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Giggsy

Whats The Best Way To Meet Women?

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Giggsy

Hi, Thanks for your replies.

In terms of what I have tried to meet women.  I've joined the gym and I've also joined a climbing group.  My other interest is computer science and football/Man Utd but I can't see a woman being interested in either of those things.

I thought these would perhaps be better alternatives than say going to a bar or night club where there would be lots of people and a heavy reliance on social skills, and lots of loud noises etc.

Sure there are lots of girls who attend both the gym and climbing but for whatever reason I don't seem to be meeting them even though they are there right infront of me.  It might be about having the courage to start a conversation with them and I guess it is also reliant on social skills.  I also wonder at times if it is appropriate to just start a conversation with a complete stranger.  I have this idea that they need to be an acquaintance first.

I think because of gender roles i.e. men are expected to innitiate relationships that if the man has some difficultly initiating communication then he does end up alone. Where as women can have similar difficulties but because they are not expected to initiate the relationship they can still get into a relationship.  I wish it was the opposite i.e. women make the first move to form a social or romantic relationship.

I'm not a recluse I work fulltime and have since I graduated from uni, and like I said I do these two hobbies outside of work.

Frequently at my place of work I've been invited to attend nights out etc but I have anxiety around socialising in a group and also attending these events.  I have this idea if I attended these events I would not perform well socially.  Also you tend to find its mostly men who work in software development so its not easy to meet someone in the work place for me.

In terms of trying climbing I thought perhaps maybe I could get in a situation where I could pair with girl 'by chance' as a climbing partner and maybe that could be a good way to meet women.  Its like socialising while your concentrating on an activity so there is less pressure to actually socialise.  I guess it might be that I have to patient and just keep attending these activities then a woman might talk to me or I might bump into a woman.  The thing is I don't like this idea of ' by chance' that I'll just meet someone one day.  I want to be more direct or have more control of this.

The reason I'd like a relationship is because I am lonely therefore I have some social need and secondly I have a sex drive. I find women attractive.  I like women.  I understand that people will say that relationships are hard work and from their experience may say that it not all that.  But its something I'd atleast like to experience for myself.  There must be reason why so many people pair up and why its important for them to have a relationship.  I don't believe we are meant to be alone even if we do have social difficulties fitting in.  I for one am not happy being alone.

In terms of online dating I have myself always thought of it in terms of constructing a social CV and analogous to making job applications. Then the woman shorts lists the applicants, decides who she'd like to interview etc  I think thats what has put me off trying online dating in the past.

But Yeah I think I am going to give the online dating a try.  I don't have any problem communicating in writing so I guess that might be a way for the other person to atleast get to know me before meeting up.

Has anyone got any tips for how to use online dating sites effectively? I mean how should I approach a woman on an online dating site?

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Nesf

i don't have any experience of dating sites, but from what I understand it might take several dates before you meet someone compatible. perhaps you could try a dating site that specializes in people on the spectrum, as you are more likely to meet someone with similar interests, and there would be a better understanding between you. There is one here http://www.aspieaffection.com/

 

I like rock climbing too and when I was at school i used to belong to an after school club which visited a local climbing wall. I was the only girl there :) I no longer have the opportunity to go rock climbing but enjoy hiking.

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Heather

I met my long term boyfriend on AspieAffection.com so naturally we both knew about AS. He wasn't formally diagnosed at the time but had it. I know that the site isn't the best. I talked to a few other people on the site before he found me, so it's definitely not always the first person you talk to. I was also a member for awhile before he found me. The site has a good "wink" system if you are to shy to write an email first. I received email notifications of winks or messages so it was good. Though they only save messages on there for 30 days so if you want to save them, copy and paste them somewhere else! But because I met my partner for life on there, I will support aspieaffection with a positive review and believe other people have and will meet their partners on there too.

It did end up that he lived in the UK and me in Canada but when you find the right person, long distance relationships are possible. I'm with him in the UK right now and couldn't ask for anything more. And trying not to think about when I have to go back to Canada. :(

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Ben

And trying not to think about when I have to go back to Canada. :(

 

Just don't do what I saw a girl do yesterday. She spent about half an hour latched onto her boyfriend waiting for her train to come and when the train came, it was like she was saying goodbye for the last time. 

 

She then sat opposite to me on the train and spent the entire journey sending endless text messages and hugging and sniffing her jumper, stroking it like it was actually him. 

 

I should of slapped the taste out of her mouth and told her to toughen up a bit. A relationship shouldn't be like that. If she's like that now, I hate to think what she would be like if they were married. 

 

I shudder at the very thought. 

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Heather

Just don't do what I saw a girl do yesterday. She spent about half an hour latched onto her boyfriend waiting for her train to come and when the train came, it was like she was saying goodbye for the last time.

She then sat opposite to me on the train and spent the entire journey sending endless text messages and hugging and sniffing her jumper, stroking it like it was actually him.

I should of slapped the taste out of her mouth and told her to toughen up a bit. A relationship shouldn't be like that. If she's like that now, I hate to think what she would be like if they were married.

I shudder at the very thought.

You never know how long they will have to go without seeing each other. Though I guess for me I know I will see him again on oovoo video chat and will see him again even if it's 2 years from now. And we are lucky to know each other and talk to each other and for the time we are together. I try not to think about it and once I get into the taxi from his place to the airport and then at the airport I withdraw into myself and part of me wants to run back but I know I can't. I don't think I'm as bad as that girl but who knows. I would be empathetic towards that girl though like I am now with any other people in long distance relationships. And I know it's never goodbye, only see you later. I've just got to make the most out of these next few days!!

And I know I wouldn't be as bad when we close the distance/get married because then I won't have to be apart for as long at a time.

Edited by Heather

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Toran

Just don't do what I saw a girl do yesterday. She spent about half an hour latched onto her boyfriend waiting for her train to come and when the train came, it was like she was saying goodbye for the last time. 

 

She then sat opposite to me on the train and spent the entire journey sending endless text messages and hugging and sniffing her jumper, stroking it like it was actually him. 

 

I should of slapped the taste out of her mouth and told her to toughen up a bit. A relationship shouldn't be like that. If she's like that now, I hate to think what she would be like if they were married. 

 

I shudder at the very thought.

Ahh come on Ben young love its nice :-)

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the strangest man

Ben,

You are to watch this

or else have a heart transplant :-(

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Toran

Ben,

You are to watch this or else have a heart transplant :-(

Brief encounter a great film :-)

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Whoknows

To say hello. No matter how you are, if she's considerate, she'll talk to you. Most people don't talk at each other, so talking feels like breaking the ice to them.

 

It's actually more about luck, than anything else, since it's pretty random.

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StormCrow

 I have met plenty of women, but I'm not sure how to get to a dating/girlfriend situation.

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