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Roxy

[Sensitive] No family, no friends, no job, no purpose, no love, no hope. Health worsening - Is Suicide Still Selfish?

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Roxy

I find most people suck, are cold, distant, selfish.. I feel I'm the one who is actually wanting to show love and open up but feel like I get rejected constantly.. which is ironic since having Aspergers is meant to make me the opposite ! 

I just don't understand people.. I'm so caring and giving, yet can't understand why everyone else is so mean and selfish?

The World is so bad right now, we are killing each other.. is Suicide bad? all I'm doing would be ending it earlier as we will all die eventually.. I don't want the pain everyday of having to get up and push myself to do things I don't want to do in order to please other people (government etc).. if there is an afterlife I don't think it will be as bad as this. Bad people who treat other people like rubbish abd do bad things seem to get rewarded :( 

I can't live just for my own gratification. Experiences are empty if you're alone.

I go to bed somedays wishing to not wake up.. If there was a painless way to go, I'd consider it as I'm just survivng right now, I'm not living.. most people have atleast SOMEBODY close by to interact and do things with, a friend, family member, partner, work colleague etc.. it isn't fun doing things on your own and everyone looking at you like you are a weirdo :( 

Is Suicide selfish in my situation? I don't think anyone would cry at my funeral.. 

 

I can't keep pushing myself not seeing any rewards, it's killing me slowly.. :( I value my sanity more ! 

 

Edited by Roxy

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Sofi

Suicide is never selfish or even wrong, but it is not the answer to your problems. You need to reach out and get the right help, from professionals really if you're at the point of thinking about suicide. You need to go to a doctor and tell them how you're really feeling, if you haven't already. 

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Roxy
44 minutes ago, Sofi said:

Suicide is never selfish or even wrong, but it is not the answer to your problems. You need to reach out and get the right help, from professionals really if you're at the point of thinking about suicide. You need to go to a doctor and tell them how you're really feeling, if you haven't already. 

What is the answer though? 

And don't see how a doctor can help me? Apart from sedating me with medication and putting me on lists or sectioned?! 

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Peridot

Just the other day I was listening to a well known philosopher on the internet who was very judgemental when it comes to people who commit suicide. He said everyone who ever committed suicide was, as he put it, an "asshole". Reason being that in his eyes suicidal people just need to stop "bitching" and seek out the help they need.

It was pretty ignorant. The guy apparently doesn't know what he's talking about.

He went on about having contempt for people who ended their lives. He basically gave them all the finger which was pretty disgusting. He went on about how it was selfish as the people who the deceased had been close to would suffer due to it for the rest of their lives. So basically what he says is that no one can commit suicide because it's inconsiderate to the people you're close to which sounds like grade school level philosophy to me.

I'm pretty sure that if this "philosopher" ever became suicidal himself he'd see that he's seeing it all wrong.

Roxy, I have been through a suicidal period in my life and I think that it's very important to keep going even though it may seem like there is no hope. Ok? You don't strike me as someone who's on the verge of jumping off the Golden gate bridge. Being unhappy can be fixed. You just need the right information, for instance. Or you need to adjust the way you perceive things. Find out what is most important to you.

Some people end up in a situation where there is no hope. I'm reminded of a guitarist who was euthanized after ending up in a situation where he would have to stay in bed the rest of his life attached to some machine. Unless you are in a situation like that I'd say keep fighting.

It's kind of like this... You want to go somewhere but you look around you and you see no way of getting there. And you and look and you look...and you kind of get exhausted and you might get frustrated and you might start thinking there is no point and you start giving up. Say you were to give up... It would be pretty sad if there actually WAS a way to get there but you just didn't see it. So you'd end up having given up while all you needed to do was take a few steps in a certain direction.

The way to a happier life exists. Ok? Just try to relax, talk to people, keep your chin up and find out what that is. Find something to do. I'm sure you've got things you're passionate about. Find out what those things are and focus on those things. It's very gratifying to achieve success in your chosen field. Contribute something. Go start a restaurant. Make people happy. Go to medical school. Find a cure for cancer. Become an artist. Go work in construction. They sorely need people in construction. And so forth. Break free from the suffocating mist of depressing mentalities and do something worthwhile.

