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  1. Befriending Meditations Befriending meditations are, in essence, mindfulness meditations, but with a twist. The goal is to 'trick' or 'con' social anxiety into siding with you and working FOR you. Not against you. (Yes, I want you to embrace that energy because we're going to need it later.) Firstly, it's important to understand exactly what meditation really is. And to do this, you'll need to cross two items off your list. Those are, as follows: The past It's like a tattered old library book - one that you keep rereading and referencing to, and digesting to the point of exhaustion, hoping that those days can return or be altered. But even with all of the desire in the world, you will still NEVER be able to jump into the book and have the power to change things. The book has already been bound and published. Keep it, okay. But shelve it, and ONLY pull it out during times of celebration to rejoice, when reflecting back on how well you have done at a given life stage. The future It just isn't real. It doesn't exist. It has never existed and NEVER will exist. Time will always exist in the here and NOW. You will never escape now, so absorb it and stay with it, because it's the only place you will ever be. So just stop. Breath. And think of a trickling stream that runs through a floral meadow. Imagine the sun sparkling off the reflection of the water, the smell of dew soaked grass and the tweeting of an early morning bird chorus. Take yourself to that place in your mind now, and remind yourself that it's not yesterday, and it is not tomorrow, it is now! Done that? Good, because now you're meditating. (Practise this first before doing anything - switch mind from "active and thinking" to "passive and sensory".) The 'Friending' Okay, with that meditative state of mind nailed on, go into the middle of a major city, a coffee shop, or on a train during rush hour (or whatever) and literally people watch. And when you look at these people, tell yourself, in your minds eye (not out loud, obviously), that the person you're looking it: - Has your best interests - Cares about you - Is your friend - Loves you What we have now is a false reality appearing true, which is precisely what social anxiety IS in the first place! (Hey, it cuts both ways! Why not make it work for us eh?) I'm not saying talk to these people, or even look at them, just connect with them and accept them as part of your environment. Love them back, wish them all the best, and see them as a beautiful spirit, just in the same way as they see you. The mistake anxiety sufferers make is withdrawing from the people, which will only serve to worsen your problems, as you'll become disconnected, and even more aware of how separate and 'different' you are, so stay connected! Even if you're just sitting in a room saying nothing - it doesn't matter, breath in the good, exhale the bad and love these people back! On a Date or with Someone You Like - (Thought I'd add this, just to cover my ass.) Meditate again, and tell yourself the following: "I am going to BE the person that I would be afraid to lose." Don't ever make the mistake of looking for "the one" - you are a sovereign individual who doesn't need 'completing'. And even if they reject you, remember that you get to wake up tomorrow that same person, with infinite potential awaiting you. Don't disrespect yourself by 'chasing' them. Because if someone wants you out of their lives that badly, just let them go. Your hobbies, interests or 'obsessions' have the power to make you a millionaire if you like - so focus on number one and be authentic. (This last passage is a personal befriending, which will tie in beautifully with the above. So worth adding I guess.) Anyway, this isn't gospel or a set in stone proverb, this is intended to be a discussion. Any thoughts, questions, ideas are encouraged .
  2. I've been looking at Social Anxiety Disorder as a medical condition, mainly the treatment, and it appears I've tried every one of them, and still I'm in the same position. So I'm gonna ask my doctor to put me on medication for it. I just wanted to ask if anyone else has used medication for their Social Anxiety, and if it's helped, and the side effects etc.
  3. I've had trouble with depression in the past, which some of you may remember me posting about. It was under control for quite a while. I thought it was even cured somewhat. I would have fun playing video games and was enjoying life again and lately my joy of life has been slowly fading. Nearly every day I've been having meltdowns and crying at least once a day. I'm dating now and the simplest fight will cause me to break down and fear abandonment. I've been telling myself that it's only a matter of time before my girlfriend leaves me and I'll be alone again. This has caused me a great deal of anxiety and panic. I was having trouble coping with life even before I started dating, but my recent relationship fears have made my life much more painful. I'm at a loss for what to do. I love my girlfriend very much, but I feel as though my fears make me a bad partner and all of my relationships are bound to fail. I'm scared and this fear is consuming me. I don't know how much more I can take. I've had an urge to self-harm again which is something I haven't done in years. I've thankfully been able to not do that, but it's getting harder to suppress my urges. It's also hard because I don't really have any healthy ways to cope.
  4. Eli

