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Showing results for tags 'isolation'.
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Well I feel like moving to a mountain with no people around again. I haven't had the urge to run away and live in the woods in a while, but this last month sucked (actually all 2017). I won't start listing the sh*t that's been driving me crazy, since I decided a while ago to focus on the positive stuff in life. People are idiots and I'd rather spend time with the animals now. Don't know what else to say. Felt like telling everyone here.
I've been feeling really lonely lately. I lost a friend a few years ago because apparently I overshared some of my problems to them and they could not handle it. I don't go out with my other friends that much because I'm afraid of oversharing things about what I'm going through and pushing them away or having them think less of me. I mostly stay inside my house all the time because I'm afraid of being a burden to my friends. I've been making up imaginary friends and imagining I'm hanging out with them instead of my real life friends because I know my imaginary friends won't judge me or leave me. It's not the same, however, and it sometimes gets depressing not being able to talk to my real friends. How do I learn to trust people again, and more importantly, how do I learn when I'm oversharing things about stuff they don't want to hear?
I've spent my life creating a small safe world for myself and now I realise that I can't really do that. Also the walls of this world has stunted my development as a person. I'm so reactionary. I've never had an abundance of friends during my lifetime. A handful at best. As friends have moved on I've spent the past 3 years mostly indoors tbh. On the odd occasion i have the money to go on nights out I find that I can meet and talk to people quite fine. However in the past 3 years or so, even though I've met and got along with people on nights out, I don't have the drive to pursue a friendship with them. I don't know why that is. I think maybe I've just gotten so used to being isolated. I dunno. I'm also beginning to think that these days I have more depression that aspergers. Aspergers and it's problems seem to tend to revolve around talking to people, which I do fine (although people still think I'm strange lol). I keep thinking of that Virginia Woolfe quote 'you can't find peace by avoiding life.' I'm beginning to think that this is very true. For all of the effort and time and energy we place to create a safe private world for ourselves are we hurting ourselves? Is it a form of death? I feel like I'm existing, not living. There are obviously other problems that I and each of us have that causes us to form our worlds the way we have. I just am beginning to think that maybe we damage ourselves more than anyone else ever could. So why do we keep doing it?