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  1. Hi I’m 45 year, male, and for the past few years have suspected that “something is not quite right” with me. Sorry if that offends, I honestly don’t know how best to put it. I don’t know if I have Asperger’s or not, but the more I hear about it, the more the pieces seemed to fit. So I thought I’d throw this out there to the community to see what people think. I wouldn’t say I’m shy, but I’m not great socially. I don’t struggle to strike up a rapport with people, but it’s usually based on me hiding behind humor and quickly fizzles, and after that I really find it hard going to keep conversation or even think of things to say. Social events can go one of three ways; 1. Anxiety kicks in before the event and I pull out. 2. I make myself go, but end up retreating into myself and leave early. 3. I go, have a great time, but you won’t find me on the dance floor or instigating conversation. Not a hope. I can sometimes form very deep emotional connections with people around me (work colleagues, friends etc) with whom I feel I have shared similar life experiences. Those people are generally unaware of my strength of feeling toward them. I always overthink and analyse stuff, to a point where I starting picking up on subtleties that aren’t there, start making assumptions (that seem very real and plausible to me) and then over-complicate things by trying to fix issues that were never there in the first place. This causes me great anxiety and a feeling of being tangled in my own web, which gets worse the more I try to fight my way out. I DO THIS ALL THE TIME. I often under- and over-empathize: sometimes situations where I should feel sad, I feel very little. Other times (usually with those I have formed a deep emotional connection with) I empathize to a point of becoming overwhelmed with feelings of heartbreak. More often than not it’s one extreme or the other. I’m very introspective and self-critical. I’m very critical of my own work/actions and that of others. I have an acute sense of loyalty and honor, and find it very hard to forgive if my trust is betrayed. I regularly put my foot in it by saying something offensive without realizing it – and am genuinely mortified if someone is offended – and then want to fix it (and end up making matters worse!). Seasonal times where expectations of happiness are high (i.e. Christmas) tend to get me down. Even something as benign as shopping for cards or hearing a Christmas song can trigger a bout of depression. The only melt-downs I've experience are triggered by my own tangled web-weaving, and are I wouldn't describe them as melt-downs. The only way I can get out of the resulting deep funk is by me "rebooting" i.e. going to sleep. 9 times out of 10 I wake up "fixed". I could go on. There’s probably lots of obvious stuff I’ve forgotten to mention, but I’ll leave it for now. I’ve done the online Asperger’s test several times (I leave it a good long while between so that I forget what I’ve previously answered) and always come out right on the borderline. Does any of this ring any bells with anyone? Thanks!
  2. I thought it would be good to make a list of all the good autism videos and documentaries out there. I find them so helpful as I'm a very visual person but also just seeing more people like me has so helpful personally, and it helps me understand the breadth and diversity of the autism spectrum. Its useful when others have insights into their own experience and really good to see those who have managed to find a supportive niche for themselves in the world or some kind of success as per their own definition of success. I personally prefer ones focused on autistic individuals rather than just informational or explanatory ones, Ive also stayed away from personal vlogs, more chatty-style vids and pseudoscience/'cures'. Also these are mostly focused on adults on the 'higher functioning' end of the spectrum but thats just because thats what I watch but feel free to post other kinds just the ones you would recommend. I was looking through my youtube history looking for a specific autism documentary and realised I have seen hundreds - and a lot of them were really good and others might benefit
  3. Some novels I have read with character portrayels of Autism/Aspergers, not always as a main character. Starred are my Favourites. Eleanor Oliphont Is completely Fine - Gail Honeyman Attachments - Rainbow Rowell *Radio Silence - Alice Orseman The Kiss Quotient - Helen Hoang *All Systems Red (and whole Murderbot series - Its about a human-like robot but is very relatable from an Austism perspective) - Martha Wells Lady Midnight (and whole Dark Artifices series) - Cassandra Clare The Rosie Project - Graeme Simsion The Perks of Being a Wallflower - Stephen Chbosky The curious incident of the Dog in the Nightime - Mark Haddon *The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - Steig Larsson I also think: Truly Devious - Maureen Johnson Mary Poppins - P.L Travers (very different from the films) Please share any you have read
  4. I have a friend/fwb that has Aspergers that had blocked me on every social media and doesn't seem want to talk. It's been about 2 days now and I'm just wondering if I had lost him out of my life or if he's just taking time for himself. Everything was great between us before he had blocked and that's partly why I am here asking for advice and some help to understand what's going on?
  5. Ben


