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  2. Asperger's Help & Advice

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    • How social are you? Do you go out and make an effort to be social, to fit in, make friends, etc, or so you prefer to be on your own? And if you are quite social, how much do you feel that you are affected by ASD and what coping stategies do you have to overcome the difficulties?
       
      I used to be more social and tried to fit in even though it caused me problems and anxiety. It used to upset me that I didn't have a social life and close friends, but since being diagnosed I don't feel I need so much to try to socialise and don't go out nearly as often. I don't know whether this is due to my being older or due to my diagnosis affecting me psychologically. I'm now content to stay at home and don't often seek contact with others. I occasionally go out for a coffee or for a meal with a friend or family, but I have no close friends, most of my friendships are online ones these days.
       
      For me it's not always the problem that I don't want to socialise and if asked out to go out for a meal, for example, I'm happy that they thought to invite me and provided it's a quiet restaurant I may well go, but the problems are when I arrive as I can easily be affected by the music, conversations going on around me, noises and smells from the kitchen, etc, and I find groups difficult because I can't join in, get bored and switch off, and if there's just one person it's tiring to talk and keep the conversation going... socialising means talking, and talking is exhausting! It's supposed to get easier as you get older but for me it's getting harder if anything, so I now find myself staying in nearly all the time and I'm not particularly social.
        • Helpful
      • 218 replies
    •   I want to know the stories of people with Asperger's and their transition to adulthood.  Did you transitioned early or at the same time as NTs?  Or are you late and working on it?  Did you got a job while still in high school?  What happened after high school? Did you went to work, or college, or both, or none?  When did you leaved your parent's home and how did you afford to leave the nest and stay away from the nest?

       

        I started everything early.  I got my driver's license at 16 while on my senior year of high school.  I saved from my allowances about $1000 bucks, Dad helped with another $1000 and got me a beat up car.  Then there was a job fair at the school.  Me and a whole bunch of my classmates got jobs at a supermarket chain.  It was only really possible for kids who had cars.  Public transportation was just not reliable enough.  We would go to school, then drive to work, then go home... at 16yo.  

        Then the front door neighbor girl happened.  I had a car, and a job, and money for dates... and a girlfriend.  Life was good.

        She started dropping grades, her family forbid her from continuing a relationship... annndddd... we ran away.  We graduated, went to prom and never came back.  I rented a studio, asked to work full time, skipped college for a bit and did the whole live-in gf stuff, at 16yo.  Been on my own since.  

        Times have changed tho.  You can't even drive around at 16 on your own, it's illegal.  Let alone rent a place.  In retrospect, it was a mistake.  That ended in a divorce 5 years later.  Set me back on college and everything that came after that.  Not the worst mistake I made, I had even bigger screw-ups later on.  But the point is, I started early, too early and it was hard.  I could not understand why coworkers got mad at each others, the backstabbing, the boss's pets, the work politics... it took me decades to work those out.  

        I would have been way better off if I had just broke up with the gf, stay in course with college, keep the part time and maybe try out different jobs while still on the safety net of my parent's home.  And not just work.  I tried every romantic relationship like if "it has to be perfect, this is the one!".  That resulted in me bending over backwards trying to save things that were not destined to be in the first place.  

       

       
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      • 19 replies
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