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Found 14 results

  1. Laurie

    Crying at Work

    Hi everyone, I'm a recent female college graduate with HFA. I was officially diagnosed with Autism spectrum disorder by a doctor when I was 21. It took me six months to find a job (which I'm grateful for getting) Overall, I like my job. I work at a doctor's office doing insurance verification. I like getting paid and getting good insurance benefits the most. I'm the youngest one at my clinic I've met some really nice people. However, there are some people I don't get along with and it frustrates me so sometimes I cry at work. (I've a big crier and cry when I'm overwhelmed frequently throughout my life. (I know I'm weird) I'm like ultra sensitive. Its just embarrassing when I cry at work and I don't want people to not like me. I'm making the best at my job because I need a good reference. Since graduating from college, I don't really hang out with people much which I'm fine with but I feel like I'm different than most people my age. I need some advice on what I should do for a job. I'm not sure if I want to continue with medical coding or insurance verification but I don't know what I'd be good at. Thanks!
  2. blacktiger911

    is suicide wrong?

    is suicide really wrong or do we just tell people that. if someone is truly suffering then wouldent it be a good thing? to finally stop suffering and being tourchered in your own head? when the emotional pain becomes physical.
  3. aspiesw

    Nightclubs

    I was just wondering how people were with nightclubs. Before I really knew what having Aspergers meant, I used to just go along with my friend's suggestions to go clubbing, and I used to go, and pretend I was having fun, even though I wasn't - I was actually pretty good at pretending. Me and my mate with aspergers used to just dance together so we didn't have to socialise or 'pull', looking back, I don't know why I bothered, I would never step foot in a club again (unless it was a rock bar, or with some persuading - a gay bar), the music was shocking, the people were egotistical and vain. Guys used to literally attach the groin to the behind of another woman (often that they didn't know) and try to dance behind them, I don't see the appeal, now I know how my Asperger's affects me, I'd have to say, nightclubs really aren't for me, I'm lucky that my friends are bored of clubbing now, so I never have to go (my friends used to go for their birthdays).
  4. I know it's bad and I'm not endorsing or recommending actions here. Maybe I'm just bored. I need a cigarette I know that much and I don't have any. I haven't posted on here in a while. I'm stuck indoors as my credit card company is charging me loads and I struggle to pay it off with dole payments. Anyway that's a different thing. I just feel like I have this whole world of action inside me and I can't do anything with it. I'm thinking of buying a bike for my birthday as that would enable me to go out and not cost anything. I'm having some frustrations building lasting regular communications and relationships on the internet. People seem to just stop after a while. I don't have much to talk about in my life as every day is the same really. I'm gonna be 30 in April and that bothers me. I'm trying to walk the line between exposure and privacy. I'd like to make YouTube vids but not be in them...or be in them rarely. Maybe by drawing cartoons in them I dunno. I really do like being mysterious lol. I think I'm gonna go downstairs and pour myself a brandy right now. That's what I got for Christmas. Hope people had a nice Christmas by the way. I got brandy and hideous days of the week socks and chocolate truffles which I ate rather quickly. It's boredom really. It's all boredom. Whoops I've posted this in the wrong section I think....sorry.
  5. blacktiger911

    The War in My Mind

    so I don't know if anyone else gets this but there is a war that rips through my mind. I am confused in this world (as obviously we all kinda are) but trying to understand everything and everyone it gets overbearing, trying to fit in and act normal taking in everything wanting to do something or ever be someone but it is so hard to do that. You just get kinda lost and it turns into a war between society (the world to sum it up) and me and who I am. what do you think? dose anyone else get this or ever feel it?
  6. so i was talking to my parent and they are ageist my getting tattoos and dying my hair and refuse to let me while i live with them. my mom dosent really care but my dad say "god made you the way you are" and that i am a role modle to my younger siblings (i am a shitty one if that is true) WHY CAINT THEY JUST SEE MY SIDE FOR ONCE!!!!!! i am so fucking tired of having to suck up to there standers that part the reason i am doing this stuff. you cant do this you cant do that fuck the bible fuck god and fuck you old ways of doing shit!! kinda my situation.
  7. so over the years i have become very angry at others and myself to the point i have become depressed and more often than not just build walls to keep others out. i have lived off my anger and depression for years and just cannot find a way to become truly happy. the foundation my life is build on is depression and walls of hate and anger surround me and it clouds my mind a lot with dark thoughts. just some much shit has happened to me in my life and this is how i coup with it and it works for some reason but i know it is eating away at me and soon will just kill me because a persons mind can only take so much until it gives up. but how do i let go of everything i know and has worked for me? how do i let go of all this hate that is my driving force through life? it would take changing my entireself and i am scared to change even for the good.
  8. blacktiger911

    i got a job.

