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Found 6 results

  1. TruthMusic

    Found someone like me <3

    First post I have made here in a long time. Life has been pulling me in so many directions, but one very special change. An old friend I haven't talked to in a while (for good reason) called me up to ask him help move. Me, a complete wreck with bags under my eyes from stress agrees since I have a hard time letting people down.. A cute girl was in the passenger seat and I thought to myself "must be one his "side friends" (keeping it appropriate) Very shy girl, which attracted me to her right away because I'm shy to. AS me and my friend talked in the garage while moving stuff he said that she's very loyal. Big words to hear for me since I have been hurt over and over again. Being single for 3 years I was nervous as hell.. I used one of my best traits to try and make an attempt to communicate with her. Being a dork and using my humor. She didn't laugh very much. When things were finishing up with moving she was outside and I asked her if she was from the same town I live in, since I know most people around here. She said, yes, I didn't have a follow up so I just said cool and smiled >_< .. A few more pointless things and finally asked if she would like to casually just hang out with me and some friends that night for a get together. She tried to act like she was thinking about it and replied with a loud sure! Smiling in excitement. I didn't think she was going to meet me that night and I can't believe she drove all the way back just to see me! The night went great and we spent time laughing, joking and sharing things about each other playing some video games. The next day I waited without talking to her, I didn't want to come off desperate. After a few more hours I couldn't help it and sent her a message inviting her to my friends cookout. nervous as hell with 2 hours of sleep. She was excited and went with. Just as happy and nervous as I was! It was a slow miserable day, her looking amazing, me.. like a zombie. She didn't mind ^-^ Fast forward: We hung out everyday after that. And started officially dating on June 13th. About a week and a half after meeting. Here is the crazy part. after getting to know her more. I noticed she was really awkward just like me, laughed different than any girl, had trouble getting her words out and had a "learning disability" (hate that term) in school. I did to. She became flustered easily by quick information. She can't eat in front of people or focus on talking on the phone around others. The sweetest girl I have ever met.. And I am MORE than convinced she falls into the Asperger's side of life like me.
  2. The best one can hope to get from this, whatever ‘this’ is, is to identify with me in your own life and know that you don’t have to be useless alone, or it’s an open door invitation to a genuinely nice person (probably a woman of my age living in another country) to be a good samaritan by inspiring hope by reminding you/me of the things you do and yet don’t want to hear (the kind of things that would definitely work, if life played out like a romantic film or you were like the other 99.9% of the population and things just worked…zing) and naturally this or these great advisors wouldn’t look at you/me in a romantic way, oh no, but someone, some day , somewhere will of course…..won’t they??? Love is and always has (so long as I was in a desperate enough position to need it, which I can’t ever see changing ever since a few years back) been too dangerous for me, because it’s dangerous to obsess, fantasize or think excessively about something you have countless reasons to know you’ll never have, the conversations, romance, sex etc- never gonna happen because believe it or not it requires two ‘consenting people’, not one irreversibly deluded idiot and his imaginary lover and who puts off a girl (maybe subliminally or subconsciously) just by looking at her. I am better than this, better than being the unrequited love-slave forced to face the (often internal) humiliation and constant rejection of something that only 50% of me (at most) can and has ever actually genuinely wanted (previous to which I lived in harmony successfully rejecting/supressing love) and now cannot escape. Some people are just so socially defective (such as myself, but not in a way which is immediately obvious, oh no that’d be too easy) that all girls (to one degree or another) immediately or eventually must surely feel uncomfortable around you/me (even though you’re not the weird guy on the bus who tries to talk/flirt with everyone or the moody aspie who frightens people off with his hatred for his rejection or the social recluse who never ever talks to anyone), you can be none of those things but still get overlooked, ignored and rejected. All the potential answers that you hope could open doors for you are never really there or don’t ever happen how you hope (because your hopes are based on fiction, the only true understanding and examples of various situations that you have in your miserably sheltered life). You’d like to imagine that there are aspie social or support groups you could go to and that because you’re somehow so socially inept, that automatically so too are the girls (in their own sexy way) and thus they simply must fall in love with you (the one of a few who actually understands them), but it doesn’t work that way even when such clubs do exist and instead it’s like everything else in your life all over again in that barriers immediately go up and the loosely termed ‘friendships’ within that club (or any type of club that one is suggested to attend if one has hardly any friends and is unlikely to meet someone otherwise) ends at the door just before you leave or maybe doesn’t even make it that far as you discover that apparently there are many different kinds of aspies and aspieness and once again you’re in that minority of the minority. What follows on from this is then obvious because you never really managed to establish any rapport with any women (even though you/I hold conversations which can even draw laughter and can be engaging) and you just pathetically feel alienated and threatened by anyone or almost everyone else who eventually makes the connection you never could (or have) only to gradually form a relationship, or go to each other’s houses to socialise further or pretty much anything that someone such as myself virtually never gets to experience. It’s ironic that some guys complain about never getting beyond their first dates (yes plural, meaning they’ve had a few), well at least you’ve had dates (possibly NT women- WTF, how??) and the fact that you can get to this stage is far more than some others such as myself can or probably will ever succeed in. For someone like me (and the other guys who are nodding and agreeing in silence at home alone by their computers right now) life is (as far as love is concerned) all about seeing beautiful women (and if you’re very lucky, actually getting to talk to them for whatever reason) and perhaps in the space of a short time you imagine what it’d be like to be with someone you actually want to be with (rather than settling for what you’d consider a 4/10, like I did, much to my regret- IDIOT!!). I’ll leave it there for now because if I’m lucky, some people will read and a few might even relate, hell one or two might sympathize and give some good advice if I really pray hard enough.
