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  1. I live in the United States and it’s common to meet women in church (especially Baptist mega-churches in the South) so you can talk and get involved in youth and service groups to get to know other people. The best part is that she probably wouldn’t mind that you haven’t been in a relationship before. My typical response to that question is “It was God’s timing to set me up with the right person”. People on the spectrum are frequently virgins in their 20s and 30s where society at large sees it as a negative and somehow “immature”. The Christian view, especially Evangelicals, find it a valued trait. Let me know your opinions!
  2. What do you feel for the people you love and what are you willing to do for them? Do you think they know you love them? I know it's harder for aspies to express themselves sometimes that's why my interest in this topic.
  3. First post I have made here in a long time. Life has been pulling me in so many directions, but one very special change. An old friend I haven't talked to in a while (for good reason) called me up to ask him help move. Me, a complete wreck with bags under my eyes from stress agrees since I have a hard time letting people down.. A cute girl was in the passenger seat and I thought to myself "must be one his "side friends" (keeping it appropriate) Very shy girl, which attracted me to her right away because I'm shy to. AS me and my friend talked in the garage while moving stuff he said that she's very loyal. Big words to hear for me since I have been hurt over and over again. Being single for 3 years I was nervous as hell.. I used one of my best traits to try and make an attempt to communicate with her. Being a dork and using my humor. She didn't laugh very much. When things were finishing up with moving she was outside and I asked her if she was from the same town I live in, since I know most people around here. She said, yes, I didn't have a follow up so I just said cool and smiled >_< .. A few more pointless things and finally asked if she would like to casually just hang out with me and some friends that night for a get together. She tried to act like she was thinking about it and replied with a loud sure! Smiling in excitement. I didn't think she was going to meet me that night and I can't believe she drove all the way back just to see me! The night went great and we spent time laughing, joking and sharing things about each other playing some video games. The next day I waited without talking to her, I didn't want to come off desperate. After a few more hours I couldn't help it and sent her a message inviting her to my friends cookout. nervous as hell with 2 hours of sleep. She was excited and went with. Just as happy and nervous as I was! It was a slow miserable day, her looking amazing, me.. like a zombie. She didn't mind ^-^ Fast forward: We hung out everyday after that. And started officially dating on June 13th. About a week and a half after meeting. Here is the crazy part. after getting to know her more. I noticed she was really awkward just like me, laughed different than any girl, had trouble getting her words out and had a "learning disability" (hate that term) in school. I did to. She became flustered easily by quick information. She can't eat in front of people or focus on talking on the phone around others. The sweetest girl I have ever met.. And I am MORE than convinced she falls into the Asperger's side of life like me.
  4. CharlesK52

    Just Found Out.

