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  1. Hi Guys, so as you can tell from the title, my good friend from the past about one and a half years stopped hanging out with me and started hanging out with another girl after I trusted her with my diagnosis. I think this is because of my diagnosis but I am not really a person to trust with social skills anyway, what should I do? I am in a small school where I can’t really avoid her- How should I handle this? Please help!
  2. EccentricChemist

    Hello World

    I'm new to this forum, I'm a chemist who is waiting evaluation next month for aspergers. Just looking for answers, and need more data here to get help. I posted in the symptoms, and diagnosis section if you are interested in more detail. Sorry for the bad grammer/typiing, I've had a few beers tonight, feeling a bit low. Listening to talking heads this must be the pl;ace, for some reason this song lifts me up.
  3. EccentricChemist

    Is this aspergers

    I'm pretty sure I have aspergers, or some autism, I've always been socially awkward, the weird quiet kid in school etc. Unfortunately I've been pretty oblivious about myself until my wife divorced me a couple of years ago. She thought I was doing things intentionally to piss her off, but I had no idea why I was doing them. In the last year I've been doing a lot of soul searching, and after inputting my behaviors into various search engines I came up with aspergers which sounds almost exactly like me. I've been kind of obsessed with science since second grade, I was actually sent home from school in 5th grade for a couple of days for making sulfuric acid in the boys bathroom as a kid, I remember my mom was not happy, but kind of impressed I think. Needless to say I became a chemist which is a great fit for me. The behaviors that really pushed my ex wifes buttons that I remember were that I wiggle a lot in the car when we would go to town for monthly groceries (I live on a small homestead farm in the country), I also repeat myself a lot, and talk constantly of the same things that seem to only interest me, and I would interrupt her in conversations. I also like to intentionally misuse words, I call it playing with them, kind of makes language more interesting. Also I can never remember birthdays of any of my family, I have them written down to help me, and in my mind I lose names, and sometimes words when talking with people. I really don't seem to be interested in most people, they seem kind of uninteresting to me, just want one or two people in my life who understand me. Next month I have an appointment with a neuropsychologist to get evaluated. What do you guys think?
  4. Dr-David-Banner

    The Asperger Paradox

    I've been taking some time out of personal psychology research for various reasons. Sometimes unspecified "time out" helps to make stuff clearer later in the future. Anyway, I figured I'd share where I got to with my research and where the problems started to manifest. When reading what follows, please bear in mind many professional psychologists were seemingly experiencing a lot of problems with diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome and it seems this eventually led to the end of the actual diagnosis (as we knew it in the 1980s and 1990s. First the good news: It's fair to say all the reading I did over the years in drips and drabs made me confident enough the studies conducted by Hans Asperger himself (in Austria during the 1930s and 1940s) apply to my experience. I expanded Asperger's studies by other research I got from the USSR which was actually very useful and very similar to the Austrian studies. There were plenty of case studies to read that were well documented and recorded. What was the problem for me (and others)? Let's take one clear example of what troubles me: We've all been told repeatedly that with HFA there was a delay in speech during childhood, whereas with A.S. there is no speech delay at all. And yet, if you read the original documents carefully it's made clear one of the symptoms of Hans Asperger's "Syndrome" was considered to be "premature speech". That is, children were starting to try to form words earlier than normal. In the USSR case profiles, the months are carefully recorded. I'm not really sure what is considered "normal" for speech in infancy. Maybe the confusion is caused by other cases of autism where an actual speech therapist was required to work with the patients. Speech therapy with autism in children is quite common. However, whether speech is typically premature or delayed I think is pretty crucial criteria to understand. So, why was it possible for psychologists to be at odds? More generally, I figure a problem with the diagnosis of A.S. (as it existed) was it was always unlike any other typical diagnosis such as Schizophrenia or O.C.D. With A.S. the diagnosis was made up of a whole "list" of symptoms that only "together" make up the diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome. These sub-symptoms are familiar to all here and listed accordingly. Problems with non-verbal communication, awkward mobility or clumsiness, sensory sensitivity, difficulties in socialising and so on. Yet even here the core symptoms such as "empathy" I found confused the hell out of psychologists and autism authorities. Those with A.S. are often considered to have very low emotional response or reaction. This is recorded in countless cases. Despite that, digging deeper we know some people with A.S. can over emphasise. And personally speaking, I tend to be extremely unresponsive emotionally but I can sometimes over-emphasise. One of the highest authorities globally on A.S. Baron Cohen once stated that "empathy" (more so lack of it) was for him a worrying symptom of A.S. He described it as the inability for the individual with low empathy to place himself in someone else's position. I never experienced low empathy in this way and see it as deeper than the above. Now to add to the confusion we have "cause". The basic truth is all of the experts have been divided for decades. Many doctors can make solid arguments in favour of biological causes (including Hans Asperger in some of his case studies). There are cases for purely psychological causes or plain genetics. One of the autism pioneers, Grunya Sukhareva in the 1920s, argued in favour of environmental causes, abuse or authoritarian childhood environment. Leo Kanner opted for the "refrigerator mother" explanation. The more I waded through these contradictions, the more I would sometimes ask myself the question: "Did Asperger's Syndrome ever really exist?" Was it ever in fact a real diagnosis? Or was it in fact just a convenient grouping? Let's bear in mind too that Asperger himself never used the diagnosis of "Asperger's Syndrome". The whole thing only arose when psychiatrist Lorna Wing decided she preferred Asperger's research to Leo Kanner's so figured she's call her own diagnosis after the Austrian scientist. Final point, I found it hard-going and tiring as well as frustrating. It is very difficult for me to remain objective because the theme has very personal and sensitive implications. The lack of coherence and the contradictions became more frustrating. At some point I guess I'll return to the subject to see if I can get any further but, for now, I'm doing other things and just giving time for the dust to settle.
  5. gallerypiece

