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Found 17 results

  1. Dr-David-Banner

    Brain Child

    Brain Child is my favourite episode of The Incredible Hulk TV series. It must be the case Kenneth Johnson must have been familiar with Asperger Syndrome. That in itself is odd since AS only appeared in the late 1980s and The Hulk was a seventies series. Kenneth Johnson himself was a big super hero producer doing shows like V, The Bionic Woman and so on. In Brain Child, Dr David Banner meets a female runaway. This 16 year old girl had been dumped by her mother for being odd. She was taken in by The Kirkland Institute and used in an experiment. Through intensive teaching the girl became a maths genius, biologist, chess player, classical pianist and poliglot. Yet she had no experience of daily life and wanted to find her mother. When she meets Dr David Banner, he offers to help and they stop off in Mejico to work picking fruit. Soon the girl gets herself into trouble after being invited to watch a bruja heal sick villagers. Bruja is like a witch doctor in South America. As the old lady performs a healing, the girl figures it is only honest to logically explain to the peasants how it was all a trick and has no awareness of the need to show tact in a different culture. The bruja is enraged and the girl is dragged into her small caravan. Banner frantically tries to apologise and explain but he is pushed around and tied up. Then comes the usual metamorphosis, Banner's shirt splits and he changes into The Hulk. I have known someone like this however. Some autists who are fanatical over their interests tend to give the image of being know-alls as they don't know how to be low key. They may be in a conversation and correct people or relate technical facts. I find what pisses people off is also over enthusiasm. I had one friend who practised guitar six hours a day. He had no idea how to teach as he expected his students to be more dedicated. Funny twist in the story was the actress who played brain child couldn't act autistic. She moved around very normally. Funny though how Asperger themes existed on TV before it was diagnosed. Columbo was definitely sort of autistic and Mr Spock was supposed to be unemotional and logical.
  2. I'm looking for a list of symptoms/traits that are more or less exclusive to adult males with an ASD, separate from the general list of symptoms for anyone with an ASD. If possible, can only the male members reply with symptoms to add to the list please, as I would prefer first hand accounts, and not observations. These can possibly be true for some females on the spectrum but I'm more looking for things that would differ from an NT male, where an NT female may reasonably experience these. This list is symptoms my brother has that I don't, that I cross referenced online and found other males to list as symptoms also. trouble having positive feelings about self assumes they aren't good looking so don't care about personal appearance not good at accepting or believing praise or positive comments about self difficulty remembering ever feeling carefree prone to mood swings verbally aggressive at times, if not prompted about mood and tone difficulties with intimacy @Ben @Asgardian @StarlessEclipse @StormCrow @Max000 @Peridot @Harrow - if any of you would be willing to help? Additional list from research so far: tend to lead fairly solitary lives reluctant to seek support Poor short term memory and recall Easily upset and discouraged by rejections from the opposite sex (or the gender of romantic preference) Easily manipulated by the opposite sex (or the gender of romantic preference) Noticeable differences in interests compared to similarly aged same sex counterparts Struggles to accept lack of talent in an area of interest
  3. As adults, some people seem less autistic in some ways. They manage to find ways to cope with things or just somehow end up being a different person than they were as a child. I imagine the symptoms may also fluctuate depending on the state of the person. To fit the autistic criteria and formally get diagnosed, you don't need to have the symptoms as an adult as long as they were there when you were a child. Are the any symptoms that you no longer fit or fulfill in the criteria for a formal diagnosis? If so, what are they and how do you think you over came these symptoms? Do you feel like those symptoms are no longer there as in, they disappeared? Or do they come back from time to time? Or did you find a way to cope with them? If so, how?
