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Hello everyone! I haven’t posted on here in quite some time. Things with my family have been rough as usual but I have some great news! On March 7th I was officially diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder Level 1. I have been going through mental health evaluations since the beginning of January. This means a lot to me because I’be been struggling with sensory issues, communication issues, and self regulatory issues for as long as I can remember. I struggled all throughout school and now as a 20 year old I’ve been struggling living as an adult with a job and a car and stuff. Now that I’ve received this diagnosis I can apply for disability, which will allow me to have an income and be able to pursue my career choices (tattooing or reptile breeding) and I can do it al out of my own home! Thanks for reading and being here for me, I’m glad I can officially say I’m autistic and can join the community without feeling invalid bc of a lack of a diagnosis. I will make a post going a bit more in depth about getting diagnosed and how everything went for me.
1. I don't fit in. I've never really fit in, not even in my family. But my family is generally accepting of me. 2. I have trouble reading people--body language, social cues etc. But I've gotten a lot better at it over the years. 3. I have a very active mind. I'm always thinking, rethinking and thinking some more. It never stops! It even makes my head hurts 4. Sometimes, I can't recognize people's face. Not even those I know really well. 5. I'm the queen of over analyzing. I guess that goes in the overthinking category. I go over things again and again in my head. In a sick way, it's actually soothing. 6. I always have special interests and obsessions. Most people can be interested in many things at once. That isn't me. For example, Heath Ledger. Most of my day consists of him--reading about him, looking for pictures of him, watching his movies, TV shows anything having to do with him. Same thing about Aspergers. 7. But unlike a lot of Aspies, most of my obsessions are not long term. Aspergers is. The Sims 3 is another one. But generally people are not. Psychology was. Next week, I could be obsessed with Viola Davis, Marilyn Momroe or someone or something else completely. 8. Repetitive behavior. I watch the same movies again and again. Same scenes over and over. Back to back. I listen to same songs, and sometimes read the same books. 9. I have sensory issues--mainly with sounds. I hate bloody sirens, motorcycle noises, people have overlapping conversations, unexpected noises, the ice machine at McDonalds etc. Earplugs and music help, but it doesn't always drown out the sounds. At home, I need my fan on at all times. Without it, I become overwhelmed, stimming like crazy. I can hear just about everything coming from the other side of the door. Some fabrics, like wool are a little tough to wear. 10. Some fabrics, like wool are a little tough to wear. I can't wear high heels. I can't wear skirts, or dresses. Rather, I prefer not to. If it were legal, I wouldn't wear clothes at all, LOL. But I mainly wear T-shirts, jeans, black pants w/ polyester blend, tennis shoes, flat shoes. Cotton is best. I prefer comfort over style, which is why I wear those things. 11. I don't spend much time getting ready. 30 minutes tops. Why do you need any more time than that? I shower, wash my hair when needed, put on my clothes and shoes, pack my bag and I'm ready to leave. 12. I prefer one-on-one conversations as opposed to group conversations. Any more than one person is too much for me. Even with one person, communication can be a bit hard. 13. Unwritten social rules? Oh boy, do I struggle with those! It seems like there's always some rule I should know that I don't. The rules are confusing. 14. It never seems to stick in my head. I'm talking about socializing. It's like I'm constantly having to learn and relearn the rules of socializing. People seem to know the rules automatically, while I'm always trying to keep up. 15. But luckily for me, I enjoy learning. And if I really want to learn something, I often self-teach. Which is easy thanks to the Internet. 16. The other day, my therapist said something about feelings. "Tell me how you feel.", she said. I couldn't. Not because I didn't want to, but I couldn't put it into words. I tried to, but I just couldn't. I didn't know what to say. I've felt that way many, many times in my life. 17. I speak too loud and too fast. Loud mumble, my brother calls it. 18. I've rarely had a friendship that lasted more than 3 years. Not because I didn't like the person, but because I had trouble maintaining the friendship. I still struggle with the rules. How often should I call? Every day, once a week? How often should we hang out? What should we talk about? Time to pull out the old script. 19. Most of the conversations I have happened inside my head. Whenever I go out, it's like I need a script to follow in order to make conversations with people. 20. Stop and start conversations. Even with people I know really well, like my family, I rarely have a smooth conversation. When I talk to someone, I often pause many times during the conversation. Waiting. I'm trying to think of what to say. I am waiting for the other person to say something. Sometimes I just lose interest and say "Bye". I assume the other person has lost interest. 21. I constantly ask questions, even when I have already gotten the answers to my questions. I recently learned that this is a symptom of Aspergers. 22. Usually, I don't feel a strong urge to socialize. I'm happy being alone. 23. I don't do the group thing. Even as a girl, I'd have parties, but I'd often hide away in some room just to be alone for a long time. Someone would always find me and say "Go back to your friends." 24. I think both in words and pictures, but mostly pictures. Little movies and slideshows happening in my head. 25. When it comes to expressing myself, I'm much better at writing than talking. 26. I don't know if I can describe myself as a black-and-white thinker. My mind is crazy and complex. 27. I often go off on a tangent with having a conversation with people. I have a point in mind, but I end up talking about something completely different. I lose track of my thoughts, but someone always keeps me in check. 28. What if I do have Aspergers, but I've grown more socially and as a person than I realized? 29. But I have a lot to learn still. 30. I often having to prepare myself for socializing. I need a script, and study the place in question before going there. Even with constant preparation, I still get anxious and overwhelmed, 31. I overshare a lot. I'd rather have real conversations with someone than small talk. Talk to me about your favorite movies, friends, life, what you're thinking etc. I want to know all of you. I want you to know all of me. I hate small talk. 32. I often eat the same McDonald's meal daily. I know it's unhealthy, but I have sort of an addiction to it. I do like other things though--chicken and broccoli Lean Cuisine, raisins, ravioli, pepperoni, pizza, eggs, peas, corn, boneless chicken etc. It just doesn't occur to be to eat them. 33. I'm a very loyal person. 34. People say that I'm very sensitive as well. I think it's true. 35. I have to do things in a certain way. Otherwise, I get a little annoyed. Take a certain bus route, or eat a certain food etc. Routine is very important to me. 36. I love trivia. 37. I'm a collector--of bags, quotes, books etc. 38. I have a ton of stims--classic ones like rocking or hand flapping. But others like rubbing my stomach, clapping, tapping the table, singing, feeling fabrics, knocking on my bedpost or any hard surface, pounding my fist on the table or my chest, playing with my hair etc. Too many to list here. 39. I have strong morals and principles I have to abide by. 40. I have a very vivid imagination. I daydream a lot. I'm highly creative. 41. I can't eat raw foods or onions. I don't like the taste of alcohol. My stomach can't take it. And there's more, but I wanted to share this list with you.