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  1. Today
  2. collectingrocks

    Friendship for females on the spectrum

    Sorry to hijack but this isn't just a female thing I don't do fake, superficial, deceit or play pretend games to manipulate or control people. I don't do office politics and don't play the social game. I also don't like people who play power games or do "one-upping", backstabbing, eager to "get one over" somebody else. I prefer honest, straightforward people with integrity and honesty
  3. Yesterday
  4. Dr-David-Banner

    Can delusions of grandiosity be a part of Asperger's

    I know it's off- topiic but last night I watched a dvd on Lance Armstrong and his fall from grace. Although clearly neurotypical, Lance was portrayed as being a big-head and craving to win and be at the top. However despite the public outrage over Lance, I felt I could understand how he became corrupted in a dog-eat-dog sport, drugs included. There was so much money in the Tour de France and it's clear doping was universal. I think the outrage against Lance was due to his aggressive denials over drugs and his legal lawsuits against those who stated he was doping. Very strange to see Armstrong's hypocrisy and bullying of rivals when he was also very kind to children with cancer and gave so much to charity and cancer research. Also what the film revealed was the bitterness and resentment felt by former team-mates who had gotten caught doping and then turned on Armstrong. I had this weird feeling too when it struck me how group and team mentality dominated everything. Sports-wise years ago I chose bodybuilding as I feel my ego is too big to endure being in a team. I would hate being eclipsed by more popular athletes. Same goes for music. I need to write my own tracks rather than fade into a group. Lastly too what struck me was the way the French fans are allowed to run by the cyclists in the mountain stages or even dart out in front of them. In my case that would have made me angry to put it mildly. Anyway I think I am a bit narcissistic in certain ways. Those times when my efforts to be really good in a special interest were taken lightly or ridiculed, it fired me up to work ten times as hard. When sportsmen like Armstrong get carried away, I can at least relate to part of it. Maybe in his case the drive came from being raised by a single mother and needing to be noticed.
  5. It's important to distinguish narcissism from individualism. While both may do things differently and "not follow the crowd" the narcissist does so very deliberately in a desire to gain attention - the "look at me, look at me" syndrome. Individualism though is often not this sort of deliberate, ostentatious choice but may just be someone acting in a way that feels comfortable to them or even be the only approach they know or can perform. Some may actually want to do things in the way others do but find it too difficult. For example some autistic individuals may want to socialise and join in the activities of others but they find it too difficult or stressful to do so and this leads to them following a more individual path out of necessity (although some with ASD have no interest in socialising or doing the things that neurotypicals do). While it is true that many with autism spend a lot of time in some sort of introspection this also is usually very different to narcissism. The narcissist admires him / herself and likes to focus on his or her supposed virtues; others engage in a far more critical introspection, fretting over their supposed faults and limitations and I feel this is much more true for those with autism. Social isolation also often leaves little choice but some degree of self-preoccupation. Overall while there may be some autistic individuals who fit a narcissistic personality type most do not.
  6. Peridot

    Ability to form & sustain relationships

    Other members also feel that way but they aren't outsiders either.
  7. StarlessEclipse

    Ability to form & sustain relationships

    For more reasons than I can even begin to explain, I often feel that my perspective is so vastly removed from that of everyone else my age and beyond that I'll never be able to form a meaningful connection with anyone, and that would include others on the spectrum. Even as a six-year veteran of this forum, I remain very much an outsider, underestimated and misunderstood.
  8. Last week
  9. Dr-David-Banner

    Was life better without the Internet?