  4. I realize I am not making an official diagnosis, as I'm not at all qualified to do that. From the reading I've done thus far, this person's personality reads very much like the typical symptoms of Asperger's. I found this Reddit post and it finally clicked. This person's primary personality trait is how much they talk. Conversations with them are 99% one-sided. They will talk for 5-10 minutes ceaselessly, in a very verbose stream-of-consciousness manner, in revolving and contradictory concepts (circumstantial speech). Social cues like no eye contact, no response, and walking away, do not stop the talking. It's quite off-putting to the people we know in common, and there have been some conflicts as others have quickly grown annoyed by this person. I also notice cycles of verbal ticks, repeating "blah blah" or other nonsense noises for about 20-30 seconds (echolalia or palilalia). They seem to get stuck in a loop for a little bit and then end abruptly with no sense of what just happened. Subjects usually circle around a semi-veiled sense of narcissism - what a great thinker they are, how talented they are at their hobby, and how their antagonists are spreading negative energy. I caught some hints today that they think they are smarter than me. While they are extremely intelligent, and it would not surprise me if they scored very well on an IQ test, their personality proves to be a significant handicap to applying that intelligence. I know they are not a bad person. In fact, they are overly nice to people, although usually in an overwhelming manner. I am sympathetic to understanding mental health, as I am close to family that utilize a lot of mental health resources. I have not met a person (that I know of) that has exhibited traits of Asperger's before. Now that I potentially have, I feel like I should try to put forth an effort to understand the situation, rather than make it worse. However it's tough being around them. The talking is mentally exhausting. The clashes with others are painful to watch. I hate to see the look on other people's faces when they interact with them. What are some tips I can consider to interacting with them? What's an appropriate way to set boundaries on conversations, or in other words, what's the best way to tell them to stop talking? Anything I could do to help improve the situation - should I share this theory with other people we know in a respectful manner?
  5. So I have been wondering what it would be like to have blindness or weakness to a colour in addition to being on the spectrum. While many of you may have heard that colour blindness is quite common, in fact it's weakness to a colour, usually green (Deuteranomoly), that's very common. I would suppose that any symptoms that have to do with colour would be different. The ishihara test, the most popular colour discrimination test, is so sensitive that even some who never have real world problems indentifying colour may still fail the test. If you have many real world problems identifying colour, you would have realised early on in life. Is it true that those with even a slight weakness to red (protanomoly) would also realise early on the life? I believe it greatly reduces the ability to see red lights, making them darker, even without casuing any other real world problems identifying colour. These include brake lights on vehicles and port side navigation lights on aircraft and vessels. Just as there are advantages to the autistic mind, anamolous trichromacy actually increases the ability to distinguish certain colours, such as yellows, tans and shades of khaki in case of deuteranomoly and (I believe) protanomoly. I would imagine that weakness to blue (tritanomoly) increase the ability to distinguish colours in the yellow-green-blue region. Green on both road traffic lights and on railway signals looks more green than blue to me? It is any different for the green-weak? So what is it like for someone with Asperger's in addition to blindness or weakness to a colour when they do normal colour vision tests?
  6. So, how old were you? And was this a good or bad thing? ie. I was diagnosed in my late teens and it kind of sucked...to be honest. Because along with hormones, I really didn't need something else to deal with. I feel like I could have got more support through school had I been diagnosed earlier.
  7. TheTheatreCat