    I truly do love caffeine, I wouldn't call it an addiction, but I do feel a need for it. Nicotine? I can give or take. I smoke the occasional cigar, I chew a bit of tobacco and I've even dabbled with snuff. But I can have cigars sitting in my humidor for months at a time, and I won't feel an urge to reach for them unless I'm in the mood. Alcohol - despite my affinity for my whisky collection and craft beer stash, I rarely (if ever) actually drink with the intention of getting drunk. Some of the strong stouts I drink (say 15 to 20% abv) might have me feeling a bit awry, but again, I don't chase the 'buzz'. But caffeine? It just does it for me, and I think I know why. It produces oxytocin - the social hormone. And as someone on the spectrum, I truly do notice an enormous improvement within myself socially after only one can of (pick your brand - just not Red Bull. Yuk) energy drink. This isn't exactly a new thing I've noticed, but until recently I just assumed it was the energy kick, but now I believe differently. I think there's something in this oxytocin thing. Perhaps moderate to high doses may have a long term therapeutic benefit for those on the spectrum? (Just playing the devil's advocate.)
  6. An Autism/Aspergers alert card for you to carry around. The idea is that if you get a bit overwhelmed or you aren't able to get your point across etc, when you're out and about in public, you can hand this card over and it will just go some way to explain why you're flapping and struggling to breathe! It's also very useful from a safety and security point of view for places like airports/train stations and big cities, and to show to police etc.

    As you can see, it's got the WillowHope colour scheme etc, so it's not dull. I tried to make it a bit more 'funky' etc. than the usual ones.

    The card is the size and thickness of a credit/debit card, made entirely from plastic, with a gloss finish, so will be durable and easy to store in your purse/wallet or even in an ID card lanyard.

    Text reads:


    "I have an Autistic Spectrum Disorder

    Please read the back of this card...

    ...thank you, I really appreciate it!"


    "Please take the time to understand that...

    I might struggle to tell you what I need because I can become easily overwhelmed in a social or public environment.

    It might seem like I am acting strange but the movements I make are probably just part of me trying to cope and stay calm.

    I don't like to be touched, most of all unexpectedly, so whilst it might be your reaction to help calm me down, it will likely make things worse.

    I am a unique human being and deserve the respect you show everyone else.

    Also...don’t take advantage of me. I’m not stupid, I’m just anxious."