    Receiving a diagnosis

    Hello everyone! I haven’t posted on here in quite some time. Things with my family have been rough as usual but I have some great news! On March 7th I was officially diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder Level 1. I have been going through mental health evaluations since the beginning of January. This means a lot to me because I’be been struggling with sensory issues, communication issues, and self regulatory issues for as long as I can remember. I struggled all throughout school and now as a 20 year old I’ve been struggling living as an adult with a job and a car and stuff. Now that I’ve received this diagnosis I can apply for disability, which will allow me to have an income and be able to pursue my career choices (tattooing or reptile breeding) and I can do it al out of my own home! Thanks for reading and being here for me, I’m glad I can officially say I’m autistic and can join the community without feeling invalid bc of a lack of a diagnosis. I will make a post going a bit more in depth about getting diagnosed and how everything went for me.
  6. An Autism/Aspergers alert card for you to carry around. The idea is that if you get a bit overwhelmed or you aren't able to get your point across etc, when you're out and about in public, you can hand this card over and it will just go some way to explain why you're flapping and struggling to breathe! It's also very useful from a safety and security point of view for places like airports/train stations and big cities, and to show to police etc.

    As you can see, it's got the WillowHope colour scheme etc, so it's not dull. I tried to make it a bit more 'funky' etc. than the usual ones.

    The card is the size and thickness of a credit/debit card, made entirely from plastic, with a gloss finish, so will be durable and easy to store in your purse/wallet or even in an ID card lanyard.

    Text reads:


    "I have an Autistic Spectrum Disorder

    Please read the back of this card...

    ...thank you, I really appreciate it!"


    "Please take the time to understand that...

    I might struggle to tell you what I need because I can become easily overwhelmed in a social or public environment.

    It might seem like I am acting strange but the movements I make are probably just part of me trying to cope and stay calm.

    I don't like to be touched, most of all unexpectedly, so whilst it might be your reaction to help calm me down, it will likely make things worse.

    I am a unique human being and deserve the respect you show everyone else.

    Also...don’t take advantage of me. I’m not stupid, I’m just anxious."