    Could I have Aspergers?

    Hello there, I was chatting to my friends recently when we were all filling in a quesionare for something. One question was "what makes you different to your friends?" And a few of mine wrote "I have autism" (Aspergers or similar), and we were all surprised when they said this, as none of us knew that anyone in our group was autistic. Now, this was a very convenient way of me learning all this, but it led me to do some research, as I knew very little about Autism and Aspergers at the time, and wanted to make sure that I made the right approach and didn't worry them, now that they knew that I knew this about them. So, I looked up what having Aspergers affected, and what the symptoms were. It wasnt long before I realised that I too had quite a few of these symptoms. I took a few online tests, and they all came up as in the range of someone who had Aspergers. I thought to myself "it can't provide a real diagnosis" but it has been bothering me since. The traits I can relate with (from the list at http://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/tc/aspergers-syndrome-symptoms and other sources) include: difficulty to make and maintain friendships; random finger or hand tapping; strangely formal language; strict(ish) routine (on weekdays); one sided conversations about one obsessive topic (Theatre); domination of conversations (difficult for others to get words in edgeways); heightened sensitivity (especially to sound); difficulty to fit in with others; being bullied for being who I am (which is different to others) and not putting any emphasis on being "cool". I'm not sure really what to do and haven't told my parents about this yet as I'm not sure what to say or how they'll react! If, however, my suspicions grow, then I will definitely talk to them, but I thought I'd try on here first and see whether there is anyone here who can help me at all by saying "yes, you might have Aspergers" or "no, you're just being silly". Thank you!
  8. TriforceOfPower