    1.50 GBP

  7. weebo

    DLA change over

    Hello all this may have been talked about already if so i am sorry to repeat, i am on DLA at the moment but i am sure its dew to change over to PIP any time, my question is does everyone applying for PIP get a face to face assessment or is it just random? i am so scared that i am gong to loose mine in the future as anyone not had to have a face to face whats everyone's stories . Nicky.
  8. Befriending Meditations Befriending meditations are, in essence, mindfulness meditations, but with a twist. The goal is to 'trick' or 'con' social anxiety into siding with you and working FOR you. Not against you. (Yes, I want you to embrace that energy because we're going to need it later.) Firstly, it's important to understand exactly what meditation really is. And to do this, you'll need to cross two items off your list. Those are, as follows: The past It's like a tattered old library book - one that you keep rereading and referencing to, and digesting to the point of exhaustion, hoping that those days can return or be altered. But even with all of the desire in the world, you will still NEVER be able to jump into the book and have the power to change things. The book has already been bound and published. Keep it, okay. But shelve it, and ONLY pull it out during times of celebration to rejoice, when reflecting back on how well you have done at a given life stage. The future It just isn't real. It doesn't exist. It has never existed and NEVER will exist. Time will always exist in the here and NOW. You will never escape now, so absorb it and stay with it, because it's the only place you will ever be. So just stop. Breath. And think of a trickling stream that runs through a floral meadow. Imagine the sun sparkling off the reflection of the water, the smell of dew soaked grass and the tweeting of an early morning bird chorus. Take yourself to that place in your mind now, and remind yourself that it's not yesterday, and it is not tomorrow, it is now! Done that? Good, because now you're meditating. (Practise this first before doing anything - switch mind from "active and thinking" to "passive and sensory".) The 'Friending' Okay, with that meditative state of mind nailed on, go into the middle of a major city, a coffee shop, or on a train during rush hour (or whatever) and literally people watch. And when you look at these people, tell yourself, in your minds eye (not out loud, obviously), that the person you're looking it: - Has your best interests - Cares about you - Is your friend - Loves you What we have now is a false reality appearing true, which is precisely what social anxiety IS in the first place! (Hey, it cuts both ways! Why not make it work for us eh?) I'm not saying talk to these people, or even look at them, just connect with them and accept them as part of your environment. Love them back, wish them all the best, and see them as a beautiful spirit, just in the same way as they see you. The mistake anxiety sufferers make is withdrawing from the people, which will only serve to worsen your problems, as you'll become disconnected, and even more aware of how separate and 'different' you are, so stay connected! Even if you're just sitting in a room saying nothing - it doesn't matter, breath in the good, exhale the bad and love these people back! On a Date or with Someone You Like - (Thought I'd add this, just to cover my ass.) Meditate again, and tell yourself the following: "I am going to BE the person that I would be afraid to lose." Don't ever make the mistake of looking for "the one" - you are a sovereign individual who doesn't need 'completing'. And even if they reject you, remember that you get to wake up tomorrow that same person, with infinite potential awaiting you. Don't disrespect yourself by 'chasing' them. Because if someone wants you out of their lives that badly, just let them go. Your hobbies, interests or 'obsessions' have the power to make you a millionaire if you like - so focus on number one and be authentic. (This last passage is a personal befriending, which will tie in beautifully with the above. So worth adding I guess.) Anyway, this isn't gospel or a set in stone proverb, this is intended to be a discussion. Any thoughts, questions, ideas are encouraged .
  9. MellyBelly

    Hey 😁

    Sooo I'm Mel. I'm 28, living together with my partner and my 2 sons. I was only recently diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome after years of going back and forth between doctors. They initially thought I was suffering from anxiety and depression. Until Aspergers was mentioned, everything fell into place, all my 'weird' characteristics from when I was younger. Hoping to have found a good place for any question I have now or in the future Thanks guys!
  10. Echo

    Aspie Cymru

    Hi Peeps I've started my own Welsh language YouTube channel; Aspie Cymru. On it I will be discussing Aspergers etc. and my perspective on things which are associated with autism. Any posts I make about this channel will remain in one topic, as to avoid cluttering and confusion. Also, sorry for potentially posting this in the wrong thread, I wasn't sure which one to choose; couldn't find a dedicated thread/topic for posting such content - my bad if there is Anyway, this is my first video And this is the accompanying blurb Cynnig fi ar drio creu adnoddau Cymraeg ar gyfer codi ymwybyddiaeth o awtistiaeth yng Nghymru. Gobeithio fydd hyn o fudd i bobol. Unrhyw cwestiynau neu sylwadau? Gadewch nhw ar waelod y dudalen Diolch am wylio. Parch a heddwch x This is my attempt at creating Welsh language resources to raise awareness about autism in Wales. I hope that this will be of some benefit or comfort etc. to people. Any questions or comments? Leave them at the bottom at the page Thanks for watching. Respect and peace x It is important that resources are available in different languages (when possible) and that's one of the reasons why I have chosen to do this. It is not my intention to take over from anyone else or to "step on anybody's toes". There isn't anybody else "out there" doing this in Welsh, so I thought "why not?". So,I'm giving it a go. Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AspieCymru/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/AspieCymru1
  11. Hello "Rabbits" I have been looking at a lot of videos on a channel called DontTrustTheRabbit, which is mostly about the Germans and their language. But I have found clues that she is on the spectrum, but not diagnosed. See these videos: I decided to bring this channel to the attention of the Aspie community. Actually, she even looks like Rudy Simone.
  12. Kuribo [old account]

