Jump to content
  • Announcements

    • Willow

      Welcome to the forum!   09/17/2017

      Please come in from the rain and sit by the fire! We're happy you found us and hope you will feel at home here.  
Sign in to follow this  
Roxy

Would Having A Partner Make Things Easier?

Recommended Posts

Roxy

It seems a lot of NT's are in relationships, but does anyone think that helps them? like I live alone, have to manage my place myself, my dog, my money, cooking, cleaning etc.. where with another person you actually share responsibilities.. so I believe some NT's have it easier due to having a partner.. it's not our fault some people run a mile when they found out we have AS :(

 

Anyone else agree? 

  • Helpful 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sofi

Maybe it is a bit easier for them in that respect but I don't think you should have a relationship just to get help with money, cooking, cleaning etc. You'd be getting into it for all the wrong reasons. It sounds like you mean a support worker or someone. I live on my own and manage those things, with help from support, and I don't want a partner to help. You should strive to be independent first before thinking about a relationship.
 

  • Helpful 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
PandaPrincess

In my opinion, having a partner makes things more challenging because you have to constantly make compromises with them, and you can't always do what you want because your partner might have different ideas.  When you're single, you can do anything you want when you want to do it.  There's tons of people who think that you're not an adult until you're married, have children, etc. and they often feel sorry for people who are single, but being single has just as many perks as being in a relationship, so there's nothing wrong with it.  

  • Helpful 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
TheWizardofCalculus
4 hours ago, Roxy said:

It seems a lot of NT's are in relationships, but does anyone think that helps them? like I live alone, have to manage my place myself, my dog, my money, cooking, cleaning etc.. where with another person you actually share responsibilities.. so I believe some NT's have it easier due to having a partner.. it's not our fault some people run a mile when they found out we have AS :(

 

Anyone else agree? 

There can't be a definitive answer to your question, unfortunately.  Some people are the kind of people who are best on their own, some people are better in the context of a family.  There's a lot more to having a partner (I'm assuming you mean romantic, rather than having a housemate) than just sharing household duties or even incomes.  There's a lot of freedom that is given up, and you have to organize, communicate, and work with another person.  That presents different challenges, even for people off of the spectrum.  For other people, these challenges are well worth it and the relationships they have are really important.  But critically, it depends on who you are as a person.

  • Helpful 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sanctuary

It's certainly true that many people get a lot out of having a partner - not just sharing jobs or responsibilities around the home but also leisure time. Perhaps the best thing is just feeling there is someone who is there for you and who feels you are special - and you feeling the same about them. However there are also people who are utterly miserable with partners who take them for granted and sometimes even exploit and abuse them. Even couples who are happy with each other sometimes wish they had more space to do things they want.

I think matters can be more complicated for Aspies as they have a greater need for their own space and their own interests. They have also often spent much more of their adult lives living alone and in these cases having someone around the house - even someone special to them - can take a lot of adjustment and even be overwhelming. However some Aspies including many on this site have partners with whom they have successful relationships so it is certainly possible.

The best platform for having a live-in partner is to have had a long period of getting to know each other as a couple while living apart, gradually spending more time in each other's company, perhaps going away together to "test the waters" and seeing how things go. Some couples may find they are very happy seeing each other but living separately and living together can be too intense. However their relationship can still go on and give each other a lot of happiness and support. Moving in together (even with a platonic friend) is a very big decision and if it goes wrong it can cause a lot of heartache as well as issues with finances so it should only be done when the relationship is very solid.

  • Helpful 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Heather

I agree with what has been mentioned already, that although having a relationship and living with a partner has its benefits of companionship and someone there to help with things, there are also new challenges, compromises to be made because you both have different ideas of how you like things done.

You definitely should not get into a relationship to get help with cleaning and household tasks... if you want help with cleaning, a support worker or perhaps a housekeeper/maid could help by checking in every so often.  It is important to feel good on your own and independently before getting into a relationship so you don't rely too much on them because then that is not the focus on the relationship.  Sometimes one partner might do more household tasks or it might feel that way, when in reality they share tasks.  It's nice when one partner likes doing certain tasks the other is not as fond of or the other way around.

Anyway, just remember, with all scenarios,  "the grass looks greener on the other side" but there are pro's and con's to all situations. When you are single, it feels like life would be better in a relationship or married. And some people in relationships or married wish they were single sometimes as they might feel they want to do things their way and not compromise all the time.

The good thing is, when you find a good partner, then they will listen to you and you will listen to them and accommodate each other.

  • Helpful 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
RiRi

If you have a nice and understanding partner, it will make things easier. If not, then I'm not sure. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Nesf

As long as you respect each other's space and opinions and there's a good communication between you, it is beneficial to have a partner.

  • Helpful 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
DavidTheWitch

Einstein did it and it worked!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
MrGrey

My wife helps me A LOT.  I can definitely say my life is easier with her around.  But the important part is that I fell in love with this woman, I want her to be around.  Life being easier is just a plus.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

Sign in to follow this  

×