    Changing Jobs

    The job I have right now I've had for a long time. In a way, it's been very good for me, because it's highly interactive and is major sensory overload. I've come a long way in my ability to deal with situations I once thought were impossible for me to handle. In fact, I've never disclosed that I have Asperger's. The reason I never disclosed it is honestly because I am so private, that I really didn't feel comfortable telling people I would otherwise not associate with something so intimate about me. It seemed unfair, though I've kept the possibility in my back pocket if ever it became too much and I needed my employer to take it easy, and understand why. Lately, I have been really wanting to find another job. It has become so hectic that it's becoming too much. It's crowded all of the time; crowds can really become too much for me to handle. People are stressed and pissy, and it makes me literally livid when someone puts bullshit on me early in the morning. Early in the morning is not a good time for me to be interactive, and I'm a ticking time bomb if someone is rude or demanding with me too early. My anger honestly worries me a little. I actually have violent thoughts towards people if they are confrontational with me, simply because they are entitled and grouchy. My responses have gone from trying to calmly pacify the situation, to barely getting out of the conversation without getting myself fired. In fact about a month ago there was this woman who was acting like a flaming lunatic and being very condescending, and I called her a f-ing bitch (mostly under my breath). She heard and freaked out, asked to speak to my manager. I've never had an incident and am one of the most valuable and veteran employees, so when she told him, he didn't believe her. She left furious, and has never come back. He asked me what happened and I just denied that it happened. Luckily, she was acting crazy and rude to everyone, and I acted perfectly calm and rational, so nothing actually came of it. Everyone just believed me and thought she was crazy. But it was a very close call. My dilemma is that I am feeling trapped by limitations I have. My current job has become so familiar and routine, that to break that routine seems like an impossible feat, sometimes. Every time I get close to it, I think, 'But it could be just as bad or worse. It's such a gamble.' Yet in the present circumstance, I feel utterly drained every day, and I don't even know how I keep doing it. I'm not sure what the best coarse of action is. Where does self-improvement end and destructive environment begin?
  5. I'm really struggling with my social anxiety. It's got so bad. Social anxiety is always been a problem for me really, but recently it's got so bad that I try to avoid speaking whenever possible, and I've even stopped going out with friends just so I don't have to talk to people. It didn't seem like much of a problem at first, but I feel like it's destroying my life to be honest. I'm going nowhere at work, because of my social anxiety (I don't communicate enough), my social life is heavily affected, I never speak to anyone I don't know, I've trapped myself into a box that only allows me to communicate with a set number of people, I often stop myself from speaking as I see it as pointless, but as I see my own friends making new friends, it really hurts, because I feel like I'm not moving anywhere or meeting anyone new, in fact, my whole life is in limbo because of it. It's really frustrating, I want to meet more aspies, more gay people, more friends, and actually get somewhere in life, but my social anxiety prevents me from doing so, I have to take a stand, I need to stop letting social anxiety from running my life, but I honestly don't know how to, I've tried CBT, counselling, tablets for anxiety, confidence CDs (I have no problems raising confidence, but the social anxiety remains), nothing seems to work, any help or guidance, or just anything would be great, I don't think I can live the way I am much longer
  6. Sadly, whenever a friend of mine gets into a relationship I cannot help but hate the person. I get absolutely uninterested in pursuing the friendship until they break up and I generally see the new partner as some self-absorbed manipulative, horny skank. I hate that I get this way, and I really want to find a way to overcome this, especially as I'm reaching the age where everyone of my old friends seems to be in a serious relationship or getting engaged. I think it might be due to the fact that I had to comfort so many heartbroken souls that I just feel from experience that dating is a waste of time that doesn't make anyone happy. Also I have never "loved" somebeody and currently feel like it is something hollywood made up to sell movies and hallmark cards. It might just be that "meeting new people" is taken as an automatic insult on my end, as in, the people you already know are not good enough. Maybe it is just my fear of change too. I cannot even stand Barney of "How I met your mother" dating anyone because it feels like a betrayal of the character, I really need help or advice. Does anyone else struggle with this? The worst is concerning my brothers, no whore is good enough in my opinion. I really need help
