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  1. Heather

    Heather

    Asperclicker


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  2. Nesf

    Nesf

    Know My Way Around


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  3. RiRi

    RiRi

    Asperclicker


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  4. Willow

    Willow

    Founder


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      3

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Popular Content

Showing content with the highest reputation on 01/22/2019 in all areas

  1. 3 points
    I find coffee shops stressful but I still like to go once in a while under certain conditions. I have to feel up to it on the day, only go alone, with a book, to a quiet one on a weekday and it has to have a wall-facing/corner seat. Like this, I can enjoy them, it feels like getting human contact. Other than the supermarket once a week/fortnight, and library trips, this is basically my only social interaction (no family, partner, friends etc.. in my life), which sounds abnormal but its really fine - I just do need to be around humans once in a while - and I have to interact to place an order anyway. I cant hold a proper/longer/unplanned conversation with that noise but I can focus it out, while enjoying a decaf soy latte, and the change in scenery can be nice. It makes me feel more normal.
  2. 2 points
    So I find coffee shops to be pretty stressful places to be, but I do enjoy coffee so I tend to put up with it - and I have a few favourite places that tend to be a bit quieter. I think a lot of people on the spectrum find coffee shops to be stressful - they're loud, busy and there's lots of strong smells, people talking, interactions needed to order things, etc. But, in the Asperclicker's video chat a few days ago, @Rhys said he finds coffee shops a relaxing place to be, and we were all a bit shocked - I guess I never really contemplated that, for an NT person, it's a nice environment to chill out in. The idea seems so ridiculous to me that I never even thought about it! But he pointed out that friends meet there for a chat, people go and work on their books, work related stuff, having meetings there...so it must be true haha. This is also playing on my mind more because I'm meeting a couple in a coffee shop to discuss their wedding photography this weekend. But I was able to pick my favourite coffee shop so hopefully it will be okay!
  3. 2 points
    I also had my wisdom teeth taken out, over a year ago now (November 2017). I had been having tooth pain off and on for a while. Initially, it was only when food got stuck but in summer 2017 I got a more severe episode of pain and about a month before my surgery was scheduled, I also had another incident, where I had pain and couldn't eat very well. It's kind of funny because one day it dawned on me that it was likely my wisdom teeth that were causing the issues. I had not been to the dentist for a few years before I went for a cleaning and they recommended I get all 4 wisdom teeth removed. I got put to sleep for the surgery. It was scary but since I had the pain before, I knew that even if there was any pain due to the surgery, the likelihood was that the pain would eventually go away as my mouth healed and then hopefully it would be good. I haven't had any major tooth pain since. I know I have other teeth issues but I haven't gone to the dentist since because I'm trying to delay the additional cost of the appointments and procedures. And I don't have pain anymore so I feel okay not going right now even though the dentist keeps calling and emailing to get me to make an appointment for a checkup. My partner came with me to the appointment and he called a taxi for us to take home from the dentist office. They prescribed me some medications which my partner picked up for me while I was getting my wisdom teeth out. I had made sure to stock up on soup and soft foods prior to the surgery. I remember initially, I couldn't eat anything and had to keep changing cotton in my mouth until the bleeding stopped. I had done the procedure on a Friday and taken the Monday off in addition to the weekend so that I didn't have to worry about going to work. I would have taken off more time off if I needed to but I was fortunate and didn't have too much pain. I did take some pain medication somewhat preventatively at first because I worried if I didn't take it that I would feel really bad pain but as I healed I didn't take it unless I needed it but I seemed to be okay. I had soups for the next week or so and then softer foods until eventually, I ate regular foods without worry.
  4. 2 points
    I don't mind coffee shops sometimes but depends on how busy they are. In the past, I have met friends at coffee shops and I think it is a nice place to meet people because having a cup of coffee (or other beverage) while talking takes off the pressure to talk and can make it less awkward. Though I do find it hard to fully relax in coffee shops or restaurants or anywhere there are people that are not close like my immediate family and partner. The noise can make it difficult to hear someone else or think properly or speak because I feel like I have to talk loud to be heard. On the flip side, if it is a very quiet coffee shop, then I feel awkward like all the attention would be on me if I talk. So in my opinion coffee shops have their benefits for certain situations, in particular, they are a good neutral meeting place to meet people but I most days I prefer making a cup of coffee at home and drinking it in my own space where I feel most comfortable of course.
  5. 2 points
