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  1. Nesf


    Koby's Friend

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    Know My Way Around

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    Miss Chief


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Showing content with the highest reputation since 06/25/2017 in all areas

  1. 8 points
    'Clubs' are a new feature for the forum, and I thought I'd do a quick post to let you know how it works. Head over to: http://asperclick.com/clubs/ to take a look - you can start your own club (I've started a photography club), and you can choose how that club is run to an extent. Once I've approved the club you, as the owner of the club, will be able to*: pin and unpin content hide and unhide content move content lock and unlock content delete content split and merge content *within clubs which you are admin of only. So it'll be kind of like running your own sub-forum of Asperclick and I won't be using any of my admin capabilities on your clubs beyond me initially approving it. Fun ideas which I thought might be nice are things like a book club or a film club, you could start the club and then when you have members you could agree upon a book or a film which you would all read or watch and then discuss together. Or a debate club etc., just think back to the clubs at high school or what hobbies you have etc., and go from there! Hope you enjoy this - I'm quite excited to see where it will go! Willow
  2. 7 points
    Lately, I've been greatly struggling with motivation to do anything productive. I read an article that someone put on The Mighty the other day about depression, and they said that they made a reward chart for themselves to get things done. Basically, you assign points to doing specific tasks, such as cooking a healthy meal, cleaning the dishes, taking a shower, etc. giving yourself the most points on the tasks that you find the hardest to complete, and when you get up to 100 points, you give yourself a reward, which can be pretty much anything you want. I think that I'm going to start doing this because basically I've been doing nothing except for playing Breath of the Wild, and when I get hungry I just eat popcorn or a poptart, basically anything that can be made in less than 5 minutes. I think that when I get up to 100 points, I might treat myself to a subscription box, or maybe a video game or something like that.
  3. 6 points
    I hope you feel better soon. It is hard to break the cycle of negativity. Try to think of even one thing you are thankful for. Happiness starts with being happy with what you have in the present, even if it feels like you don't have enough. Also, remember, it always feels like other people have it better, but everyone goes through troubles. I hope you find things to be happy about soon.
  4. 6 points
    A person's hobbies or interests does not determine their intelligence or intellect. Stating that people on the Autistic Spectrum aren't typically empathetic, is a very narrow minded viewpoint, usually reserved for those who have little to no understanding of Autism. There are many generous, philanthropist footballers, that have given millions to various charities.
  5. 6 points
    I had my interview today. Honestly, it wasn't as bad as interviews I've had in the past, but I have a feeling I didn't get the job. It's okay though. One of my friends had an interview for the same job today, and she said that she didn't think hers went very well either, so I don't feel too bad about it. At least I tried.
  6. 5 points
    First, you gotta understand that you aren't 'defective' and grasp that concept. Everyone reacts in different ways to conflict and rough times. Aspies usually struggle with emotion regulation (they feel too much and have meltdowns, they feel too numb/overwhelmed and shut down, or even both), so it's understandable you react that way when facing obstacles or when something goes wrong. It's part of the condition and it's not a 'wrong' way of reacting, just different. You will meet people who won't understand this. Those are ignorant or seriously lack empathy. Luckily, some will at least sympathize if you explain what affects you and why. Once you understand this, develop tolerance and patience towards yourself. How I cope now? I go to a nice corner, the bed or the couch, I listen to music, put on comfy clothes and socks and wait for my body to process what's happening at its own pace. Maybe you can have a calming playlist or a coloring book on your devices, or watch your favorite movie? Self-care comes first. If you're outside, make sure you can leave the place, go to a green area with a bench, breathe. I repeat: self-care comes first. You can also avoid the temptation of self-harming by getting away from dangerous objects and engaging in a activity that keeps your mind busy, text a friend/acquaintance and ask for help. Post on places like this forum. Once you start texting or posting, the urge to harm yourself will gradually fade away. I hope it works for you as it has for me. Stay safe.