    well i got a job working and a cabnit manufacturer. i will be working 3:30 to midnight.
  9. so i was talking to my mom and we got into religion and i told that i don't tell her everything because i don't want to bring anyone down with me. outside i am a mostly normal person but on the inside a war is raging for control and defining who i am and who i want to be. i have a big fear of people and meeting, and interacting with them and is what keeps me from a job. i just find myself going off inside my head. i cannot stop going through everything i do and the bad possible outcomes. and a big push from family about religion i get religion and i understand it mostly but i still fear the world that we know so little about after we die. i really just want to get a stupid f#@$king job so others will stop nagging me about and i can get my own place where i can be alone and left to my own devices. i could really use a cigarette right now but my family still dose not know i smoke so that would just create more problems for me but i am stressing the f@#$k out here and the added depression is not helping. i want to run away to a place where i dont have to worrie about this crap but that only exist in my head. i am afraid that this stress and depression will soon lead to my demise or worse.
  10. so i was watching some anime when my parents walked in and my dad let me know that he dose not like it one bit that i watch it and my mom is nicer about it but she dose not agree with it either. why do people not like it so much i pointed out that the crime shows he watches like person of interest is not to different than the show i watch. i gt so tired of people looking down on me just because of what i watch and the things i "open myself up to". it is impossible to live up there standers so i just choose not in the end but why cant i do anything to make him "approve of me. i see the world diffrently i have a few of the same morals as him but not many the things, i want to do with my life and the things i do do with my life he dose not approve of that either and both my parents look down on the big dreams i have for my life. i dream really big and only want the big and best for myself but the always say that theyll never happen when we are kids we are told to dream big but when we do grow up we are told not to do that anymore and give up on them. in my parents eyes video games are dumb and dont do any good but i choose to have hundreds of dollares of gaming stuff and games and of corse most of them are rated M so that is somthing bad that i do the music that i listen to is bad and i ont go to church so i will probliy go to hell or some shit. i guess in the end i have given up trying to win them over and get there respect and make them proud of me they say they are proud ofr what i have acomplished but i have my doughts. i guess istarted to writ this calmly but th more i wrote the madder i got i was really pounding the keys on the keyboard so much with out relizing it my fingers are numb. but everyhting i have seid is true. sorry for ranting so much.
  11. DavideC

    Alot happened

    Hello everybody! Maybe some of you remember me. I'm sorry for not beeing online the past year. It has been a stressfull time for me and I haven't had the energy. This year I finally got into school again. It's a "small groups" school. Currently there are only 8 people in my class (including me). It has been helping me to concentrate on my work. Unfortunately the teachers don't quite understand me. Although one of them has a daughter who also has Aspergers, but goes to the normal public school. It hasn't been easy in the beginning to stay for lunch. But it got better. I'm working really hard to get an apprenticeship next summer. My psychiatrist found a company, who only hires people with Aspergers. It's called "Asperger Informatics". It's actually not far away from my home. The company was founded by a woman with Aspergers. I'm going to visit that place in the coming weeks. I'm really happy to see my progress. And there's one thing I'm really excited about. I signed up to make my private pilot license reality. Though it's probably going to happen next year. My lifegoal is to become an airline pilot. And no, I'm not afraid of the whole stress in the cockpit with the talking. I just have problems with smalltalk. So this happened this year. What about you guys? Cheers Davide
  12. blacktiger911

    How Did I Get AS?

    so i don't know how it got as and if certain events may have done it to me. so my mom did meth when i was inside her. i was beaten unconscious and hospitalized at the age of 18 months with a brain injury. i want to know if these had anything to do with my as or anything else or is as just genetic?
  13. blacktiger911

    My Bad Mouth

    so I have a problem with cussing and I really want to stop I get in troble for it a lot and if I could just stop it my life and others would be better. any advice that could help?
  14. blacktiger911

    exploshion!

    so I paid 6 bucks for a pizza today and I spent a little over a half hour cooking it when I took it out after it was done and it fell on the ground and was ruined and I just yelled and blacked out for a few seconds. I don't know why I got so mad all a sudden, yea I lost 6 bucks but I have more money I don't know why I got so mad. any one have any ideas?
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