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  1. My feelings of love and wanting a relationship with an aspie friend, didn't work out. Initially we kept sending voice recordings online to chat etc. Then we met up and we are very similar in many things and become friends, but upon declaring my romantic feelings were growing, she tells me she only is attracted to females. She said she'd love to remain friends though and to give me time. So after not very long (since logically, a relationship wasn't possible and I valued the friendship), I messaged her (she's currently living in another country), to tell her I think being friends is a great idea etc. No response. Week later (as I hate grey areas), I message to ask if she is ok, and if she's just been very busy, or if she needs time to consider our friendship, and if that's the case then it's ok. No response. She was very responsive before all this emotional stuff. I am confused and stressed. I don't know if she genuinely has a lot going on, and isn't able to process the emotions over the last few days. I know, as aspies, we struggle with identifying emotions and processing them, but at least tell me that you need time, and respond with something, no? I don't know if it's an aspie thing that is making her like non-verbal (non-typing whatever). I would never have thought at all, that she would be the kind of person to intentionally hurt me, so I do think that it's probably that she can't deal with the emotions or something. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-forward/201511/is-why-ghosting-hurts-so-much Have you dealt with being ghosted? Was this a really special person that you shared much in common? I feel like, it's so mega hard to meet real friends to connect with, and I haven't potentially just lost a friend, but a rare person.
  2. I've got a friend whose birthday was a couple of months ago. On that day I went around to his house and gave him a gift he said he would make use of. Instead, recently he's rubbed it in my face that he's sold the gift on ebay. He had the audacity to sell the gift and then to brag about it. He sold the item for £55. I am not expecting money but I am expecting him to not sell it or return it. I dislike the immortality of him selling a gift he never used and bragging to my face about the profit he's gained through my gift. It sounds petty but I believe that if you give a gift, the other person should respect the gift. I wouldn't have even minded if I didn't know. "What you don't know can't hurt you." but I genuinly feel betrayed. How should I handle this issue? It's bringing me to the brink of a meltdown.
  3. What would you do in this kind of situation? I have an Aspie friend, not sure that I should call him that anymore, (aquanintence would be more appropriate now maybe?) who has said quite upsetting things to me recently. He, although I don't think he knows he does this, is very manipulating, controlling and opinionated. It doesn't matter to me either way whether this is intentional or not because even when he's joking, he tends to base these on the way he sees the world, his opinions, his truth; skewed. There's nothing I can say to change his mind, not that I want to or can change anybody. He goes to the same places as I do, shares some of the same friends and tries to contact me every day. At the moment I'm distancing myself from this person, avoiding as much contact as I can. The things that he does/says, sticks in my mind and I can't metaphorically "shake" or "brush off" his comments (whether said as a joke or seriously) as they are demeaning/belittling and are taking a detrimental effect on my mental health. I have observed that he does this more often to me when in the company of others...in hopes of making himself look more appealing to others by comparison? Why? IDK. He has done this to another friend of mine too, she has stopped contact and he has since moved his focus on to me. When we are alone he talks about himself constantly and how much of a victim he is...how bad things are for him, dismissing any advice given to rectify his problems etc...a repetitive loop of the same thing over and over again and although I spend a massive amount of time listening to him, he disregards my attempts to confide in him. It's never reciprocal. He turns everything back to himself in seconds and of course, his problems are worse and achievements are better etc... I'm trying to keep this as general as possible and haven't really included half of what I really want to say here, but there is a little more to it than this, maybe I will disclose more in the near future.
  4. TriforceOfPower