  7. 5 points
    This is something I wanted to say, particularly to any young Aspies who are feeling particularly lost, confused or alone. A state in which I am very familiar. I've come to the point in my life, that I actually am very pleased with who and what I am. I have no problem with having Aspergers, and in a way, I'm proud. I find myself in a sort of middle ground. I've noticed there are some Aspies who are of this mindset:" I am what I am and I shouldn't have to change for stupid NTs and their backwards world". I've also noticed Aspies who are of this mindset: " How do I fit in? How is it done? I just wanna make friends, I just want to fit in, tell me what to do, help, help!" I'm right in between, because as far as fitting into the NT world, I want to insofar as that it benefits me. There's no getting around the fact that sometimes you need other people to get things done, and most of those people are NTS who need the world to make sense and be neat and tidy in their judgments throughout the day. I'm past analyzing it, NTs out in the world help civilization function, and that benefits me, so I push myself to fit in so long as it benefits me. But I don't consider it to be changing myself, I consider it to be another tool in my toolbox. And when I see Aspies struggling to fit in and be like NTs, I have the tendency to want to pull them aside and say,"the more desperate you are, the further they'll push you away." They're pack animals. If you're acting weak, they'll see you as weak, and they'll distance themselves. If you embrace who and what you are with no shame and no need of their approval, you will often come across as an alpha, and you'll have their allegiance. But do you really want it? I just wonder sometimes, if Aspies really want to be like NTs, or if they just want it to be easier, so it makes sense to say they want to fit in. Don't get me wrong, I remember wanting to fit in when I was a kid. But looking back, it was never truly that I wanted to fit in, I just wanted less confrontation. I don't like the idea that an Aspie is feeling some pressure from someone or some situation that's causing them to try to mutilate who they are in order to "fit in". What is fitting in, anyway? It's fleeting, for one thing. And doesn't have nearly the amount of meaning and sentiment young Aspies think. Don't try to fit in because you think there's love to be found in it. Fit in only so long as it benefits your day-to-day life. That's my opinion, anyway. In my own experience, the more I've tried to fit in, the more unhappy I became. The more I've just let myself be free to be me, the happier I am. And for the most part, people either like me or don't. And as it happens, any time someone has not liked me, they're not interesting in any way, so it doesn't matter. If you ever managed to change yourself to fit in, you'd be living in a cage of your own creation. Know how to function in their silly little world, but at the end of the day, know who you are and love it. The words happiness and love are so misused and misunderstood. No one is responsible for my happiness. And love is not the same as attachment. Happiness is not something you go off on an adventure to find, it's already in your possession. It is there, ripe for the plucking, every moment of every day. And love is found at the center: orbiting you is all the debris left behind from relationships gone wrong, all the little hurts and failures that left scars and misalignments. But none of that is real, and none of it is you. The only you lies at the very center, untouched by worldly affairs. And all that you are is love. In case you were wondering who you are.
  8. 5 points
    @Biker1 I do get the statement of not being a fan of people. I've said that many times in a similar enough way to you. And analyzing, I think it's because I've had so many negative experiences with people and because I'm an introvert. However, seeing how I'm here on this forum, I can say that statement is only true to some extent or could be rephrased because I do talk to some people and I genuinely care about others. Some people, I've found, even if they are very few, are nice and genuinely care. I don't really know what advice to give you or what else to say, but I also hope you feel better.
  9. 5 points
  10. 5 points
    It may be that with football comes along teams, scores, league tables, numbers etc which (as data) appeals to the autistic mind in a similar manner to timetables, train/bus numbers, telephone directories etc. Also that most sports in general have rules and structure which also appeals
  11. 5 points
    I'm reminded of the saying / idiom ... 'don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm' / 'don't burn yourself to warm others'
  12. 5 points
    What is 'PA'? Personal assistant? Paid assistant? I wouldn't want to pay for someone to do things with me, it seems false somehow, I don't think I'd be comfortable with it. I have heard of 'buddying' schemes for people with anxiety or social difficulties organised by charitable organisations or volunteers, perhaps there is such a scheme in your area?
  13. 5 points
    One thing I'm very aware of is that I don't seem to experience emotions the same way as people around me. For example, happiness for me is what I can only describe as a state of nothingness, but not in a bad way. What I mean by that is I'm well aware of what anxiety, stress, depression etc, the negative feelings are like. What I've come to understand as happiness for me is a mental state where no negative feelings are present and I experience a sort of empty calm, devoid of negative or uncomfortable feelings. Is that the same for everyone? I ask because as for my children for example, I'm fairly certain that they seem to experience a sort of elation mixed with excitement and joy combined, or something similar when they are demonstrating happiness. Perhaps as we get older the highs aren't so high anymore, but then when are the lows the same or lower? I hope this question makes sense and just so you know, I'm not at all sad or depressed or anything like that. I'm just interested to know if others experience happiness as I do, or as a feeling in and of itself, separate from other emotions that can be described and categorised without any ambiguity, thanks.
