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  1. I've been looking at Social Anxiety Disorder as a medical condition, mainly the treatment, and it appears I've tried every one of them, and still I'm in the same position. So I'm gonna ask my doctor to put me on medication for it. I just wanted to ask if anyone else has used medication for their Social Anxiety, and if it's helped, and the side effects etc.
  2. How social are you? Do you go out and make an effort to be social, to fit in, make friends, etc, or so you prefer to be on your own? And if you are quite social, how much do you feel that you are affected by ASD and what coping stategies do you have to overcome the difficulties? I used to be more social and tried to fit in even though it caused me problems and anxiety. It used to upset me that I didn't have a social life and close friends, but since being diagnosed I don't feel I need so much to try to socialise and don't go out nearly as often. I don't know whether this is due to my being older or due to my diagnosis affecting me psychologically. I'm now content to stay at home and don't often seek contact with others. I occasionally go out for a coffee or for a meal with a friend or family, but I have no close friends, most of my friendships are online ones these days. For me it's not always the problem that I don't want to socialise and if asked out to go out for a meal, for example, I'm happy that they thought to invite me and provided it's a quiet restaurant I may well go, but the problems are when I arrive as I can easily be affected by the music, conversations going on around me, noises and smells from the kitchen, etc, and I find groups difficult because I can't join in, get bored and switch off, and if there's just one person it's tiring to talk and keep the conversation going... socialising means talking, and talking is exhausting! It's supposed to get easier as you get older but for me it's getting harder if anything, so I now find myself staying in nearly all the time and I'm not particularly social.
  3. I'm really struggling with my social anxiety. It's got so bad. Social anxiety is always been a problem for me really, but recently it's got so bad that I try to avoid speaking whenever possible, and I've even stopped going out with friends just so I don't have to talk to people. It didn't seem like much of a problem at first, but I feel like it's destroying my life to be honest. I'm going nowhere at work, because of my social anxiety (I don't communicate enough), my social life is heavily affected, I never speak to anyone I don't know, I've trapped myself into a box that only allows me to communicate with a set number of people, I often stop myself from speaking as I see it as pointless, but as I see my own friends making new friends, it really hurts, because I feel like I'm not moving anywhere or meeting anyone new, in fact, my whole life is in limbo because of it. It's really frustrating, I want to meet more aspies, more gay people, more friends, and actually get somewhere in life, but my social anxiety prevents me from doing so, I have to take a stand, I need to stop letting social anxiety from running my life, but I honestly don't know how to, I've tried CBT, counselling, tablets for anxiety, confidence CDs (I have no problems raising confidence, but the social anxiety remains), nothing seems to work, any help or guidance, or just anything would be great, I don't think I can live the way I am much longer
  4. InsomniaDreams

    Getting a reaction

    Now often we as aspires say something and others find it offensive, we are surprised and can't understand why they do etc. However I muddy the waters of aspire innocence occasionally and I'll say something i know is a bit inappropriate to study the reaction and hopefully create humour etc. Here's some of my ones How's your menopause going? Aren't you two married yet? I wonder what your wife's up to? I don't like music at all. Your really bossy in work, does that mean your submissive in the bedroom? I hate Lee Evans. Nelson Mandela was a terrorist. I don't think education is for everyone. Shawshank Redemption is overrated. Your house smells different to my house. Do you ever miss cooking? (To school dinner lady) I'd forgotten all about you! What fad book are you currently reading? Oh there's been countless ones over the years. These are ones I can think of off the top of my head. what are some of your ones?
  5. One big reason that those with ASD have such trouble socialising is that we tend to do what feels logical rather than what society tells us. If you have been caught out for not following social norms that don't seem logical do you ever wonder how such a thing came about. Here's an example, say you see people eating bread with something on it and they put it down between bites, but you find it easier no to. People do things like this because that's what they have always done, which in turn is because that's how they learned it as children. Could it be that Aspie alluding social conventions tend to be results of know-how? Doing things the way they have been done before. It seems that people tend to follow the way they learned something unless they have a specific requirement to do something differently. A woman was preparing a roast for a dinner party and one of the steps in preparing the roast was to trim the edges off the roast and throw then away before placing it in a pan. She told one of the guests that she does this because she learned cooking roast from her mother and that was one of the steps. Later on the friend bumped into her mother who said she did the same because that's how she learned it from her mother. The friend eventually bumped into her grandmother who finally explained that when she was younger, she only had one (small) roasting pan and had to trim the roast to make it fit the pan. When she got her hands on a larger roasting pan, she did not bother changing a habit that by then had become well ingrained. Her daughter and grand daughter have had larger roasting pans throughout their lives but did not bother doing things any differently from what they learned.
  6. InsomniaDreams

    Small World

    I've spent my life creating a small safe world for myself and now I realise that I can't really do that. Also the walls of this world has stunted my development as a person. I'm so reactionary. I've never had an abundance of friends during my lifetime. A handful at best. As friends have moved on I've spent the past 3 years mostly indoors tbh. On the odd occasion i have the money to go on nights out I find that I can meet and talk to people quite fine. However in the past 3 years or so, even though I've met and got along with people on nights out, I don't have the drive to pursue a friendship with them. I don't know why that is. I think maybe I've just gotten so used to being isolated. I dunno. I'm also beginning to think that these days I have more depression that aspergers. Aspergers and it's problems seem to tend to revolve around talking to people, which I do fine (although people still think I'm strange lol). I keep thinking of that Virginia Woolfe quote 'you can't find peace by avoiding life.' I'm beginning to think that this is very true. For all of the effort and time and energy we place to create a safe private world for ourselves are we hurting ourselves? Is it a form of death? I feel like I'm existing, not living. There are obviously other problems that I and each of us have that causes us to form our worlds the way we have. I just am beginning to think that maybe we damage ourselves more than anyone else ever could. So why do we keep doing it?
  7. Bruce

    Bullying?

    From http://www.safe-services.org.uk/ : "What is domestic violence and abuse? Any violent, abusive or controlling behaviour by someone close to you - usually a partner or an ex-partner or a family member – is domestic violence and abuse. The abuse can be physical, emotional, verbal, sexual or financial. It can include bullying, threats, humiliation and isolation – you can experience domestic violence and abuse without having broken bones or bruises." Really? 'Any controlling behaviour is abuse'? But telling somebody else what is abusive/ controlling, etc, is also controlling! If that is 'appropriate' sometimes, the definition needs clarifying. For most of my socialising, for instance, any obvious bullying wouldn't have been tolerated by anybody around for it, so it would have to be more subtle. In face, for my adult social life, nobody can decide if I was bullied or not! I can't be the only Aspie who finds it difficult to tell, if it's not blatantly obvious & this is an issue that won't go away. So, when we aren't dealing with obvious bullying (rude names, blatant threats, violence, etc), how do we even tell, please?
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