    1.50 GBP

  7. So, how old were you? And was this a good or bad thing? ie. I was diagnosed in my late teens and it kind of sucked...to be honest. Because along with hormones, I really didn't need something else to deal with. I feel like I could have got more support through school had I been diagnosed earlier.
  8. One of our members has suicidal depression and can't get to a therapist on weekdays, nor find one who works on weekends.
  9. Hi. I've just come back from the hospital (nothing serious), where I was totally confused and therefore, late for my appointment, because I had to park my car. I'm inexperienced in driving and cannot understand instructions on the phone very well (I did stop the car to talk on the phone of course). I need to physically see things to understand. So, they told me to go somewhere, then told me it wasn't possible to park there anymore, then told me somewhere else which put me in the wrong place because I didn't understand properly. 3rd time, I parked in a place I thought was possible. Then on walking to the reception, getting lost inside this massive hospital, I get to reception of the clinic, and they tell me that I can't leave the car where I left it! After even more confusion and events, added to my physical disability, I finally lost it and told them..."apart from my physical disability of M.E. and feeling so tired, I have a form of Autism and need instructions to be very clear, otherwise I get easily lost". I didn't shout, but I was clearly anxious and worn out. I feel guilty about mentioning it. I was only diagnosed last month. Because I don't outwardly do stereotypical things like repetitive movements, and don't seem classically autistic, I feel like I am using it as an excuse. That is the emotional side. Rationally however, I was every bit within my rights to mention it, because I am not able to multitask and understand instructions as well as them. I even had to walk around for 20 minutes trying to find out if it was possible to leave the car park, because there was a huge piece of scanning equipment attached to a truck trailer, blocking my exit, and the only way out had "No Exit" painted on the ground, so I had to get out the car and check with someone. To them it was obvious that I could break that rule and go out the no exit route, but I wondered if there would be cameras, if there would be immense danger (it was exiting on to a cross-road) etc etc, because I can't judge very well about when it's practical to break a rule and not to. Should I feel bad about mentioning my Autism when having difficulty with directions, and practical functioning in public? I honestly do feel a NT wouldn't have had as much problem as me just now, but then feel that maybe I am just a bit dumb with some things (no offence to my Aspie/Autie fellow beings). What do you think? Do you ever mention it when frustrated or unable to function in public? How do you feel about it?
  10. TheTheatreCat

    Could I have Aspergers?

    Hello there, I was chatting to my friends recently when we were all filling in a quesionare for something. One question was "what makes you different to your friends?" And a few of mine wrote "I have autism" (Aspergers or similar), and we were all surprised when they said this, as none of us knew that anyone in our group was autistic. Now, this was a very convenient way of me learning all this, but it led me to do some research, as I knew very little about Autism and Aspergers at the time, and wanted to make sure that I made the right approach and didn't worry them, now that they knew that I knew this about them. So, I looked up what having Aspergers affected, and what the symptoms were. It wasnt long before I realised that I too had quite a few of these symptoms. I took a few online tests, and they all came up as in the range of someone who had Aspergers. I thought to myself "it can't provide a real diagnosis" but it has been bothering me since. The traits I can relate with (from the list at http://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/tc/aspergers-syndrome-symptoms and other sources) include: difficulty to make and maintain friendships; random finger or hand tapping; strangely formal language; strict(ish) routine (on weekdays); one sided conversations about one obsessive topic (Theatre); domination of conversations (difficult for others to get words in edgeways); heightened sensitivity (especially to sound); difficulty to fit in with others; being bullied for being who I am (which is different to others) and not putting any emphasis on being "cool". I'm not sure really what to do and haven't told my parents about this yet as I'm not sure what to say or how they'll react! If, however, my suspicions grow, then I will definitely talk to them, but I thought I'd try on here first and see whether there is anyone here who can help me at all by saying "yes, you might have Aspergers" or "no, you're just being silly". Thank you!
  11. Hello, Previously, in the symptom area of this forum, I wrote about symptoms I had and that I suspected I had Aspergers. Well, earlier this week I had a mental health assessment and got the results back today. The letter said, "Working Diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome to be determined by our Consultant Psychiatrist in a follow-up appointment." Basically, I am confused as what this means. Do you guys have any thoughts? Thanks, Saoirse
  12. MaskMadeOfMeds