  7. Does anyone else - when they're having a meltdown or a panic attack or are just crying really hard - feel that the insides of their chests feel unusual - almost as if someone's taken ahold of your lungs and is shaking them up and down and not letting you breathe normally? I've felt that way recently when I've been sad and crying a lot....and it was really bad when I had a bad panic attack a few months ago. It got to where I went from whimpering and sobbing to just making this high-pitched "zebra-like" noise, like "Wuh...wuh....wuh...wuuuhh...." It took me a really long time to be able to calm down and breathe properly, and I knew those two things were pretty much mutually exclusive...that is, I couldn't calm down until I was able to take long, deep breaths. My psychiatrist said it was hyperventilation. What I want to know is, has anyone else had any experience with this?
  8. Its my time of the year to be depressed again. I get depressed every year (no joke), it's usually due to the same things... Uni, hiding secrets, relationship with family. But it's actually got nothing to do with either of them. I left Uni last year, and towards the end of the course, I began to withdraw from the whole course a bit, and focused on my part time job in retail and getting a permanent job in Web Design. A few of the habits I inherited towards the end of Uni have stuck with me till now, which adds to my depression and my bad feeling, most days I spend in bed until 1/2pm and I'm often on my iPad on social media a lot, two things I really want to change, but don't seem to know how to (I know the straight forward answers are obvious, but unfortunately it's a lot harder than that in reality). I've still got my part time job in retail, which is good I suppose, I'm currently on 16 hours a week, hoping to move up to 25 very soon, this part time job very nearly turned into a full time job with prospects of gaining a promotion, luckily I saw the light and decided that full time work in retail just wasn't me, also, at this point I was feeling pretty crappy, so if anything, working longer hours would make me feel even worse, the main reason I decided not to go full time, is because retail isn't what I want to do with my life, I still have aspirations to become a web designer. I very nearly gave up on this career aspiration, as I wasn't getting anywhere However, my failings in getting a job in this industry are really demotivating, the past month I must have applied for over 10 jobs, with no luck whatsoever. Working part time leaves me with a lot of time, which I have to fill, which is often a task I don't enjoy, I used to go to Cardiff for days to see my boyfriend when I wasn't working, but we broke up in November (I'm still getting over him, which is an entirely different story), sometimes I just stay at home and relax, which means staying on my iPad and in bed, which makes me feel like shit. I'm currently working on my own side projects in web design, based on designs I actually want to design, which I hope improves my credentials for a job, and if I get to June and the situation hasn't changed, I'll go freelance (getting clients is a lot easier than I thought), even this will take a lot of motivation, which I just don't have at the moment, the fact that I didn't decide to do this as soon as I finished Uni is really getting me down, cause I feel like I've lost so much time. The fact that I'm not working full time, which would be the conventional thing for graduates to do after failing to find a full time job is really getting me down, apart from the 16+ hours I do at work, my life feels pointless, it doesn't seem like my situation will ever change. I feel really lonely, I feel like for most of 2014, I had that one person I could tell about my entire life, whether it was my best friend or my ex, however, neither of them are really involved in my life anymore, it just feels like it's me by myself, even though I have several friends. I'm doing CBT and taking antidepressants (which surprisingly aren't helping at all), to try to help, but I can't seem to shake this feeling. I'm hoping CBT can deal with my low mood, hopefully make me more social, so I can go out, make friends, be more social, and just enjoy life more, because at the moment it's pointless, everything seems pointless, I don't know what to do with myself. I just feel like it would be so easy to give up on life, because whether I go full time at work or not, my life isn't really going anywhere at the moment. There's only so many times you can look at the same blue wallpaper every single late afternoon while lying in bed without hating yourself. I don't really know what question I'm asking, how I want people to help, whether I just want people to listen, I just need to get this out, I doubt it will ever improve, but at least I've said it.
  9. aspiesw

    Dealing with stress?