    I now find I am not the only one to be getting rid of Google. As a search engine I find it tries to be too clever by "suggesting" searches and apparently blocking manual over-ride. So if I wanted to find "Titanic expedition" I will instead get suggestions such as "Titanic dvd" and have to reload the whole page and start again. Very annoying so I went back to Yahoo. Other people tell me they are annoyed with Google. Another thing I notice is many news sites are blocked. They don't display. Just as bad you get demands on all sites to enable cookies so they can send spam or profile advertising. This is what happens when new teams tinker with software and assume net users don't prefer simplicity and reliability. Fortunately Yahoo is not too bad and for now it is allowing me to just search manually and showing enough results.
  10. Dr-David-Banner

    Can delusions of grandiosity be a part of Asperger's

    It is often one of the symptoms - basically narcissism. Given autism is an inward, self orientated mindset, narcissism can follow from that. I feel I am narcissistic in some ways and very aware I don't follow popular thinking trends or be easily influenced by the "done" thing or view. I loved the way too Muhammad Ali in the sixties would think how he wanted to think and not just follow the pack. He was almost the first to publically refuse to fight in Vietnam and was briefly the most hated athlete in America.
  11. Miss Chief

    Helplines and Support Websites

    Was this directed at me?
  12. RiRi

    Helplines and Support Websites

    If you are in the US or Canada, you can use text which is similar to emailing. This is if you are in a moment of crisis. I hope this helps. I don't know if the UK has the same service. Good luck! They might have email counseling without any cost through NHS but I don't know how that works as I'm not British. I hope you can find the help that you are looking for or need.
  13. Dr-David-Banner

    Was life better without the Internet?

    Logic suggests we ought to really consider how environment can influence the individual. I think social media these days is included in "environment". Some years ago I took the decision to ditch TV and instead limited myself to DVD movies. I had gotten tired of so much negativity on TV and felt the negativity was rubbing off. With DVDs I could watch better media - even older movies. The point is though we all know if you eat just junk food, you get fat and listless. If you eat good, home cooked food, it impacts positively. Environmentally, all you hear on the media day in and day out will subconsciously program the mind to think like everyone else. Most people are easily influenced and want to fit in with others, be the same and so on. If that isn't true then how come religion varies from country? Well, each culture grafts its beliefs and ideals to the individual. The internet can enhance this process 100 times! Not that the net in itself is bad but I think they call it "Social Media" for a good reason. Most net use today is social and about society. The focus is social interaction. Many will make the point that if a person lacks social skills or dating skills, the net can help in that area. OK, maybe there are cases of that but my ten years of experience on forums indicates to me autistic people experience the same social issues online as in real life. I have had in the past three instances of hostility online and one case of stalking (not on Asperclick). These days I use the net more educationally or I may watch old Ali fights on YouTube or anything of interest. For languages it is useful or for medical info or DIY. What bothers me though is as I stated, most people I see use the internet as social media but much of the content is as bad as junk cable TV. At least from what I witness personally. I won't get into the economic aspect but net commerce and staffing online has, as we know, led to closure of offices, banks and scores of shops. Personally I would prefer to just buy from a shop and view stuff. When Maplins closed last year I was really disappointed as now I can't buy stuff I need the same day.
  14. Liliane

    Helplines and Support Websites

    How can I get in touch by email and not phone?
  15. Dr-David-Banner

    Was life better without the Internet?

    Sadly there is big problem you would not notice unless you'd grown up in the 1970s and 80s. People today are being dominated by a technology that excludes them. Whereas decades ago people thrived on being a part of technology - not just a consumer. Locally we had a Tandy store where they sold kits and projects. We had Mecano too which was brilliant for doing engineering. These days I don't see the net being used educationally. What I see is awful. Kids playing games and glued to a mobile phone. Conversations forced on everyone else. When one stops, another rings. I would like to say "someone" uses the net educationally but the truth is only one woman I know uses it for college work. Now back in the 90s it was much more positive. People were doing courses in web design and many of the forums were good to be on. Even Ebay was laid back. So, I have now had serious misgivings for some time and gradually I see others asking similar questions. Even Prince Harry came out stated he feels computer games and phones are dumbing down a generation. The press is highlighting the way large web chains are hooking up kids or even exposing some to risk. So my guess is sooner or later something will change. I think really the rot started with cable TV when more junk programs started to turn viewers into couch potatoes. We only used to have three stations but quality was higher. You even had Open University.
  16. Dr-David-Banner