    Self Diagnosis

    How many people on here are self-diagnosed?What do you think of people who self-diagnose?How do you deal with people who disapprove of your self-diagnosis?
  9. nikkiDT

    My list of symptoms....

    1. I don't fit in. I've never really fit in, not even in my family. But my family is generally accepting of me. 2. I have trouble reading people--body language, social cues etc. But I've gotten a lot better at it over the years. 3. I have a very active mind. I'm always thinking, rethinking and thinking some more. It never stops! It even makes my head hurts 4. Sometimes, I can't recognize people's face. Not even those I know really well. 5. I'm the queen of over analyzing. I guess that goes in the overthinking category. I go over things again and again in my head. In a sick way, it's actually soothing. 6. I always have special interests and obsessions. Most people can be interested in many things at once. That isn't me. For example, Heath Ledger. Most of my day consists of him--reading about him, looking for pictures of him, watching his movies, TV shows anything having to do with him. Same thing about Aspergers. 7. But unlike a lot of Aspies, most of my obsessions are not long term. Aspergers is. The Sims 3 is another one. But generally people are not. Psychology was. Next week, I could be obsessed with Viola Davis, Marilyn Momroe or someone or something else completely. 8. Repetitive behavior. I watch the same movies again and again. Same scenes over and over. Back to back. I listen to same songs, and sometimes read the same books. 9. I have sensory issues--mainly with sounds. I hate bloody sirens, motorcycle noises, people have overlapping conversations, unexpected noises, the ice machine at McDonalds etc. Earplugs and music help, but it doesn't always drown out the sounds. At home, I need my fan on at all times. Without it, I become overwhelmed, stimming like crazy. I can hear just about everything coming from the other side of the door. Some fabrics, like wool are a little tough to wear. 10. Some fabrics, like wool are a little tough to wear. I can't wear high heels. I can't wear skirts, or dresses. Rather, I prefer not to. If it were legal, I wouldn't wear clothes at all, LOL. But I mainly wear T-shirts, jeans, black pants w/ polyester blend, tennis shoes, flat shoes. Cotton is best. I prefer comfort over style, which is why I wear those things. 11. I don't spend much time getting ready. 30 minutes tops. Why do you need any more time than that? I shower, wash my hair when needed, put on my clothes and shoes, pack my bag and I'm ready to leave. 12. I prefer one-on-one conversations as opposed to group conversations. Any more than one person is too much for me. Even with one person, communication can be a bit hard. 13. Unwritten social rules? Oh boy, do I struggle with those! It seems like there's always some rule I should know that I don't. The rules are confusing. 14. It never seems to stick in my head. I'm talking about socializing. It's like I'm constantly having to learn and relearn the rules of socializing. People seem to know the rules automatically, while I'm always trying to keep up. 15. But luckily for me, I enjoy learning. And if I really want to learn something, I often self-teach. Which is easy thanks to the Internet. 16. The other day, my therapist said something about feelings. "Tell me how you feel.", she said. I couldn't. Not because I didn't want to, but I couldn't put it into words. I tried to, but I just couldn't. I didn't know what to say. I've felt that way many, many times in my life. 17. I speak too loud and too fast. Loud mumble, my brother calls it. 18. I've rarely had a friendship that lasted more than 3 years. Not because I didn't like the person, but because I had trouble maintaining the friendship. I still struggle with the rules. How often should I call? Every day, once a week? How often should we hang out? What should we talk about? Time to pull out the old script. 19. Most of the conversations I have happened inside my head. Whenever I go out, it's like I need a script to follow in order to make conversations with people. 20. Stop and start conversations. Even with people I know really well, like my family, I rarely have a smooth conversation. When I talk to someone, I often pause many times during the conversation. Waiting. I'm trying to think of what to say. I am waiting for the other person to say something. Sometimes I just lose interest and say "Bye". I assume the other person has lost interest. 21. I constantly ask questions, even when I have already gotten the answers to my questions. I recently learned that this is a symptom of Aspergers. 22. Usually, I don't feel a strong urge to socialize. I'm happy being alone. 23. I don't do the group thing. Even as a girl, I'd have parties, but I'd often hide away in some room just to be alone for a long time. Someone would always find me and say "Go back to your friends." 24. I think both in words and pictures, but mostly pictures. Little movies and slideshows happening in my head. 25. When it comes to expressing myself, I'm much better at writing than talking. 26. I don't know if I can describe myself as a black-and-white thinker. My mind is crazy and complex. 27. I often go off on a tangent with having a conversation with people. I have a point in mind, but I end up talking about something completely different. I lose track of my thoughts, but someone always keeps me in check. 28. What if I do have Aspergers, but I've grown more socially and as a person than I realized? 29. But I have a lot to learn still. 30. I often having to prepare myself for socializing. I need a script, and study the place in question before going there. Even with constant preparation, I still get anxious and overwhelmed, 31. I overshare a lot. I'd rather have real conversations with someone than small talk. Talk to me about your favorite movies, friends, life, what you're thinking etc. I want to know all of you. I want you to know all of me. I hate small talk. 32. I often eat the same McDonald's meal daily. I know it's unhealthy, but I have sort of an addiction to it. I do like other things though--chicken and broccoli Lean Cuisine, raisins, ravioli, pepperoni, pizza, eggs, peas, corn, boneless chicken etc. It just doesn't occur to be to eat them. 33. I'm a very loyal person. 34. People say that I'm very sensitive as well. I think it's true. 35. I have to do things in a certain way. Otherwise, I get a little annoyed. Take a certain bus route, or eat a certain food etc. Routine is very important to me. 36. I love trivia. 37. I'm a collector--of bags, quotes, books etc. 38. I have a ton of stims--classic ones like rocking or hand flapping. But others like rubbing my stomach, clapping, tapping the table, singing, feeling fabrics, knocking on my bedpost or any hard surface, pounding my fist on the table or my chest, playing with my hair etc. Too many to list here. 39. I have strong morals and principles I have to abide by. 40. I have a very vivid imagination. I daydream a lot. I'm highly creative. 41. I can't eat raw foods or onions. I don't like the taste of alcohol. My stomach can't take it. And there's more, but I wanted to share this list with you.
  10. superpam

