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Roxy

Making A Pass At Person Across The Road And Getting Rejected

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Roxy

Anyone have any advice to avoid awkwardness? went to a friends house across the road and thought they were flirting with me, so I kissed them and they kissed back, but then they texted me a few days later after ignoring my texts to say they were shocked "I made a pass at them!" and now I think I've made the situation worse.. it took a lot for me to do that as a suffer from confidence and depression issues.

Plus this person also has kids which makes things much harder as there kids always come up to my dog when I'm walking my dog and are very clingy kids. So it will be hard to avoid contact with that person as my dog needs walks lol 

They live directly across the road so at one point we will bump into each other walking our dogs etc..

I must've misread the signals. Is moving the only option!? 

Edited by Roxy
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Roxy

By the way this person has bipolar so not sure if that means I need to approach this in a certain way otherwise I'll get a knife to my throat or beat up!? 

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Sanctuary

It clearly is an awkward situation. I think the best policy is to handle the matter in a low-key way and not raise it with this person unless they raise it with you - just carry on as you did before the incident. If they do raise it and seem unhappy just apologise and just say you misread the situation. Often these issues quickly fade from the scene. You certainly shouldn't think about moving with the massive disruption that would involve.

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Roxy
36 minutes ago, Sanctuary said:

It clearly is an awkward situation. I think the best policy is to handle the matter in a low-key way and not raise it with this person unless they raise it with you - just carry on as you did before the incident. If they do raise it and seem unhappy just apologise and just say you misread the situation. Often these issues quickly fade from the scene. You certainly shouldn't think about moving with the massive disruption that would involve.

We've been texting about it and I've really made them mad now, as I said they could do worse and that some people wouldn't be so accepting of their bipolar and kids like I am.. I was trying to say that I am and some people are not as nice as me. But they took it the wrong and now hate me apparently, told me not to message them again and leave them alone =( I said I'm sorry, I have a habit of making things worse when I'm nervous trying to explain myself.

Should I tell them I have Aspergers and sometimes I have trouble explaining myself when I'm nervous!? I didn't mean to upset them I said sorry if they took it the wrong way but they won't drop it.. 

Edited by Roxy

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Roxy

I'm worried and nervous about going out my door now as there house is literally opposite and will bump into them sooner or later =( 

I don't want confrontation/fighting.. might have to move :( 

Edited by Roxy

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Harrow

Don't move and don't let them worry you. 

My advice, send an apology, if you feel comfortable say you have aspergers and that you miss read the signs. 

If you want help wording it here, I'm sure people will be happy to help ☺

This kind of thing happens to everyone 

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Eliza

It sounds like you've already tried to apologize. I think you should just let it go and try not to act any different than you normally would when you bump into this person.

2 hours ago, Harrow said:

This kind of thing happens to everyone 

I agree with this. We've all done things that left us feeling embarrassed and vulnerable. This sort of thing usually fades with time.

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PandaPrincess

Ok, what I don't understand here is why they kissed you back if they didn't want it to be like that.  

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Miss Chief
On 27/11/2017 at 6:52 AM, Roxy said:

but then they texted me a few days later after ignoring my texts to say they were shocked "I made a pass at them!" and now I think I've made the situation worse..

Just because they were surprised doesn't mean they're not interested, it just means they weren't expecting it? Have they explicitly said they aren't interested? Try asking if it was a good shock or a bad one or asking if they would just rather forget that it happened?

EDIT: read the follow up message... ok that does sound a bit bad... perhaps try writing a note explaining better and apologising that it came out wrong?

Edited by Miss Chief
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collectingrocks
On 11/28/2017 at 1:14 AM, PandaPrincess said:

Ok, what I don't understand here is why they kissed you back if they didn't want it to be like that.  

That's what I thought. It takes two...

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Heather

I totally understand the embarrassment.  I think the best course of action here is to try and limit your interactions as much as possible with the person and try and keep it casual if you see them or their kids outside.  Just smile and say hi if you choose and then say you have to go and continue on your walk.  I think the idea of sending an apology note could be okay, as you could take your time to say what you want to say.  I know that I am better at writing things down if I really want to say something.  I think it helps also that the person has the opportunity to read and take in all you have to say without interrupting.  

I think we on the spectrum tend to overthink things and overexplain things a lot... which can make it worse. I have learned it is best to let things go. It helps when I write out what happened and how it makes me feel because at least I know my truth is written somewhere. I know it is difficult to move past it. I know with me, I do not like thinking others are upset with me. But I think at this moment, you both need time away from each other to settle and cool down and hopefully, in the future, you can be comfortable around each other again to be friends.  Don't feel bad though, I think this situation got blown out of hand and hopefully, things settle down.  It might be a good idea some time to let them know you have Aspergers or are on the spectrum and sometimes have trouble explaining yourself and hope they can give you the time to listen and that you did not mean any harm by what you said... but I think some time away might be good first.  And just try to move past the incident as best as you can. 

