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Showing topics in Symptoms & Diagnosis, Friendships & Relationships, Education & Work, Help & Resources and Medication & Therapy posted in for the last 365 days.

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  1. Today
  2. I think you are right and that a real friend wouldn't create drama. By drama I assume you mean gossip about people and being mean to the other person for no reason and that sort of thing. I think I have had these kinds of drama free friendships before but it was with family members so I don't know if that still counts. I feel like a real friendship is one where you could tell the person anything and you wouldn't feel judged by them. Also, being allowed to be stressed or frustrated when it does happen and receiving support for it rather than being judged. I feel like people on this thread have different definitions as to what a friend is. For instance, a friend for me is someone that you hangout with whether that is from time to time or quite often. That's why I've felt like I haven't had any real life friends. I did have this one acquaintance once whom I hung out with a couple of times but I felt this person wasn't as supportive as I was to them. Like, I felt judged sometimes rather than supported. I know if I text her again, she'd probably want to catch up but I haven't felt up to it in years. While I did feel like I could tell her about anything, I did feel judged sometimes. A real friend probably wouldn't make you feel this way.
  3. PandaPrincess

    Friendship for females on the spectrum

    I have a few real life friends and a few online friends. I don't get together with my irl friends very much because everyone is busy now. I've also noticed that once your friends get boyfriends, they just wanna hang out with them. And when I get to hang out with my friends, their boyfriend always comes along, and I become the third wheel. Honestly though, I have more friends now than I had in the past, thanks to social media.
  4. Yesterday
  5. HalfFull

    Mildly depressed, need encouragement

    I just pick up the major new stories from my MSN homepage so I can find out the stories that are on every front page without becoming depressed. I just skim read those big stories for the jist. I know generally what's going on with Brexit. It'd be easier to solve a rubix cube than understand all that! The only problem is that nearly every time I click on to the Internet I see a photo of someone or other looking healthy but who has been taken away from us too soon! Its really not what I want to see as I navigate between my most visited sites.
  6. Heather

    Mildly depressed, need encouragement

    I agree, there are so many bad things happening in the world. Also as others here have said, so many good things in the world. I occasionally have waves of mild depression wash over me. The depression I feel comes more from my immediate environment when I feel overwhelmed or say something that got a reaction that made me feel it might have been the wrong thing to say. I get a bit depressed watching the news, or thinking about how everywhere seems to be getting some kind of disaster and soon it could be happening in front of my eyes or happen to my parents or siblings or partner. I guess I am fortunate in the sense that praying helps me calm down a bit, focusing on the fact that I believe in a higher power (God) being in control, despite the chaos around us. Helping give me peace in the middle of chaos. Sometimes it is more difficult to calm down than other times though. And while in the middle of any depression, I know it is difficult to break free of the negativity. A favourite TV show or book or movie or music could help, like others have alluded to? Something positive hopefully.
  7. Aeolienne

    Mildly depressed, need encouragement

    Alternatively, if you fancy a longer read, I can recommend Enlightenment Now: The case for reason, science, humanism and progress by Steven Pinker. Among the many graphs it contains is one plotting the negativity of US news reporting over the last century or so. There's been a noticeable decline in the positivity of news reports since the 1960s, bar a blip in the 80s.
  8. Nesf

    Mildly depressed, need encouragement

    I generally want to know what's going on in the world, but find the the mass media portrayal is unnecessarily sensational and overdramatised. I don't appreciate the way they seek to manipulate my emotions - I'll have my own emotions and don't need them provided for me. There is sadness, cruelty and injustice in the world - I see it all around me, and I don't need a magnified version of it on TV. There is also kindness and happiness, so as much as I dislike the sadness I wouldn't want to wipe out the planet with an asteroid - that strikes me as extreme and unnecessary. An evil act to end all evil acts, that will also wipe out all that is good in the world as a side effect.
  9. Myrtonos

    Mildly depressed, need encouragement

    I don't like the news, but my problem is not war or destruction, it is other changes that I resist. Could it be that even libertarians do often believe in authority over children, but not over adults?
  10. Last week
  11. Willow