  3. Is it just me or is it normal for an aspie or autist to see nothing wrong with loving more than one person or being in lasting relationships with more than one partner? That person don't have do sleep with anyone at all in a polyamorous relationship. I believe that while society doesn't like people to sleep around at random, I'm also a believer in caring about more than person. I don't like sacrificing all my loved ones for one mate. That backfired on me in the last relationship I was in.
  4. Hi everyone - I'd love some help/reassurance with a recurring issue in my relationship. As you might be able to guess, I'm currently in the throes of this issue right now. Background: We are mid-to-late 30-somethings. We've been together for 18 months. He has Aspergers. I am a highly empathetic person with depression/anxiety disorder and a bit of a history of emotionally messed up relationships. I'm in therapy and take meds. Some of his behaviors have confused me and made me feel sad, unloved, or emotionally crappy (again, working on it in therapy). Once I was given the information that he has Aspergers, my perspective changed and our relationship improved. I'm not good with abandonment and radio silence. Without notice, my boyfriend will occasionally disappear. When we are in a loving space, he will tell me in advance that he's going quiet. Not so much at the moment. The Issue: We discussed having our first vacation together and he told me when we could go and I took the time off 2 months in advance. We both have traveled the world solo many times so a trip together is a big deal for both of us. Over a few weeks, I made it through his declarations that he was feeling pressured to make plans, that he refused to talk about the trip, and, ultimately, his spontaneous bouts of brainstorming vacation spots. 1 Month to Go: I declared that there was no way I was being stuck in town and gave him 2 weeks to figure out if we were going to go on our first vacation together and, if he can't commit by that date, I'm going to leave town with my friends who are renting a house. 2 Weeks to Go: He still wouldn't commit and told me to "do what you have to do" (pretty passive aggressively). So, I purchased a ticket to go away with my friends. I told him but I said I was flexible (granted I should have been clearer and specified I meant 1 or 2 days of flexibility - not the whole 5 days). 1 Week to Go: He surprised me with having purchased supplies for a trip 12 hours away and booked a hotel. I was taken aback! I said that I’d already made plans, which he knew, and why didn’t he tell me he was making purchases and reservations? He pointed out that I said I had said my plans were flexible. After his grouchiness and my shock/anger dissipated for the most part, we had a lovely afternoon. For some reason I felt compelled to ask “is this my only chance to go away with you”? (yeah, needy to ask) He said (possibly joking) - “yes. this was it”. Multiple times over the day. That got me super duper anxious, since I’ve been asking for us to go away together for 6 months. (And he has a tendency to make declarations that it takes forever for me to get him to drop.) 4 Days to Go: Over the past 3 days I’ve sent something like 20 emails and texts. (I know this is over the top and clingy. My anxiety was totally getting the best of me.) The first one explained why I needed him to plan in advance and that having some sort of plan calms me. In a very kind and thought out way. It also explained that I was anxious about the idea of me screwing up our only test-vacation chance. Then I tried to track him down and pushed him to tell me if he had really planned the trip or he was just saying it, and, if so, I would try to get the money back. Then I got the option to get the money back, informed him, but I needed to know right away so I could find my friend another way to get to the beach. (I also sent our normal jokey forwards and such, which accounts for the bulk of those emails.) Note: He has a tendency to go radio silent for a few days. It drives me crazy. I fall into self-loathing and/or hating him. Status: We are now 2 days away from the trip. He has not responded to any of my emails. I’m an anxious wreck. I love him when things are good. Really love him. We have amazing, amazing days of laughing and romance and intellectual stimulation. But when things are like this, it feels so painful. Question: I know I MUST not contact him. That’s a given. But I want to know, is this disregard for my needs somewhat normal? Is this avoiding planning a familiar trait? Should I just nix this? What else jumps out at you when you read this? Should I just give up the ghost and get out?
  5. Clockwork Crow

    Relationships?

    i've noticed that lots of people here are in a relationship... I never properly had one. Are they as good as everyone says? HOW DID YOU MEET?!! I want to make friends and maybe get into a relationship, but first I need to find people.... Any ideas?
  6. Frostborn

    Aspie partner

    I have lost a couple of girlfriends, not that i would leave someone, but they left coz they lost interest, i guess they didnt know me that well that perhaps another aspie would, instead of looking at the neurotypical and (excuse my language) sometimes cultural-freaks, so called "normal" girls, an aspie that can relate to the same struggles and more subtle language or way of communicating could work out better? How does that usually manifest itself? Is it less endless smalltalk and preach in self-entitlement and less pressures to be that "picture perfect manhood" and having to meet pain in the ass relatives and go shopping cloths to pick for the girl? Is there problems of to much attachment and jealousy, more or less? Etc? (I might oversimplify but there u go) Can someone relate to the difference?
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