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DavidTheWitch

The person probably has problems or maybe they are taking advantage of you. Talk a little more to them to figure out how they seem other then how attracted they are?

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Asgardian
On 27/11/2017 at 6:52 AM, Roxy said:

went to a friends house across the road and thought they were flirting with me, so I kissed them and they kissed back, but then they texted me a few days later after ignoring my texts to say they were shocked "I made a pass at them!" 

To me this sounds like the other person trying to dump all the responsibility on you. If they kissed you back then in my opinion the responsibility is 50/50. 

On 27/11/2017 at 6:52 AM, Roxy said:

I must've misread the signals. Is moving the only option!? 

You may have misread the signals but the other person kissed you back so I don't think you misread them completely. I certainly think they are trying to make you think you misread the signs, that is for sure. And no, I don't think you should move. Why should you? I get that things are awkward but I think in the end moving away would be very drastic and quite frankly unfair on you.

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RiRi

@Roxy Yes, I don't think you misread the signs. When he said he was shocked, he could have meant it in a "good" way. But as aspies, we do struggle with communication. I think here is where you could have said, "shocked? how?" to get some clarification. But we don't always know what to reply to someone and how to do it the right way if we do. 

I'm not sure if telling him that you have Asperger's is a good idea. People tend to be very judgmental and it could make things worse. As some have said, I think it's best to ignore it for a while and how things pan out. From the looks of it, if he's being mean to you, etc. I do think moving is the best thing to do but it's definitely not ideal.

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Asgardian
On 30/11/2017 at 4:32 PM, DavidTheWitch said:

The person probably has problems or maybe they are taking advantage of you. Talk a little more to them to figure out how they seem other then how attracted they are?

This advice is slightly confusing. On the one hand you are saying that the OP is being taken advantage of or the other person "has problems" but then on the other hand you are saying the OP should talk to the other person and presumably get to know them better. Are you saying the OP should stay away from them or talk to them? 

Edited by Asgardian

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RiRi
Just now, Asgardian said:

This advice is slightly confusing. On the one hand you are saying that the OP is being taken advantage of or the other person "has problems" but then on the other hand you are saying the OP should talk to the other person and presumably get to know them better. So are you saying the OP should stay away from them or talk to them? 

I think he's saying talk to him more just to get to know him better but not with the intention of pursuing any sort of relationship with them but just rather to get some info from them. :lol: 

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Asgardian
1 minute ago, RiRi said:

I think he's saying talk to him more just to get to know him better but not with the intention of pursuing any sort of relationship with them but just rather to get some info from them. :lol: 

I wasn't asking you.

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RiRi
Just now, Asgardian said:

I wasn't asking you.

I never said you were asking me. And I can quote anything I like on the forum. Rude much? :wacko:  

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Asgardian
Just now, RiRi said:

I never said you were asking me. And I can quote anything I like on the forum. Rude much? :wacko:  

No, factually correct. I wasn't asking you. It is as simple as that.

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Asgardian
On 28/11/2017 at 1:14 AM, PandaPrincess said:

Ok, what I don't understand here is why they kissed you back if they didn't want it to be like that.  

 

On 29/11/2017 at 5:20 PM, collectingrocks said:

That's what I thought. It takes two...

I completely agree. It is wrong when someone does something like this. If the other person responded positively to being kissed then they have no right to then suggest all the responsibility lies with the OP.

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MrGrey

I am confused.  Sometimes you refer to "him" and sometimes you refer to "them"... and you mention there are kids with them which makes me think there's a kinky couple across the street who kissed you and then chicken out.  Somehow I suspect I'm understanding the story completely wrong.  Maybe it was a thrown kiss from across the street... idk, I'm confused.

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RiRi

@MrGrey Now that you mention it, I too wonder exactly how things happened. When I read the post I thought it happened at his home but now I'm thinking it happened when they were walking. Because it seems like the guy lives across the street from where she lives but they walk at the same place so that's where they see each other. But now I'm wondering if the kids were there too when this took place but I'm thinking they probably weren't.

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Asgardian
6 minutes ago, RiRi said:

@MrGrey but now I'm thinking it happened when they were walking. 

She said it took place at the friends house:

On 27/11/2017 at 6:52 AM, Roxy said:

 went to a friends house across the road and thought they were flirting with me, so I kissed them and they kissed back,

 

Edited by Asgardian

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RiRi
4 minutes ago, Asgardian said:

She said it took place at the friends house:

Okay. All right, so they kissed each other at his home and then she left? The rest of the details are missing. 

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MrGrey

I know it's not in English but this song comes to mind:  "La Fuerza del Destino - Mecano"... the force of destiny... 

 

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