  14. 5 points
    I do experience happiness or feelings with no/little anxiety or negative feelings but I feel this is very rare. I generally always have some kind of anxiety going on the background at least. It doesn't mean I'm unhappy though, just my neutral state. I've suffered with depression (whether I knew it or not) for a long time so I think I now might find it difficult to recognise or accept true happiness, which is kind of sad. A therapist once told me we get so used to our feelings of depression and mental anguish that it's almost like a comfort familiarity to us and we get scared when we're getting better and get scared of happiness. Some things do make mean really happy though, like being with lovely friends, or being in my favourite places (both at the same time ) or reading my favourite books.
  15. 5 points
    I think sometimes my feelings of happiness is like you described, more of a calm feeling without anxiety or stresses. Sometimes I will get more visually excited, probably most when something I have waited for is here, but more of the time, actually, it is probably more of a calm feeling. Though I do recognize when I am happy and feeling good because of being very internal. I also get more extreme "lows" when irrational thinking takes over and I react without thinking too much because that's typically what happens. I react more in my home environment, I have always been like that, though that is probably normal for most people because it is when we are with people who we trust (ideally, hopefully).
  16. 5 points
    I do experience what you describe, but I also experience excitement. Sometimes I get excited over small things that other people aren't enthusiastic about. Other times, when others are getting really enthusiastic, I feel nothing. I seem to get extreme emotions - extreme happiness or extreme anger or frustration or unhappiness. So it's not the case that I don't experience such emotions, I just experience them in a different way to most people. Since taking antidepressants, I feel these extremes of emotion less and everything is kind of neutral, or I'm not aware of any specific emotion. What you describe seems like calm contentment, satisfaction, lack of stress. Subtle emotions are hard to describe or distinguish.
  17. 4 points
    My long term memory is phenomenal. My short term memory is not. I'll forget I wrote this post in about ten minutes time, and then I'll be surprised when I receive a notification for it. The more active your mind, the more you have to forget. Your brain just goes on auto-delete.
  18. 4 points
    Just the other day I was listening to a well known philosopher on the internet who was very judgemental when it comes to people who commit suicide. He said everyone who ever committed suicide was, as he put it, an "asshole". Reason being that in his eyes suicidal people just need to stop "bitching" and seek out the help they need. It was pretty ignorant. The guy apparently doesn't know what he's talking about. He went on about having contempt for people who ended their lives. He basically gave them all the finger which was pretty disgusting. He went on about how it was selfish as the people who the deceased had been close to would suffer due to it for the rest of their lives. So basically what he says is that no one can commit suicide because it's inconsiderate to the people you're close to which sounds like grade school level philosophy to me. I'm pretty sure that if this "philosopher" ever became suicidal himself he'd see that he's seeing it all wrong. Roxy, I have been through a suicidal period in my life and I think that it's very important to keep going even though it may seem like there is no hope. Ok? You don't strike me as someone who's on the verge of jumping off the Golden gate bridge. Being unhappy can be fixed. You just need the right information, for instance. Or you need to adjust the way you perceive things. Find out what is most important to you. Some people end up in a situation where there is no hope. I'm reminded of a guitarist who was euthanized after ending up in a situation where he would have to stay in bed the rest of his life attached to some machine. Unless you are in a situation like that I'd say keep fighting. It's kind of like this... You want to go somewhere but you look around you and you see no way of getting there. And you and look and you look...and you kind of get exhausted and you might get frustrated and you might start thinking there is no point and you start giving up. Say you were to give up... It would be pretty sad if there actually WAS a way to get there but you just didn't see it. So you'd end up having given up while all you needed to do was take a few steps in a certain direction. The way to a happier life exists. Ok? Just try to relax, talk to people, keep your chin up and find out what that is. Find something to do. I'm sure you've got things you're passionate about. Find out what those things are and focus on those things. It's very gratifying to achieve success in your chosen field. Contribute something. Go start a restaurant. Make people happy. Go to medical school. Find a cure for cancer. Become an artist. Go work in construction. They sorely need people in construction. And so forth. Break free from the suffocating mist of depressing mentalities and do something worthwhile.
  19. 4 points
    Suicide is never selfish or even wrong, but it is not the answer to your problems. You need to reach out and get the right help, from professionals really if you're at the point of thinking about suicide. You need to go to a doctor and tell them how you're really feeling, if you haven't already.
