Jump to content
Aker

Internet Communication.

Recommended Posts

Aker

Reading discussions in here I noticed that many of you have better dealing with communication in internet than in IRL. I need advice on that. Not even sure what kind of advice because I just don't understand what or how  to talk with people online. Really. What do you discuss in online conversations or messages? How do you now that you are not bothering other person? Is there some how to? (I know, stupid question)

 

 Bad thing is I can get bored quite easily too. And I just can't get myself to answer messages in the moment I receive them. And sometimes (quite often) I just don't have anything to say. But yeah, I get bored too soon and after couple of weeks if I like that person and want to talk with him/her it seems rude to start contact again after not talking. Or is it not? It's just that... I have to initiate that contact if I want to talk with that person and I don't know how or if other person will want to speak with me. And daily communication is just way too much so there will be those moments of not communicating.  

 

And skype is another issue. Most of discussions just fade away. I'm online, other person too, but no one has anything to say and it just stay like that. Is that normal? Not saying goodbye to other person after conversation? Or saying it but still staying online? (Oh! I hate that all those people can see when I'm online! So I erased almost all my contacts. Even those I would love to talk some day. And invisible mode seems like cheating.)

 

Funny thing is I'm quite proud of myself that I learned IRL communication. (So I can learn non-irl communication too, right?) Not that I have long term friends but I can argue, be friendly, have conversation, present my opinion. I work as sales person and I think I'm good at that. I can have friends but they are short term mostly. And I enjoy communicating with people (interesting people, normal ones are just booooring, sorry, they are good only for small talk if they are colleagues, customers or something like that).  

 

So... any advice?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Babadakad

Well, I can only speak for myself, but contrary to my real life conversations I find myself less bored on the internet with forums brimming of interesting discussions and, partly, likewise minds.

It's soooo good not to speak about which cocktail some person drank yesterday or some party that ''went down'' the night before.

When I try to shift my real life discussions to topics that actually interest me most of my conversation partners would just tune out and say that they don't like ''all that boring philosophical or whatever stuff''.

In terms of skype, I wait until someone decides to speak to me, and when we both got interesting topics on our mind then the stars align and a conversation will be born :)

In terms of real life conversation, I am able to do that, though it is indeed very tiring and I would direct my attention to the half-eaten sandwhich lying on the floor a few feet away from me after thirty minutes or so.

Edited by Babadakad

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sofi

I do so much better with online communication than offline, in real life, so that is why I am so thankful for it because it means I can talk to my friends, and make friends, where I struggle to talk in real life. I don't do well with conversations in real life, I can't seem to follow and keep up with the words and I get irritated. I just talk all at once, and it is not a conversation. I am trying to work on it, but only with one person my mum right now because that is most important for my communication right now.

You can talk about anything you want online - your interests if you have the same interests as the person, or help the person if they have problem or ask them for a help, ask them what they are doing today/tomorrow, send them a video or article of a mutual interest. Everyone will talk about different things. There is no rules. 

 

There is also no rules with Skype. Yes, you can be online and another person is online and not speak. You don't need to talk all the time. You could ask them if they are busy and if they want to talk right now. But, if they are very busy, they won't reply and that means they are busy. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
King_oni

Online communication surely is easier for me. But I must add that I have somewhat of an issue to process non-written information. I don't have any problem hearing and all, but if I read something I just process it better and faster. Which is also why I tend to do all my legal communication (social services and the like) either by mail or through a social worker who calls them about whatever issue I'm having. Despite that, I'm great at wordplay and wordjokes... so perhaps it's that I'm just not a person for "serious conversation" in that sense. 

 

So forums and even skype are good for me. I text a relatively large amount monthly with my girlfriend, but that's a long distance thing and I do want to keep up some communication. And since she's in the same boat as me, written information works better for us, even if it's just something of a more light topic.

 

On the other hand, I think the way I communicate... and the way I prefer to communicate, I pretty much need a computer. Most of my conversations are these hyperactive bursts of references and jokes all over the place. I tend to jump around on subjects, post videos, pictures, send music over... and I've noticed that even when a friend is over, we're either sitting around with a tablet or at my desk, just because... I don't have the desire to talk for 2 hours without it turning into some kind of "prop"-comedy. And that's what people thus far liked about me... communication with me in general is "never a dull moment".

