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Whats The Best Way To Meet Women?

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Mike_GX101

If you dont tell potential partners that your on the autistic spectrum then that being a major part of who you are do you think that they could conclude that you are hiding that so what else are you keeping secret. I think itsa matter of trust if you want to meet the right person then if they were to pass you over because of it are they the type of person that you would want to be with anyway if they judged you on the fact you had the condition.

 

Timing can be critical here though.  I suppose it's how you feel about it and how well you can sell it.  The dynamics of dating and job hunting are very similar especially when both are done online.  You want to make your application stand out from the crowd and you put together a fantastic CV.  But then you wonder whether you should add that you're on the spectrum?  Will your application CV still stand out?  Or will it be like adding lead to your CV making it sink to the bottom of the pile or maybe fall 'haphazardly' into the recruiter's bin?  It is a hard decision to make and it's knowing what to say as well as it could impact on your chances.

 

I am currently crossing this bridge myself and I don't know what to do.  You want to succeed; you want them to at least see you before they make a decision because that way they can make a judgement about you as a person and not just a sheet of paper with words on it.  So do you add it on your CV or do you tell them when you go for the interview?  The same with dating.  She may not choose you from the crowd if you add your asperger's as an attribute on your profile.  It's hard to say.  But she might absolutely fall in love with you on first sight and when you first tell her in person it won't matter because she's hooked.  That is the trick.  Love is a very special thing - separate from lust - and can only be gauged through one-to-one contact.  So are you still going to add that you have asperger's on your dating profile?  It's up to you.  But if you want to secure that first date I would say maybe don't as it might mean you never get that initial chance to spark that love-at-first-sight encounter.

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mary

@Oakers

 

Being possibly infertile myself I wouldn't advise anyone to take this route by choice.  Hopefully like the judges say it is a one-off case and like they said in the article the man made the choice.  But sterilisation is for life so should he change his mind or find himself in a situation where his relationship ends with the current partner and wants to commit to another relationship I can't help but wonder if he's making the best decision.

 

I have a friend who took the sterilisation route at about 21, years ago.  No one knew why.  One day everyone just sort of found out about it and it was too late.  It caused such tension in his family you wouldn't believe.  And he regrets now I think.  Because we change as we grow and mature.  Circumstances change too.

 

Mike, I see your point given that you may be infertile... but let's face it, anyone may be... you won't know until you try to have kids.  I don't think that it's a bad thing necessarily... they're not saying he needed sterilisation because he was disabled... but more because of the profound impact having the first child had on him.  It seems unlikely to me that the circumstances for the sterilisation will change, in respect of the profound impact of another child on his wellbeing.

 

The man clearly stated that he did NOT want to have children, but he wasn't capable of making decisions about contraception on the fly, so to speak.  If he doesn't want children, already has issues going on that make things difficult and he has suffered ill effects due to the fact he's already had one child, really is it a question at all? 

 

Many people choose sterilisation and don't go on to regret it.  I don't think that the question here is if his relationship breaks down, would he want another child?  He's said he doesn't want any more... so I'd imagine that means with anyone.  I'm sure that this was all looked into and a decision like this is hardly likely to reach court without being fully considered and looked into.

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Nesf

I think "what is the best way to meet a partner" might have been better as a title, but, thinking about how friends and family have met their partners, i would say: higher education establishments (university, school, college), work, friends of brothers or sisters, friends of friends, dating sites, internet forums. Not everyone would be comfortable with all of those, and many presuppose a bit of socialising, if you're not keen on socialising, then a dating site might be the best option.

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Toran

Timing can be critical here though.  I suppose it's how you feel about it and how well you can sell it.  The dynamics of dating and job hunting are very similar especially when both are done online.  You want to make your application stand out from the crowd and you put together a fantastic CV.  But then you wonder whether you should add that you're on the spectrum?  Will your application CV still stand out?  Or will it be like adding lead to your CV making it sink to the bottom of the pile or maybe fall 'haphazardly' into the recruiter's bin?  It is a hard decision to make and it's knowing what to say as well as it could impact on your chances.

 

I am currently crossing this bridge myself and I don't know what to do.  You want to succeed; you want them to at least see you before they make a decision because that way they can make a judgement about you as a person and not just a sheet of paper with words on it.  So do you add it on your CV or do you tell them when you go for the interview?  The same with dating.  She may not choose you from the crowd if you add your asperger's as an attribute on your profile.  It's hard to say.  But she might absolutely fall in love with you on first sight and when you first tell her in person it won't matter because she's hooked.  That is the trick.  Love is a very special thing - separate from lust - and can only be gauged through one-to-one contact.  So are you still going to add that you have asperger's on your dating profile?  It's up to you.  But if you want to secure that first date I would say maybe don't as it might mean you never get that initial chance to spark that love-at-first-sight encounter.

