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  1. I live in the United States and it’s common to meet women in church (especially Baptist mega-churches in the South) so you can talk and get involved in youth and service groups to get to know other people. The best part is that she probably wouldn’t mind that you haven’t been in a relationship before. My typical response to that question is “It was God’s timing to set me up with the right person”. People on the spectrum are frequently virgins in their 20s and 30s where society at large sees it as a negative and somehow “immature”. The Christian view, especially Evangelicals, find it a valued trait. Let me know your opinions!
  2. This is something I struggled with my whole life and I believe it’s based on my current location, where I live with parents. I’m considering moving for work to a more conservative place where people are kinder and women are more apt to dating guys with little or no relationship experience.
  3. Aspiegf25

    Confusing voices in the head??

    Hi, I'm new here so please tell me if I say anything that I shouldn't!! I myself don't have Asperger's, but my boyfriend does and I'm increasingly worried about him, so I was hoping you guys could give me some sort of insight from an Asperger's point of view. I'm going to call him Simon (I don't want to post his real name). *The backstory*. We've known eachothef for over 10 years, and been together almost 2. I'm 18, he's 20. We've had a fab relationship and overcome a lot of difficulties, both Asperger's related and otherwise. A few weeks ago he got very upset which isn't particularly unusual, as he is very sensitive. After an hour of clinging to me and sobbing he got round to telling me that he's been hearing voices in his head which are telling him that he doesn't want to be with me. He's so upset because he says he knows that he 100% loves me and wants to be with me but there's this voice telling him otherwise. He said it's like a thought which is his own but he doesn't want there, and hasn't put there. He say's he's had the same thing in relation to belief in God (we're both Christians and he's a preacher). He gets very upset about it and he's terrified that he won't love me and we'll end up apart. The only way he can get over it when it happens is to see me and just hold me and cry. We've spoken to his mum and she said that when Simon was diagnosed they told her depression and sadness were common with Asperger's. Have any of you experienced anything similar? How did you overcome it? I want to be able to reassure him that he's okay, he's not crazy, and it will end. Thanks in advance.
  4. LordGary

    Hello to all of you

    Hello to you all. I am a 50 year old male who got diagnosed only a few years ago that I have aspergers all my life. I find it hard to make friends and relationships and have also found out that the reason I may be attracted to guys is my Asperger status, although im not attracted to camp way out gay guys so I have been on my own and single for 10 years. Age doesn't bother me but I thought I would join to see if I can find friends in my area who may want to hang out as friends and go places as ive been on my own so long I long for company of anykind. I will let you know more about me as I get used to using this site as only justy signed up Gary
  5. Hi everyone, Who would be a better partner for an Aspie? A fellow Aspie? Or is it better to be with a Neurotypical? (I currently have a working/provisional diagnosis and have only recently been meeting Aspies online and in real life - I can relate to them much more than NTs, and my previous relationship lasted 8 years with a scientist - so she was very logical and factually orientated and it made life easier, but she was NT...I think). I realise that things are not black and white (although I have a habit of thinking like this) and I realise that each Aspie and NT is different, but on the whole, I am interested in the pros and cons that you have found. Please share your experiences. Thank you!
  6. i have been thinking about what makes a good relationship for a while now but i dont know about this. is it a MUST HAVE? if your not good enough dose the relationship go bad? i know its kinda a weird question but i just cant stop going over it in my head.
  7. Nedarb

    Is This Fair?

    Hi everybody I have a very serious topic I want to discuss with you. Recently in my country there has been news about one of our former broadcasters who is facing legal troubles regarding past relationships. According to a few of his exes, he has been physically/sexually abusive towards them. But the only evidence that has appeared so far, is what these women have said. However many people are dragging him through coals, already assuming that he mistreated these women and won't hear that he even has a side or didn't do anything wrong. I am all for women's rights and seeing heartless assholes get served, but the allegations seem a little sketchy to me. The women went to a newspaper and this man's employers, which he was promptly fired. They never went to the police. Is it really fair for this man to be treated like scum, when there is no evidence or proof of any wrong doing? And no evidence or proof that these women are telling the truth and aren't just scorned lovers who just want revenge? I've read comments where people are claiming that the man is guilty is the success of feminism. But is feminism really about hating the men in the relationship just because he is a man? I don't know what to believe but I wanted to hear some of your opinions on the matter
  8. If you are an Aspie with an NT in your life (family member, close friend, partner, or coworker), what would you most like for them to understand about you (or do differently) to improve the relationship, or minimize conflicts? Have you noticed any areas of persistent misunderstanding? Any insights would be helpful - thanks!
  9. What are your thoughts about this topic? I often find myself in situations where I rely a lot on my partner. In two distinct directions. First he reminds me a lot in daily matters ("Do you have xy with you?". I'm grateful for that, on the other hand I don't like that I rely on him that much as I value independence. On the other hand he tends to be a bit over protective. I tend to get up quite late, I'm always in a hurry in the morning. So he starts worrying if I get up in time and constantly reminds me I should really get up now. And I don't quite like that, but on the other hand I know he's right. Second, he does all the moral supporting. He's with me at my worst moments and tries to calm me down. He worries quite quickly about me and I know that I'm sometimes quite a burden. And I feel guilty for that, even if he says it's okay for him. I'm so happy that I have someone to whom I can tell all my sorrows and where I can be just me with all ups and downs. Sometimes my partner claims "can't you just be fine?". It makes me feeling guilty. I can imagine here are others who have partners who go with them through all stages of life. How do you deal with that? Do you have feelings of guilt? Do you fear that it's getting too much for your partner?...?
  10. ponz

