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Roxy

Getting A PA For Loneliness?

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Roxy

Would anyone recommend this? 

I have no family or friends nearby.. and I feel too nervous to go things on my own like go on holiday on my own, to the local pub etc I mean I know I'm paying somebody so it is professional but it doesn't have to feel that way if we both enjoy each others company and have a laugh together.. it can be like a friend. 

How do I go about finding a PA?

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Nesf

What is 'PA'? Personal assistant? Paid assistant?

I wouldn't want to pay for someone to do things with me, it seems false somehow, I don't think I'd be comfortable with it. I have heard of 'buddying' schemes for people with anxiety or social difficulties organised by charitable organisations or volunteers, perhaps there is such a scheme in your area?

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Sanctuary
9 hours ago, Roxy said:

Would anyone recommend this? 

I have no family or friends nearby.. and I feel too nervous to go things on my own like go on holiday on my own, to the local pub etc I mean I know I'm paying somebody so it is professional but it doesn't have to feel that way if we both enjoy each others company and have a laugh together.. it can be like a friend. 

How do I go about finding a PA?

Although people with AS are often content with their own company and doing things individually I would agree that sometimes activities can be less fun and even quite daunting when done alone. This is especially true for places where almost everyone goes in couples or groups such as pubs and clubs and where a person alone seems very out of place.

I agree with Nesf that hiring someone for company seems unlikely to work (although maybe it can be successful, I've not heard of it before) but charities and other support groups may be able to offer someone to assist with activities. One suggestion that is often made to people who are looking for friends or companionship is "join an evening class" or something similar. That can work but it often means that a socially isolated person doesn't make any new friends and maybe just feels more awkward (although they can still learn new skills which can be useful).

As regards holidays there is the option of going on group excursions such as coach tours. It is possible to meet new friends that way but some of those who go are there with their partners or friends they already have so there's a possibility that a more isolated person ends up largely alone which can be harder to deal with when it seems everyone else is socially connected.

Perhaps the best policy is to at least try some of these ideas but not to see them as some magic solution.

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Roxy

I think I want someone to do things with, like go to the movies, watch a tv series together, play video games, go on holiday, go on days out etc but not ALL the time like relationships can be intense.

Paying someone to provide it might seem fake but atleast you get to do these things.. would anyone go on holiday on there own!? 

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Whoknows

You could get a friend to keep you company.

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Juniper
2 hours ago, Roxy said:

would anyone go on holiday on there own!? 

I've been on holiday a few times by myself, but admittedly it was when I was in my twenties. I couldn't deal with the stress and aggravation of flying and the trauma of the airport experience now. The best I could do would be a few days in the Lake District, but I would be quite happy to do that on my own. 

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Gone home

@Roxy I would be wary about becoming an employer as it opens you up to liabilities. You would need insurance and to do tax returns etc. Its doable, but be mindful of the liabilities and your duty of care as an employer.


I expect there are charities or agencies who would act as employer and provide a PA (they love money), but they will want an ongoing management fee. A few calls or emails will confirm. You could check online reviews of companies you wish to approach.
I'm guessing that in the uk (through another party) you would probably need to pay approaching twice the minimum hourly rate to accommodate the associated management costs.

There are also plenty of workers who will exploit or abuse a vulnerable person .... finding a good PA who you find accommodating, trustworthy, open and motivating may be a challenge and involve some trial and error.
If you pursue this make sure you are fully involved in interviews and give some consideration to boundaries and dependence/independence.
In theory, if all goes well I guess it could be positively life changing short term, but longer term there would be re-employment issues as people decide to move on.
Will be interesting to hear how it works out if you pursue things

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collectingrocks

Not sure how old you are Roxy or where you live but seriously....you want to hire a PA...?

I've never heard of such a venture so would be intrigued if they exist and how they work. Apart from the issues already described, this kind of idea sounds ever so formal and transactional and takes away the spontaneity and fun. I could not imagine hanging out and having fun with somebody I've paid and who knows where it ends there. Who would pay for the night out, the cinema, the drinks...you get it? 

Then what happens if that person blows you out - ok, you don't have to pay, but us aspies often don't like sudden, unexpected change - let alone well-laid plans ruined...

I yearned for friends growing up but would rather have 1 genuine friend than 21798 fake or false friends...

 

 

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Nesf

What does PA stand for?? I understood from the context but still don't know what it stands for.

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Gone home
4 hours ago, Nesf said:

What does PA stand for?? I understood from the context but still don't know what it stands for.

PA stands for 'Personal Assistant'.

Often people advertise for 'personal assistants' as it gets round training and legislative issues with the CCQ (Care Quality Commission) which a support worker / care assistant might need to meet.  Its usually where no physical personal care will be required.

PA also stands for Public Address (the main amplifier / speaker system at concerts)

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collectingrocks

I wonder if Roxy means an "escort", rather than a personal assistant. Escorts are usually hired to go out with someone to a social event and are usually of the opposite sex. The "date" is usually simply transactional and the escort may be from an agency.  

The term escort is often abused and is taken to be someone of the opposite sex who is paid to go out with and have sex

 

Edited by collectingrocks

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Gone home
10 hours ago, collectingrocks said:

I wonder if Roxy means an "escort"

A support worker or PA would be alot cheaper.
A personal assistant for an hourly rate + out of pocket (on the job) expenses will assist a person to achieve daily activities including recreational and social ones ... outside legislative/registration issues its all semantics really.
I think its probably a growth industry.
Though fulfilling multiple roles quite alot of generic support work is social and being physically present as a safety net ...
Whether the arrangement is personal or professional, interpersonal chemistry will always come into it

Edited by Going home

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Roxy

I think having someone to help access events socially is support that is needed for lonely people. Especially adults with Aspergers who don't have the support when they get older..

I mean even Willow lives with her family for example. Everyone needs someone to bounce off.

Edited by Roxy
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