    LiveStream - Ask Me Anything

  12. Dr-David-Banner

    Teaching children coding is a waste of time, OECD chief says

    He's right, more or less. We've been sort of led astray by the whole internet education phenomenon. Imagine if there was some huge, cataclysmic disaster and all that we had was wiped out. Population-wise there are a few survivors and their knowledge is required to re-build civilization. What use would coding or HTML be in such a situation compared with actual engineering, maths and science? This is why I figure there is this ever widening gap between generations of today and yesterday. The early telecommunications pioneers were often mostly American whiz kids who constructed their own transmitters and receivers and broadcasted on licensed shortwaves. To do this they had to be really clued up on electrical theory and maths and, at the end of the day, could do more or less the same thing as we do today on the internet. Web design I have done a bit of myself (limited) and, of course, it's handy. It may even earn a bit of money. Yes, it's a good idea to learn it anyway but ultimately the core skills of yesterday are being sadly neglected. Sometimes I wonder if any schools teach electrical/electronics skills today and, if not, doesn't that make people reliant on far East-Asian digital mass-production which delegates them to consumer status? I was pretty much raised in the very old fashioned world of CRT TV sets (5 channels max), vinyl stereo players, cassette players and, of course, the shortwave private bands for global communication. I think all of that tended not to isolate the population from technology and even employment was created as a result of stuff needing to be fixed.
  13. I have never been very good with friendships either. I was fortunate in school that there were girls who took the initiative to approach me and be my friend. I don't remember there being too much conflict or emotional games, though it has been many years since we were close friends and seeing each other all the time so I might just forget some of the things. Although I think we were NOT very stereotypical for a girls friend group, we were not that girly, none of us dated in high school. We haven't gotten together much in many years. Currently I don't have many friends. I count my partner as my closest friend, and would count our siblings as friends, especially our younger siblings as we have spent more time with them in the past couple years. I find it difficult to make friends at work because I get anxious to be too vulnerable around my coworkers. My coworkers are very nice and I try to let a few personal details out, but I am hesitant to be too vulnerable with them. Also I feel like I don't have enough time outside of work to spend with friends. During the weekdays after work, I eat and spend time with my partner and watch something on Netflix and go to sleep, and on the weekends I either catch up on chores or spend time with family or just relax and recover my energy. Sometimes I wish I had a closer friend group but in reality I don't think I could handle it. Like others here have said, I am an introvert and so it is exhausting to be too social and I need time alone at times. I do have a few friends I have made online over the years, although I haven't kept up with them very well but I still consider them friends for my part. There are a few people from old work places who I have considered friends while we worked together, but I haven't really ever gotten together with a coworker outside of work so I don't know we were really friends.
  14. It seems I’m flooding here but i couldn’t find where the edit button is, if not that’d be good.
  15. Welcome back after 4 years have been passed since i logged out, I have -not so shallow- nostalgia for here, had still missing memoirs. Having seen the site wide-spreaded , I’m glad about y’all. ———————————————————— Longing note aside, I wanted to lead off with my current department’s student folks who mostly are intellectually, perspectively probably intelligently challenged. Yet if someone isn’t one of them, we synergistically differ or he/she prefers to discontinue to go further. (I’m definitely sure ‘bout that because I’ve tried to approach them regularly) Moreover I live in Turkey due to thinking studying abroad is harder than in home country. I’m trying to enroll several clubs and its branches when it is feasible. I met some new friends but i ended in here somehow after all, but no offense don’t take the disgrace implication upon yourself, I just missed good ol’ cosmopolitanizm, potencial intellectuality (as i remember ofc i might be debunked, no allegation) All in all, welcome aboard new comers and ur drogba faced core member came back
  16. I have always found that I don't fit in with friendship groups of girls and have only one or two close friends at any one time, as suggested in the article. I found that I think in a different way, have different interests and priorities. I don't play the games and politics of these friendships and don't deal well with conflict and had the all-or-nothing approach as described in the article. I never liked 'girly' activities and conversations. Friends were always people I do things with, rather than people I talk to or go to for emotional support.
  17. Im not ashamed of having trusted people, and having my trust broken. It doesnt say anything bad about me, it just meant learning to be more discerning with my trust in the future. I too am a very private person and an introvert, but with the right people, I enjoy having a deeper quiet connection. Im quite a warm person so its something I crave though its been a few years since ive had any friends in my life. Real friendships are not drama, it is just mutual support and human connection. I think it does answer the question a bit, thanks
  18. Nesf

    TEFL (some thoughts)