    Alpha/Beta Test

    Just a random test to have fun with! ^__^ Click here. It's not an 'absolute fact' test, but more of a 'theory about people that some person came up with' test, so don't worry if you don't like your results!! Also, despite the link name and book title, this test isn't just for women. All can take it!!! You are Lime Green: 32% Mid Alpha 36% Mid Beta You are a hybrid of Mid Alpha and Mid Beta. You are easygoing, and with your good relationship skills, you can create an equal, compatible relationship with someone like yourself (Lime Green). Since both of you tend to shy away from confrontation, this safe, secure partnership would have only a low degree of conflict. However, because you are a hybrid, you have several more challenging options (Red, Yellow, Green). With any of these matches, you would be the nurturer and your partner would be the leader. You might have to develop a little more Alpha so that you can occasionally push back. The results make sense for me. ^.^
  11. epiphanycakes

    i have a problem

    hello all , iv got a problem that is getting very quickly out of hand. my gf is aspie over the past few years iv been trying too say what shes doing ( controlling behavior, extreme hissy fits,constant criticism on how i keep my flat, it being "our" flat when she cant legally stay there) among others. the stress is causing me too have chest pain, black outs eta as she takes it out on me. I don't do shouting as 1 it hurts my ears and 2 i cant deal with the emotion . that plus the braking of boundaries and interference. it keeps happening too the point i get meltdowns in the past and its getting that way again . she hasnt changed and iv got to compromise on everything. i mean everything! what i eat what i wear , when i sleep , when im on my pc , what i buy, how my house is like, who i see when i see them. she almost forced me away from a autistic meeting and she bitched and moaned at me for days afterword for being me. and to " stop over reacting!" with my sensory sensitivity aswell any advise would be good, at this point i dont care about the fall out
  12. Hi everyone - I'd love some help/reassurance with a recurring issue in my relationship. As you might be able to guess, I'm currently in the throes of this issue right now. Background: We are mid-to-late 30-somethings. We've been together for 18 months. He has Aspergers. I am a highly empathetic person with depression/anxiety disorder and a bit of a history of emotionally messed up relationships. I'm in therapy and take meds. Some of his behaviors have confused me and made me feel sad, unloved, or emotionally crappy (again, working on it in therapy). Once I was given the information that he has Aspergers, my perspective changed and our relationship improved. I'm not good with abandonment and radio silence. Without notice, my boyfriend will occasionally disappear. When we are in a loving space, he will tell me in advance that he's going quiet. Not so much at the moment. The Issue: We discussed having our first vacation together and he told me when we could go and I took the time off 2 months in advance. We both have traveled the world solo many times so a trip together is a big deal for both of us. Over a few weeks, I made it through his declarations that he was feeling pressured to make plans, that he refused to talk about the trip, and, ultimately, his spontaneous bouts of brainstorming vacation spots. 1 Month to Go: I declared that there was no way I was being stuck in town and gave him 2 weeks to figure out if we were going to go on our first vacation together and, if he can't commit by that date, I'm going to leave town with my friends who are renting a house. 2 Weeks to Go: He still wouldn't commit and told me to "do what you have to do" (pretty passive aggressively). So, I purchased a ticket to go away with my friends. I told him but I said I was flexible (granted I should have been clearer and specified I meant 1 or 2 days of flexibility - not the whole 5 days). 1 Week to Go: He surprised me with having purchased supplies for a trip 12 hours away and booked a hotel. I was taken aback! I said that I’d already made plans, which he knew, and why didn’t he tell me he was making purchases and reservations? He pointed out that I said I had said my plans were flexible. After his grouchiness and my shock/anger dissipated for the most part, we had a lovely afternoon. For some reason I felt compelled to ask “is this my only chance to go away with you”? (yeah, needy to ask) He said (possibly joking) - “yes. this was it”. Multiple times over the day. That got me super duper anxious, since I’ve been asking for us to go away together for 6 months. (And he has a tendency to make declarations that it takes forever for me to get him to drop.) 4 Days to Go: Over the past 3 days I’ve sent something like 20 emails and texts. (I know this is over the top and clingy. My anxiety was totally getting the best of me.) The first one explained why I needed him to plan in advance and that having some sort of plan calms me. In a very kind and thought out way. It also explained that I was anxious about the idea of me screwing up our only test-vacation chance. Then I tried to track him down and pushed him to tell me if he had really