Jump to content
  • Announcements

    • Willow

      Welcome to the forum!   09/17/2017

      Please come in from the rain and sit by the fire! We're happy you found us and hope you will feel at home here.  
Sign in to follow this  
fairytattgirl

Breaking Down

Recommended Posts

fairytattgirl

I am having a hard type coping right now. I break down crying because I feel overwhelmed by life. I feel I am not good enough and that everything I do is wrong. I also feel sometimes I should just give up. My recent breakdown was due to my past ( I did some things Im ashamed of it my attempt to appear like a nt girl). Im am scared it may come back to bite me and that everyone will reject me. Im scared of this and it makes me feel like I am not worthy of this life (im not suicidal as such) especially since others have done worse but get forgiveness and happiness. I feel real down just want to run away from everything. Just need to vent and know if others feel the same

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Gone home

Life can be more challenging when one has principles and conscience. 
I certainly get the not wanting to be here thing and have had very strong impulses to arrange that (due to some bullying from a couple of corrupt work related care organisations) ... but obviously not done.
It can be a problem when we burn out ... especially when life has got in the way of therapeutic interests. It takes time to get over. 
For me my interests keep me functioning well ... sort of akin to charging batteries and simplifying + strengthening resolve.  Interests help oppose that pointless feeling ... though it does take a while to get back that zest after prolonged periods of problems.
All these depressing periods eventually pass as long as thats the aim.
Anxiety is worrying about imagined future scenarios ... we can frighten ourselves by what we imagine ...trying to imagine better scenarios is more useful if you can.
I imagine your feelings are common

Edited by Gone home
  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sanctuary

Gone home has offered some very good advice. All of us have done things we shouldn't have in our pasts, whether that's a desire to fit in with the neurotypical world or a response to the difficulties we face in our lives. They may be things that we regret but those feelings of regret are themselves positive as they show we know we did wrong whereas there are plenty of people who have done bad things and feel no sense of guilt at all. Also accept that any wrongs we have done are mitigated by these difficulties - we didn't do these things out of selfishness or lack of morality but pushed by circumstances. Sometimes we can atone for past wrongdoing but that isn't always possible. What matters most is what we are doing now - are we now doing the right things and heading in the right direction.

Feelings of frustration, even despair, are common, especially to many people on the spectrum who have had to cope with more than their fair share of difficult times. Giving up or running away - in whatever forms those take - are very tempting options but it's better not to be defeated. Take on the challenges and see what can be achieved. Even if you're not successful you will have stood up to those problems but you may well overcome them or be better placed to take on future events. Giving up just means certain defeat and that presents its own indignity that then has to be faced. Keep going and I hope things get better.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Eliza
22 hours ago, fairytattgirl said:

I am having a hard type coping right now. I break down crying because I feel overwhelmed by life. I feel I am not good enough and that everything I do is wrong. I also feel sometimes I should just give up. My recent breakdown was due to my past ( I did some things Im ashamed of it my attempt to appear like a nt girl). Im am scared it may come back to bite me and that everyone will reject me. Im scared of this and it makes me feel like I am not worthy of this life (im not suicidal as such) especially since others have done worse but get forgiveness and happiness. I feel real down just want to run away from everything. Just need to vent and know if others feel the same

Wow, thank you for sharing this. This is so close to what I've been going through, and it ended with a long period of isolation. This is a terrible pattern I've repeated time and time again.

I spoke with a friend yesterday and we came up with a game plan. I'm going to start with two new groups of people (different activities) and start fresh. If I decide to go back to the old groups, I'll use my great 'acting' skills to pretend like nothing is different. (I've observed NTs using this approach, and figure if it works for them, it'll work for me.)

We deserve to be happy and have a life. If certain people want to be judgemental, I don't want them for friends anyway.

I hope this post helps you as much as your's helped me. There's a weird comfort knowing that another person on the planet has had the same issues.

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ben

It's better to live alone and love yourself, than to try and fit in with people who don't love you for you. 

The take home message? Be your own best friend. Treat yourself exactly as you would someone you love.

Edited by Ben
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Eliza
On 11/13/2017 at 7:36 PM, fairytattgirl said:

I am having a hard type coping right now.

I hope you're doing better. Just wanted to give you an update--my game plan worked! I started the new group today, went in deciding to be 100% myself and was given a warm welcome. It's opened up a door to several options for volunteer work. I'm happy for the first time in months.

I encourage you to make your own game plan for a fresh start, fairytattgirl. You deserve to be yourself and to be happy!

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

Sign in to follow this  

×