    Hi everyone . It was obvious to my parents and teachers that I was different from early on. I had a family history of Asperger's Syndrome and so I was diagnosed by a Psychiatrist when I was about 9 years old. After I turned 18 because I had difficulty talking with the one distant friend I had, I started taking medication to help with socialisation. 3 years later and now I get a below average score on the AQ Test, and my Psychologist says I don't meet the criteria for Asperger's syndrome due to seemingly almost alien line of thought in my mind, but as a result I have very little sense of self. Considering my experiences and frequently forgetting to take the medication, I have trouble relating to most people who don't have Asperger's syndrome and I feel it's the same with people talking to me because I still have the tendency to mostly speak about my interests. I'm hoping to meet people here that have similar experiences growing up and possibly similar experiences with medication if possible. Thank you for letting me be a part of this forum.
  13. Hello everyone, I am a 34 year old professional composer and also a pianist. I have a provisional diagnosis, in that - I have completed the detailed paperwork and questions from a specialist clinic, following a doctor referal, and I am awaiting the face to face assessment date. I have spent my whole life feeling different and never fitting in, whilst trying my best to fit in (hence a late diagnosis, because I have learnt how to adapt and can appear on the surface like everyone else, but this doesn't take away the fact it feels unnatural to me). People don't understand how certain noises, light and other senses are too much for me or that I have difficulty expressing myself, understanding others and take most things literally. I am happy that I found others like me and feel less alone, but still quiet lonely and isolated. I also feel a bit confused as I must accept my new self as an Aspie (and wish I had the official diagnosis done already, although deep down, and logically, nothing even comes close to matching my difficulties and talents compared to an Aspie profile). I rarely communicate online (because I'm worried that I will not express myself properly, and also people tend to not see the logic or truth in situations and get upset when I point them out). The Aspies I have met globally online seem to make the most sense to me and seem more 'normal' in thinking, than neurotypicals to me, and it seems easier to communicate with fellow AS people. Thank you for reading.
  14. Jessie


    Hi, I'm new here. I'm just wondering what people's opinions are on seeking a official diagnoses. I've taken quizzes and I'm currently in a psychology related BA program. I have always known I'm different, that's always the comments I get from people, lol. I was originally diagnosed as ADHD as a child, but I was very different from ADHD children and the medications never worked (made me hyper or freakout). I have issues expressing myself emotionally, it's not that I'm cold, I love animals and some people. I come off as cold or rude during first impressions, but people who know me usually consider me to be caring (I like working with people who have disabilities). I also have issues reading emotions and being able to tell who is actually my friends, this often results in losing friends... Anyways I'm scared to be diagnosed because of the stigma and I would have to tell my husband.. also costs etc... what are people's opinions on this subject? It would be great to finally know why I don't fit... but do I need a official diagnoses to do that? I feel somewhat comfortable now with someone who excepts me (my husband).
  15. I approached my GP about getting assessed after having done several recommended online tests and read several books, as well as having been diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome which often goes hand in hand with autistic spectrum disorders. My GP is waiting to see if he can get funding in my area (Lincolnshire) though I read that I'm legally entitled to an assessment, so I'm confused. I'd just like to get on with it. What could I do? I have a child who is very like me (I think possible EDS and possible AS but have been told to wait and not to worry). Getting myself assessed first seems sensible. How can I speed things along?
  16. superpam