    Smilies/Emoticons on Autism Forums

    This is a bit of a strange topic, but I'm curious to know what people think about the use of smilies/emoticons as a means of communication on Autism forums. I've been told in the past that I over-use them and I've had people misinterpret the reasons for my use of them, but I personally consider them to be a great communication tool. One could sometimes be the difference between my interpretation of a post as friendly or hostile, and while I've gotten over this now, I do feel more at ease with people who use them a lot, and I'm able to understand the intentions behind their posts more quickly than I otherwise would. What do you think about them? Do you find them helpful and informative when it comes to online communication, or are they (as some people have said) an unnecessary annoyance that make posts more difficult to interpret?
  13. Another aspie vlogger from the same country as the owner of this forum. But she only has one video about asperger's, embedded right below. Most of her others are make-up tutorials. Another aspie who breaks the mould by being into beauty, but I wonder if it is a special interest of hers. Does she go on and on about make-up? It seems likely that only those who know her personally would currently know. She does have a few other psychology related videos, including one about anxiety and even something called emetophobia. I have sent her an email, using an email address found on her about page, mentioning this site, but so far no reply from her.:(
  14. AutismUnrestricted

    Dr. Tony Attwood's videos on Aspergers

    Hi, As mentioned in the help, support and advice thread, I have pasted below a series of short videos by Dr. T Attwood on Aspergers syndrome. I related with most if not all of it. I am curious to read what other Aspies on this forum think about these videos. I just want to know if anyone else has experienced these aspects in their lives or is it just me. and finally Thanks for your time. Mish
  15. PerfectlyImperfect

    Wife of an Aspie?

    Hello All, I am so happy to have found this forum. I am so confused and heartbroken. My husband of 11 years likely has Asperger's. He has taken 2 online assessments which came back rather high for Asperger's (scored a 36 and a 39). I knew right away when we met that he was different in his communication style. You know how you first meet someone that you are interested in, and you could talk to them on the phone for hours and hours? That isn't the way it was with us, he would call but then just say a couple of words and then silence. The conversation was very disjointed and uncomfortable. He was a bit better in person, so I thought maybe he was just a little shy or something. About 7 months into the relationship we had a fight about how he never shared his feelings with me, and while he would say "I love you" he did not look at me when he said it and did not express any of his other emotions. He was very "Flat". He has always had very little facial expression, and appears to have a difficult time with smiling for photos. It is as if he has to work hard to make his face look happy, it is very unnatural. He also very rarely laughs. He is a wonderful man, he would do just about anything for anyone, and he treats me very well and is physically affectionate often (which I LOVE). His love language is "acts of service", and he says he is happy only when he knows he has made other people happy. He is very clean and tidy, keeps the house spotless and does the laundry. He cleans the cars weekly, and is also meticulous about his own personal care and hygiene. I know all these things sound incredible to most wives out there, but while I am very appreciative of these things, they do not equal love to me. I believe a component of these things is ritualistic and possibly OCD (which he says he does not have because it does not effect his daily living..... well, it effects MY daily living). All the time he spends cleaning, tidying, tinkering etc. is time away from interaction with us. My 10 year old son was diagnosed 3 years ago with ADHD. Going through the testing, my husband says... "oh my gosh, I think I have it too". He was tested and diagnosed with Adult ADD. He is medicated, but the emotional problems are still there. He cannot "connect" with people and admits to lacking empathy. It is as if he just doesn't know what I am talking about at all when I describe the feeling of your heart hurting when you see someone else hurting, especially someone you love. For years, I have said how unhappy I was because it did not seem like he loved me. He is a "Doer" and I desperately needs words. I need to not only be told that I am loved, but also what makes him love me and what that feels like in his heart. He can't do that, and up until the last week I thought this was his choice. I though he was just cold and disconnected and didn't trust me with his feelings. He is famous for the "deer in headlights" look. If I am sad and crying, I do not get the typical reaction of a hug or comforting words, he just stares at me with no expression at all. I have recently started thinking about divorce and trying to discuss it with him. I am not sure if I can or want to live with someone that has no connection with me, a heart connection. It has been 5 years that I have really been struggling to understand all of this, and I am so incredibly lonely. At this point I have severe anxiety when he returns home from work. When it comes time for him to get home, I find myself drinking wine or popping a Xanax just to deal with the tension and anxiety I feel. Being around him is very frustrating because my needs are not being met. I have not talked to many people about this (only therapist, my sister and my 17 year old daughter). I am afraid if we do end up separating or divorcing that no one will understand that it's not just because he doesn't talk to me, it's because there is no intimacy and no connection. I feel like no one would understand. He has not treated me badly or cheated, but I just don't feel loved. Has anyone been married to someone like this? Can they learn to be more socially aware, read faces, respond appropriately? Here are a few of the things that my husband suffers with, does this sound like Asperger's to you? Marked impairments in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to-eye gaze, facial expression, body posture, and gestures to regulate social interaction lack of social or emotional reciprocity Restricted repetitive & stereotyped patterns of behavior, interests and activities (cleaning, personal hygiene, eyebrow pulling, skin picking, obsession with how he looks-clothing and hair perfect, body perfect-weight trains, cardio, takes fat burners and carb blockers) lacks empathy, and is often accused of being intimidating, selfish, mean, standoffish, unfriendly Extremely loyal, sometimes painfully honest, highly disciplined, productive in his career but feels he has to do everything "right" has difficulties with relationships (especially women, but also male friends-says he feels very different, doesn't fit in) Interrupts frequently Seems unable to understand others feelings and respond to them appropriately Is Asperger's something the person can get over? Is therapy successful or medications? He takes a stimulant for ADD but since he began taking it, I think his other symptoms are MUCH worse. I appreciate any feedback or advice, I am so sad and confused and not sure that our marriage is salvageable because I am so lonely (which ends up looking like frustration and anger) BeWell, Nicole
  16. Myrtonos