    Understanding Nonverbal Cues

    I've always had a hard time understanding nonverbal cues. When my parents would try to tell me something by giving me looks/hand gestures, I couldn't (and still can't) understand what they were trying to say. Does anyone else have this problem? How do you cope and learn these cues?
  5. so i was talking to my mom and we got into religion and i told that i don't tell her everything because i don't want to bring anyone down with me. outside i am a mostly normal person but on the inside a war is raging for control and defining who i am and who i want to be. i have a big fear of people and meeting, and interacting with them and is what keeps me from a job. i just find myself going off inside my head. i cannot stop going through everything i do and the bad possible outcomes. and a big push from family about religion i get religion and i understand it mostly but i still fear the world that we know so little about after we die. i really just want to get a stupid f#@$king job so others will stop nagging me about and i can get my own place where i can be alone and left to my own devices. i could really use a cigarette right now but my family still dose not know i smoke so that would just create more problems for me but i am stressing the f@#$k out here and the added depression is not helping. i want to run away to a place where i dont have to worrie about this crap but that only exist in my head. i am afraid that this stress and depression will soon lead to my demise or worse.
  6. I don't know if anyone else gets this sometimes but I get intimidated by other peoples friends. I guess it's a form of jealousy? I think it's because once I make a friend I really want to keep them and I don't understand the dynamics on different types of friendship. Especially when that other friend, in my eyes, is a much more interesting person than I am and I read into it and think my friend likes them more. I remember this girl at school (I had a crush on her too so that probably didn't help matters!) we became really close friends and she would invite me over to her house and it would be so nice. We'd watch movies and talk about loads off stuff. Then one night she was like "Shall we invite Nicola over?". This was a friend she had grown up with and was her best friend. Then when she came over the whole atmosphere changed and suddenly I felt like a third wheel as such. Both of them acted different towards each other and towards me. I didn't like it. I thought I was getting to that "best friend zone" but it turned out that I wasn't even close! Don't get me wrong, I'm not psycho jealous or anything. I'm never horrible about it and I'm certainly never horrible to people's friends. I'm really polite and most of the time my friend's friends are mine too. But there are just times where it physically hurts because I just really crave a friendship like that with someone. I think it's because the only person I have ever had that kind of friendship with doesn't live near me and I miss her. I never had that same friendship with anyone since because where I moved away and met new people, they already had friends that they had grown up with. Now my best friend doesn't really stay in touch a lot and I struggle Moving around schools as a kid just did a lot of damage in general. There's only one other person I know who has moved house 14-15 times like I have and I've met her on here! The chances! Isn't that awesome?
  7. When it comes to explaining Aspies social skills I often read that we mimic others. Everything we can do socially is because we have spent our whole lives mimicking. Maybe someone could clarify for me a bit more because I’ve been thinking about this. Doesn’t every person learn their social skills through mimicking? Kids learn the basics from parents and school peers, then they continue to learn from their school peers as they go. When they say others interact with people naturally, don’t they just mean that they have had more practice from maybe being a part of a big family or their parents being more sociable people and having a lot of visitors? I really struggle with my identity and understanding who I am and where I fit because I have just spent my entire life unknowingly (and sometimes knowingly) mimicking my friends, family and partners. But I just don't understand why this differs from other people. I hope this all makes sense I’m literally reeling off my thoughts as I think them this morning To sum up, how do we differ from others when it comes to learning social skills off others? Because surly everyone learns social skills through mimicking. Is it our brain process and the way we take in information? Thanks.
  8. I've been feeling really lonely lately. I lost a friend a few years ago because apparently I overshared some of my problems to them and they could not handle it. I don't go out with my other friends that much because I'm afraid of oversharing things about what I'm going through and pushing them away or having them think less of me. I mostly stay inside my house all the time because I'm afraid of being a burden to my friends. I've been making up imaginary friends and imagining I'm hanging out with them instead of my real life friends because I know my imaginary friends won't judge me or leave me. It's not the same, however, and it sometimes gets depressing not being able to talk to my real friends. How do I learn to trust people again, and more importantly, how do I learn when I'm oversharing things about stuff they don't want to hear?
  9. L Lawliet

    Missing People

    I have issues with missing people. If I lose someone permanently, either through break up or passing away, I miss them and it really hurts. But when I go on holiday or someone I know is working away, I don't miss them. It sounds awful but I think it's because I don't understand why I would miss someone when I know they're coming back or that I will see them again later. I went to Madagascar for five and a half weeks and I didn't miss my family. I feel really guilty because when people say "Do you miss me?" I'm always like "I do, very much", but it's not always true Truth be told I'm too busy enjoying my own company to miss people. I'm going to see them soon, so why miss them? I'm always really happy when I see them because I love seeing them again, but at the time I don't feel it. I just get accustomed to people not being there. Like I said, if it's a permanent loss, I feel it like a stab in the heart. Just not any other time...
  10. L Lawliet

    Told Friends

    I had already told two of my friends because I needed someone to talk to (rant to even) about my assessments and such. So my two best friends already knew and they have both been really lovely and supportive. I sent a very generic, private Facebook message out to my other friends the other day because I think it's important that those close to you do know. I linked the page from the NAS website on Aspergers and said that they could give it a quick scan if they wanted so that they understood what I was all about. I received some really lovely messages back. One of my friends sent me a really nice txt and then two other sent me messaged asking if there was anything they could do to make things easier for me, which I thought was amazing So that was all good. One of my friends, I haven't really been speaking to her recently. Without writing an essay on the things she's done, she basically has this habit of making everything about her. I sent her the message because I didn't want to be petty and not tell her, as she is a part of my close group of friends, despite some differences we've had. I haven't heard anything from her. Literally nothing. I can't believe it after getting the really nice messages from the others and then her not bothering. I want to believe that she's not doing it out of spite but because of the way she's been recently I wouldn't be surprised! Would you say that this is the make or break of our friendship after months and months of her being really selfish? I'm not sure how to go from here now. I know that I will have a few things to say if she tries to get funny with me, but while the other stuff made me angry, this actually upset me I don't know what to do.
  11. Clockwork Crow

    Relationships?

    i've noticed that lots of people here are in a relationship... I never properly had one. Are they as good as everyone says? HOW DID YOU MEET?!! I want to make friends and maybe get into a relationship, but first I need to find people.... Any ideas?
  12. i am just wondering this as i find out in january if i have AS but how could i say it without them thinking me as werd just because i cant explain it ? thanks for the help
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