    My Aspie Traits

    So, after searching for a while (obsessively I must say) about how the traits can be different for girls, I wrote down what I believe can be a lot of my traits/characteristics related to Aspergers. Although I don't have a formal diagnosis and I'm still not 100% sure if I'm truly an Aspie, in my heart I feel I am most of the times for a lot of different reasons when I look at it both emotionally and rationally. My Aspie Traits - social awkwardness (not knowing what is adequate and ok to say or when to say it, not knowing how to carry/to end a conversation, although I've learned to adapt and can do it now, but it can be still really awkward many times) - bluntness (being too direct and not being aware when coming across as rude, arrogant or too blunt - or being aware only afterwards or even days later) - perceiving, understanding and communicating very black and white - being too intense and obsessive with especific interests (spending many hours searching, reading, learning everything that is to know about the same subject. For instance: Languages, Asperger's Syndrome, fully raw diet, parenting, education) - social hangover (feeling extremely tired mentaly and emotionaly after long periods of social interaction) - Not having the need or the urge to socialize or go out much, except with very close ones (if I go out twice a week that's probably enough social interaction and I don't need or feel like wanting more stimuly) - strongly dislike of light touch - quick temper (exploding or feeling an intense rage out of a sudden and without a warning, and cooling down just as quickly) - not having energy and hating small talk, superficial empty tedious talks especialy with people I don't know or don't feel connected to - overthinking and overanalysing everything all the time - being really annoyed by some sort of noises or when there's too much background noise (for example, in crowded places when everybody just talks loud at the same time, it's just too much stimuly to process and I tend to feel really irritated and willing to leave) - having a hard time keeping a job (it can be quite hard having to leave the house every single day at the same time, dealing with the same people constantly which can seem like a contradiction because I feel I like an need a routine, but just having to leave the house when there are days I don't feel like leaving the bed, can be really hard) - enjoying and needing a routine and familiar places that I feel comfortable at - not having too many friends or actually having friends, but only 3 that I trust 100% that they'll let me just be and respect my quirky unique different introvert way of being, the real me (which very few people actually have seen and truly know) - prefering one on one interactions (that way I can really connect with them and we get to know each other, to have deep intelligent badass talks) - dislike going out in groups or engaging conversation with a lot of people at the same time (which I find confusing, superficial, pointless, uninteresting and a waste of time. If I'm with a group of friends I really like and have a connection with, I can enjoy it. But otherwise, I'd prefer to just watch and be quiet and I will enjoy it unless I feel like I have to participate, talk or answer questions) - very creative and imaginative. I have my own world and reality inside my head and life is so much better inside my world than reality (Reality is a lovely place, but I wouldn't wanna live there.) - I tend to to everything I can by myself. I love self learning, to taught myself things and I'm good at it. For example: English, French, crafts, learning ideas/concepts and how to dos and succeeding when I try to do it like cutting my hair just by watching videos and such - extremely loyal with strong inner principles that are very important and serious to me - high sensitivity and picking up on others emotions and energies like a sponge - picking up details everyone misses, hidden meanings, abstract ideas - thinking outside the box, coming up with creative solutions - feeling different my whole life, not being able to fit in anywhere (not feeling truly comfortable to be me or really accepted) - although I'm not picky when it comes to food, I can eat the same thing everyday without a problem (like pasta, or like when I was in the hostel in Guarapari. I ate omelete (always prepared the same way: eggs, cheese, tomato, pimenta calabresa and I would eat it with mostarda. I did it for 2 weeks every single day, not noticing it until now) - doing things in a certain order like showering, or the way I walk the stairs when arriving home (taking 2 steps at a time even when tired), doing certain things in a certain way and never changing it, like it feels safe/familiar/predictable - feeling anxious when knowing I'll have to socialize with people I don't know very well or/and in new places I've never been too. Having to prepare myself psychologicaly for that and still feel very anxious, afraid, not comfortable - expressing myself and my thoughts way better on writing, rather than talking - losing track of my thoughts while I'm talking or trying to explain something and forgetting what I was just saying and taking too long getting back to it or not remembering it at all (which difficults a lot talking to unknown people, because of the awkward silences and not being able to have a natural flow on the conversation) - having a really complex mind with thoughts, sub thoughts, sub sub sub thoughts. Constantly making connections and spoting patters in everything and everyone - having a brain that doesn't shut up, is always active, that take in a lot of information/details/subtleties at the same time and can't help to analyse everything all the time (both internaly and externaly). Sees a puzzle in everything and collect the pieces together with time until it makes clear sense - I feel like I adapted so well sometimes that it is actually quite common for me to hear "you, an introvert? But you're such an extrovert!" (No, I'm not, trust me.) That's just an example of how I fake it so well, and how I managed to adapt socially (although I can still be very awkward sometimes) - I prepare myself before going somewhere like I ponder first what I might need/always think ahead (for example, if I know I'll stay out for long, I bring water, think about where I can buy something to eat near where I will be - I hardly ever forget anything from keys to phone, charger, some paper or anything I know I will need that day. I have all planed out so I dont have to worry about it later. It actually saves a lot of energy and it prevents anxiety which is good, because Im already too anxious - having a hard time learning and remembering subjetcs in school that are taught oraly like History and Geografy So, that was HUGE and I apologize for that. I would really like to know how much can you all relate to what I believe are my traits and do you think they all can be related to being an Aspie or maybe not. Thank you for being lovely and welcoming to the forum on my first post. I already like it here a lot <3
  17. RiRi