    Maja has returned

    The first new TheAnMish video has appeard in nearly a year. Apparently she is now very busy, and that's why she hasn't posted much.
  17. Laurie

    Hey everyone!

    Hey everyone! I really love Willow Hopes website. I'm a twenty something female living in the United States and I received a late diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder when I was 21. I have already thought I had something but I wasn't diagnosed officially until I was olderI heard about how females are commonly under diagnosed as well. I have always had trouble making and keeping friends and am sensitive but it's hard for me to understand some people sometimes. I found this chart online about Asperger traits in females and I have like every one of them. I came on here to talk to people so feel free to message me!
  18. AutismUnrestricted

    Singing to self soothe and feel better

    Hello, As some of you know I'm an adult with Aspergers. I have always loved singing to self soothe. I'm self taught and have not had any singing lessons. I literally fall in love with songs and they get stuck in my head to the point where I can't do much else but hyper focus on the song. It plays in my head 24/7 and the only way to get it out of my head is to learn it and sing it and once I feel satisfied with the recording, it goes away. I love this song from Beauty and the Beast. Hope you all enjoy listening to it as much as I've enjoyed learning and recording it. It would mean a great deal to me if you could spare a few minutes to support me with this hobby by visiting my youtube channel which is very much in its infancy, only started recently to have one place to store all my recordings, like it or share it if you find it any good. Sorry about the funny faces i pull whilst concentrating on the notes Hopefully this link will work for my channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPAIYdY6xr0uasCSBkynT3Q Thank you x
  19. spymaster08

    I have aspergers

    Hello, I am 12 years old and I have had aspergers my entire life and I would really like to meet some people who are the same age as me with apergers. At my school I am found annoying and that makes me sad. Does anyone feel that way?
  20. Bronwyn

