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aspiesw posted a topic in General DiscussionIts my time of the year to be depressed again. I get depressed every year (no joke), it's usually due to the same things... Uni, hiding secrets, relationship with family. But it's actually got nothing to do with either of them. I left Uni last year, and towards the end of the course, I began to withdraw from the whole course a bit, and focused on my part time job in retail and getting a permanent job in Web Design. A few of the habits I inherited towards the end of Uni have stuck with me till now, which adds to my depression and my bad feeling, most days I spend in bed until 1/2pm and I'm often on my iPad on social media a lot, two things I really want to change, but don't seem to know how to (I know the straight forward answers are obvious, but unfortunately it's a lot harder than that in reality). I've still got my part time job in retail, which is good I suppose, I'm currently on 16 hours a week, hoping to move up to 25 very soon, this part time job very nearly turned into a full time job with prospects of gaining a promotion, luckily I saw the light and decided that full time work in retail just wasn't me, also, at this point I was feeling pretty crappy, so if anything, working longer hours would make me feel even worse, the main reason I decided not to go full time, is because retail isn't what I want to do with my life, I still have aspirations to become a web designer. I very nearly gave up on this career aspiration, as I wasn't getting anywhere However, my failings in getting a job in this industry are really demotivating, the past month I must have applied for over 10 jobs, with no luck whatsoever. Working part time leaves me with a lot of time, which I have to fill, which is often a task I don't enjoy, I used to go to Cardiff for days to see my boyfriend when I wasn't working, but we broke up in November (I'm still getting over him, which is an entirely different story), sometimes I just stay at home and relax, which means staying on my iPad and in bed, which makes me feel like shit. I'm currently working on my own side projects in web design, based on designs I actually want to design, which I hope improves my credentials for a job, and if I get to June and the situation hasn't changed, I'll go freelance (getting clients is a lot easier than I thought), even this will take a lot of motivation, which I just don't have at the moment, the fact that I didn't decide to do this as soon as I finished Uni is really getting me down, cause I feel like I've lost so much time. The fact that I'm not working full time, which would be the conventional thing for graduates to do after failing to find a full time job is really getting me down, apart from the 16+ hours I do at work, my life feels pointless, it doesn't seem like my situation will ever change. I feel really lonely, I feel like for most of 2014, I had that one person I could tell about my entire life, whether it was my best friend or my ex, however, neither of them are really involved in my life anymore, it just feels like it's me by myself, even though I have several friends. I'm doing CBT and taking antidepressants (which surprisingly aren't helping at all), to try to help, but I can't seem to shake this feeling. I'm hoping CBT can deal with my low mood, hopefully make me more social, so I can go out, make friends, be more social, and just enjoy life more, because at the moment it's pointless, everything seems pointless, I don't know what to do with myself. I just feel like it would be so easy to give up on life, because whether I go full time at work or not, my life isn't really going anywhere at the moment. There's only so many times you can look at the same blue wallpaper every single late afternoon while lying in bed without hating yourself. I don't really know what question I'm asking, how I want people to help, whether I just want people to listen, I just need to get this out, I doubt it will ever improve, but at least I've said it.
So I've posted a lot in "The Dumb Cyclists and Pedestrians thread..." and the poster are attacking other road users, in this case (other) cyclists and pedestrians. The thread is about observation incidents where road users (in particular cyclists and pedestrians) are not acting sensibly and according to the rules. First of all, the very title of the thread seems to imply that those cyclists and pedestrians are less intelligent, when this sort of thig is not a function of intelligence. I began encouranging the assumition of good faith and discouraging use of perjorative terms just after this post, instead ecouraging being polite to other road users and assuming good faith, and they don't seem to understand what assuming good faith means, and they presist on calling them "idiots" and claming that they are "stupid." Futhermore things like the unfairness of red lights and "rights" are (unfairly) considered "off-topic." I am mentioning it here, because I think a lot more people on this forum (mostly AS women) have a lot more empathy for others and are more likely to understand what I am trying to tell them. I also sent a PM to a poster on that forum, which he seriously misread, and he won't let me correct him or tell him that I didn't mean to offend him, that is he told me not to contact him again (in all caps), I tried very hard to exlpain why other road users wich act as if they hate him, that maybe some actions of his own,which may not occur to him as "inappropriate" but which would be widely disliked by many aspie damsels who have mastered NT social skills. He also misinterpeted something of mine as suggesting that he had a mental defficency. I did ask him if he sees a psychaitrist, and I did mention Tony Attwood and asperger's syndrome, but I never mentioned any metal defficiencies, he obviously doesn't understand that AS is not a mental defficency.