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Hi, I'm new here so please tell me if I say anything that I shouldn't!! I myself don't have Asperger's, but my boyfriend does and I'm increasingly worried about him, so I was hoping you guys could give me some sort of insight from an Asperger's point of view. I'm going to call him Simon (I don't want to post his real name). *The backstory*. We've known eachothef for over 10 years, and been together almost 2. I'm 18, he's 20. We've had a fab relationship and overcome a lot of difficulties, both Asperger's related and otherwise. A few weeks ago he got very upset which isn't particularly unusual, as he is very sensitive. After an hour of clinging to me and sobbing he got round to telling me that he's been hearing voices in his head which are telling him that he doesn't want to be with me. He's so upset because he says he knows that he 100% loves me and wants to be with me but there's this voice telling him otherwise. He said it's like a thought which is his own but he doesn't want there, and hasn't put there. He say's he's had the same thing in relation to belief in God (we're both Christians and he's a preacher). He gets very upset about it and he's terrified that he won't love me and we'll end up apart. The only way he can get over it when it happens is to see me and just hold me and cry. We've spoken to his mum and she said that when Simon was diagnosed they told her depression and sadness were common with Asperger's. Have any of you experienced anything similar? How did you overcome it? I want to be able to reassure him that he's okay, he's not crazy, and it will end. Thanks in advance.
Hopeless_Aspie_Guy posted a topic in Friendships & RelationshipsThe best one can hope to get from this, whatever ‘this’ is, is to identify with me in your own life and know that you don’t have to be useless alone, or it’s an open door invitation to a genuinely nice person (probably a woman of my age living in another country) to be a good samaritan by inspiring hope by reminding you/me of the things you do and yet don’t want to hear (the kind of things that would definitely work, if life played out like a romantic film or you were like the other 99.9% of the population and things just worked…zing) and naturally this or these great advisors wouldn’t look at you/me in a romantic way, oh no, but someone, some day , somewhere will of course…..won’t they??? Love is and always has (so long as I was in a desperate enough position to need it, which I can’t ever see changing ever since a few years back) been too dangerous for me, because it’s dangerous to obsess, fantasize or think excessively about something you have countless reasons to know you’ll never have, the conversations, romance, sex etc- never gonna happen because believe it or not it requires two ‘consenting people’, not one irreversibly deluded idiot and his imaginary lover and who puts off a girl (maybe subliminally or subconsciously) just by looking at her. I am better than this, better than being the unrequited love-slave forced to face the (often internal) humiliation and constant rejection of something that only 50% of me (at most) can and has ever actually genuinely wanted (previous to which I lived in harmony successfully rejecting/supressing love) and now cannot escape. Some people are just so socially defective (such as myself, but not in a way which is immediately obvious, oh no that’d be too easy) that all girls (to one degree or another) immediately or eventually must surely feel uncomfortable around you/me (even though you’re not the weird guy on the bus who tries to talk/flirt with everyone or the moody aspie who frightens people off with his hatred for his rejection or the social recluse who never ever talks to anyone), you can be none of those things but still get overlooked, ignored and rejected. All the potential answers that you hope could open doors for you are never really there or don’t ever happen how you hope (because your hopes are based on fiction, the only true understanding and examples of various situations that you have in your miserably sheltered life). You’d like to imagine that there are aspie social or support groups you could go to and that because you’re somehow so socially inept, that automatically so too are the girls (in their own sexy way) and thus they simply must fall in love with you (the one of a few who actually understands them), but it doesn’t work that way even when such clubs do exist and instead it’s like everything else in your life all over again in that barriers immediately go up and the loosely termed ‘friendships’ within that club (or any type of club that one is suggested to attend if one has hardly any friends and is unlikely to meet someone otherwise) ends at the door just before you leave or maybe doesn’t even make it that far as you discover that apparently there are many different kinds of aspies and aspieness and once again you’re in that minority of the minority. What follows on from this is then obvious because you never really managed to establish any rapport with any women (even though you/I hold conversations which can even draw laughter and can be engaging) and you just pathetically feel alienated and threatened by anyone or almost everyone else who eventually makes the connection you never could (or have) only to gradually form a relationship, or go to each other’s houses to socialise further or pretty much anything that someone such as myself virtually never gets to experience. It’s ironic that some guys complain about never getting beyond their first dates (yes plural, meaning they’ve had a few), well at least you’ve had dates (possibly NT women- WTF, how??) and the fact that you can get to this stage is far more than some others such as myself can or probably will ever succeed in. For someone like me (and the other guys who are nodding and agreeing in silence at home alone by their computers right now) life is (as far as love is concerned) all about seeing beautiful women (and if you’re very lucky, actually getting to talk to them for whatever reason) and perhaps in the space of a short time you imagine what it’d be like to be with someone you actually want to be with (rather than settling for what you’d consider a 4/10, like I did, much to my regret- IDIOT!!). I’ll leave it there for now because if I’m lucky, some people will read and a few might even relate, hell one or two might sympathize and give some good advice if I really pray hard enough.
so i was pursuing Facebook and guess who's page i found...my ex's, and i stupidly clicked on it i dont know why but i did. and it brought back a lot of pain and depression. i can literally feel my heart pounding agents my chest as if i just saw a ghost or got scared i kinda with that dident happen.