    I tend to go to coffee shops late at night (usually in London) with my laptop to write and tap into free Wifi - so, for me, they're relaxing by association. Although I prefer my cigar lounges. I just limit those visits to once a fortnight. For obvious reasons. I need to post a thread on befriending meditations - I think it'll help some of you.
  6. 2 points
    Good luck! I think you will manage just fine. I don't really like going out. And for me, a peaceful place would be a place where there are no people around. I don't have to worry about people turning to see me and people taking pictures and huge chatters, etc. Even a library wouldn't be peaceful for me unless there are only like 3 people in total and I get a space away from everyone. Regarding the video chat, I wondered if Rhys was playing FIFA as a way to cope with anxiety of being in front of the camera. I know he later on stopped and participated more but then he wanted to continue. Was the chat boring for him or was he anxious or was he just multitasking? Just couldn't help wonder.
  7. 1 point
    I had surgery to put pins into my wrist when I fractured it. The surgery was stressful, but no big deal because I was asleep. The worst part was several months later, when they pulled the pins out. I was awake for that. But it was no more painful than another fractured wrist that I had a couple of years before that I didn't require surgery for. It does kind of piss me off though. Because the first fracture was much more severe, but didn't require surgery, because that doctor took better care of it from the start. The doctor who operated on my wrist was not great.
  8. 1 point
    @RiRi @Willow Willow was correct, I had my tonsils out in early 2015 after a few months of constant tonsillitis and throat infections. I’m going to be brutally honest, it was the worst pain and recovery I’ve ever experienced in my life , apparently having the operation when you’re younger (which is the case most of the time) is a lot better and easier to recover from than having it later in life, like I did.
  9. 1 point
    Yes, I've had surgery. I had a lumpectomy, that is the removal of a malignant tumour from the breast. It was scary and took a lot of courage, but it was either that or the tumour would grow, spread and eventually lead to death. The whole thing took a couple of hours and I was put under general anaesthetic. It was like being asleep... except you are not asleep but in a lower level of consciousness. You kind of become spacey, dreamy, then wake up. When I woke up, I felt groggy and spacey still, it took about an hour for the affects of the anesthetic to wear off. I had no pain at all: I actually thought that they must have given me morphine, but that wasn't the case. The only time it hurt was when I wanted to lift my arm and the skin tugged at the stiches.
  10. 1 point
    No, I wouldn't describe most coffee shops as relaxing places to be, and I most certainly couldn't read or have a meeting in them. I find them tiring and stressful - I can tolerate them, but not really relax. Here where I live, they are noisy, loud music and full of smoke, which I can't stand. In the UK, they are busy and noisy, especially round the tills and the area where the orders are being prepared. If I'm out anywhere with my mum in the UK, she gets tired so we inevitably end up in a coffee shop. She is aware of my sensory sensitivity, so we it somewhere away from the area where the orders are being prepared. And capuccino machines are my nemesis - see below.
  11. 1 point
    It's an important point that it is quite possible to be liked and quite popular among people without that moving over into friendship. For me a friend is someone you have voluntary social contact outside of the place you normally (or originally met them) - that may be face-to-face contact but could be by phone, the internet or (less commonly these days) letter. It's tempting - especially for people with low self-esteem - to assume that lack of friends equals unpopularity but this is not the case. Relationships as you mention can be affable and even warm but there isn't enough there to turn it into friendship. Perhaps in some cases we feel a person is good company at work but are not sure they would be so engaging for longer periods as tends to happen in friendship. Often work or education is the "social glue" that connects us very well with certain people but away from that context the relationship comes apart - not in the sense of arguments or bad feeling but just simply lack of the thing that connects us. It's noticeable how many relationships (sometimes friendships) end or fade away when one or both of the people moves away from their place of work or education. It's also worth bearing in mind that none of us - even the most social people - has the time to form friendships with everyone we like. In some instances - and I think this does often link to autism - a potential friend doesn't pursue a friendship because they sense the other person doesn't want one. Autistic individuals (and maybe those with social anxiety) may be more likely to project an impression that they prefer to be self-contained and want to keep a certain distance. This is sometimes deliberate but often unintended and occasionally against their real preferences but they still seem to erect a barrier of sorts. It's still possible despite this to be well-liked. Perhaps a good way of putting it is that we can be liked - but not too much.
  12. 1 point
    @RiRi my Wisdom teeth still hasn't come through I'm not sure if I will get any to be honest with you
  13. 1 point
    Luckily I've never had surgery neither has my dad or my sister I guess we are lucky in that area of life
  14. 1 point
    Good luck with the meeting Willow For me coffee shops can be loud, I tend to always pick a corner table I don't like to be right in the middle of everyone, if there's no tables available in the corner I tend to just leave