 

I'm not online with skype by default. I have to actually start up skype separately. And if I have it on, I'm good for a chat. And even there... I only talk to my girlfriend. As for subjects; sometimes it's some silly banter, joking around and all, but quite often I'll end up talking politics, articles she or I read, discuss new music I saw (and clearly it helps you be able to share links you found online). It's the times where we end up in small talk just to have a conversation where I"ll slowly back out and just tell her "either talk about something more interesting or I'm offline spending my time with something else". And thus we'll just go our separate ways again and we both start up a game or a movie or whatever either of us wants to do. It's not necessarily that I'm pressuring her into making good conversation. And neither does she to me... but I can do so much other things with my time rather than keeping up appearances. I'm in general, not interested in what was for dinner. I've heard people talk about this in the bus for a full 5 minutes... I wanted to tear my face off. I rather eavesdrop how people are discussing how to cook crystal meth... clearly more interesting cooking than mashed potatoes and beef. It was a problem for me in any situation, since my brain does not handle mundane subjects very well. On jobs I've been told I wasn't social enough and I should mix in. I told supervisors I'd mix in, if these people actually had something of interest to share with me. Clearly not the best thing to request.

 

So, do I have any tips? Since this is all about me and my communication.

 

The entire chatting thing; I generally limit it to just going "online" when I really want to chat. And that's what I expect of other people. If you're not up for a chat, either put your status up for busy or just go offline. Being too lazy to click a button to change status is no excuse. And if you have someone like me in your contacts, I will call you out on changing your status every minute if you're busy, but not set to "busy".

 

I've found that compared to MSN, on Skype you can chat to someone if he's not online and it'll just be a relayed chat. That's fine for me, if someone really needs to get something out of his/her system. Just don't expect me to read it righ tnow.

 

I guess there's a thing to be said about the speed of a chat. I usually get all twitchy and bored if there's not a constant stream of information coming out. For some people it's fine to have 1 message every minute... I prefer it to be a constant flow of words in rapid succession. If there's no speed to the chat, I'll get bored easily, I'll go do other things, I zone out and just pay less attention to a chat. And at some point I'll just leave.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Nesf

i have two or three friends i talk to online, as well as a couple of clients. We can talk about anything, what we've done during the day, things we've read about, programmes we've watched on TV, music, interests - it all depends on the person and what we have in common. I leave Skype on all day because i use it for my work, too, and clients often need to get in touch with me as well as friends. My friends know that I use Skype for work, and there is an understanding that if I don't reply straight away it means that I'm working, and will get back to them later. I think that honesty is the best policy, and if I'm tired or need to go out or busy, I always tell the other person. I have no way of telling whether someone I'm talking to is bored or tired, I rely in turn on them being honest with me and telling me.

 

I think it's normal for conversations to just fade away at times. It happens, I wouldn't worry about it, though I think it is polite to say goodbye. I'm not sure if it's compulsory, though. I don't think that being invisible is necessarily cheating, and people often use it when they are working and have ligitimate reasons for wanting to be discreet. I don't like it though, and don't do it unless I have very good reason, I feel like I'm stalking, or spying on people. I would rather log off. It's a bit like lurking on a forum without being logged in. The thought that someone may be lurking on Skype and watching to see when I'm online or not is a bit disturbing, but really, it's not that different to giving someone your phone number. When you give a phone number, you are giving that person direct access to you, and they can contact you at any time, just like on Skype. The one thing that is different is that on Skype people can see that you are home, and if you don't answer at all they might think you are ignoring them. So the best thing is, if you don't want to be online without being disturbed, log off from Skype, or else just tell the other person that you are busy and can't talk.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
L Lawliet

I never liked MSN because people only ever wanted to talk about pointless stuff.

 

Them: HI

Me: Hello!

Them: How are you?

Me:You saw me an hour ago...

Them: Yeah lol What you been upto?

Me: Nothing really. You?

Them: Nothing lol

 

And then nothing ever followed. I mean, what is the point?? o_O

 

Forums like this however, people are actually having constructive conversations that usually challenge the brain a bit. So I find it easier to have a conversation on here. Plus I feel more comfortable talking online as I don't feel like I'm being judged as much as I would if I'm talking about things with people that have met me and know me well. Everyone one on here has a common interest so it's easier to give your own input and learn a few things from others :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sofi

My friends know that I use Skype for work, and there is an understanding that if I don't reply straight away it means that I'm working, and will get back to them later.

