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Hi everyone, I am feeling stressed and worried right now. I have been referred by my GP (after I brought up possible Asperger's, having done the AQ test myself). I have since done the AQ, AAA, EQ tests that were sent to me by CLASS Clinic in Cambridge, UK, after that GP referred me. They now want to see me for an 'informal interview to see if the diagnosis is appropriate'. I just want to know as soon as possible, because Asperger's seems to fit many aspects of myself and the diagnosis could actually change my life for the better. I've done the AQ, AAA, EQ tests online too, and always test well in to the Aspie range for all. However, there are some aspects that don't really fit the typical profile. Therefore, I am worried that I might not get the diagnosis, and then be stuck wondering again, about why I am so different to everyone. The wait is agony. I've searched my whole life. I told my GP that I don't express emotion, such as crying at funerals, or responding in the way and in the manner everyone else does at various scenarios, where, apparently my lack of expression or doing the right thing made people upset. I told him how, I usually upset people because I speak direct or because I did or said the wrong thing and don't meant to. I told him that I don't understand why people get upset with the truth or why I am so black and white in thinking compared to everyone else. I always thought I was strange, because I've had OCD symptoms since a child (and received diagnosis 10 years ago, I'm 34 now). But there was always more...why I didn't seem to be accepted in groups or, from school to working life (even when I try hard), why I can't tell if someone is teasing me or being serious (most of the time anyway), why I take things so literally, why I really struggle with change to my environment or life, why people always seem to misunderstand me, and I regularly misunderstand them, the list goes on. 95% of NTs that I have mentioned it to, like friends or the 1 family member that I felt I could mention anything to, brush me off..."ah you are just obsessing and looking for things wrong with you...every one is like that at times...you don't act autistic and you seem really normal" etc is what I get. I read some old school reports today, and apart from being easily distracted and struggling with new ideas, and apart from the inappropriate calling out and being silly, it seems that I was social to peers and adults. I didn't feel like other children, and felt I was always different, however. Now I feel different to other adults, apart a few Aspies that I've met online. I wanted to fit in and have friends, so I joined in at school, but often made the games up, with my rules and my way, so others used to follow my lead. I also made/make eye contact, although I am never sure how much to make (too much looks like staring, but it's hard to listen and maintain the 'right' level of eye contact at the same time etc). What I am saying is, there are certain things that don't fit a male Aspie child, or adult, but there are also lots that do fit, including over sensitivity to sound and light, etc. I do dominate conversations and struggle with 2-way conversations. I either get really excited and want to tell everything about my favourite topics, or I just think that I know better than others, because I've done the research or can see things from a different angle. (I'm trying to be more accepting of other's views, even if it's hard to understand when they are being illogical or dismissive of my facts and reasoning). Roughly half of discussions are very frustrating and other's seem to misunderstand me. I'm also not interested much, in topics that don't interest me, so I avoid chatting about these things. I also find most people boring, or I'm feeling awkward, so I end up talking. I suppose that I am worried that I have read too much about Asperger's and I am looking to fit myself into the diagnosis, rather than the diagnosis fitting me. The only way to know is to see this specialist, but I've been waiting for 4 months now. Are my self-doubts similar to anyone else's? What was your waiting time for diagnosis (in the UK)? Are there any Aspies that 'appear' NT (such as make eye contact, try to get involved socially, use body language, have NT friends)? What were your experiences in terms of getting a diagnosis? Did doctors/psychologists doubt you? Did/do you friends and family doubt your diagnosis? Thanks for reading.
SO I've been to the doctors, I went on Monday after four years of deciding whether or not to go and do I have Aspergers or don't I. So I finally went. I thought I would just tell you about it incase anyone else is in my poistion. I first got in touch (by email) with the National Autistic Society. I sent them a paragraph of behaviours and reasons as to why I may have it and asked if they could give their opinion on if I should go to the doctors. They wouldn't say, as they are not healthcare practitioners. However, they sent me tons of information based on what I had told them. I assumed this was their way of telling me to go to the doctors, as surely if they didn't think I had it, they wouldn't send me as much info as they did! Am I right? Then I found Willow's website and watched her videos and had a read through some of the things you guys had said on the forums. I felt like I was reading about myself most of the time! Anyway, I wrote a ton of notes! All typed up because my handwriting is terrible! The doctor read through everything. The only real obvous showing sign I have is my lack of eye contact, so that went for me while speaking to him. He seemed pretty convinced that I had it from that and my notes, so that was lucky. The NAS also advised that I take an online test and take the results in with me if they were relevant. I scored 43. My doctor told me to keep all of my notes as I had "written them out beautifully and they will be very valuable when you get assessed" If I hadn't typed up everything I wanted to say, then I don't think he would have referred me, purely because I can't explain myself at all. So they helped me, especially as I have no "showing signs" of Aspergers other than the eye contact. He said he would contact me in a couple of days about the referral which he said will be a couple of weeks! So now it's a waiting game! I'm finding it very difficult to wait. I just want to know! Is it just me that finds this bit hard? It's the not knowing that's bugging me! XD