    I wanted to ask what other people do to deal with stress. I'm usually quite bad at dealing with stress, when I'm at work, and I'm under pressure, I really struggle to perform properly and I panic a lot, even when doing simple tasks, whenever I struggle with them, I panic and worry. I get really anxious and worried when I'm stressed, I struggle to concentrate and make mistakes, I wish I wasn't like this and could just turn off my emotions, but I cant. Any help of how to better deal with stress? Sorry if I haven't explained properly
  10. Little Pink Coupe

    New hoodie

    Does anyone have a favorite article of clothing (such as a hat, a scarf, or in my case, a hoodie) as a comfort item? If you do, have you ever had someone close to you suggest that you either replace it with a new one, or offer to get one for you for Christmas or your birthday? If yes, how did you react? The reason why I ask is because my stepmom told me that she was getting me a new hoodie for Christmas, to replace the one I always wear. My favorite hoodie was given to me by my favorite aunt, is lime green, and has the lettering "University of Minnesota" on it. It has knots in the drawstrings and holes in the sleeve cuffs that I've "stimmed into" it over the years. My aunt gave it to me in about 2010, and it's been my favorite one since then. It's special to me since my aunt gave it to me, and because it's nice and loose-fitting, and has a big pocket in the front that I can fit stim/fidget toys, my MP3 player, and a small plushie into. It was as if my aunt knew exactly what I needed to feel safe when she was picking it out for me. It also feels nice both inside and out. I was airsick one time on a plane and felt better when I cuddled it against my face, and the inner fabric has a nice, comfortable "nappy" feeling against my skin, rather than feeling all soft and ticklish on the inside, like jellyfish or eels rubbing against my skin. Best of all, wearing it just makes me feel safe...I like to pretend it's my aunt hugging me when I wear it. My stepmom's letting me pick out the new one myself, if I want to, and even I realize at this point that my hoodie is so full of holes, runs and stains from my various adventures that I'm beginning to look like a hobo in it, but it's still going to be an adjustment. I still plan to keep my old hoodie, even if I do get a new one. Any words of encouragement would be appreciated. Happy Holidays.
  11. JakeTrv

    Just one of those days

    Returning from the local High school on a bitter, and anxious note. Now I know that this doesn't just happen to me of course. Everyone can have a bad day, whether it's work, school, or just a simple day off. Just seeing some of the typical High School drama going on, and people that irritate me just acting like clowns. Makes me shake my head in disgust, and of course to top it all off, the teacher lectures the whole class because of one student's behavior. I guess that's what happens with Aspergers, where stuff like that makes my stress level go up sometimes, and makes me a little angry about it. But I know that I always find ways to ease the stress, like listening to music, drawing pictures of how I feel, and playing basketball in my backyard. If anyone would like to share one of their memories from a rotten day, or bring up a good way, to ease the stress, feel free to talk about it.
  12. Little Pink Coupe

    Carrying comfort item(s)?