    Hello everyone, I am Charles. I recently found out some news about myself that I did not know. I am age 33 and found out that I have had Aspergers Syndrome my whole life. My normal everyday life is hard for me to cope with, recent events have made it all the more difficult. With my daily challenge of Aspergers I have managed to hold down a job, although it only covers my living expenses. I do my best to keep a positive attitude though the separation/divorce I have been able to keep my dog Zoe, she has helped me out tremendously. I recently found out that my wife's brother had cancer at the same time I found out that I have Aspergers Syndrome. I finally found out why I have such a hard time understanding people and people have a hard time understanding me. Very shortly after that my wife’s brother died, due to my Aspergers I did not go with my wife back to her home town to visit her family, her best friend went with her. As a part of Aspergers it is hard for me to deal with unfamiliar areas. When my wife came back she said that she wants to divorce me that she never loved me and was thinking of divorce the day we got married, She is moving back home 8 hours away, I do not know if my Aspergers has anything to do with her leaving me or not. I spent almost 4 years with her thinking she loved me. Now I am heartbroken, traumatized and majorly financially hindered. I loved her with all my heart. I have a hard time coping with day-to-day life before and now with what I thought was the love of my life leaving/divorcing me, my life is extremely difficult for me everyday, however I am making it. That is my story in a nutshell. With my Aspergers that I have is a more mild form however its a daily battle I deal with OCD and Germaphobia and I am super logical and take people for what they say which has more times than not get me into social problems I have a hard time understanding people and people have a hard time understanding me as I am a tech geek and a science nerd very precise and detailed. I deal with thoughts that come into my head every day and I can not let them go until I resolve them I have trouble getting jobs and getting promoted in jobs cause of the way that I am. With my separation/divorce everything is ever so more hard I face nightmares and times or anxiety it has just magnified everything and made it all sooo much more worse I see a counselor regularly which helps. Anyways thank you for reading my story. Looking forward to hearing from you all! - Charles https://funds.gofundme.com/dashboard/maasns
  5. The best one can hope to get from this, whatever ‘this’ is, is to identify with me in your own life and know that you don’t have to be useless alone, or it’s an open door invitation to a genuinely nice person (probably a woman of my age living in another country) to be a good samaritan by inspiring hope by reminding you/me of the things you do and yet don’t want to hear (the kind of things that would definitely work, if life played out like a romantic film or you were like the other 99.9% of the population and things just worked…zing) and naturally this or these great advisors wouldn’t look at you/me in a romantic way, oh no, but someone, some day , somewhere will of course…..won’t they??? Love is and always has (so long as I was in a desperate enough position to need it, which I can’t ever see changing ever since a few years back) been too dangerous for me, because it’s dangerous to obsess, fantasize or think excessively about something you have countless reasons to know you’ll never have, the conversations, romance, sex etc- never gonna happen because believe it or not it requires two ‘consenting people’, not one irreversibly deluded idiot and his imaginary lover and who puts off a girl (maybe subliminally or subconsciously) just by looking at her. I am better than this, better than being the unrequited love-slave forced to face the (often internal) humiliation and constant rejection of something that only 50% of me (at most) can and has ever actually genuinely wanted (previous to which I lived in harmony successfully rejecting/supressing love) and now cannot escape. Some people are just so socially defective (such as myself, but not in a way which is immediately obvious, oh no that’d be too easy) that all girls (to one degree or another) immediately or eventually must surely feel uncomfortable around you/me (even though you’re not the weird guy on the bus who tries to talk/flirt with everyone or the moody aspie who frightens people off with his hatred for his rejection or the social recluse who never ever talks to anyone), you can be none of those things but still get overlooked, ignored and rejected. All the potential answers that you hope could open doors for you are never really there or don’t ever happen how you hope (because your hopes are based on fiction, the only true understanding and examples of various situations that you have in your miserably sheltered life). You’d like to imagine that there are aspie social or support groups you could go to and that because you’re somehow so socially inept, that automatically so too are the girls (in their own sexy way) and thus they simply must fall in love with you (the one of a few who actually understands them), but it doesn’t work that way even when such clubs do exist and instead it’s like everything else in your life all over again in that barriers immediately go up and the loosely termed ‘friendships’ within that club (or any type of club that one is suggested to attend if one has hardly any friends and is unlikely to meet someone otherwise) ends at the door just before you leave or maybe doesn’t even make it that far as you discover that apparently there are many different kinds of aspies and aspieness and once again you’re in that minority of the minority. What follows on from this is then obvious because you never really managed to establish any rapport with any women (even though you/I hold conversations which can even draw laughter and can be engaging) and you just pathetically feel alienated and threatened by anyone or almost everyone else who eventually makes the connection you never could (or have) only to gradually form a relationship, or go to each other’s houses to socialise further or pretty much anything that someone such as myself virtually never gets to experience. It’s ironic that some guys complain about never getting beyond their first dates (yes plural, meaning they’ve had a few), well at least you’ve had dates (possibly NT women- WTF, how??) and the fact that you can get to this stage is far more than some others such as myself can or probably will ever succeed in. For someone like me (and the other guys who are nodding and agreeing in silence at home alone by their computers right now) life is (as far as love is concerned) all about seeing beautiful women (and if you’re very lucky, actually getting to talk to them for whatever reason) and perhaps in the space of a short time you imagine what it’d be like to be with someone you actually want to be with (rather than settling for what you’d consider a 4/10, like I did, much to my regret- IDIOT!!). I’ll leave it there for now because if I’m lucky, some people will read and a few might even relate, hell one or two might sympathize and give some good advice if I really pray hard enough.