    After Diagnosis

    What did you do after getting officially diagnosed (e.g. did you join support groups, go out more, etc.)? How did your life change since you got diagnosed?
  18. I have an official diagnosis, but I worry about it a lot and have quite frequent feelings of paranoia, because my diagnosis didn't follow the same procedure as it did for nearly everyone else. I was just given an interview with a neuropsychiatrist where I was asked a lot of questions, my mum was asked some questions, and about 20 minutes in he said that he felt I had Asperger's syndrome, and at the end I was told my diagnosis. No tests, no further appointments, nothing. Can he really know that I have AS after 20 minutes? I don't understand why I wasn't asked back for further testing or appointments, I thought that they needed to test people before giving a diagnosis. Also, I read a lot on forums and see that other people are different to me or have difficulty with some things that I don't have trouble with or have a specific trait that I don't have, or that I work, have a relationship and am too independent to be diagnosed, I'm too 'normal' or function too well, then I start to worry that I might not really have AS, and that others on the forum might think that I don't really have it and that I shouldn't really be here at all. I have a lot of such paranoid thoughts. I know that people with ASD are all different, but that doesn't stop me worrying. Most people worry about whether they have ASD before their diagnosis, but I'm worrying about it after my diagnosis. Does anyone have any advice on what I can do to be reassured and stop worrying? Does anyone else feel this way?
  19. My diagnostic report says that I have moderate Asperger's Syndrome, but elsewhere it says that I'm "high functioning." Is this a contradiction? Is it possible to be 'high functioning' and yet have a moderate, or more severe level of autism? Or does "high functioning" mean, by definition, that your ASD is mild?
  20. Hi guys, I know I've been absent from the forum for a while, but I could really need your guys' support right now. What I'm about to post about might be difficult for some to read, and might hit some sore spots, I just have to get it out, though, and I feel as if this is the safest, most supportive place I can do so. I had a therapy appointment today, and we were approaching the last 15 minutes of our session. My therapist kept asking me what was on my mind, so, to satisfy her, I mentioned how I went to a friends' birthday dinner last weekend. I talked about how I did have fun, but I was nervous the whole time about whether or not I was doing everything right, saying the right things, doing the right things, etc. I mentioned off - handedly that "I was actually dx'd with something that explains exactly why I have these problems with social things." The convo played out like this from that point - the best reconstruction I could manage: Dr: Aspergers Syndrome? Me:....Yes. How did you know? Dr: I've done lots of work in that area. Me: Was it that obvious? Dr: I recognized it in you in various ways, during our sessions...I've seen many people with Aspergers. Some have issues with anger and impulse control, and you have problems with social interaction and anxiety. Me: Oh. Okay. Yeah, there's that. Dr: Does Dr. S (my psychiatrist who works right above her) know you have been dx'd Aspergers? Me: Ummm...no. Dr: (somewhat accusingly) Well, she needs to know...otherwise she can't prescribe the correct medications for you. Me: Well, they don't really work for me...well, they do; but only for a little while and then it's onto another one. Dr: That's because she didn't know about your diagnosis, and couldn't prescribe the correct ones. And, now that you've told ME, I can incorporate that into my treatment plan for you. Do you have the documentation from when you were dx'd? Me: The only copy is with the Disability Resource Center at my college...not that it helped me any to give it to them. Dr: If you could get it back somehow, that would be great....where and when were you dx'd? Me: At a diagnostic center in Baltimore, MD - I don't remember the name of the doctor who saw me, though. I was around twelve-ish. Dr: Okay....(writing things down) Me: (Beginning to cry) Am I gonna get sent back to Sarah's Smile or someplace even worse if I don't get better? Dr: What??... Me: Sarah's Smile...I was sent there every day for three weeks one summer....it was a bad, toxic place and I don't want to go back again, or someplace even worse than that. I won't, will I? Dr: No, no, you're not going to get sent anywhere (hands me a box of tissues) Don't worry about that. You're very high - functioning Aspergers, it seems. *****Her use of functioning labels throughout our conversation made me really uneasy, but I knew she was on my side so at that point I was going to take what I was given******* Me: Oh, okay, thank you. Dr: Does your family know about this? Me: Well, yes....but they don't talk about it much anymore; not my mom and stepdad or my dad and stepmom. My dad and stepmom never believed I had it; they told me, "It's not true, Coupe, you're not that at all; your mother just has these IDEAS..." Dr: But you were given a dx, so yes, you have it, and it's there. Me: Yeah...my dad and stepmom never believed it, though. Dr: Were you given any help following your dx? Therapy, anything like that? Me: Yes, but I didn't like it and it didn't help me (referring to the ABA-ish speech therapy I was put thru for years). Other than that, I've gone without supports in school and other places b/c my dad and stepmom thought I was normal and didn't need any, so I've pretty much flown by the seat of my pants for years and exhausted myself trying to pass for "normal." Dr: (With air of finality) You ARE normal. People who have Aspergers are not "wrong." The reason why your father and stepmother don't believe you are Aspergers is STIGMA. There's no need for it. Me: (shrugging slightly) Okay. Dr: Well, we're out of time for today, but we'll talk more about this next week. (We arrange a time for next week and she reminds me to talk to my pshychiatrist). Me: So, just so I'm clear - I'm not going to be sent away anywhere? Dr: (firmly) No. You will not be sent away. You have a firm grasp of reality, and you are not running around out of control or creating disturbances, so no one is sending you away. Me: Oh. 'Cuz my niece has a mood disorder and my older stepbrother made her go to a hospital for a long time and my dad and stepmom were completely okay with it. Dr: No, that will not happen with you. .....Sooooo..yeah. That happened today. I don't really know how to feel about it; whether I should feel relieved and that I'll finally be understood, or if I've opened some kind of Pandora's Box of some kind that I won't be able to force shut again. I feel oddly relieved, in a way; yet I can't shake the feeling that this means the latter. I'm sorry if I've upset anyone with this; but I just need to get this out and I'll never bring it up again.
  21. ... At a time! Despite the name of the thread, this is not about the song "One Little Victory" by Rush. No, this is much more serious (and not about music.) I realise that I've never formally introduced myself on the forum. And I also don't think I've ever posted the story of how I was diagnosed, at least not publicly. I won't go too much into either. And I won't talk about how the Danish education system works either, even though it's a part of this story. I will however, talk about what has happened to me in my life these past 5 years. The good and the bad. I'm posting this (even though it might be utter rubbish, or you might not care) because I feel that it might give some of you hope. Or at least something to read when you're bored... In fact, you may want to grab a snack, as it's going to be a long one! Going back to my childhood, I've always known I was different in some way. I couldn't understand some of the things that happened around me, and I didn't feel that I fitted in. I also remember clear signs of anxiety in my childhood. But not knowing I had Asperger's was the worst part. My parents divorced when I was 5 or 6, and I guess that left a scar on me as well. Let's have a look at my life about 5 years ago in 2010. I was 15 years old, I had just had a mental breakdown, and I stopped going to school. This was mainly because of bullying and being completely fed up with sitting in a noisy classroom with 30 other students. So I quit. Bad decision? Maybe. Maybe not. But one thing's for sure: I couldn't take another day, let alone stay another minute. I was severely depressed and anxious all the time, suicidal, and half a year later I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, Social- and Generalised Anxiety Disorder, plus severe depression. I was basically scraping the bottom of the poo barrel (not literally though!) I was offered meds for anxiety and depression, which I gladly accepted. I tried a few different ones, and eventually settled on a combination of meds that helped me, even though they had heavy side-effects. A year passed where I stayed home, being miserable and close to a psychosis. I was terrified of leaving my mother's apartment. I was basically a hermit. Leaving my home was literally painful, not to mention just living in general. Think a constant 10 on the anxiety scale, when I was outside. Now, don't ask me how, but somehow I found one little glimpse of hope in the distance. It only took a whole year. That little speckle of hope and will to fight, led me to start at a new school in a class with only a couple of students, in order to finish my exams. They all had either Asperger's or anxiety, or both. Starting at a new place in my condition.. Well, it wasn't easy. Far from it. This was actually one of the toughest periods of my life. But soon I discovered that the teachers there, were the kindest and most understanding teachers I've ever had. Not to mention the students who were all lovely too. That helped me through a lot, knowing that no matter how much I hated being there, there were people who I cared about, and who cared about me. I only needed 1 more year before my exams, but it took me 2. But despite all the challenges, I managed to complete the exams at last, and with good grades! It's now been almost 2 years since then. So what have I been doing in this time? I've been working