    Asperger memes / humour

    heyyyo So me personally im able to laugh at myself, I think they are the best kinds of jokes. Sooooo I have looked online and googled Asperger memes and im very disappointed in the lack of new memes there are . There must be someone who is a meme artist that has Aspergers out there who wants to share there works. I love all memes and find none offensive as it is just a joke so if you have any please share or any related funny stuff, jokes, twitter statuses... yah know. For those wondering what is a meme here is the dictionary reference > an image, video, piece of text, etc., typically humorous in nature, that is copied and spread rapidly by Internet users, often with slight variations. < I cant really explain it myself
  21. A432Hz

    Music Therapy

    Hello!Both my brother and I have Asperger's syndrome. As such, it is a topic of interest for me, and so I am doing my final project in a grade 12 course on the effects of Music Therapy and ASD. If anyone could take a few minutes to answer the questions in this survey, if you have participated in music therapy and are on the Autism spectrum or are a parent of a child on the spectrum, I would really appreciate it. The report is due in a couple of weeks and I need more responses. Your responses are anonymous and there is more detail on the survey page. https://docs. google. com/forms/uTNo5j9kDzwOa9wD3 Thank you so much for your time. Also, I have read the rules of the forum and did not see anything about this, but if it is against the rules, please let me know and I will take this down immediately.
  22. Nik H

    Wanna be friends?

    Hi everyone, I'm sort of nervous using this forum for the first time, besides I find a lot of social media stuff a bit daunting. My name is Nicholas. I am going to be honest, I am sort of lonely. I don't think I'm obscenely uninteresting or too annoying, but I am not very good at socializing. I don't really have a lot of "full friends", more just "semi-friends" that I sort of small talk with. I decided that this website would probably be the best place where I can "attempt" to socialize. I feel like I should give a description of myself if anyone wants to know about me: I am an 18 year old male, gay, currently attending college. I would say that I am very left-wing; very friendly with anarchists, Marxists, and the likes. Subjects I enjoy include are computer science, math, physics, philosophy (nihilism is one of my favs), and linguistics. I am not particularly athletic-- I don't really care for most competitive team sports. I prefer more recreational sports like biking and hiking. I also do kickboxing. I love to draw, watch horror movies (I love scary stuff), and I faun all over adorable animals. I'm sorry, I am looking over this and I know that I must look sort of pathetic. If thinks I am worth talking too, thank you.
  23. TheTheatreCat

    Could I have Aspergers?

    Hello there, I was chatting to my friends recently when we were all filling in a quesionare for something. One question was "what makes you different to your friends?" And a few of mine wrote "I have autism" (Aspergers or similar), and we were all surprised when they said this, as none of us knew that anyone in our group was autistic. Now, this was a very convenient way of me learning all this, but it led me to do some research, as I knew very little about Autism and Aspergers at the time, and wanted to make sure that I made the right approach and didn't worry them, now that they knew that I knew this about them. So, I looked up what having Aspergers affected, and what the symptoms were. It wasnt long before I realised that I too had quite a few of these symptoms. I took a few online tests, and they all came up as in the range of someone who had Aspergers. I thought to myself "it can't provide a real diagnosis" but it has been bothering me since. The traits I can relate with (from the list at http://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/tc/aspergers-syndrome-symptoms and other sources) include: difficulty to make and maintain friendships; random finger or hand tapping; strangely formal language; strict(ish) routine (on weekdays); one sided conversations about one obsessive topic (Theatre); domination of conversations (difficult for others to get words in edgeways); heightened sensitivity (especially to sound); difficulty to fit in with others; being bullied for being who I am (which is different to others) and not putting any emphasis on being "cool". I'm not sure really what to do and haven't told my parents about this yet as I'm not sure what to say or how they'll react! If, however, my suspicions grow, then I will definitely talk to them, but I thought I'd try on here first and see whether there is anyone here who can help me at all by saying "yes, you might have Aspergers" or "no, you're just being silly". Thank you!
  24. Hello, Previously, in the symptom area of this forum, I wrote about symptoms I had and that I suspected I had Aspergers. Well, earlier this week I had a mental health assessment and got the results back today. The letter said, "Working Diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome to be determined by our Consultant Psychiatrist in a follow-up appointment." Basically, I am confused as what this means. Do you guys have any thoughts? Thanks, Saoirse
  25. Eli