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Gone home

@Roxy I don't know whether suicide is selfish but I would not like to come across a body. I doubt its something that can be forgotten. For that reason I would be reluctant to end things early.
I can relate to a lot of what you said .... but .... I don't think suicide is a good idea.
Your feelings have no choice but to change with time as life is fluid.


Rather than focusing on what appears to be missing - I think its better to review  what you have got - and decide what you will do with it.

Don't push yourself for no reward ... diminishing returns just end in total exhaustion / burn out.

Alot of negativity / depression is a symptom of stress. Stress may be deemed situational ... ie: remove oneself from the situation,  change the situation, forget the situation if its a useless  drain on mental resources.
Focus on activities that improve sanity. 

The more content and solid you are in yourself, the more likely you will attract what you wish for. 

We all have to live in hope and try and make the best out of what resources we have.

I hope things begin to turn around and change for the better :)

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Roxy

I asked recently if having a support worker once a week at the weekends to do things socially with who knows what's going on around the area would help? And members didn't think it would help.. 

 

surely that's a better idea? I'm open to putting myself out my comfort zone I just need ideas and I don't want to do things on my own as I just get judged and looked at as a weirdo ! :( 

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Gone home
31 minutes ago, Roxy said:

I asked recently if having a support worker once a week at the weekends to do things socially with who knows what's going on around the area would help? And members didn't think it would help.. 

I thought and still think in theory its a perfectly reasonable plan to support vulnerabilities / social anxiety and create an interactive validated and rewarding experience.
I you are able to do this then why not? I totally get about not wanting to do or finding reward in doing things outside alone.
I guess some things are normal to do alone .... library, walks etc... maybe people can make other suggestions
Regarding making the decision to  employ a support worker/personal assistant/social aide/social assistant - only you know its true worth to you. I wouldn't follow the crowd.

We all need a 'leg up' sometimes.

Edited by Gone home
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Harrow

I love when you say you want to show love and open up because the word needs more of that, more good people that care and love others for no matter who they are. ☺

It may be really really hard to except the fact that you are not alone, but  even here on the forum people are here to be supportive and are part of an aspergers family. 

And there are us in the world who would want to be friends. 

So Don't give up. I've been there on those days where it is so dark I just think about hanging myself. But then I deprive myself of all the beauty I will miss in the world. Like the kind people such as yourself. 

From a friend ☺

And your not weird your different, be proud of that 

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RiRi

I read your thread about the escort and was going to comment i think its a good idea, but i didnt want to give you bad advise about the employer and having liabilities or whatever the word is. I dont know if you can somehow have the sign a paper from a notary public or make them do a video saying they are liable for themselves if anything happens, idk to be honest i didnt even know you had to do that when hiring someone yourself.

I want to praise you for being able to do things alone, i wish i could do that. Personally some things are okay to be done alone. Ive read people advising of travelling alone because you get to make friends and the experience is different. I guess theres always some risk though.

I have more to say, but can only write this much for now. I hope things get better for you and that you dont give up and keep going, trying.

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RiRi

@Roxy Maybe one of the members lives near you and is willing to meet up to go to places with you?

I also remember a while ago you wanted to learn to drive/drive, did you take on that?

Are there autism support groups in your area which you would be willing to go to? I've never been to one, but maybe you can meet people there and make friends? 

I have more to say still. Just trying to help as much as I can.

 

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DavidTheWitch

Suicide is dumb thing people with chemical imbalances do due to they are not able to fight the fake feelings they have. Unless you think you could make some type of statement don't. Living is hard but the hard path leads to the sweat fruits. I have suicidal thoughts all the time and I fight through em.

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Dr-David-Banner

Self belief is crucial to escape from negative programming by society, which leads to feelings of being worthless. What ultimately matters is inner self esteem and stability. I feel I started to cope better when I stopped listening to people who ran me down or stressed social success as a measure of worth. Suicide is no option but self-belief is the key.

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