planned the trip or he was just saying it, and, if so, I would try to get the money back. Then I got the option to get the money back, informed him, but I needed to know right away so I could find my friend another way to get to the beach. (I also sent our normal jokey forwards and such, which accounts for the bulk of those emails.) Note: He has a tendency to go radio silent for a few days. It drives me crazy. I fall into self-loathing and/or hating him. Status: We are now 2 days away from the trip. He has not responded to any of my emails. I’m an anxious wreck. I love him when things are good. Really love him. We have amazing, amazing days of laughing and romance and intellectual stimulation. But when things are like this, it feels so painful. Question: I know I MUST not contact him. That’s a given. But I want to know, is this disregard for my needs somewhat normal? Is this avoiding planning a familiar trait? Should I just nix this? What else jumps out at you when you read this? Should I just give up the ghost and get out?
  13. If you had a clone of yourself, that was identical in every way from this point on, how would you two get along, what would you do? What would you have to learn about yourself? is there something you've always wanted but couldnt that you then would? Would you feel more alone, or less than ever?
  14. Hi, As I’ve probably said in some other post, I am married to an Apie for last 6 years. Our highs are very high but our lows can be very low, yesterday we had a massive falling out and I said some really hurtful things to him that destroyed his self confidence and self esteem that he tried so hard to develop by working on his childhood wounds by regular therapy. I ruined it for him by avoiding my therapy. When I looked at myself in the mirror, my first thoughts were that I’m driving a man to distraction by not working on my issues. How can I be so cruel. Why would I do that to someone I love. I know he shouts violently at me and that reminds me an awful lot of my father shouting at my mother and I hate it. I even tried telling him to not shout at me as I am unable to listen and just want to defend myself in that situation but he can’t help himself. His emotions just ooze out when he is upset and he can’t stop them. They are not even about at me but it comes out like that when he has a meltdown/ outburst. I am Autistic too and I can’t understand his meltdowns when they happen and just think he is attacking me all of a sudden out of nowhere which reminds me of the sudden attacks from my sociopathic mother throughout my childhood and teen years and all I think of at that point is protecting myself for this sudden violent attack and I muster all my strength to fight with the man I love and it destroys him as I can see that all he wants is for someone he loves dearly to understand what he is going through and show him some love and compassion but due to what happened in my childhood and my Autism, I can’t do it and its ruining our marriage. Its ruining our lives. I want to make it work and I love him to bits, more than I’ve ever loved anyone. I just want him to be happy and I don’t want to say bad things to him but I get completely convinced of my feelings when he has a meltdown and hurt him when he is probably at his most vulnerable. I feel awful for doing that and I don’t want to hurt the poor man anymore, he’s had a shit life and I’m making it worse for him. Should we split and get a divorce? It’s just making me soo unhappy and I can see it’s the same with him. He has been binge eating himself to an early grave and I just want him to be happy but I’m making it worse for him by not understanding his meltdowns. I just can’t see them and they look like my parents arguments or my mum’s sudden attacks. I feel so helpless and lost. I don’t know what to do. He says I have traits of Borderline Personality disorder which also sounds like an insult to me and I fight with him. I wish I could just die, I hate this world.
  15. As the topic says whats the story behind your relationship. Some peoples say that a dating site is the best way when you for example have aspergers and some says that a bar is the best place. I hope to hear many different storys about how all the love storys that i know exist here. (if this thread already exists i hope an administrator wil remove this and accept my apoogies)
  16. Frostborn

    Aspie partner

    I have lost a couple of girlfriends, not that i would leave someone, but they left coz they lost interest, i guess they didnt know me that well that perhaps another aspie would, instead of looking at the neurotypical and (excuse my language) sometimes cultural-freaks, so called "normal" girls, an aspie that can relate to the same struggles and more subtle language or way of communicating could work out better? How does that usually manifest itself? Is it less endless smalltalk and preach in self-entitlement and less pressures to be that "picture perfect manhood" and having to meet pain in the ass relatives and go shopping cloths to pick for the girl? Is there problems of to much attachment and jealousy, more or less? Etc? (I might oversimplify but there u go) Can someone relate to the difference?
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