    Limited Manual Skills

    According to Tesla, human beings basically exist as biological robots. If you observe people everwhere you go, you should notice they perform tasks every day. The body as it stands allows us to perform all level of tasks but the downside is physical deterioration accelerates after 40. These days I have a wider perspective on what is taken for granted - healthy people are supposed to be physically functional. My point here is only a tiny percent of human beings perform activity that is really high level performance. Most people go to work and carry out far more basic tasks. Yesterday the girls at the shop asked me to tidy up the drinks fridge so I lent a hand. Every day I have to do other things like tidy up or clean or ride my bike to get about. Even so, I consider my most productive time to be when I just think in quiet. The best time to think is during zero physical activity. I even found sleep helps me to solve problems. Despite my lower performance in physical task performance I think it's safe to state there has always been a gulf between the academic world and the real one. I've known the odd dizzy academic who can't mend a broken plug. Likewise females I find to be overall better at communication and more expressive, although they seem unable to hammer a nail.
  17. HalfFull

    Post a Picture of Yourself

    Out geocaching.
  18. HalfFull

    Limited Manual Skills

    My cycling ability is fine despite some slight co-ordination problems akin I guess to having mild dyspraxia, although I couldn't say if it is dyspraxia. The bike accident was as a result of my helmet coming loose (luckily I'd turned into a quiet street). With cycling however there are some testing moments where I can't judge a road users intention and rather than make a quick assessment will get off the road, and no I don't ride on the pavement. As a driver this wouldn't be an option and I'd be worried about not thinking quick enough, although I suppose since cars are more powerful and faster than cars I'd have more thinking space. Chances are I could learn to drive (notwithstanding my age) with great difficulty, but would be terrified of very busy roads and busy interchanges. I've been taught how to prepare more foods for myself but my attempts to make new things on my own are invariably painful and problematic. Even if I successfully make it, I may struggle getting the mess off the pans etc. I'm fine with basic washing up, but not with complex washing up. So even when I try, frustrating results of some part of the process fuel my anxiety, so the thought of trying again makes me feel unwell.
  19. Sanctuary

    Limited Manual Skills

    My manual skills are also poor but I think to some degree they haven't been properly tested and the problem may be more of a psychological one than actual manual ability. I struggled at all the creative manual subjects at school such as Art, Woodwork, Metalwork and Technical Drawing and with the latter three I gave up and adopted a very negative attitude which further hindered my progress while the teachers seemed to make little effort to get me on the right track. Anxiety about practical tasks such as cooking and DIY has been there throughout my adult life and I either avoid doing them or do them in a very limited, unambitious way. However it's possible that if I made more effort to learn them and / or got support I could be more successful. Learning these things is on my "to do" list but has been there for decades and is likely to be there for decades more! Driving involves manual and spatial skills among other things and I found it very difficult to learn but was eventually successful. It does seem that a higher than average number of people with ASD have struggled with driving which can point to wider problems with practical skills. However some of those who've found driving difficult might be very good at other practical skills or vice versa which might indicate different skill sets. More recent diagnoses criteria for autism don't refer to problems with practical activities / coordination although they tend to note a tendency for there to be a link. The practical / spatial / coordination difficulties may these days be diagnosed as dyspraxia which often goes along autism but is also found among neurotypicals. Some autistic individuals may have excellent practical skills and certainly a large number seem to have a talent and interest in Art and other crafts so the links may not be as strong as sometimes seems.
  20. Earlier
  21. HalfFull

    Limited Manual Skills

    I do have manual 'ability' but I don't have many manual skills, so for example, if someone asked me to drill a hole in a wall, I'd be able to physically hold the drill and point it towards roughly where the hole should go, but theres a very good chance that I'd get it completely wrong and make a funny shaped hole in the wall. Think Mr Bean, although not quite that bad lol. I had to take my small fire extinguisher to just outside my flat door yesterday and pulled a muscle doing so. The fact that I had just recovered from a sore arm after a minor bike accident won't have helped but I think it could have occurred anyway. When I started work with a previous employer, we were given Fire safety training and all 20 of us had to have a go with a fire extinguisher and spray out a tiny part of its contents. Because it was so heavy, I was the one person unable to do so.
  22. HalfFull