I take your point there and it most probably is down to individual choice people have to make their own decisions on whats best for them and how they see it. Going by relationships if you meet someone you like then you eventually tell them or they notice the behaviour patterns it could go wrong at that point. Personally i wouldnt like being rejected time and again so if i was meeting somebody i would say then if there was an attraction that point would have already been excepted. In work its the same thing id rather wait for the job that would except me with my condition, lets face it as time goes on and you have job after job for six months or less then having ten twenty jobs all short term isnt going to do your work prospects much good and explaining why you had to leave so many places of employment.

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Peridot

Just go out of the house and you'll bump into a whole bunch of women. And if someone catches your eye just go up to them and say "Hey do you wanna go out on a date?" and if she happens to be someone who finds you attractive initially in the same way you find her attractive initially then she'll go "Sure" and then you've got yourself a date. Seems pretty simple to me.

 

Why do you want a relationship anyway? Do you know what you'd be getting into? It's pretty intense, you know? You really need to have a good set of reasons to stay together 24/7 regardless of the relationship not being "perfect" if you want a long term relationship (i.e. one that lasts many years or even the rest of your life). You'd basically have to want a life partner for better...or worse... Someone who preferably permanently wants to become part of a couple of which you are 50%. It's quite something, you know?

 

The way you speak of relationships is way more casual... Like you've got this attitude where you go "Hey we'll just see how long it lasts should I actually start dating someone.". That's just the impression I'm getting. So if it's more along those lines then seeing you have poor social skills which are essential in most cases then I'd say try to seek out environments where there are people who have the same limitations.

 

That is if you want to go about it this way. Where you sit at home and go "I want a relationship" and subsequently try to make it happen. Instead of just living your life being approachable which no doubt will result in you meeting women naturally. Unless you are a genuine recluse.

Edited by Peridot

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Toran

Just go out of the house and you'll bump into a whole bunch of women. And if someone catches your eye just go up to them and say "Hey do you wanna go out on a date?" and if she happens to be someone who finds you attractive initially in the same way you find her attractive initially then she'll go "Sure" and then you've got yourself a date. Seems pretty simple to me.

 

Why do you want a relationship anyway? Do you know what you'd be getting into? It's pretty intense, you know? You really need to have a good set of reasons to stay together 24/7 regardless of the relationship not being "perfect" if you want a long term relationship (i.e. one that lasts many years or even the rest of your life). You'd basically have to want a life partner for better...or worse... Someone who preferably permanently wants to become part of a couple of which you are 50%. It's quite something, you know?

 

The way you speak of relationships is way more casual... Like you've got this attitude where you go "Hey we'll just see how long it lasts should I actually start dating someone.". That's just the impression I'm getting. So if it's more along those lines then seeing you have poor social skills which are essential in most cases then I'd say try to seek out environments where there are people who have the same limitations.

 

That is if you want to go about it this way. Where you sit at home and go "I want a relationship" and subsequently try to make it happen. Instead of just living your life being approachable which no doubt will result in you meeting women naturally. Unless you are a genuine recluse.

Have you tried going up to women and just asking them out? Whats your success rate?

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HalfFull

Just go out of the house and you'll bump into a whole bunch of women. And if someone catches your eye just go up to them and say "Hey do you wanna go out on a date?" and if she happens to be someone who finds you attractive initially in the same way you find her attractive initially then she'll go "Sure" and then you've got yourself a date. Seems pretty simple to me.

 

In England where the OP lives I'm not sure if that's considered socially acceptable. I think there would need to be some small talk leading up to it first and I certainly wouldn't have the nerve to be so bold. I don't think you can do it with someone walking along the street but if you're brave, maybe a neighbour in the street when you are or someone at a bus stop.

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Peridot

Well that first section of my contribution to this thread is meant really to convey that some people make things complicated. They make it hard for themselves and the people around them.

 

Of course you have to have established a degree of trust before you can ask someone out but in and of itself it comes down to what I said. Most people love and want to be loved. So knowing that and assuming the OP approaches a mature person there's no need to make things complicated unnecessarily.

 

There's no need to fear anything. The worst that can happen is that someone rejects you. But that's the same as finding out that that person isn't attracted to you which they weren't also before you found out and back then you were happy too. It's always been a fact. And now you know. That's the worst that can happen; you finding out if someone likes you or not. Many people won't be attracted to you just like you aren't attracted to many people. That's something you're aware of 24/7. So when it's confirmed once more...what does it matter?

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Peridot

So when it's confirmed once more...what does it matter?

 

Or rather what does it change?

 

Of course it's normal to be saddened if you find out your feelings aren't mutual but if you let someone know you like them then you need to be prepared for the various ways that that person can react.

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Toran

In England where the OP lives I'm not sure if that's considered socially acceptable. I think there would need to be some small talk leading up to it first and I certainly wouldn't have the nerve to be so bold. I don't think you can do it with someone walking along the street but if you're brave, maybe a neighbour in the street when you are or someone at a bus stop.

I think he isnt seriously suggesting that its just his way to say something like that,

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