    I know I've posted about comfort/coping items before, but does anyone ever take them places with them? I usually take one or two small plushies with me when I got to classes at college - usually, it's my dolphin, Dory, and Babs from Chicken Run. I never take them out, tho - I worry that people would make fun of me, take them away and tear them up or not give them back, or see me with them and think I'm not intelligent or something. It does me good just to know they're in my backpack, though. I also take one of my Tangle toys and two stones with me to classes. The Tangle and the stones give me something to hold onto (manipulate with my hands) where I would normally be biting and picking at my nails, parts of my skin (dermatillomania) or pulling at my eyebrows and eyelashes (trichitillomania). When I go to my math class, I also take a plushie of Mac from Chicken Run with me...I feel really tense and scared, and "go inside my head" a lot when I'm in math class, since I always feel like the stupidest person in there and have had really bad experiences in math classes all my life. I started taking Mac to my math class at the suggestion of a friend who also has anxiety - she asked me if any of my plushie friends were good at math, and when I told that I thought Mac would be, she urged me to start carrying her around as well. When I'm going somewhere that's not school-related, I usually take my die cast car, Susie, with me in my bag, along with my Calico Critters cat my therapist gave me once. Dory, Babs, my stones and Tangle always come too. I find I tend to bring more comfort items with me places depending on how anxious I feel, or anticipate feeling. I try to limit myself to only two or three, tho - just Dory, Babs and Susie, or just bringing Dory. If I'm going to be riding in a bus or a car, or just feel like shutting everything out, I carry my MP3 player in my bag, too. Does anyone else carry comfort items around with them, whether it's out in the open or only in a backpack or bag?
  13. Little Pink Coupe

    Really bad meltdown

    I had a really awful meltdown a few days ago - I think it was on Wednesday. My day really started to suck all of a sudden, and when I got back to my room, I posted about it in the ranting section of another autism/Asperger forum I'm a part of, and then the meltdown started. I started rocking back and forth, slowly at first, then faster and faster. Then I started crying and sobbing uncontrollably...I just couldn't stop. I also wasn't getting enough air, and was making these peculiar "barking" gasping noises like "Wuh, wuh, wuh wuh..." Rather the way a zebra sounds. My arms and hands also felt tingly, numb and vibrate-y, as well as my face and the back of my head. This is also really embarrassing, but I was so desperate to get some oxygen, I started sucking my thumb a little bit, and it helped a little bit....I actually felt a little bit comforted, and I was able to slow down my breathing to where I could take semi-decent breaths. Then I stopped right away, since I don't want it to become a habit...I haven't sucked my thumb in years, and I never will again, I promise. I also remember really wanting someone to be there to comfort me and tell me that I was okay, and that everything would be okay....but at the same time, I was also grateful no one was there to see me like that. I work so hard to at least appear normal to everyone, even to my own family....I don't want to be sent back to a place that's anything like Sarah's Smile in Pennsylvania again. My roommate was at her house an hour away when all this happened, which I was happy about....I probably would have scared her to death. All I had then were my stuffed animals. I really love them a lot; they're like my only friends....they're the only ones that have never hurt me, left me, betrayed me or disappointed me in any way. I'll probably always be alone and only have them for company ever. Everyone I like and feel safe with always goes away eventually. I've also been thinking about killing myself a lot....I'm almost done with college, but I have this math-related learning disability and I'll never pass the class I'm in now, and going to the tutoring center makes me panic....besides, if I'm not good at math I'll probably never get a good job. If I'd had a gun in my room on Wednesday I'd probably have just blown myself away that very night. I just don't see a future for myself. I even bought a little notebook for me to write ideas about killing myself in, and all the reasons why I should do it - and let me tell you, there's a lot...I've just been too lazy to write everything down yet. Thank you for reading this, for those of you who have. I feel really safe here on Asperclick...everyone's so nice.
  14. furoshiki

    News blackout

    My first topic post! I've always been an avid Radio 4 listener, especially to the news - World at One, 5pm, 6pm, 10pm etc etc. I've rarely lived with a tv, but when I did, I'd watch Newsnight and other news programmes. Unfortunately there is a downside to The News, to grab your attention, articles are designed to create a reaction and most of these are negative or frustrating. I'd get angry or depressed or saddened or extremely worried. Or sickened by political propagandising and unpleasant manipulative jingo-ism. None of which you can alter or change in any way. So, towards the end of last year, I decided to completely stop The News. No papers, no radio, no tv, or online news. In fact, we're bombarded by it constantly. Today, I went into a HSBC branch which had a tv news feed going, my doctor has a tv installed in the waiting room. Tricky as it is to avoid 'News', nevertheless I've found life much less stressful without it. I was wondering if anyone had tried anything similar or even whether the idea appeals. Could or do you, live without it?
  15. Little Pink Coupe

    What are your coping items?

