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Showing results for tags 'anxious'.
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I never actually thought I would get to this point but my assessment is tomorrow!!! Oh. my. god. I'm not quite sure whether I am anxious/apprehensive or excited/eager or perhaps both. I am trying to distract myself and not have my usual hypothetical "conversation" in my mind before any appointment or meeting with someone. I don't know if I can actually stop myself from doing this or if there is even any point as I have done this many times already (especially at night when I should be sleeping but I can't switch my thoughts off) and it is just something I have always done. It is a weird feeling, on the one hand I am like finally I can explain myself properly and I will understand everything at last but at the same time I think f*ck, what if it goes wrong and I forget something or I don't explain things in the right way or I shut down or I get upset or or or or. Bloody hell, why can't I just let it go and not be stressed??? Well I wouldn't be needing an assessment for AS if I wasn't the person that I am!! Also, I think it is very possible that I will embarrass myself by just bombarding him with a mountain of information about me and that I will interrupt him, talk over him, and get really carried away. Again that is why I am here. I do kind of wish I wasn't so aware of myself and AS. That I won't second guess myself and over-analyse everything I am saying, that I lacked the insight into myself because ignorance surely isn't so stressful. I wouldn't even be here if I was still "blissfully" ignorant of myself and it was more stressful not knowing, not understanding why I am the way I am and I really hate not knowing. I have to know everything. I don't like the unknown, uncertainty. I really can't bear it and it is akin to torture for me. I have to know everything I can and then things won't be so confusing. Hopefully tomorrow I will know, finally and I can stop obsessing about this so much.
I've been thinking about when I'm anxious, I had to write a little about it recently and its kinda hard to hear other people say the things I do... I wondered if anyone else does any of these things? Here's the list of things that were pointed out that I do: Pull my hairBite my selfPunch thingsTwiddle my hairHead bang/but things. (walls/pillows/objects/other stuff)Hit my selfScratchShakeChew my tongueBite my nailsFiddle a lot with everything and anythingPinch myselfStop eatingPanicCan't get my words outShut down completely.Can't keep my hands still There is other stuff too, but these are the main things I seem to do/people notice I do but I didn't realise really that I do most of it...? Do you get that/Does that happen to you? After its happened its finished and I can't really remember all of it and shut off from it. You could say I did something but unless I can feel it or see a mark I won't recall doing it.. does that make sense? Is it just me or is it the same for anyone else?