    I know some Spanish as I did GCSE Spanish at school. I managed to do this with practice, but it takes a conscious effort.
  19. I have no idea what Discord is but that's sad that you can't voice your feelings. Are these people your friends? If they are, they would find a work around to play when you're online. I have felt similar to you for the livestreams. Although they are not my friends on there, the last one that was held (you were there), I felt totally excluded, especially because some people totally ignored me and no one said hi to me when I came online the last 3 minutes or so. I thought that was rather rude. But, if these people are your friends they should care more about you at least.
  20. I don't know if I'm better at body language (non-verbal communication). I can tell certain things because I have sort of studied it and also I can notice subtle things. Like, I could tell something's off but interpreting what is off or why that person is acting that way can be tricky as there are multiple things that the person can be doing. Like, I can notice a person walking up to my direction but whether they're walking towards me, I wouldn't know until they actually stop right in front of me. So, for instance, I could turn to look when it wasn't me they were walking to. Because of this, sometimes I try to ignore it unless it is overly obvious that it's directed towards me. So I feel I could possibly not be very good a body language because I'm missing the second component. I think I'm not good at verbal and non-verbal communication and I think people on the spectrum probably struggle with both. I think in general, people on the spectrum struggle with communication in general, whether that be written, body language/non-verbal, or verbal. I know I struggle with all. Maybe when I'm 50 I'll be better because I'm trying to improve or maybe not because I'm autistic but right now I know I still struggle.
  21. I don't think I've ever had any real life friends, maybe mainly acquaintances. I don't think I ever got involved in the real life drama where you tell a person a secret and then they tell other people. I had people who'd tell me things about other people but I wouldn't tell the other person or wouldn't engage in talking bad about another person. I don't currently feel a need to create friends or become friends with people. I guess this is because I'm an introvert. It could also be because I'm a private person and I find it stressful getting closer to people, I don't want them knowing anything about my life, at least people that I would see in real life. I can be polite to people but we don't have to be friends and preferably, I don't want to be friends. That is and has been my current mentality regarding friendships. So, I guess to answer the OP, I can't answer that question really because I haven't had any real life friends or haven't been involved in that sort of drama.
  22. I just read this article https://thesector.com.au/2018/11/23/friendships-are-particularly-challenging-for-girls-with-autism-research-finds/?fbclid=IwAR1KDfb09FcaB7ssgMYdIHAjfdCNuLqfAoDMoR2yDZJZn0fXYhu_iMJdwVM It is saying that females on the spectrum find it harder to make friends I relate to this a lot. Im very black and white when it comes to friendships. I dont have time for pettiness, gossip or power games. Once trust or respect is violated I wont go back. I partly see this as good boundaries, and valid expectations of being a decent human being, but I do also see its not very open/forgiving and means you are less likely to have many or any female friendships. What are other peoples experiences? Just for females for this one
  23. HalfFull

    Classroom Incentives

    I was first in my class to learn my 12 times table when I was 7. I don't remember getting a prize but I may have got one. That same year I won a group prize for making the best 'litter monster' and we got to plant our own tree and a day out in the Lake District instead of going to school that day.
  24. Dr-David-Banner

    TEFL (some thoughts)

    Probably about the best language to learn I think is Spanish. I can't really think of anywhere else where I tried to teach TEFL that was comparable. I did try Estonia, Latvia as well as Russia but, all in all, the money was awful and I felt my language skills were not appreciated. Spanish is really pretty easy to learn except (1) in the South it's spoken jet-fast due to the syllables. Compare two sentences, for example: "Pancha plancha con cuatro planchas. ¿Con cuántas planchas plancha Pancha?" The first sentence has 9 syllables but "irons with four irons" has less syllables. (2) The "rr" has always been impossible for me to roll. (3) Some people would find subjunctives difficult. They don't exist in Russian. O.K. in Russian you can say "I want that she will go to the market" but there is no special subjunctive verb to go with it. In Latin, the subjunctives are richer than in Spanish which is maybe why many of the ancient languages are more difficult. Other than that, Spanish is fairly easy to pick up. It's also spoken slower in South America. For EFL it offers not just mainland Spain but also the Andes, Mexico, Argentina, A pretty massive area to seek out a small school or academy. The students tend to be not particularly brilliant at English but they tend to be friendly and (above all) appreciate a teacher having learned their language. This is a relief as it always gets up my nose when my efforts to speak a language are met with chauvinism or rivalry.
  25. Dr-David-Banner

    TEFL (some thoughts)

    Valentin Falin wrote a very interesting chapter on Stalinism that I found useful. The article was very anti Stalin but the comments on incentives to labour I found useful. Under Stalin the motive to work was based on targets, ideology, fear of being charged with sabotage. With capitalism the motive to labour has always been personal gain, wages, wealth. The snag, as you can see, is this tends to erode science and education. Sure, there was a state system of class based schools from the 1950s to the early 1970s but, as Sanctuary pointed out, access to all of this was rooted in class, privilege, family name and "strings pulled". So, even when times were better this system was flawed. Einstein repeatedly stated science is "science" and is motivated by the desire to explore and understand and not profit. Now, we see things have taken a turn for the worse too, since education is hugely declining. Not only that but the incentives to work have shifted from wages and wealth to survival on minimum wage. I still think the big turning point in history was Gorbachev's failure to reform communism. This is what needed to be done. I mean, Gorbachev's whole idea was to allow marketing and trade and create a more liberal, socialist society. When it all went in the wrong direction, the world turned to capitalism. Yet, whether the penny will drop now or in another decade, it seems to me capitalism is leading us all to a one-way path to ecological ruin, over-population, inequality, chaos and lack of democracy. The weird thing is capitalism is in the same crisis as communism with similar causes of decline.
  26. I feel I am okay at making sense of others' body language although it's hard to judge. My big weakness is in how I communicate non-verbally - my own body language. While I can try to control my words (spoken and even more so in written form) and do my best to create a strong verbal impression I don't feel I make a good impression in terms of body language and am often judged as unconfident, uninterested / unmotivated, lacking enthusiasm, etc. I suspect others with ASD have had similar responses or - try as they might to seem positive, confident and enthusiastic - they are still judged as lacking in those qualities.
  27. I was replying to the post above mine made by you. I meant that I understand better when a message is stated directly to me by speaking, than I do if the person just uses body language.
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