    Does anyone have coping items that they take around with them to help them stay comfortable and safe in situations that are difficult for them to feel comfortable and safe in? These can also be items that provide with positive sensory input, or just serve as protectors and companions. Here are my coping items: There are my plush ones. I have many stuffed animals and plushies, but these are the smaller ones that I take around with me in my bag, who make me feel "okay" during the day. Dory (the dolphin) is my favorite (and oldest one) and she has an official button to show it: And these are my non-plush coping items: (The book is there so Judith (the Wild Thing) won't fall over.) I also have a keychain of Grumpy the dwarf attached to my keys (not pictured) - he has a fluffy beard I like to stroke. Does anyone else have special items that help them feel safe, comfortable, and less lonely?
  16. Karrie111

    Anxiety

    I get really anxious.. and it seems to be getting worse. Nothing as such sets me off (well obviously i'd be more anxious in big crowds or over stimulated etc..) but this anxiety just sorta creeps up on me and knocks the stuffing out of me. I'm on Lexapro for anxiety.. and it seems like it's not as good as it used to be. I try the whole breathing and relaxation music and all sorts.. but when i get in a panic nothing really helps. I was wondering if any of you are on any medication for anxiety, or have any other ways of coping? The more anxious i get the more anxious i am that im gonna get anxious haha! Oh i don't know i'm just a lil ball of crazy. Any ideas would be helpful!
  17. StormCrow

    Anxie-Tea

    Hello, Anyone know any good recipies or plants that are good for keeping sane when a test is coming. I have my first LAB Test today and I have to memorized 58 different protists (Phylum Name Latin/English and Species) and then the First Class Test the next day with even more stuff to memorize/study. I have been up to Panic atack level for about two days now.
  18. Saveyourscissors

