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sunny posted a topic in Help & ResourcesHi, My first time posting on a forum like this but thought I'd give it a shot bit of a long post.. My brother is in his early 30s and is an Aspie. He lives near a small country town with our mother, who has always created issues (for both of us). My brother has gone through a lot in his life, and especially when he was young my mother caused him a bit of trauma by her behaviour. My mother is an extremely emotional person, irrational at times, narrow minded, and can be act quite selfishly. As you may guess, not characteristics that my brother could respond to well. She was at her worst when he was little, however still behaves like this on a lower intensity. I'll be honest, it's difficult to deal with my brother at times, or even most the time, but tbh I find it harder to deal with our mother, especially when it comes to my brother. I know, complicated! Anyway, my brother decided he wants to move out, after a bit of kerfuffle, him and my mother have organised a new place for him. It needs a bit of work before he can move in, I'm hoping to ensure this is communicated to him, but it doesn't sound like my mother has..... (something I'm also concerned about) Now I live a few hours away and I really struggle with how to deal with it all. I want to help my brother have a positive transition to living independently, but I have my concerns too. I think these can be dealt with by discussion and planning, etc. But my mother isn't good at having just a discussion, she always brings her own agenda, it's difficult to get her to just be open to what everyone has to say :/ and to not drive the conversation somewhere illogical... Going forward, I'm at the stage where I feel like the only way my mother has a chance at handling this in a way that will be good for my brother is if she will talk to a professional (eg. a counsellor or a psychologist). It would be great if all three of us could talk to someone together ... but it would be difficult to get my brother to do that (and difficult to have my mother help my brother be open to it...) My mother and I need to work together, but even when she says she wants that, her actions say differently. I'm really trying to be reasonable and respectful to the both of them, but it's hard when my mother won't communicate to either of us properly, and won't even entertain reasonable ideas. She likes to be in control... For my brother, since he left high school he left behind any 'professional' support, and I really think this is what is missing from the equation at the moment. I feel like now is the best time to help bring this back in. At the moment, my brother really only interacts with my mother and one family friend. I think the lack of social interaction, and interaction from a reasonable person (as my mother is not that), has really held him back. I've recently started seeing a counsellor to help myself deal with the situation, which has been helpful to me. The counsellor (and my partner too in fact) were surprised when they found out my brother doesn't have any kind of case worker. Everyone has sort of been pushed away from him so now he's just in this bubble, where he only has my mother as a 'resource' around him. The biggest reason he wants to move out is to get away from my mother. So the whole situation really concerns me. I just think if he could have even one or two other people around him, that were more positive and open minded, and were prepared to understand my brother, and maybe eventually get him some help (he has a lot of issues [like childhood trauma, OCD tendencies, anxiety, depression, a past of an un-diagnosed eating disorder (idk if this is completely gone or not), possible grief from our father passing a few yrs ago, also tendacity to be into dark material (like horrors etc, I know my mother is concerned, I'm not sure if an issue or not)] that a therapist could help with, I know he needs to be ready for this, but otherwise he is just on his own, to try and sort out his issues and stew on them) It's hard to communicate everything that's involved, but if anyone has any advice on bringing professional help into the situation, and/or dealing with my brother or mother in general, it would be greatly appreciated. Seeing as my mother has a lot of issues herself (among them, she handles situations badly due to being stressed and takes it out on whoever is around), I think it would help everyone if at least she were to see a psychologist, on a regular basis, to give her support that I can't give her. I think this could help everyone as she'd have a place to vent, they could help guide her to more reasonable decisions, and to handling my brother in more appropriate ways. At the end of the day, she doesn't listen to me, no matter what I have to say. I just want to make an effort to not just shut my brother out from the world. I know he doesn't need people around all the time, I get that completely (I'm an introvert too), but acting like it's a unique situation there's nothing we can do about - I just don't think this is the right approach - but it's how my mother would want to handle it. Thanks everyone.
It's really annoying that my mother won't let me have a meltdown when I need to. I don't have that many meltdowns but when I do she just tells me to get over it because "it's not that big a problem" or "what you're doing is not going to help anything" - she doesn't understand that firstly the thing that caused the meltdown is big to me and secondly that even if having a meltdown is not going to solve the problem it is still important to help me to cope with whatever had caused the meltdown. It's really annoying because sometimes I really need to have the meltdown in order to help me to cope with whatever had caused the problem but she doesn't let me and then the problem just gets all built up inside me until I've got a whole pile of big problems which becomes unbearable and then I have an enormous big meltdown which just goes on for days and days.
(deleted) posted a topic in Symptoms & DiagnosisI would like to have your opinions on wether or not you think that these are valid reasons why I "can't possibly have Asperger's". I am asking this because these are the reasons that my mother gives whenever I try to discuss Asperger's with her and I'm not sure that they're particularly valid actually. I would like to make it clear that I am not asking for opinions on wether or not I have Asperger's; I am asking if you think that these are valid reasons why one couldn't have Asperger's. Now the main reason is that I like to spontaneously share my ideas, opinions and things that I have made. Apparantly aspies don't do that. That doesn't seem correct to me because if aspies didn't have a desire to share things then they wouldn't infodump as much as they do. As I see it, all they want to do is to share their knowledge, and ideas about their obsessions. The other main reason that I can think of at the moment is that I always used to talk with a lot of expression - both in my voice and in terms of facial expression - when I spoke, particularly but not only if it was about one of my interests at the time. Again she claims that aspies don't do that, although I have read that some aspies do talk quite expressively sometimes. I would like to hear your opinions on wether or not these are valid reasons to say that one does not have Asperger's, and I will add any further reasons that she has given as I remember them. And please remember that I am not asking for opinions on wether you do or don't think that I have Asperger's. Regards, invisible