  6. A quiz about matching certain personality types with each other to form lasting bonds. Chemistry.com uses this test to help their users find matches. Here's the quiz: http://www.helloquizzy.com/tests/helen-fisher-personality-type-test/ Here's information on the 4 types and matching: http://digitalcitizen.ca/y/ My Results: Negotiator 13 Explorer, 26 Builder, 26 Director, 29 Negotiator So I'm a Negotiator-Builder/Director, and I'd be best matched with a Director-Negotiator or a Director-Builder. As for the poll, please choose your single primary and secondary types, unless you have the same number for any types. In that case, choose all that apply. Eg. I will choose Negotiator as my primary type, and then I'll choose both Director and Builder as my secondary types. You may also post your results and opinions below. ^__^
  7. Every person expresses and feels love/affection differently. There is a theory that puts the ways of feeling/expressing love into 5 types. Description of the 5 types The Five Love Languages quiz click "Discover your Love Language" My Scores 12 Acts of Service 9 Quality Time 6 Words of Affirmation 2 Receiving Gifts 1 Physical Touch The way to my heart is to wash all my dishes for me!! XD
  8. Is it just me or is it normal for an aspie or autist to see nothing wrong with loving more than one person or being in lasting relationships with more than one partner? That person don't have do sleep with anyone at all in a polyamorous relationship. I believe that while society doesn't like people to sleep around at random, I'm also a believer in caring about more than person. I don't like sacrificing all my loved ones for one mate. That backfired on me in the last relationship I was in.
  9. Hi everyone - I'd love some help/reassurance with a recurring issue in my relationship. As you might be able to guess, I'm currently in the throes of this issue right now. Background: We are mid-to-late 30-somethings. We've been together for 18 months. He has Aspergers. I am a highly empathetic person with depression/anxiety disorder and a bit of a history of emotionally messed up relationships. I'm in therapy and take meds. Some of his behaviors have confused me and made me feel sad, unloved, or emotionally crappy (again, working on it in therapy). Once I was given the information that he has Aspergers, my perspective changed and our relationship improved. I'm not good with abandonment and radio silence. Without notice, my boyfriend will occasionally disappear. When we are in a loving space, he will tell me in advance that he's going quiet. Not so much at the moment. The Issue: We discussed having our first vacation together and he told me when we could go and I took the time off 2 months in advance. We both have traveled the world solo many times so a trip together is a big deal for both of us. Over a few weeks, I made it through his declarations that he was feeling pressured to make plans, that he refused to talk about the trip, and, ultimately, his spontaneous bouts of brainstorming vacation spots. 1 Month to Go: I declared that there was no way I was being stuck in town and gave him 2 weeks to figure out if we were going to go on our first vacation together and, if he can't commit by that date, I'm going to leave town with my friends who are renting a house. 2 Weeks to Go: He still wouldn't commit and told me to "do what you have to do" (pretty passive aggressively). So, I purchased a ticket to go away with my friends. I told him but I said I was flexible (granted I should have been clearer and specified I meant 1 or 2 days of flexibility - not the whole 5 days). 1 Week to Go: He surprised me with having purchased supplies for a trip 12 hours away and booked a hotel. I was taken aback! I said that I’d already made plans, which he knew, and why didn’t he tell me he was making purchases and reservations? He pointed out that I said I had said my plans were flexible. After his grouchiness and my shock/anger dissipated for the most part, we had a lovely afternoon. For some reason I felt compelled to ask “is this my only chance to go away with you”? (yeah, needy to ask) He said (possibly joking) - “yes. this was it”. Multiple times over the day. That got me super duper anxious, since I’ve been asking for us to go away together for 6 months. (And he has a tendency to make declarations that it takes forever for me to get him to drop.) 4 Days to Go: Over the past 3 days I’ve sent something like 20 emails and texts. (I know this is over the top and clingy. My anxiety was totally getting the best of me.) The first one explained why I needed him to plan in advance and that having some sort of plan calms me. In a very kind and thought out way. It also explained that I was anxious about the idea of me screwing up our only test-vacation chance. Then I tried to track him down and pushed him to tell me if he had really planned the trip or he was just saying it, and, if so, I would try to get the money back. Then I got the option to get the money back, informed him, but I needed to know right away so I could find my friend another way to get to the beach. (I also sent our normal jokey forwards and such, which accounts for the bulk of those emails.) Note: He has a tendency to go radio silent for a few days. It drives me crazy. I fall into self-loathing and/or hating him. Status: We are now 2 days away from the trip. He has not responded to any of my emails. I’m an anxious wreck. I love him when things are good. Really love him. We have amazing, amazing days of laughing and romance and intellectual stimulation. But when things are like this, it feels so painful. Question: I know I MUST not contact him. That’s a given. But I want to know, is this disregard for my needs somewhat normal? Is this avoiding planning a familiar trait? Should I just nix this? What else jumps out at you when you read this? Should I just give up the ghost and get out?
  10. Clockwork Crow