    Anxiousness

    I seem to be a lot more anxious lately I though going back to work would help as I'd get my routine back but I'm still anxious a lot. I feel like I'm walking on broken glass waiting for the next thing to make me anxious. It seems to be so often /: I've been taking myself out of the situation where possible but well that's not always possible. I'm finding bruises everywhere where I've bitten myself or hit myself or whatever else I've done in whilst in a state of anxiousness. An example which is making me notice this more than ever is on monday night I went to a gig, my favourite artist in the whole world! Dallas Green (city & colour) but I had to really force myself to go the whole time thinking I don't think I will cope I'm not in the right frame of mind, it's going to be really crowded in a small venue I won't be able to breath people will touch me. I'm too anxious already to go. But I know if I didn't try I'd regret it, when I was on the way I started to feel super I'll when we stopped at my mums (great another thing to unsettle me further) I questioned going again and I was already super struggling with noise and had my ear defenders on already at this point. They convinced me to go because the tickets cost like £60. So I got there and the queue was huge :/ we arrived late on purposes as I wanted to avoid crowds as much as I could in the situations. We queued and when it was us at the front they wanted to check my bag the man touched,y stuff which I don't like and he touched my arm as he was looking thought it and he was rude and I didn't him at this point I was ready to run off and phit something I was noting my cheeks wanting to bite my arm or anywhere I could reach I held back as much as I could and bite my hand as soon as I felt I could with out him seeing. He took my water bottle (brand new) and said I couldn't take it in and I got super stressed and questioned it and said well I have a very severe allergy and need access to it at anytime I may need to take a pilland he was all you can buy drinks inside but we had no money to buy drinks and that's another reason I took it but in the middle of a crown if I had a reaction I wouldn't be able to access water quick enough I was getting angry and it showed and he got ruder and more unreasonable. He to,d me to drink it or throw it away. So I had to drink some then throw it away /: he then took my deodorant and said I wasn't allowed that, I said why he said cause its an airosole pathetic it's a gig I don't want to smell and I always have it in my bad anyway! I had enough I'm poor right now why do they not tell you this on the website if it is a problem no other gig has ever done this too me!!!! They have only ever stopped you taking cameras with removable lenses in! I'm angry they didn't put this as a warning on website so that I wouldn't have taken it and lost my belonging. I had no more deodorant at home or money to buy some. Luckily we sorted it. Anyway I got in there and couldn't see a thing when the org act was on and I felt so stressed I was read to have a meltdown right there but held back for Josh's sake and to save myself being embarrassed that people could see me. I was biting and pinching myself fiddling with my hair and pulling and I was getting so anxious then josh suggested we change places and it was better we had a good view and space on he was close enough to touch me I was still on edge though then the inevitable happened support act ended and it was almost time for Dallas and people were getting closer and closer. I thought I could handle it but I was struggling anyway I coped just but then once he started that was is I accidentally touched a girls hand trying to get Josh's to feel safer and I freaked out inside. People were literally touching me from sides and front and josh behind. I kept him as close as possible to cope better but usually I would be in the zone and so distracted by dallas I wouldn't care but not this time I just couldn't stop worrying and thinking about it /: I enjoyed the music but as soon as we left I got to the car andre my ear defenders straight on it didn't help josh was walking really fast and wouldnt wait as he said I needed to speed up but my feet were killing and I couldn't but it was raining and cold and he wanted to get back to the car /: I just wanted to get home and get to bed. I wasn't excited or anything. Dallas green is my favourite thing, I usually completely shut f and calm down etc when I hear his music or am at his gigs I'm usually so happy I just couldn't get into that this time /: but I don't know why? Why am I seeming more anxious still now I have a routine back /: I don't like it and I need to find some calming/avoidance methods! Other thing is I used to have tiny outbursts and build it all up into one huge meltdown now I'm having more and each timer entry much instead of the build up I don't know which is better /: it's having less effect on others but not on me. I'm anxious 80% of the time worrying about almost everything /: If you have any iut or help or ideas or advice I will be really happy to hear from you . Thanks for reading
  19. Happy new year to all I know this is a bit random and I had no idea where else to put this, so I thought I'd stick it in here. I'm off to see the asthma nurse on the 9th because my asthma has got bad again. I wanted to ask to try a Nebuliser instead of an inhaler with a chamber. I've done my research on the nebuliser and I know it's no more effective than an inhaler and chamber, but I have so much anxiety over using my inhalers. I cannot stand to do them around people and often just put them away and ignore them. Obviously this is not healthy because you're supposed to take your inhalers even when you're feeling well. When I was small, I used to hide in the cupboard at school to avoid taking them. Because a nebulizer does not require you to coordinate actions or breathe differently than normal, you know you're getting the appropriate dose during every use as long as you use the nebulizer for the entire **specified time** (yay specifics!!) Getting the appropriate dose may be important to getting the relief you need to help treat the symptoms. To use an Inhaler you must breathe in deeply and slowly, and hold your breath for 10 seconds. It also requires coordinating your breathing with squeezing the device. Unfortunately, most people with asthma (including me - I know I'm guilty of this) do not use their inhaler correctly. If not used correctly, you may not get the full dose of medicine. Anyway - I'm not quite sure on how I'll argue my case. My main concern is my high anxiety over the use of the inhaler. The nebuliser is only used twice a day for a certain period of time which will be really useful for my routine habits and ensure I get the right dose of medication. I'm just scared that the nurse is going to look at me funny and ridicule me over wanting to try this method of treatment. I'm not great at explaining things to people, let alone speaking to them at all, so any help and advice on how I can present my case is greatly appreciated Also if anyone else has experience with a nebuliser I'd love to hear your opinion.
  20. DominikaCupcake

    I wish i wasn't anxious

    I don't really know where to write it, but it seems like the right place. Many times i feel like i'm afraid of almost everything. I haven't feel like that for a while, but now those thoughts are back. I feel so hopeless. Like there's no future for me. I will probably end up pretty bad after i'm finish with studying. I also worry about everything every day. I'm scared that i will not make it throught the day. I really, really hate it and i wish i could stop feeling this way. Can't sleep at night because i have too many bad thought and i'm so afraid. Especially when i'm alone. I'm really glad that i get a support from my boyfriend, but i still feel like shit. And i'm tired of listening to those who tell me that i have no reasons to worry about anything. They just can't understand it.
  21. JakeTrv

