 

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PandaPrincess
4 hours ago, RiRi said:

@PandaPrincess What did u mean by some can be very sneaky about it? And what has led you to believe they only want sex? You should not believe everything that's written on the internet.

It seems like you ultimately want sex too, just not as fast. 

Well, one time, there was this guy that I was acquainted with from college, and he started texting me and being all nice to me and stuff, and we were both into video games.  We decided that we were going to play Mario Kart online together, and to make it more fun, he suggested we do a bet.  Basically, he suggested that whoever lost send a nude photo of themselves.  I told him I wasn't comfortable doing that, and didn't do it.  I think that that was just a sneaky way to try to get a nude photo from me, and I also noticed that after that incident happened, he basically didn't talk to me as much as he did before, which meant that since he knew that he couldn't get what he wanted, he didn't want to put any effort into actually getting to know me as a person.  

Personally, I would like sex to be part of a relationship, but not until much later on, maybe not until marriage.  

I don't think that the feelings themselves are wrong, it's just the way some guys present those feelings.  Like they can be pretty crude and vulgar about their sexual attraction towards a girl, while other guys can show those feelings in a flattering way.  It's really hard to explain.  For instance, in the first Twilight movie, when the girls are all trying on dresses, these creeps walk by and do a catcall and they just act like creeps, which is even more apparent when they corner Bella when she is out walking around by herself at night.  I think that that kind of behavior is gross, but if the girls were wearing their dresses at prom, and their date is like "Wow, you look stunning" or if they didn't have a date at prom and a guy approaches them and starts to flirt with them, then that is a little more flattering and acceptable.  

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DavidTheWitch

It is one of our favorite things to think about but it is not the only?

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blacktiger911

no. most guy want a relationship bacuse we want to be with someone sex is something "extra" i dont know how to explain it its like playing an xbox its fun but your life dose not revolve around it. its great but its not the only thing.

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AspieFox

No.

I cannot get physical unless I build a meaningful and deep friendship with someone. I am demisexual, part of the asexual spectrum.

But, I find that many men do think about sex early on, or as the driving force for getting to know or be with a women. This is why, not only do I not fit in with most NTs, being an Aspie, but I also don't have many male friends who would understand that it just doesn't work unless I'm friends or have a deeper emotional bond with a woman first.

However, even the guys that I know that are thinking mainly about sex first, those guys don't only think or want that, but also companionship, trust, romance, share life etc. These guys might be the minority. But it's important to know that not ALL men think only about sex, and I doubt most ONLY think about sex.

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RiRi

@PandaPrincess I saw that scene from 13 reasons why and have to say that I think it's important for you to communicate with your current boyfriend that you have those issues so that if they arise it won't lead to a break up and whatnot.

Edited by RiRi

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PandaPrincess

@RiRi I don't currently have a boyfriend, so I don't have to worry about those issues right now, thankfully.  

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Eli

I used to think that when I was younger, but I don't anymore at all. No, men don't only think about sex. They think about all kinds of things! Men can be very dynamic, passionate creatures, especially the older they get, as their chemistry evens out and testosterone lowers. In fact, even men who live as 'womanizers' for many years have the potential to love deeply. Although I will never encourage a woman to pursue or expect that to happen. Sometimes you just meet the right person at the right time, and it's all you need. You're either that person or you're not, and when a man really wants something, he will generally pursue it. But I digress. Men are just as capable of loving, laughing, crying, living and dying as a woman. They just respond to those things differently sometimes, mostly due to social pressure; it's the same as the social pressure women are put through, just different kinds. 

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DavidTheWitch

Be honest most of you guys think about a lot. But is it all men think about. No? Then we would have no Einsteins, Telsas, Abraham Lincolns, or other such men and even if your favorite subject is sex you could do this

 

Salvador-Dali-Soft-Construction-with-Boi

 

Or maybe this

011_hans-bellmer_theredlist.jpg

 

 

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RiRi

@DavidTheWitch lmfao :lol: Your post made me laugh at lot. :lol:

I guess if the question is taken in a very literal sense then it will always be no because sex can't be all someone thinks about. 

lmfao I just looked above again to your post after writing my post and I could not stop laughing. :lol: 

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DavidTheWitch

Those are actually two of Europe's greatest artist RiRi. Sex is actually a very interesting subject once you put away your taboos. Dali and lot of Surrealist explored it daily!

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