    My Aspie Traits

    So, after searching for a while (obsessively I must say) about how the traits can be different for girls, I wrote down what I believe can be a lot of my traits/characteristics related to Aspergers. Although I don't have a formal diagnosis and I'm still not 100% sure if I'm truly an Aspie, in my heart I feel I am most of the times for a lot of different reasons when I look at it both emotionally and rationally. My Aspie Traits - social awkwardness (not knowing what is adequate and ok to say or when to say it, not knowing how to carry/to end a conversation, although I've learned to adapt and can do it now, but it can be still really awkward many times) - bluntness (being too direct and not being aware when coming across as rude, arrogant or too blunt - or being aware only afterwards or even days later) - perceiving, understanding and communicating very black and white - being too intense and obsessive with especific interests (spending many hours searching, reading, learning everything that is to know about the same subject. For instance: Languages, Asperger's Syndrome, fully raw diet, parenting, education) - social hangover (feeling extremely tired mentaly and emotionaly after long periods of social interaction) - Not having the need or the urge to socialize or go out much, except with very close ones (if I go out twice a week that's probably enough social interaction and I don't need or feel like wanting more stimuly) - strongly dislike of light touch - quick temper (exploding or feeling an intense rage out of a sudden and without a warning, and cooling down just as quickly) - not having energy and hating small talk, superficial empty tedious talks especialy with people I don't know or don't feel connected to - overthinking and overanalysing everything all the time - being really annoyed by some sort of noises or when there's too much background noise (for example, in crowded places when everybody just talks loud at the same time, it's just too much stimuly to process and I tend to feel really irritated and willing to leave) - having a hard time keeping a job (it can be quite hard having to leave the house every single day at the same time, dealing with the same people constantly which can seem like a contradiction because I feel I like an need a routine, but just having to leave the house when there are days I don't feel like leaving the bed, can be really hard) - enjoying and needing a routine and familiar places that I feel comfortable at - not having too many friends or actually having friends, but only 3 that I trust 100% that they'll let me just be and respect my quirky unique different introvert way of being, the real me (which very few people actually have seen and truly know) - prefering one on one interactions (that way I can really connect with them and we get to know each other, to have deep intelligent badass talks) - dislike going out in groups or engaging conversation with a lot of people at the same time (which I find confusing, superficial, pointless, uninteresting and a waste of time. If I'm with a group of friends I really like and have a connection with, I can enjoy it. But otherwise, I'd prefer to just watch and be quiet and I will enjoy it unless I feel like I have to participate, talk or answer questions) - very creative and imaginative. I have my own world and reality inside my head and life is so much better inside my world than reality (Reality is a lovely place, but I wouldn't wanna live there.) - I tend to to everything I can by myself. I love self learning, to taught myself things and I'm good at it. For example: English, French, crafts, learning ideas/concepts and how to dos and succeeding when I try to do it like cutting my hair just by watching videos and such - extremely loyal with strong inner principles that are very important and serious to me - high sensitivity and picking up on others emotions and energies like a sponge - picking up details everyone misses, hidden meanings, abstract ideas - thinking outside the box, coming up with creative solutions - feeling different my whole life, not being able to fit in anywhere (not feeling truly comfortable to be me or really accepted) - although I'm not picky when it comes to food, I can eat the same thing everyday without a problem (like pasta, or like when I was in the hostel in Guarapari. I ate omelete (always prepared the same way: eggs, cheese, tomato, pimenta