  15. 1 point
    Just curious. I've never had surgery myself. I was reading about your dad needing a kidney transplant and came up with this topic. I think the forum is becoming less active and I'm trying to contribute for that not to happen. I actually was curious why his kidney failed but I found the answer in his thread that he had high blood pressure and the reason is unknown. It's unnerving because I have hbp, do you? But now I am wondering when did his original kidney fail, what age was he?
  16. 1 point
    I recognise this in myself and I'm sure it applies to others with ASD - they are interacting with others and on the surface seem integrated but it doesn't go deeper in the way it does for most group members. Conversations may remain limited to one or two topics and often don't move into personal areas. In many areas such as employment we can identify cliques or insider groups but the autistic or more detached person will rarely find themselves in such a clique. He or she is almost always on the outside - not necessarily the target of hostility or otherwise "frozen out" but certainly not part of the in-group. Members of groups often confide in others but I noticed this rarely happened to me. Maybe it was because I wasn't seen as particularly warm or supportive (though I tried to be) but perhaps it was mainly because I was a very private person who rarely if ever confided in others so that limited my integration with them. One of the key differences between autistic individuals and neurotypicals is that the former are often quite content to keep their distance - to get on with others but not to get close to them.
  17. 1 point
    I'm definitely in the no brexit or another referendum camp - the whole thing is a fiasco and doomed to failure from the beginning, It's a lose - lose situation as far as May is concerned.
  18. 1 point
    I agree with @Willow and @Nesf about making a list. I remember when I got overwhelmed at university, it was so helpful to make a list of everything I had to do and break it down into when things are due and assess the priority level of each item and then assign something to each of you for each week or each part of the project. When I did a group project at university, it was really helpful to have a shared 'google document' where we could work together from our own homes. We still had to sometimes get together outside of class to work on aspects of the project, depending on the particular project.
  19. 1 point
    @Willow has excellent advice - meet your partner and make a list, put the high priority items at the top of the list, start with those and tick them off as you do them. Plan who is going to do which tasks. I often do this to help me with daily living, so I don't become overwhelmed by the many tasks I need to get through in a day. It also gives a tremendous feeling of satisfaction and progress when you tick things off the list.
  20. 1 point
    I am slowly learning to cook. I can cook many dishes for myself nowadays, which is a major accomplishment.
  21. 1 point
    I understand how much of a struggle this can be. At college last year our tutor would give us assignments the day before they were due and it was very stressful. The best way I've found to cope is to break everything down into smaller, manageable parts, and create a list of the order you need to do things in. Do an item on the list, have a short break doing something that you find relaxing, do the next item, have a break, and so on until you have ticked all the items on the list off. Since you have a partner, I assume you are working together on all of this, so either - meet up and break the work down and make the to-do list together, and each take parts away to do, or, if you prefer to be in control, make the list yourself and tell them which bits to work on. It seems simple, but I find it can really help me to feel organised enough to make a start. You can also, whilst making the list, prioritise which tasks are the most important, so if you don't manage to get through them all, the last tasks aren't vital for handing in to your teacher. Sometimes, we over perfect our work, and we can get away with doing much less and still pass. So try to go over everything once in less detail than you would normally, and if you have time, go over again and add more details - if you don't have time to go over it again, you still have a completed project to hand in, which is better than nothing at all. I hope this is understandable enough for you, let me know if something doesn't make sense due to our language differences!
  22. 0 points
    What if you were diagnosed? Would your teacher still allow this to happen? I don't know but if I could have gotten some accommodations while in college, it would have made things better. I think what the teacher is doing about it being unfair is because they don't know you're autistic. I don't know, maybe it would have been good to have a diagnosis in college. I don't know if they offer the same accommodations but at my college, I would have gotten someone to take notes for me whenever I couldn't make it to class (which were a lot of times, I missed class a lot throughout) or allowed more time on a test. I got my degree but my grades were not high. I'm sure they could have been higher had I gotten help. I've always wondered what would have happened if I would have gotten help (but I didn't know I was autistic until well after I graduated). You've been offered some great advice to cope in the meantime and if you decide to go undiagnosed and stay that way. Good luck with your studies regardless.


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