    8 year old step daughter

    Before I even read Alice's reply I felt that your step daughter could very well have ADHD. It reads more like the Hyperactive type to me, though it would be diagnosed as ADHD anyway. I don't really see any Autistic traits as such other than the social awkwardness but that could also occur with some ADHD cases, as being hyperactive doesn't necessarily mean being uninhibited. It does seem worth discussing with her dad.
  23. Dr-David-Banner

    Limited Manual Skills

    A quote from an old Soviet psychology document: "Принято считать, что эти дети являются представителями «крайнего варианта мужского характера» (A. van Krevelen, 1962 и др.). В то же время некоторые их особенности, выявляющиеся при наблюдении (раннее речевое развитие и высокий уровень речи в последующем, тонкая ручная умелость при общемоторной неловкости и др.), описываются как характерные отличительные признаки психофизиологического развития девочек по сравнению с мальчиками." "It is considered that these children are representatives of the “extreme variant of a male character” (A. van Krevelen, 1962, etc.). At the same time, some of their features that come to light upon observation (early speech development and a high level of speech later, limited manual skill with common motor impairment, etc.) are described as distinctive features of the psycho-physiological development of girls compared to boys." An unusual but striking observation - well worth exploring. All my female friends are limited in the sphere of manual work, to a lesser or greater extent. I will often be asked to fix a stuck lock or any basic mechanical difficulty that arises. I should point out too that I'm not the prime candidate myself for fixing things. The above quote relates to me as well. Over time, I've improved my DIY skills and learned some basic woodwork or how to use power drills and tools but, compared to typical DIYers, I am not really so great at practical tasks. I also feel like I have 4 thumbs and 2 fingers so tend to get very worked-up and irritable when, say, fixing a bike. Or I may struggle to figure out some mechanical fitting. It's interesting the psychiatrists above suggests later on that "limited manual dexterity" only is highlighted as a problem in relation to boys because at school it's just assumed boys will be far better with at stuff like woodwork and metalwork than girls. In fact, at my school, when the boys did woodwork class, girls would be sent off to baking and cooking classes. It's another topic entirely to discuss whether these differences are predominantly cultural. Personally, I feel pretty sure I could teach any female to fix a broken bike or use power tools. I know the odd female who can weld and we all know some women have been known to make great mechanics (even if percentage-wise they are few). When I read testimonies by males with A.S., very often they refer to problems at school with manual skills: "I was excellent at all subjects except for music, gymnastics, drawing, and manual 6 training." (Paul Cooijman) My own take on this? It is true Asperger himself compared HFA to an extreme masculine identity (in thought processing) but I myself have noted girls with A.S. often tend to be tomboyish and I think many of the males are actually less masculine in personality. The point is anyway the Russian psychiatrist compares Asperger males to neurotypical females in the area that's limited to manual dexterity. Personally I just accepted I am not particularly brilliant with applied, practical work and tend to be more theoretical. I tend to streamline my activity accordingly and just do my best when trying to work with my hands.
  24. Alice

