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I'm curious if anyone else here is part of an Aspie couple. I've heard people speak of NT spouses more often, and this forum is the only place I really talk to other people with Asperger's, so as far as I know I've not met anyone else in my position so I'm wondering if there would be any parallels. He is the first person I've ever been with who was not NT, and it has been an entirely different experience from day one; there are still ups and downs of course. I would say the difference there is that the ups have been more extreme, as have the downs. For the first few years, it was sort of an emotional roller coaster. We, of course, became very attached to one another very quickly. I think it has been a huge blessing that while my husband was, at one time, more severe in his lack of social skills, he is now more highly functioning than me. He has spent years and years learning how to be an effective communicator, and he reads me so well that it seemed like witchcraft to me in the beginning. When he met me I was in a low place, and not even attempting to recover from trauma. He understood the things I was feeling and helped me practice talking and explaining things. Sometimes it pissed me off tremendously. There were times in the beginning of our relationship where he would literally make me sit down and talk to him about things, things I didn't want to talk about and had no idea how to talk about. It made me so mad that a few times I thought about breaking up with him, but then when I calmed down I had to reason with myself that he was trying to help me, and might actually be somewhat equipped to do so. Anyone I've dated has gotten on my nerves. Hell, for that matter, everyone will probably annoy me, eventually. Unfortunately, it's kind of just a matter of time. But with my husband, the things he did or said that irritated me were always, in retrospect, things I'd later realize were things I did. It has been rather eye-opening, and I can ever really get so mad at him, because it would be so hypocritical. It made me have to think about my choices. When I consider the times I've done something to someone that he does to me that's irritating ( such as being dismissive), it never occurred to me that they were getting irritated or hurt, and even if I did manage to notice, my reaction was sort of like, "Eh, they'll get over it". If they didn't get over it immediately, I would consider it a great inconvenience. I never realized how selfish I was until I lived with someone like me. Has this made me less selfish? Honestly, I don't think so, but it has made me more patient and compassionate, in a way. When he says or does something that's annoying, I think back to the times I've done the same thing, and wanted them to just not get offended, because being offensive had nothing to do with my words or actions. So, that's what I would do, I'd just get over it. I'd think, what's are you going to do, get a divorce because he wont take your suggestion or because he's been rambling on the phone for an hour every day lately while he drives home and you want that extra hour of "me" time? Of course not, because he's your favorite person in the world. And what would an argument do? It would only create a real problem, one that wasn't there, before. So I just smile, shake my head and move on with life. So, in a lot of ways, being with another Aspie has been like looking into a mirror, and it shows both the good and the bad, with some quirky differences that keeps things very interesting. I do sometimes feel guilty, or to be totally honest and accurate, I feel that I ought to feel guilty about the fact that since we've been together I barely talk to anyone else. The truth is, there were never very many people in my life to begin with because that's how I like it; the more people in my life there are, the more complications and obstacles that aren't worth the trouble. The few people in my life were either family members, or one of the two close friends I have, both of whom are NT and know what I am, and accept me. I talk to my family less, but that has been because they are excruciatingly irritating to me, and for me to keep them in my life at all, I need them to be in the peripheral, because that's all I can take of them. Basically, my human contact needs are met 100% by my husband, which I am well aware that in the NT world, is immediately classified as negative, wrong or unhealthy in some way. I know that when I was younger before I was diagnosed, that's what I would've thought, too. But I feel pretty confident in saying that healthy lifestyles can vary to an extent depending on the individual, as I have tried to exist happily with an common sort of NT life, and found it to be a living hell. As a married adult, I've only recently begun to live the life that pleases me, and sometimes that pisses people off, which is always a sign to me that they may be even more selfish than me, and don't know what love is. My husband is the only person I've ever known to see me whole and to understand me, and that has been the most fulfilling experience of my life. Even if he is a sh*t sometimes, like me.
Hello everyone, I am Charles. I recently found out some news about myself that I did not know. I am age 33 and found out that I have had Aspergers Syndrome my whole life. My normal everyday life is hard for me to cope with, recent events have made it all the more difficult. With my daily challenge of Aspergers I have managed to hold down a job, although it only covers my living expenses. I do my best to keep a positive attitude though the separation/divorce I have been able to keep my dog Zoe, she has helped me out tremendously. I recently found out that my wife's brother had cancer at the same time I found out that I have Aspergers Syndrome. I finally found out why I have such a hard time understanding people and people have a hard time understanding me. Very shortly after that my wife’s brother died, due to my Aspergers I did not go with my wife back to her home town to visit her family, her best friend went with her. As a part of Aspergers it is hard for me to deal with unfamiliar areas. When my wife came back she said that she wants to divorce me that she never loved me and was thinking of divorce the day we got married, She is moving back home 8 hours away, I do not know if my Aspergers has anything to do with her leaving me or not. I spent almost 4 years with her thinking she loved me. Now I am heartbroken, traumatized and majorly financially hindered. I loved her with all my heart. I have a hard time coping with day-to-day life before and now with what I thought was the love of my life leaving/divorcing me, my life is extremely difficult for me everyday, however I am making it. That is my story in a nutshell. With my Aspergers that I have is a more mild form however its a daily battle I deal with OCD and Germaphobia and I am super logical and take people for what they say which has more times than not get me into social problems I have a hard time understanding people and people have a hard time understanding me as I am a tech geek and a science nerd very precise and detailed. I deal with thoughts that come into my head every day and I can not let them go until I resolve them I have trouble getting jobs and getting promoted in jobs cause of the way that I am. With my separation/divorce everything is ever so more hard I face nightmares and times or anxiety it has just magnified everything and made it all sooo much more worse I see a counselor regularly which helps. Anyways thank you for reading my story. Looking forward to hearing from you all! - Charles https://funds.gofundme.com/dashboard/maasns
Do we need a section on the forum aimed at couples on the spectrum? We could have an area especially for those people who are going through relationship difficulties who could maybe bring their partners to the forum. This could help them to communicate their needs better while doing it in an environment where extra ideas could be offered by other forum members (i.e. couples could offer advice and expertise to other couples who maybe need it and vice versa) This would help people on the spectrum in relationship difficulties by including their other half. That way we get to see the real-time issues as there is often two sides to every story. Let's hear what their partner's think and feel in response to the difficulties. Do they even know there are problems? Do they know the other side to their partner through forums such as this one? Whenever any couple has a problem they could create a new topic just for them and just work at it in an environment where social body and facial language constraints are not such a problem. Such a section could also be inspirational to others who might seek out dating relationships in the future.