    Public Speaking

    So I'm heading about 700 miles up north, to attend my Sister's wedding for a couple of weeks, and I'll be attending a practice ceremony where I have a role to play in. That role would be giving a short speech (maybe about six sentences long). Now it's common that social awkwardness is a part of Asperger's. Which brings me up to my next point: How can aspies, handle public speaking, even with all the anxiety, and the struggle of social and/or verbal communication? Your Thoughts?
  22. First of all, this is to vent and to see if there anything i can do about the situation. Also as a heads up i am going to be a bit improper with the way i type.. Well.. I live smack in the middle of a city (not even close to a suburb) and I always feel nervous when walking/exercising outside unless i have my music in my ears.. Not always but usually o.e. The cases I do feel most fearful are when usually I wear a t-shirt (especially band and music related shirts) I always feel like I'm going to be called "fake or a poser" for whatever reasons so i try to stay away from crowds as much as i can while venturing outside. The only cases i do feel safe with them on are when I'm outside the state and city or at school if i don't have to wear uniforms. Lately, if i feel like my dad is treating my wrongly by trying to help me with something i already figured out on my own i get really defensive and i don't know why ._... and my parents claim "I'm being aggressive" or "Why are you being so angry ?!" Sometimes i get defensive and raise my voice and i know the reason but at the same time i don't and can't explain myself and when i try to think i feel my eyes trying to tear up and i feel overwhelmed. Then if i don't do anything at home (i haven't had much motivation lately to draw or read) i feel the same way (i feel down and like I'm longing for something i don't have yet). I really don't have much friends outside of the internet.. i do have acquaintances and trustworthy "friends" (not sure if its right calling them friends) but they're much older than me. I don't have anyone my age or talk to too many people with my interest. Which is one of the reasons I'm probably so dissatisfied as of this year and last year. *EDIT* Theres another thing that really concerns me that I forgot to mention... I really want too like start a blog or what not to "let out my demons' i suppose.. but I get so worried because of some of the stuff I've done a few months ago and stuff i'd rather not talk about; its stupid but at the same time i feel like i need to "get myself under control" before i do that. So every awful thing I've done and every violent thing I've attempted makes me feel like I'm not worthy :I.. *EDIT for the 100th time ._.* About the blog.. if it is possible good alternative for me .. How will i explain that to my mom.. she's really clingy and i think i might of inherited some of my problems from her /;. For example when i first started using youtube she got really paranoid when i was 12 afraid someone was going to kidnap me or lure me .____.. so uh, yeah.
  23. Richard

    Derealisation

    Do you ever get that feeling like you're dreaming and you feel like you are disconnected from everything around you. I think its mainly caused by anxiety but with me it can also happen it I have spent many hours deeply focused or occupied on something like a video game. Its sort of like spending too much time inside your own head/thoughts and when you go back to the real world it feels different. I find it can be quite scary/un-nerving. I often feel like this when I go to bed at night and my body feels very light like it doesn't weigh anything and my mind is kinda numb. Does anyone else experience anything like this ?
  24. Richard

    Quality Of Sleep

    Does anyone else have problems with sleeping at night ? It often takes me a long time to fall asleep and I have quite disturbed sleep too. I often wake up (half awake and half asleep) and hallucinate in the middle of the night. An example is I will see loads of bugs on my walls or in my bed ro shadows on the walls will appear as people for a split second. I will run outside and then realise I was dreaming and go back to sleep. This can happen to me several times a night or not at all for a month. I think it's related to stress but it has been quite disrubtive over the years. I also sleep much better through the daytime as well (like a baby), sometimes I wonder if I have Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder which means that your body wants to sleep during the day instead of at night. There have been times in my past where I have been nocturnal and my body is always trying to fall into that kind of rhythm (sleeping later, and getting up later). So does anyone else have sleeping issues ?
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