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Giggsy

Whats The Best Way To Meet Women?

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Giggsy

Hi, I'm really keen to meet women to either form social relationships or initiate a relationship.  Its something that is really bothering me since I don't seem to be even getting the opportunities to develop these types of relationships.

I know its probably due to not having a social network to meet or be introduced to people and probably do to the lack of development in my social skills due to decreased social opportunities.

I just wanted to ask you all what you think is the best way to go about meeting women?

What strategies have people tried? What has worked for you?
 

 

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spiderwoman0_2

Well I met my aspie husband on a dating site, so you could try that :D

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Toran

That is good advice from spider woman find a good local dating site long distance relationships can be difficult. Be totally honest and state your diagnosis and the reasons your using the site. Sometimes local papers offer a dating section but the phone costs can be very expensive so check your not paying a lot of money you can't afford and budget the costs into your financial status or you could end up with a massive bill you could struggle to pay back

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mary

I used to meet lots of new and interesting people when I was out at gigs and festivals but that was in a previous life!!

I read that you like to go to the gym... Maybe you might meet someone there?

Have you any support groups for people on the spectrum in your area?! You might enjoy the company of people who are similar to you and may well have similar interests.

There are always dating sites but I don't know much about them as I've never used one, as I figure I'm happy to just bump into the right person one day and to be honest, if it doesn't happen I'm not actually all that bothered! :

Good luck though!! :)

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HalfFull

Personally, I've always thought that disclosing Aspergers on a dating site would be a risky strategy. It may be better to disclose after a few dates because by then the woman must like something about you and is likely to continue to like those things after finding out that you have AS. I'm not saying you should never disclose it on a dating site and maybe if its impossible to cover up your AS even on a first date, it might be worth being open from the start, but if you can manage 3 dates without it being obvious, then I'd be wary of advertising it on the dating site, but ultimately only you know whats best for you. Good luck with it.

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Mike_GX101

Tough one isn't it for those of us who don't feel comfortable in night clubs and pub situations.  But you can meet others at clubs and just when out for a walk believe it or not.  I quite fancy the idea of doing a bit of dancing.  There's this special kind of sensual dancing I like the idea of involving swinging from a rope while kind of contorting your body to the tune of some deep music.  I saw it in a film recently and loved it but don't know what that dancing style is called.  But I digress.

 

There is no easy solution.  I think you have to learn patience and self-restraint and wait and remain hopeful.  Oh and stay away from the news reports such as this one.  I still don't know what to make of that one.

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mary

Coming back to this it would depend on how you felt about people knowing you had AS from the outset... there are AS dating sites I do believe, but again, I've never looked into it.  Perhaps if you're looking for someone with similar interests etc it'd be better to try out an AS orientated site first, and then you'd not need to divulge your diagnosis as it'd be a given you were on the spectrum anyway?!

 

But I digress.

 

There is no easy solution.  I think you have to learn patience and self-restraint and wait and remain hopeful.  Oh and stay away from the news reports such as this one.  I still don't know what to make of that one.

 

You weren't kidding when you said you'd digressed there Mike!!

 

I've just read the article and I happen to think that in this instance it was in the gentleman's best interests.  People involved with his care were all consulted and he, himself, said that he didn't want another child.  That said, if the article is to be believed he was unable to be relied upon to ensure there wasn't another pregnancy, so if he's actually stating he doesn't want a child how is it wrong to help him with that?

 

I actually thought this was a quite a heartwarming story, and they had his best interests at heart the whole time...

 

DE's social worker, who specialises in looking after disabled adults, had told the court "how very unusual it is to see such an enduring relationship between two significantly disabled people", adding it was "remarkable and very precious and should be valued and protected in their interests".

Mrs Justice King said DE had suffered considerable distress during the separation with his girlfriend and had his confidence shaken by the loss of his independence.

 

She concluded that another pregnancy would cause "further and probably more serious psychological distress and consequences for DE".

 

One medical expert had regarded the "most magnetic factor" in favour of a vasectomy as DE's desire not to have any more children.

But the judge said: "Allowing DE to resume his long-term relationship with PQ and restoring to him his lost skills and independence are as important, if not more so, when determining his best interests."

 

 

It seems to me that given the circumstances it'd be wrong for us to hold the moral high ground on whether or not we think that enforced sterilisation is right or wrong - surely it's down to individual circumstances.  If he's got learning disabilities which mean he CAN'T help himself achieve his end goal (ie not have children) but is capable of having a loving and long standing relationship, why shouldn't he be helped along in the process.  I doubt he's going to be shouting from the rooftops about being forced to have a sterilisation... it'd probably actually be quite a relief.

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Toran

Personally, I've always thought that disclosing Aspergers on a dating site would be a risky strategy. It may be better to disclose after a few dates because by then the woman must like something about you and is likely to continue to like those things after finding out that you have AS. I'm not saying you should never disclose it on a dating site and maybe if its impossible to cover up your AS even on a first date, it might be worth being open from the start, but if you can manage 3 dates without it being obvious, then I'd be wary of advertising it on the dating site, but ultimately only you know whats best for you. Good luck with it.

If you dont tell potential partners that your on the autistic spectrum then that being a major part of who you are do you think that they could conclude that you are hiding that so what else are you keeping secret. I think itsa matter of trust if you want to meet the right person then if they were to pass you over because of it are they the type of person that you would want to be with anyway if they judged you on the fact you had the condition.

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King_oni

I can probably ramble on and about things I tried with and without success (and all the varieties and shades within that spectrum), but in a sense it comes down to what someone feels comfortable with.

 

I've talked to people who wanted to meet women but then, after talking to them, I found out they didn't even want to leave the house to meet someone and thus it pretty much seems like they expect women to line up at the door for them. Not interested in social networks, not interested in leaving the house... and some weren't even interested in maintaining a healthy relationship, but just wanted to have a woman/girl around to engage in some sexual activities. Oh, and clearly effort was not negotiable. It had to come from the women at all times.

 

Clearly not everyone is like that, but from a majority of people on the spectrum that were "trying really hard" to find a potential partner this actually became somewhat of a norm.

 

So with that, it might be interesting to hear how you go on and about in terms of actually leaving the house, where you like to go, what you don't like and if there's anything of significance you actually tried and how you think it failed.

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Mike_GX101

@Oakers

 

Being possibly infertile myself I wouldn't advise anyone to take this route by choice.  Hopefully like the judges say it is a one-off case and like they said in the article the man made the choice.  But sterilisation is for life so should he change his mind or find himself in a situation where his relationship ends with the current partner and wants to commit to another relationship I can't help but wonder if he's making the best decision.

 

I have a friend who took the sterilisation route at about 21, years ago.  No one knew why.  One day everyone just sort of found out about it and it was too late.  It caused such tension in his family you wouldn't believe.  And he regrets now I think.  Because we change as we grow and mature.  Circumstances change too.

Edited by Mike_GX101

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