    8 year old step daughter

    This reminds me so much of myself as a kid. I dont want to assume too much, I dont know the child, but based on what youve said this is how I relate to it as an adult diagnosed with both Autism Spectrum Disorder and ADD (inn-attentive subtype) and she does sound similar - I was uncoordinated, bumpy into things, eye-to-hand coordination tasks like sports were a nightmare, I would blank out whenever a ball was coming anywhere near me. Common in both ADD/ADHD and autism - random smiling for me was either being off in my own world, a funny part of a film or sentence reoccurring in my mind (like mental echolalia), finding something funny that only I would understand or find funny or that I didnt know how to communicate or perceiving something non-typically that seemed funny to me. Normal in Autism and ADD. -The instruction part is possibly a sensory issue. When someone is speaking the sounds take up all the space in my mind - I cant also process and comprehend them at the same time. Im just looking at someone talking and hearing sounds until Ive had a moment to process, she may not be recognising its an instruction even if she understands the words. When prompted with a demand, she may be panicking and just picking the first instruction that comes to mind. Stress lowers sensory processing capacity. She will perceive the anger before comprehending words, meaning, instructions - so you turning from explaining mode to anger/demand will be shocking. - constantly repeating things, sentences words or phrases could be echolalia. If there is a positive association with the word/sentence, or it just sounds nice, autistic people often repeat it because it gives a nice feeling or is a form of auditory stimming. Even now as an adult I repeat lines of disney films to myself, outloud or in my head, or parts of a disney jingle etc.. It has a positive association - Meltdown are never about what it appears to be about on the surface - there is an intense internal experience going on that is awful to experience, I can understand it may seem odd but for her it feels a bit more life or death. Its definitely not crazy. - The fidgeting is a classic ADHD symptom (the hyperactive subtype) which I didnt have, impulse control is an issue for either subtype of ADD/ADHD. Unless its stimming, a repetitive movement used to soothe, reassure, ground etc.. - I recall several times where my mum was telling me off where I began smiling inappropriately or even laughing. The reasons were varied, but I didnt really understand what she was doing or saying - the angry telling off seemed like an odd comical act, another time I just didnt register her words or even the sounds and was just smiling at the person I loved, another time I was having a weird perception of feeling like I was zooming in and out of my body - her head would get smaller and further away, then come back closer, I couldnt understand what was happening and it looked funny. Sometimes she ended up laughing with me and it broke through her anger, other times not - and that wasnt my intention but she was pretty good about it saying she didnt want to have to tell me off anyway and cant do it to my smiling face. These days we know children dont need punishment, just reasoning, but it was a while back. Its very hard to have your perception, sensory experience, comprehension so opposite to everyone else, it makes the world a very confusing place - and makes people very confusing especially when you are a child and are learning to make sense of the world. You cant force someone with a developmental disorder to develop at the same rate as 'normal' kids - it will only cause harm and potentially trauma. You seem to have valid reasons for your concerns and wanting to get her appropriate help and support is really good. Can you speak kindly and openly about this to her mother, perhaps provide some brochures or print off some info from the net. Even if its not this, its good to find out either way. If she is developmentally behind, support would be good in whichever form she ends up needing. In the meantime, try slowing down your speech, give her time to process and respond. Ask her what she is experiencing - 'whats happening for you right now?' 'what does that feel like for you?' 'what do you need to feel better?' etc.. You could put up a little picture based list, like a flow chart of images of what you would like her to complete in order each morning to get ready - like a picture of brushing hair, cleaning teeth, her uniform etc.. pictures are easier - a lot of autistic people think in pictures so its more natural, you could try this out and see if it helps. Try and extend some extra compassion beyond what seems normal and even though her behaviour seems out of proportion, if she is on the spectrum, her experience is so far out of proportion, and getting through each day like that is very solitary, brave and an achievement.
  25. Hello! So my 8 year old step daughter has had problems since I met her (over 3 years ago) Her dad will occasionally mention concerns but her mother just thinks she has a speech impediment. Here are her symptoms: * she can never sit still. While eating, chilling and watching a movie, doing homework, reading, playing on electronics. You name it and she is always awkwardly moving and shuffling around. She constantly falls off couches and chairs. She even falls standing up while doing nothing at all. She also constantly runs into things. Poles, signs, walls, fences. She's not even distracted, she just walks right into them. *She also started randomly smiling a few years ago (not sure if it's new or if her actual parents just haven't noticed) She will be sitting and doing nothing and will just have an odd twitchy smile every few seconds like she doesn't have control of her facial muscles. She also awkwardly smiles while getting into trouble (which is quite often) *She can't follow very simple tasks. We will tell her "don't talk to strangers" before going outside with our other 4 older kids. When asked to immediately repeat what she's not supposed to do she will either spout off some random thing like "I'm not supposed to play on my bike" or freeze with a look of shock and horror on her face and not respond at all. *She seems to have poor impulse control and is very messy, for her age, while doing any task. She is also constantly in trouble at school for not paying attention, not keeping her hands to herself or for not following instructions. *She seems extremely socially awkward. Either retreats to a hiding place or clings to us like velcro without saying a word to anyone while in public. *she seems to constantly repeat saying things. If we say "we are going to the park, get your socks and shoes on" she obsessively says and tells everyone about a park but it will take 30 minutes, multiple remindings and normally it will take someone to get harsh with her (never anything physical) to eventually do what she was told. *She freezes or throws tantrums for simple things. Every single morning it will take almost an hour to get her ready. Sure I can help but I'd also like to see her develop properly and do simple tasks that our 2 year old can follow. She seems to have constant meltdowns. She will take every single sock out of her drawer (which i pair together and put away to make it easier for her) and try on all of them and then tell me she has no socks. *She once had 1 flip flop slide almost off of her foot at the store once. She froze and had a crazy meltdown because she refused to move her foot the one inch that would have placed her foot back into the flip flop which seems very odd to me. *I know every childs development is different but I feel like an 8 year old should be capable if simple instructions and tasks. I'm very worried about her but, as her stepmother, I have no authority to take her to the dr. I feel that if we could get her help we might be able get thr right tools to help her adjust not only at home but also in school. I feel like she is different and therefore should be treated differently. We just need the knowledge and tools to do so. I would also like to add that she is a very sweet girl. Despite her issues she isn't a monster child that is throwing tantrums and just being a jerk (trust me, I have a 10 year old nephew that is very ill behaved and does things on purpose to get in trouble) I just want others opinions on what could possibly be wrong with her. I've read up on autism conditions and think that might be what's going on?? Just need some advice! Thanks in advance for any help!
  26. Sanctuary