calabresa and I would eat it with mostarda. I did it for 2 weeks every single day, not noticing it until now) - doing things in a certain order like showering, or the way I walk the stairs when arriving home (taking 2 steps at a time even when tired), doing certain things in a certain way and never changing it, like it feels safe/familiar/predictable - feeling anxious when knowing I'll have to socialize with people I don't know very well or/and in new places I've never been too. Having to prepare myself psychologicaly for that and still feel very anxious, afraid, not comfortable - expressing myself and my thoughts way better on writing, rather than talking - losing track of my thoughts while I'm talking or trying to explain something and forgetting what I was just saying and taking too long getting back to it or not remembering it at all (which difficults a lot talking to unknown people, because of the awkward silences and not being able to have a natural flow on the conversation) - having a really complex mind with thoughts, sub thoughts, sub sub sub thoughts. Constantly making connections and spoting patters in everything and everyone - having a brain that doesn't shut up, is always active, that take in a lot of information/details/subtleties at the same time and can't help to analyse everything all the time (both internaly and externaly). Sees a puzzle in everything and collect the pieces together with time until it makes clear sense - I feel like I adapted so well sometimes that it is actually quite common for me to hear "you, an introvert? But you're such an extrovert!" (No, I'm not, trust me.) That's just an example of how I fake it so well, and how I managed to adapt socially (although I can still be very awkward sometimes) - I prepare myself before going somewhere like I ponder first what I might need/always think ahead (for example, if I know I'll stay out for long, I bring water, think about where I can buy something to eat near where I will be - I hardly ever forget anything from keys to phone, charger, some paper or anything I know I will need that day. I have all planed out so I dont have to worry about it later. It actually saves a lot of energy and it prevents anxiety which is good, because Im already too anxious - having a hard time learning and remembering subjetcs in school that are taught oraly like History and Geografy So, that was HUGE and I apologize for that. I would really like to know how much can you all relate to what I believe are my traits and do you think they all can be related to being an Aspie or maybe not. Thank you for being lovely and welcoming to the forum on my first post. I already like it here a lot <3
  11. I just wanted to ask if anyone else has this issue? I wouldn't say that I exactly have any speech processing difficulties (I mean, I struggle to hear words from background noise but only in a particularly noisey environment or when there are a lot of people talking at the same time) but I generally find that I can't hear the words to songs. To me they just sound like random mubblings most of the time. It's worse in songs with backing singers, harmony singers (i.e. duets) and loud instruments, but most songs are like that for me actually. (In some ways I actually prefer it like that because I can appreciate the sounds of the music and the singer's experssion without being distracted by what they are singing - when I do find the words for songs I usually don't like them anyway, or think that they are inappropriate.) I generally find that the only group where I can make out a word or two is ABBA and I would guess that that is becuase they are not native English speakers (I know that that sounds a bit contradictory - as in how would a non-native English speaker sing clearer? - but I'm thinking that it could actually be that they are more aware of correct pronunciation and so their words come out clearer than those of other singers) but it's still not perfect - like that line in "Ring Ring" where they sing "Here I sit all alone impatiently./nWon't you please understand you're mocking me." but I always used to mishear it as "making me" LOL!!! "What the heck does that even mean???" I used to wonder. Or sometimes I thought that they never finished the line (as in "what are they making her?" - like "Won't you please understand you're making me [upset/anxious/worried/etc.]?" but there were no such words at the end.) Anyway I'm wondering if others also have this issue, and I find it particularly strange that I have that even though I don't really have any speech processing difficulties. Another probably unrelated thing (and I think that this one probably has to do with literal interpretation of things) is that when I was asked to sing a given song I would generally try to imitate the rythem and the guitar as well as the melody line (with no words of course!) - which of course I found rather difficult LOL!!! Anyway I'm just wondering if anyone else has either of these issues... Thanks, invisible