  20. 4 points
    Hey everyone! Scheduled downtime from 8PM GMT on 14.09.17 (tomorrow). I'm having the site migrated to a new server and updated to the latest version of IPB. As such it will be down for a day or so. As much as I hate having to take it down for such a long time, this is a crucial move for me, as it will make running Asperclick cheaper. I'll be trailing the new server for a month to make sure that the site runs as it does now, with quick to load pages and zero unplanned downtime. Thank you for your understanding, Willow
  21. 4 points
    In my opinion, having a partner makes things more challenging because you have to constantly make compromises with them, and you can't always do what you want because your partner might have different ideas. When you're single, you can do anything you want when you want to do it. There's tons of people who think that you're not an adult until you're married, have children, etc. and they often feel sorry for people who are single, but being single has just as many perks as being in a relationship, so there's nothing wrong with it.
  22. 4 points
    Maybe it is a bit easier for them in that respect but I don't think you should have a relationship just to get help with money, cooking, cleaning etc. You'd be getting into it for all the wrong reasons. It sounds like you mean a support worker or someone. I live on my own and manage those things, with help from support, and I don't want a partner to help. You should strive to be independent first before thinking about a relationship.
  23. 4 points
    This comment brought a smile to my face! It's true that employment brings valuable income and can have its good times but the bottom line is almost of us would rather be doing something else if we could. However most of us in the end do need to be employed... I think the ideal for someone with AS is a job where they can spend lots of time by themselves working on a particular task that they are comfortable doing. Self-employment may be ideal for this and can be built around your skills and interests but it's not always practical. However even when working for others there will be jobs which allow solitary work and which can relate to your skills and interests to some degree, e.g. data input / processing. Job centres / advisers may be able to point you in the direction of such jobs including some you'd never thought of. When discussing options with them it's best to pitch matters in positive terms, e.g. to say you are very happy to work independently rather than you are not so good working with other people. Good luck in your job search.
  24. 4 points
    I feel my situation is similar to Sofi's. I have an underlying, low-level feeling of anxiety which sometimes flares up into bigger worries. I also have an underlying downbeat, pessimistic mood rather than feelings of depression. Sometimes I do feel more positive and perhaps have feelings of happiness but I'm also wary of the possibility of them being short-lived and perhaps illusory. I'm even more wary of seeming to really enjoy or revel in good experiences as it can seem like hubris and "riding for a fall". The problem with these sorts of attitudes is they make it difficult to really enjoy happiness although there can be good sense in not taking good things for granted. However as with all attitudes they've become very deep-rooted and difficult to overcome.
  25. 4 points
    The kind of debates you refer to are ones which people could have in many other places, not just on an AS forum, and this may explain why few members join in - not because of lack of interest but because they are covered elsewhere. I also feel that debates often don't get very far because opinions are frequently quite firmly set. Although I'm very interested in a lot of topics, particularly related to politics, the chief reason I come to Asperclick is to find out more about AS, share experiences, get advice and so on and this may be true for other members as well. As regards threads about specialised interests these may also often be covered elsewhere and therefore not attract much interest here. I wouldn't bemoan that there might not be much discussion of "highbrow" topics. In some cases, as just mentioned, these may be discussed elsewhere but I think it's fine for people to come here to discuss "lighter" issues. Leisure time is precious and while some may happily fill that time with high culture, science or technical pursuits others may prefer light relief - and of course many do both. As regards Asperclick I've been a member for almost nine months. I check in every day and I'm sure I will do for as long as it's around which I hope is a very long time. It's an excellent site and I wish I'd discovered it sooner. Most of my time is spent exploring threads before I joined where there is a huge amount of fascinating discussion, experiences and advice. For me only reading the latest topics would be like only reading the newest items in an encyclopaedia. I appreciate that some members have been here far longer so are much more familiar with those past topics but they can still be worth re-exploration even for very experienced members. It is true that there doesn't seem to be so much activity recently on the site and not many new members - or at least ones who post often. I'd like to see more activity but even if there were no new posts the site would still be an excellent resource in terms of its archive. Going through those threads it is striking to see some members who still post regularly but I do feel a tinge of sadness (if that's not too strong a word) at seeing some once-regular voices who seem to have disappeared, at least in terms of posting messages. I often wonder why those members don't post any more and hope it isn't for any negative reasons. I suppose often members stop posting for fairly mundane reasons such as other interests or commitments taking over. Perhaps this is just the norm and those members of a forum who continue to post regularly for many years are a small - but very important and valued - minority.



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