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  1. Hi all! I think my 10 year old son may be an Aspie... actually, I feel pretty sure about it, but he's what some people would call "high functioning" so I can't seem to get a doctor to recognize it. Also, I'm not sure it would be beneficial for him to have the official label because he would definitely be unhappy if he felt people treated him differently. Anyway, I'm here because I'm hoping to get some insight into how to make our home life smoother. Most of the time he's very happy and extremely active. He's also really smart and funny. He's social, as long as he gets down time when he needs it, and he excels at school and in martial arts. What we struggle with the most: He's unable to regulate himself when he gets frustrated and if we try to help him, it seems to grow into anger and then a big argument between me and him or him and his dad. So, for example, he may ask me to help him with downloading a minecraft mod. If minecraft has updated, often the mod won't have been updated yet so I won't be able to install it (well, also because he never wants to downgrade his minecraft updates). I will try to explain why I can't update it and he will either get upset with me because he thinks I'm not looking for the answer hard enough OR he'll get upset with me for trying to explain to him why I can't do it. Then he'll raise his voice and say things that I feel are disrespectful and he can't understand why I feel that way and he gets upset because I try to correct him... and the next thing you know, we're either yelling at each other or he's melting down. This often happens when I can't find a solution to something that's frustrating him. He gets angry, he starts to get super frustrated, he keeps insisting that I help him, but he can't seem to answer any questions I have that might help me to help him find a solution and he disagrees with every suggestion I have using a really awful tone of voice until I get angry... and then he melts down. I have no idea what to do in those situations. I've tried asking him what he'd like me to do or if he has suggestions, but that just makes him more upset. Any questions seem to make him upset... I'd love any advice or suggestions you guys can offer me. Also, I wonder if any of you have or had problems sleeping alone when you were younger? Right now, he only seems to be able to sleep if he's touching both me and his dad (one on either side). Thanks for the help (and please let me know if I'm writing too much. I'm an explainer which seems to make my son really upset, so I apologize in advance if this bothers any of you as well.)
  2. So I've posted a lot in "The Dumb Cyclists and Pedestrians thread..." and the poster are attacking other road users, in this case (other) cyclists and pedestrians. The thread is about observation incidents where road users (in particular cyclists and pedestrians) are not acting sensibly and according to the rules. First of all, the very title of the thread seems to imply that those cyclists and pedestrians are less intelligent, when this sort of thig is not a function of intelligence. I began encouranging the assumition of good faith and discouraging use of perjorative terms just after this post, instead ecouraging being polite to other road users and assuming good faith, and they don't seem to understand what assuming good faith means, and they presist on calling them "idiots" and claming that they are "stupid." Futhermore things like the unfairness of red lights and "rights" are (unfairly) considered "off-topic." I am mentioning it here, because I think a lot more people on this forum (mostly AS women) have a lot more empathy for others and are more likely to understand what I am trying to tell them. I also sent a PM to a poster on that forum, which he seriously misread, and he won't let me correct him or tell him that I didn't mean to offend him, that is he told me not to contact him again (in all caps), I tried very hard to exlpain why other road users wich act as if they hate him, that maybe some actions of his own,which may not occur to him as "inappropriate" but which would be widely disliked by many aspie damsels who have mastered NT social skills. He also misinterpeted something of mine as suggesting that he had a mental defficency. I did ask him if he sees a psychaitrist, and I did mention Tony Attwood and asperger's syndrome, but I never mentioned any metal defficiencies, he obviously doesn't understand that AS is not a mental defficency.
  3. OK, so here's what's been bothering me for quite some time. We all know that a reasonable number of Aspies, don't really have the most attractive appearance (Well, at least I don't. And I don't really mean you guys. Just in general). We also know that a lot of Aspies can be very shy (Like me). So naturally I show a few signs of struggle with verbal communication (Like it will take me 3-5 seconds to think about what to say next). I also want to specifically put this in a guy's perspective, because this seems to happen to them a lot more. One of the aspects like a girl likes in a guy is kindness. I'm very nice to people, whether it's a man or woman. I have tried to get to know my past crushes, multiple times and tried to go on dates with them, only to come up empty handed over and over again. Girls want something more than a nice guy. They want a guy with many other positive traits. We all know that right? Like I said, I'm not physically perfect, but I'm nice, I try to be funny at times, and I usually be myself. And yes, I am (In many ways) a nerd. What kind of gets me however, is how a girl will complain about how all guys are jerks, just because her boyfriend breaks up with her (Especially on Facebook since it has a lot of drama). Now keep in mind, I know this can be the other way around, but I just want to keep this in a guy's perspective (Because it happens to them more). I see how girls will blindly make the assumption that all guys are jerks. That all guys want to do, is to have sex with the girl, and then leave her. I usually think to myself, "Hmm... I just don't get it. She will turn away guys who are nerdy, and sort of Geek-like, but has an awesome personality, but dates a guy who is physically attractive, or who is not nerdy, or both, and turns out to be a scumbag?" I have thought this through and through until I realized that girls want more than someone who is nice, or funny. They want a guy who can show respect, who is nice, funny, and is usually being himself. I could go on with the list, but you get the idea. Maybe I'm lacking some of those traits. Or maybe, I just kept going after the wrong girls. Who knows? The point is, is that Aspie guys will usually act nice to a girl they like, and it gives them this delusion that the girl will be interested in him. After multiple failed attempts, the Aspie guy will get frustrated at girls in general, and even himself, leading to this thought that "How complicated can women be?? Why isn't being nice, working out?" I should know, because I was in that very same situation, and it brought me into a deep state of depression and my self esteem took a collateral hit. I mean, my insecurities rose like you wouldn't believe and I felt like a worthless piece of trash. Sometimes I still feel that way, but not all the time. I'm just lost and confused on this whole situation. Maybe I'm the only person who had this happen. Maybe I'm not. All I know is that I'm not all that attractive, I'm lacking in some traits, but that doesn't mean that I can't be boyfriend material. I just need some help on sorting this thing out.
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