  12. Hi, I'm Denvermom7. I am Blacktiger911's Mom. I have been through it with him and we have a great relationship now. So proud of who he has become. I recently took custody of my grandson, just turned 11, and see some of the same behaviors in him. I know every person is different and there are many different symptoms within the same diagnosis. I was wondering if others with a diagnosis have symptoms like being excessively loud, very angry, "fair or justice" minded, revengeful, painfully shy in public, and contrary beyond belief. I would take him for a diagnosis, but I find they take what I say and run with it. There are other things that could explain some of his behaviors, head trauma as a toddler (I think he got 4 or 5 stitches in the back of his head), abandonment, broken home. I don't want him to be labeled, but I do want to help him develop empathy or even an ability to feel something other than anger or over excitement. Any thoughts?
  13. i would just im not sure if its remotely related to Aspergers Syndrome but i thaught i would just ask any way as they say its better to be safe than sorry. sometimes i get these chest pains but they're in my ribs and it will be in only one rib and it will hurt more when i breathe in but it will go away after a miniute o two then a few mins later it will come back but in the other rib and it will keep swapping and changing for a while it hurts a little bit but not enough to scream the house down so yea if i try to focus on something else it will ease and eventually go away but its like a sharp stabby feeling and hurts a bit but not too much yea ok i wont keep repeating myself hopefully because that will be a bit boring and i will write a massave paragraph the size of a road but i am a bit worried about these chest pains and i dont know wether to be or not so yea could you please tell me what you think thanx
  14. I would like to have your opinions on wether or not you think that these are valid reasons why I "can't possibly have Asperger's". I am asking this because these are the reasons that my mother gives whenever I try to discuss Asperger's with her and I'm not sure that they're particularly valid actually. I would like to make it clear that I am not asking for opinions on wether or not I have Asperger's; I am asking if you think that these are valid reasons why one couldn't have Asperger's. Now the main reason is that I like to spontaneously share my ideas, opinions and things that I have made. Apparantly aspies don't do that. That doesn't seem correct to me because if aspies didn't have a desire to share things then they wouldn't infodump as much as they do. As I see it, all they want to do is to share their knowledge, and ideas about their obsessions. The other main reason that I can think of at the moment is that I always used to talk with a lot of expression - both in my voice and in terms of facial expression - when I spoke, particularly but not only if it was about one of my interests at the time. Again she claims that aspies don't do that, although I have read that some aspies do talk quite expressively sometimes. I would like to hear your opinions on wether or not these are valid reasons to say that one does not have Asperger's, and I will add any further reasons that she has given as I remember them. And please remember that I am not asking for opinions on wether you do or don't think that I have Asperger's. Regards, invisible
  15. Which symptoms (or traits) of Asperger's Syndrome do you struggle with the most? For me, it's not being able to understand certain instructions, and not being able to understand humor, they really affect my interactions with people and make me feel insecure, because of this, I'm never fully sure what I'm meant to say, or how to reply to things, and is just really awkward
  16. Guest

