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Found 5 results

  1. aspiesw

    Symptoms Of Depression

    I think I may be depressed, what are some symptoms of depression?
  2. ....That's it. That's all. Material gifts or even cold hard cash are meaningless to me, unless I can have that. Everyone's asking me what I want for Christmas now (as if I didn't have enough to worry about) but if I told them, they wouldn't be able to get it for me anyhow. I just want everyone to be happy, and I feel as if the only way that can happen is if I either get "all fixed," or if I'm just not here anymore. My therapist isn't here anymore, and my psychiatrist never cared about me....she just heaps empty praise on me so I'll be okay with her pumping me full of the drugs that aren't even working anymore and just give me horrible NC-17-rated nightmares. I wear a DNR wristband all the time now...it's like another one of my comfort items. So yeah, that's all I want for Christmas, and all I wanted last year, and the year before; is to just be normal. But I know it won't happen.
  3. Its my time of the year to be depressed again. I get depressed every year (no joke), it's usually due to the same things... Uni, hiding secrets, relationship with family. But it's actually got nothing to do with either of them. I left Uni last year, and towards the end of the course, I began to withdraw from the whole course a bit, and focused on my part time job in retail and getting a permanent job in Web Design. A few of the habits I inherited towards the end of Uni have stuck with me till now, which adds to my depression and my bad feeling, most days I spend in bed until 1/2pm and I'm often on my iPad on social media a lot, two things I really want to change, but don't seem to know how to (I know the straight forward answers are obvious, but unfortunately it's a lot harder than that in reality). I've still got my part time job in retail, which is good I suppose, I'm currently on 16 hours a week, hoping to move up to 25 very soon, this part time job very nearly turned into a full time job with prospects of gaining a promotion, luckily I saw the light and decided that full time work in retail just wasn't me, also, at this point I was feeling pretty crappy, so if anything, working longer hours would make me feel even worse, the main reason I decided not to go full time, is because retail isn't what I want to do with my life, I still have aspirations to become a web designer. I very nearly gave up on this career aspiration, as I wasn't getting anywhere However, my failings in getting a job in this industry are really demotivating, the past month I must have applied for over 10 jobs, with no luck whatsoever. Working part time leaves me with a lot of time, which I have to fill, which is often a task I don't enjoy, I used to go to Cardiff for days to see my boyfriend when I wasn't working, but we broke up in November (I'm still getting over him, which is an entirely different story), sometimes I just stay at home and relax, which means staying on my iPad and in bed, which makes me feel like shit. I'm currently working on my own side projects in web design, based on designs I actually want to design, which I hope improves my credentials for a job, and if I get to June and the situation hasn't changed, I'll go freelance (getting clients is a lot easier than I thought), even this will take a lot of motivation, which I just don't have at the moment, the fact that I didn't decide to do this as soon as I finished Uni is really getting me down, cause I feel like I've lost so much time. The fact that I'm not working full time, which would be the conventional thing for graduates to do after failing to find a full time job is really getting me down, apart from the 16+ hours I do at work, my life feels pointless, it doesn't seem like my situation will ever change. I feel really lonely, I feel like for most of 2014, I had that one person I could tell about my entire life, whether it was my best friend or my ex, however, neither of them are really involved in my life anymore, it just feels like it's me by myself, even though I have several friends. I'm doing CBT and taking antidepressants (which surprisingly aren't helping at all), to try to help, but I can't seem to shake this feeling. I'm hoping CBT can deal with my low mood, hopefully make me more social, so I can go out, make friends, be more social, and just enjoy life more, because at the moment it's pointless, everything seems pointless, I don't know what to do with myself. I just feel like it would be so easy to give up on life, because whether I go full time at work or not, my life isn't really going anywhere at the moment. There's only so many times you can look at the same blue wallpaper every single late afternoon while lying in bed without hating yourself. I don't really know what question I'm asking, how I want people to help, whether I just want people to listen, I just need to get this out, I doubt it will ever improve, but at least I've said it.
  4. I've been feeling really lonely lately. I lost a friend a few years ago because apparently I overshared some of my problems to them and they could not handle it. I don't go out with my other friends that much because I'm afraid of oversharing things about what I'm going through and pushing them away or having them think less of me. I mostly stay inside my house all the time because I'm afraid of being a burden to my friends. I've been making up imaginary friends and imagining I'm hanging out with them instead of my real life friends because I know my imaginary friends won't judge me or leave me. It's not the same, however, and it sometimes gets depressing not being able to talk to my real friends. How do I learn to trust people again, and more importantly, how do I learn when I'm oversharing things about stuff they don't want to hear?
  5. ErinEmilie

    Really kind of depressed

    Feeling rather depressed the past couple days. What's the best way to get out of a funk?
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