    Ability to form & sustain relationships

    In the right circumstances almost anything is possible. Someone who has struggled, for whatever reason, to have friendships or intimate relationships can find a person or certain people with whom "everything clicks". Often timing is really important and what works at one time will not work at another. Confidence can then become a huge factor and someone who has started to develop successful experience of relationships then goes into future ones with better skills and more expectation of success. Success or failure is not just down to one person but the capacity is there in us all and things we thought could never happen might be more possible than we think.
  27. So for those who got internet, and along with that, web browsers, before 2004 and especially those who got that in the 1990s: Do you believe the impact of the web upon your life has been positive, neutral or negative and if positive or negative, which of the web versions had more impact? I don't know of clear definitions of web versions but I know one example of web 1.0 is personal websites (which were read-only, also see this thread), and an example of web 2.0 is blogs with comments. If any of you know any other examples of both, any of you can (also) go by any other examples you know.
  28. GracideaFlower

    Greetings!

    Thank you, Alice. I started looking into autistic burnout since you mentioned it, and it seems like that'd explain a lot. Your advice regarding coping tools has also been very valuable, music definitely helps, as does soothing objects. I recently found out that peppermint extract works wonders for combating nausea, so I've been wearing a vial necklace filled with the stuff wherever I go. The headphones sound like a lifesaver, I'm hoping to get my hands on some soon. Thank you again, I'm super grateful for your help!
  29. Dr-David-Banner

    Autistic people never get the slack that other minorities are given

    Sometimes the autistic superiority trip is one useful stage in rebuilding broken self confidence. It's very important not to accept false ideas of inferiority that start to be imposed by society. Such as being told repeatedly how bad you are at something. I agree though there comes a time when more self humility and balance is preferred. At some point I started to see more of my faults and less attractive attributes. Also very helpful is to recognise your strengths and weaknesses.
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