    [Sensitive] Violence

    I want to start a thread about violence- not about being the victim but being the person who is hitting, kicking or anything else. I often find when I am angry that I will want to hit someone. However, I am not going to go into great detail here as it will probably bore you. Do any of you have trouble with this? I am often scared with my thoughts about hurting others. I just have this incredible urge to hurt someone even though I know it is bad and I try to get these thoughts out of my head. Were you a violent child and how do you cope now? Sorry Wren
  17. riceandpants

    Hey Everyone. :)

    Hello everyone, I'm a 19 year old girl from Australia and this year I took a gap year (year off before I start university) job working as a trainee integration aide at a public school, where I completed a Certificate III in Education Support and I worked in the classroom setting with students with various disabilities (mostly intellectual disabilities, severe behavioural issues and high functioning autism) While I've been working at this school I've learnt a lot about how Aspergers presents itself, and it presents itself quite differently to what I had envisaged. Spending time with students with ASD, coupled with a few too many light-hearted comments from my employer and some fellow employees regarding my social ineptitude, got me thinking that maybe I am on the spectrum. I also had some real issues staying functional in my workplace as I was finding it much more socially exhausting than I had found school (which lead to an enormous melt-down), and that I relate quite poorly to people my own age, and people who are "normal". (for example, I find that I connect quite deeply with a 13 year old boy with Aspergers who I work with, but I have great difficulty connecting to any of the teaching staff beyond superficial conversation). I have always socialised differently, but I have also always had friends because from a young age I have sought out the most bizarre person in the room and attempted to befriend them, as I have always been suspicious that "normal" people are hiding their true personalities. For this reason I have never really been concerned about my social skills, but now that I work with adults I feel that they leave a lot to be desired. I've been researching it further and I've found myself in the unfortunate situation where I fit maybe just over 50% of the criteria whenever I read any of the symptoms, and on any self-test I take I score about half-and-half. So now I can't decide whether I have AS or not! Some (certainly not all!) of the criteria I feel I almost definitely fit are: - Difficulty with eye contact - Eccentric personality - Happiest at home or in other familiar environment - Being clumsy or poor at sports (I have honestly never met anyone as bad at sports as me) - Executive function difficulties (i.e., time management, planning ahead, organization) - Leg bouncing, tapping fingers/hands, and rocking/swaying (especially in the shower for some reason!) - Has a strange walk or "swagger" - Dresses comfortably; I generally wear jeans and a t-shirt. I own very little else, other than tracksuit pants. (although it never occurred to me that this was due to sensory issues, I have just never understood the practicality of most female clothing. I WANT POCKETS!) - High intelligence, yet can be slow to comprehend due to cognitive/sensory issues (I am much slower at understanding verbal information than I am at written or visual information. I also "zone out" a lot and realise that I have no idea what the other person is saying to me because I am off in my own world) - Feeling the need for recovery time after social interaction; suffering "social exhaustion" - Thinks of herself as half-male, half-female (I often think I have a much more male brain. However, I have no desire whatsoever to be a male or be with women.) - Will often speak too loudly. - Prone to bouts of depression (I can recall four bouts of depression I have had since I was 15, however I never sought any treatment with the exception of this year) - Having difficulty learning to drive a car - Hates injustice or being misunderstood, this can incite anger and rage (This is a big one. I get very agitated if I feel I've been treated unjustly, and aggressive towards my family members) Some examples of criteria I don't feel I fit are: - Obsessive interests. I feel like I might have had them in the past but reading descriptions from e.g. Willow Hope make me feel like they are not nearly on the same plane as other people's. When I was younger (about 11 to 14) I do recall watching TV series repeatedly, all day every day, especially 'Lost' and 'Bones', and I loved brown bears (to the point that I wanted to be one) and Harry Potter, but at this point in my life I don't really feel like I'm obsessed with anything, with the exception of Aspergers, which has been keeping me up late at night as I read about its symptoms and watch YouTube videos and it distracts me from everything I try to do, which I suppose is somewhat ironic! Could somebody please explain to me how obsessions present themselves in their lives? - I don't have any difficulties with figures of speech or sarcasm, and I feel I can read people's body language quite comfortably - Sensory issues. I don't have any sensory issues with taste or textures, with the exception of maybe putting too much spread/filling on sandwiches. I do have a very poor sense of smell - Repetition, schedule and routine. I'm very disorganised and lazy and will generally avoid doing anything that doesn't have to be done, which means that I don't adhere to any rituals I can think of. I will go through phases where I eat the same foods for breakfast and lunch each day, but it feels like more of a preference than a need. The only thing I can think of in regards to routine is that if I'm faced with a situation where I don't know what I'm expected to do, or I have never been in that situation before and I don't have anyone I trust to support me I'll get anxious and think things like, "What if I get lost on the way? What if I don't get off at the right bus stop? What if nobody's there to meet me when I get there?" etc. - I have never had a "melt-down" in public to my recollection. What does a melt-down look like, exactly? - I don't get over-stimulated by loud noised, bright lights, etc. I love going to concerts and music festivals, especially metal shows, so I really don't have an issue with anything that comes with that territory. The only thing that ever overloads me is spending too much time with other people socially, especially when they are people I have to keep myself "in check" for, and I can't be myself around Also, I am very quiet and compliant when I am at work or with friends whilst at home I will express my agitation and get angry and aggressive quite often. I was never a behavioural issue at school. If I had AS, would I be able to be so selective about where I have my outbursts or would I be defiant and difficult to get along with in all settings? I apologise for the extensive post. I still have a lot more to say and a lot more to ask but out of courtesy I think I should let someone answer me first! I would also like to point out that if I were to have Aspergers, my life hasn't been that affected by it so far, and the only things that leap to mind as having been affected are my social interactions and self-esteem as a result of my poor social skills and eccentric behaviours and interests, and my relationships, especially at home. My family often tell me that I'm very difficult to live with because I'm "extremely stubborn, moody and lash out at people/overreact for no reason", which I feel bad about, but I really can't seem to change my behaviour. So the only reason I would want a diagnosis is for peace of mind, because I've had this nagging thought that I might be AS for months now, and it's starting to consume me. :/ Thank you guys for putting up with my rambling!
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