    Relationships?

    i've noticed that lots of people here are in a relationship... I never properly had one. Are they as good as everyone says? HOW DID YOU MEET?!! I want to make friends and maybe get into a relationship, but first I need to find people.... Any ideas?
  11. I don't see an artistic subforum on here (writing/painting/sculpting/music/etc.), etc so I thought I would post this in general off topic. Perhaps the admins might consider creating a sub-forum under the Off topic section called "artsy fartsy" or some such thing. . Until then. I would like to share Bonnie's story. It seems to be helping me to share it and talk about it, and I am hoping for comments and feedback on it in regards to anything. The writing style, the blogging style, the structure of the blog, how to improve anything. what works, what doesn't etc., but I don't think it will survive too long in the "introductions" section. I want to post links to the daily updates without being off topic of the other thread so I am starting this thread. If the admins do consider an "artsy fartsy" sub-forum, perhaps this one can be moved into that. You can start at the beginning by clicking here. You can visit the general blog address, which usually shows the latest post by clicking here. Please comment freely, and let me know if there are any glitches in being able to comment, read anything. This story is about the life of my little girl Bonnie, our boxer dog (my avatar) we unofficially rescued from euthanazia after she was abandoned by back yard breeders behind a place of business and the local shelters of that area were recommending the boss to have her put down because of her fear. I feel that Bonnie has helped me to come out of my shell somewhat. And while I have a lot of work to do in order to grow properly from all this. I believe she turned the tables on me, teaching me about unconditional love, saving me, when I was trying to save her. I will, if it is ok, post an update post in this thread each time I post a new snippit on the blog. Today's post (you can click here) covers a time, shortly after we and accepted her into our home, before we had the money to have her spayed, that she met Barney, a local unaltered beagle, and ran off, causing us to fear we had lost her forever. But if you want the whole story, the complete understanding, I urge you to start at the beginning and traverse the pages through the links on the bottom of each post, or through the archive list on the side: I hope you like it. Thanks for any constructive feedback you can offer, either here or on the comments of the blog.
  12. Lilly Rose

    New To This...say Hi?

    Hi everyone, My sister showed me a link to willows wonderful videos, and I was so comforted to know there are people out there just like me! Now I'm a member on this site id like to make some new friends:-) Im all the way from Australia- so the time differences might mean im a bit delayed, but add me as a friend- im always up for a chat:-) And I'm single to boys- hey heeeyyyy?? ahahahahahha jokes:-) but seriously- i am. lol Id also like to know how you deal with your aspersgers and just how to feel more comfortable all round. Look forward to hearing from you XXXX Lilly
  13. Hey everyone. I have a lovely new boyfriend/partner who has Aspergers & want to understand him better so we can spend the rest of our lives together. We are about to move in together so fast, however it also seems so right all at the same time. Mega confusion sometimes, also such a deep & meaningful connection that I couldn't bear to let him go. I love him so much & really want to share my good & bad times with my baby boy. I love you & really hope things will work out for us & cannot wait to have u in my house for a month & then hopefully find a little place of our own very soon. & Thank u for being Awesome & being you. xxxxxxxxx So I have come here to hopefully connect with some of your lovely friends here too, have a wonderful day/week all of u & we will hopefully connect over the weeks / months / years to cum. all my love & fun & rainbows Clare
  14. Frostborn

    Aspie partner

    I have lost a couple of girlfriends, not that i would leave someone, but they left coz they lost interest, i guess they didnt know me that well that perhaps another aspie would, instead of looking at the neurotypical and (excuse my language) sometimes cultural-freaks, so called "normal" girls, an aspie that can relate to the same struggles and more subtle language or way of communicating could work out better? How does that usually manifest itself? Is it less endless smalltalk and preach in self-entitlement and less pressures to be that "picture perfect manhood" and having to meet pain in the ass relatives and go shopping cloths to pick for the girl? Is there problems of to much attachment and jealousy, more or less? Etc? (I might oversimplify but there u go) Can someone relate to the difference?
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