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  1. First of all, this is to vent and to see if there anything i can do about the situation. Also as a heads up i am going to be a bit improper with the way i type.. Well.. I live smack in the middle of a city (not even close to a suburb) and I always feel nervous when walking/exercising outside unless i have my music in my ears.. Not always but usually o.e. The cases I do feel most fearful are when usually I wear a t-shirt (especially band and music related shirts) I always feel like I'm going to be called "fake or a poser" for whatever reasons so i try to stay away from crowds as much as i can while venturing outside. The only cases i do feel safe with them on are when I'm outside the state and city or at school if i don't have to wear uniforms. Lately, if i feel like my dad is treating my wrongly by trying to help me with something i already figured out on my own i get really defensive and i don't know why ._... and my parents claim "I'm being aggressive" or "Why are you being so angry ?!" Sometimes i get defensive and raise my voice and i know the reason but at the same time i don't and can't explain myself and when i try to think i feel my eyes trying to tear up and i feel overwhelmed. Then if i don't do anything at home (i haven't had much motivation lately to draw or read) i feel the same way (i feel down and like I'm longing for something i don't have yet). I really don't have much friends outside of the internet.. i do have acquaintances and trustworthy "friends" (not sure if its right calling them friends) but they're much older than me. I don't have anyone my age or talk to too many people with my interest. Which is one of the reasons I'm probably so dissatisfied as of this year and last year. *EDIT* Theres another thing that really concerns me that I forgot to mention... I really want too like start a blog or what not to "let out my demons' i suppose.. but I get so worried because of some of the stuff I've done a few months ago and stuff i'd rather not talk about; its stupid but at the same time i feel like i need to "get myself under control" before i do that. So every awful thing I've done and every violent thing I've attempted makes me feel like I'm not worthy :I.. *EDIT for the 100th time ._.* About the blog.. if it is possible good alternative for me .. How will i explain that to my mom.. she's really clingy and i think i might of inherited some of my problems from her /;. For example when i first started using youtube she got really paranoid when i was 12 afraid someone was going to kidnap me or lure me .____.. so uh, yeah.
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