on bettering myself. I try to challenge myself, as often as possible, while not overdoing it and burning out. Baby steps, they say! One little victory at a time. I've come so far compared to 2 years ago, and especially 5 years ago. It took lots of time, and A LOT of hard work, but it has definitely paid off. I'm not depressed anymore. My anxiety levels are much more tolerable and I'm feeling better and better all the time, with only the occasional anxiety attack. I go out much more often than I used to now. And the meds I'm taking are working much better than what I used to take. Eventually, I may get off of them I'm also seeing a psychiatrist who specialises in CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and she has helped me loads, I have my own mentor who I train various things with, like going various places, etc. I will also *hopefully* start studying again soon. I'm thinking this summer/autumn. So yeah, I'm in a much better (less terrifying) place now, things are finally looking good for me, I have the will to live, and I'm positive about the future (most of the time.) This might not seem so amazing to everyone else, but what I've gone through and how far I've come, really is an achievement to me. But this is only the beginning, and I have so far to go. The battle is never over. So what is the point of this story? Well, my point is really that there is always hope out there. No matter how far down you are, who you are, or where you are from. There's always hope, even if you can't immediately see it. Some people say that "time heals all wounds", and while I think that's true, I also think that you have to work for it. It does get easier with time though. And as much as I hate this saying "No pain, no gain" it's actually true to some extend, in my opinion at least. A wise man once said, that there are people out there who loves you, even if they don't know you yet. Just because you're human. Thanks for reading! ~Alex P.S. If I can do it, then YOU can do it too!
  22. I'm doing some reading about what to expect in getting a formal diagnosis as an adult and...I may have a problem. Some of what I'm reading suggests the doctor may want to question my family and anyone else who knew me as a child. To say that might be a problem is....putting it mildly. I'm 30 years old, still live with my parents and sisters, (rent around here is half of what I make in a month and I like not living paycheck to paycheck, because I've done that and it's HARD,) and anyone outside of my family who knew me as a kid has looooong since moved out of the area, and I deleted my BookFace because I Hate People, (and politics...) so any contacts THERE are also gone, and I don't think any of those folks would remember to keep their yaps shut. What do I say for, "I'm sorry, but I'd rather die a slow and painful death than my parents even suspect that I'm in your office, so no you're not asking them." Same goes for siblings and anyone else. I'm even afraid my primary doc would accidentally let something slip... (My pediatricians have long since retired, and the only other doc who's seen me from childhood is my ophthalmologist, but 1) he's my dad's friend as much as he is his eye doctor, and 2) he's never been in a good position to see AS symptoms Just Because That's How It Happened.) What if they ask about employers? As I said in my intro thread, I'll probably wind up disclosing to my supervisor, (for reasons far beyond what I went into in that thread, but some of the details of other reasons why start to get into things specific enough that it could reveal my employer, and That Would Be Bad.) I have friends who've known me 10+ years, and, sure, they know my family's a mess and why I'd rather be flayed alive than my parents or sisters be able to call me "autistic." Would that suffice for a decent human being? Anyone else been in this situation? How did you handle it? For legal purposes, I'll reiterate that I live in the US.
  23. blacktiger911

    How Did I Get AS?

    so i don't know how it got as and if certain events may have done it to me. so my mom did meth when i was inside her. i was beaten unconscious and hospitalized at the age of 18 months with a brain injury. i want to know if these had anything to do with my as or anything else or is as just genetic?
  24. Hello everyone! Tomorrow, I will be seeing my doctor to ask if he can refer me to specialist. It is about getting a diagnosis for Asperger's Syndrome. I live in South East Britain. So, I would love to hear from others in England who had gone through the process of getting yourself formally diagnosed. How was your path? Was your GP knowledgeable about Asperger's? Was he or she well-acquainted with all the steps that a patient might have to go through? How long did it take you to get the diagnosis? Is it a longwinded journey? I'm really interested in those of us who used the NHS in your area for this issue. I am really not willing to pay to have this diagnosis. I would love to hear about your recent experiences.
  25. legsbluetrain

    finally going to get diagnosed

    Tomorrow I'm heading to the doctor to get diagnosed with whatever I have
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