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Bongo

Relationship Preference (As And Non-As)

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Bongo

I was asked this recently, that when/if I ever get a girlfriend if I'm looking for her to have Aspergers too and wondered what others think in terms of having a relationship with a Aspie or non-Aspie. To be honest it's not really a big deal for me as long as she is understanding and we have lots in common. And you limit yourself if you say "I will only date Aspies". Don't get me wrong, it would be cool to have that mutual connection and understanding through AS but it's not the only way plus there's no guarantee it would work just because you both have AS infact in some cases it can cause more problems. We'll see..  :P

Edited by Bongo

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Saveyourscissors

My boyfriend doesn't have AS but i think he does and so does my family! Maybe a little milder than my AS though! All my other exes were neurotypicql but yeah I think josh would be diagnosis if we seeked it! Although he doesn't agree but don't limit yourself, I think there is someone for everyone and the right girl will appear when you least expect it!

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King_oni

I'm in a relationship with an aspie right now, and while a lot of it is mutual understanding, there are moments where I'm (or she probably as well) like "there's always something wrong, isn't there?"... that's kinda difficult. For me at least. I'm already having to deal with my own issue, I don't know if adding my partners issues does help me out a lot. On the other hand, I've been told by her that at least I'm somewhat thoughtfull of her and handle it in a good way. I don't tend to have a meltdown cause of the extra stress, but I tend to start a conversation and talk her out of her issues that just came up. That however, requires a bit of work, and I'm quite sure it's not for everyone.

 

But hey, I've been a bit of a diplomat between my parents for a good while when they had issues they, as NT's should've been sorting out themselves. And I seem to have this aspie-radar going on for myself, which makes me wonder if I'm actually a bit of a person anyone, including aspies will listen to and eventually calm down after talking to them.

 

On the other hand, I don't really aim for the "aspie approach", I'm used to it. Pretty much everyone in my social group is on the spectrum and in the past I've dated people who easily could pass off as being on the spectrum as well. So maybe I just have this form of "aspie tact" how to resolve issues with people on the spectrum more easily... because the real issue for me are non-aspies, lol

Edited by King_oni

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Kuribo [old account]

I'd just want someone who is kind, non-judgemental and understanding, whether Autistic or Neurotypical. Don't ever fall into the trap of thinking that "kind, non-judgemental and understanding" will always apply to an Autistic person. It does not.

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HalfFull

I've had a relationship with an Aspie and with someone lively to have mild learning difficulties. The other person who nearly became my girlfriend was probably NT but seemed close enough to being Aspie. It would be interesting to try an AS-NT relationship but probably haven't experienced it yet. I would take the person as they are. Either were compatible or were not. Aspie-Aspie relationships can be awkward when traits clash, if one person needs more support than most partners would, but the other is less able to give that support than most partners would be.

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Mike_GX101

It really wouldn't enter the equation whether the person was aspie or not.  I don't judge a person like that.  If you jell with someone and the feeling is mutual but you subsequently discover in time they're AS would you really turn your back on them?

Edited by Mike_GX101

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Mike_GX101

Some times you see publicity materials that paint a certain negative slant on autistic relationships where it is clear someone has gone to a lot of trouble to get things looking as awkward and out of place as possible.  But it really isn't always like that in the real world.  Clearly publicity material aims to achieve reaching out to target audiences but often that means it has to bend or distort reality and take it to the nth degree of ridiculousness.  The real truth doesn't always photograph very well so they have to exaggerate it in order to draw attention to it.  But some times that means creating a level of awkwardness that doesn't actually always exist.

Edited by Mike_GX101

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ASDCommunity

If you get a human and that human is nice and I think that we are people and people who are not on the spectrum are people. I would rather not have us as exotic or forbidden or a charity to take on board or anything else. See someone that you like and they like you, then do you have to explain away or justify your attraction?

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spiderwoman0_2

I'm an NT with some AS/OCD traits and I married a man with AS (undiagnosed but definitely is lol :P )  We get on very well and even say the same things at the same time. :D

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Sofi

I really want a relationship. But I would not say I only want one with someone else on the spectrum either, I wouldn't judge like that either as long as they were good for me, but I can't exactly imagine getting on well with a neurotypical person for a relationship, they'd have to be amazingly understanding of me and knowledge of ASD. I would prefer if they were on the spectrum too but much higher functioning than me so they could take control of situations and help me out. I could help them too with other stuff.

I don't understand relationships but I want to learn

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