 

Yes - I understand  :D  

If I don't reply straight away, it could mean any number of things but never that I don't want to talk to my friends lol. With my new routine, I don't leave my computer on all night like I used to (unless I am downloading lots) and so then if I didn't reply, it was probably because I was lying in bed depressed until 1pm! Now, if I am online, I'll most likely be available to chat. If in the middle of a conversation, I'll say if I have to go but it's not essential. I hate it when people say they have to go for 1 minute to the toilet or something, that's unnecessary.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
coffeebean

I've noticed a lot of variety in online conversations. Some people understand if you take awhile to respond and may be multitasking themselves, while others expect you to respond right away. Some don't think much of it if you aren't online for awhile, while others take it personally.

 

If people don't want to talk at all, they'll often be offline, have their status set to away, or let the conversation die down. One of my friends always gives short, vague responses if he's doing something like reading some technical manual or other, but is still online if anyone wants him.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sofi

I've noticed a lot of variety in online conversations. Some people understand if you take awhile to respond and may be multitasking themselves, while others expect you to respond right away. Some don't think much of it if you aren't online for awhile, while others take it personally.

 

If people don't want to talk at all, they'll often be offline, have their status set to away, or let the conversation die down. One of my friends always gives short, vague responses if he's doing something like reading some technical manual or other, but is still online if anyone wants him.

 

Yes, I think different people have different expectations about it, especially if they have not used it before. I have no expectations! I have used MSN daily, then Skype, since about age 11 so I am well used to things like this. 

Well, my mum is learning about using Skype right now for the first time (because of the fact I am bad at real conversations so I can talk to her easier online) and she expects me to respond really quickly and makes errors like sending inappropriate faces by mistake! She said to me on it "I am rubbish at this" and I said "Yes you are".

She always writes that she is going somewhere even although I could physically hear that is she walking around somewhere else in the house! She is 50 though. I will educate her on it!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Nesf

I never liked MSN because people only ever wanted to talk about pointless stuff.

 

Them: HI

Me: Hello!

Them: How are you?

Me:You saw me an hour ago...

Them: Yeah lol What you been upto?

Me: Nothing really. You?

Them: Nothing lol

 

And then nothing ever followed. I mean, what is the point?? o_O

 

Forums like this however, people are actually having constructive conversations that usually challenge the brain a bit. So I find it easier to have a conversation on here. Plus I feel more comfortable talking online as I don't feel like I'm being judged as much as I would if I'm talking about things with people that have met me and know me well. Everyone one on here has a common interest so it's easier to give your own input and learn a few things from others :)

Yes, this is exaclty the sort of pointless chit chat conversation that you also get in real life, and it drives me nuts! I don't contact people unless I have something to say.

 

Yes - I understand  :D  

If I don't reply straight away, it could mean any number of things but never that I don't want to talk to my friends lol. With my new routine, I don't leave my computer on all night like I used to (unless I am downloading lots) and so then if I didn't reply, it was probably because I was lying in bed depressed until 1pm! Now, if I am online, I'll most likely be available to chat. If in the middle of a conversation, I'll say if I have to go but it's not essential. I hate it when people say they have to go for 1 minute to the toilet or something, that's unnecessary.

Yes, saying that you need to go to the toilet or going to make a coffee, which doesn't take very long, is unnecessary - I don't do this. I only do it if i know that I'll be gone some time, say, 30 minutes.

 

 

Yes, I think different people have different expectations about it, especially if they have not used it before. I have no expectations! I have used MSN daily, then Skype, since about age 11 so I am well used to things like this. 

Well, my mum is learning about using Skype right now for the first time (because of the fact I am bad at real conversations so I can talk to her easier online) and she expects me to respond really quickly and makes errors like sending inappropriate faces by mistake! She said to me on it "I am rubbish at this" and I said "Yes you are".

She always writes that she is going somewhere even although I could physically hear that is she walking around somewhere else in the house! She is 50 though. I will educate her on it!

 

 

People who haven't used Skype before can be forgiven for making the odd mistake, I think, it can take a while if you are new to it to catch on that it's not like a real life conversation, and isn't governed by the same rules. I think that in a real life conversation you would definitely tell someone that you were breaking the conversation to go to the toilet :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.