    Aspie Couples

    I'm curious if anyone else here is part of an Aspie couple. I've heard people speak of NT spouses more often, and this forum is the only place I really talk to other people with Asperger's, so as far as I know I've not met anyone else in my position so I'm wondering if there would be any parallels. He is the first person I've ever been with who was not NT, and it has been an entirely different experience from day one; there are still ups and downs of course. I would say the difference there is that the ups have been more extreme, as have the downs. For the first few years, it was sort of an emotional roller coaster. We, of course, became very attached to one another very quickly. I think it has been a huge blessing that while my husband was, at one time, more severe in his lack of social skills, he is now more highly functioning than me. He has spent years and years learning how to be an effective communicator, and he reads me so well that it seemed like witchcraft to me in the beginning. When he met me I was in a low place, and not even attempting to recover from trauma. He understood the things I was feeling and helped me practice talking and explaining things. Sometimes it pissed me off tremendously. There were times in the beginning of our relationship where he would literally make me sit down and talk to him about things, things I didn't want to talk about and had no idea how to talk about. It made me so mad that a few times I thought about breaking up with him, but then when I calmed down I had to reason with myself that he was trying to help me, and might actually be somewhat equipped to do so. Anyone I've dated has gotten on my nerves. Hell, for that matter, everyone will probably annoy me, eventually. Unfortunately, it's kind of just a matter of time. But with my husband, the things he did or said that irritated me were always, in retrospect, things I'd later realize were things I did. It has been rather eye-opening, and I can ever really get so mad at him, because it would be so hypocritical. It made me have to think about my choices. When I consider the times I've done something to someone that he does to me that's irritating ( such as being dismissive), it never occurred to me that they were getting irritated or hurt, and even if I did manage to notice, my reaction was sort of like, "Eh, they'll get over it". If they didn't get over it immediately, I would consider it a great inconvenience. I never realized how selfish I was until I lived with someone like me. Has this made me less selfish? Honestly, I don't think so, but it has made me more patient and compassionate, in a way. When he says or does something that's annoying, I think back to the times I've done the same thing, and wanted them to just not get offended, because being offensive had nothing to do with my words or actions. So, that's what I would do, I'd just get over it. I'd think, what's are you going to do, get a divorce because he wont take your suggestion or because he's been rambling on the phone for an hour every day lately while he drives home and you want that extra hour of "me" time? Of course not, because he's your favorite person in the world. And what would an argument do? It would only create a real problem, one that wasn't there, before. So I just smile, shake my head and move on with life. So, in a lot of ways, being with another Aspie has been like looking into a mirror, and it shows both the good and the bad, with some quirky differences that keeps things very interesting. I do sometimes feel guilty, or to be totally honest and accurate, I feel that I ought to feel guilty about the fact that since we've been together I barely talk to anyone else. The truth is, there were never very many people in my life to begin with because that's how I like it; the more people in my life there are, the more complications and obstacles that aren't worth the trouble. The few people in my life were either family members, or one of the two close friends I have, both of whom are NT and know what I am, and accept me. I talk to my family less, but that has been because they are excruciatingly irritating to me, and for me to keep them in my life at all, I need them to be in the peripheral, because that's all I can take of them. Basically, my human contact needs are met 100% by my husband, which I am well aware that in the NT world, is immediately classified as negative, wrong or unhealthy in some way. I know that when I was younger before I was diagnosed, that's what I would've thought, too. But I feel pretty confident in saying that healthy lifestyles can vary to an extent depending on the individual, as I have tried to exist happily with an common sort of NT life, and found it to be a living hell. As a married adult, I've only recently begun to live the life that pleases me, and sometimes that pisses people off, which is always a sign to me that they may be even more selfish than me, and don't know what love is. My husband is the only person I've ever known to see me whole and to understand me, and that has been the most fulfilling experience of my life. Even if he is a sh*t sometimes, like me.
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