Jump to content
Guest

[Sensitive] Violence

Recommended Posts

Guest

I want to start a thread about violence- not about being the victim but being the person who is hitting, kicking or anything else. I often find when I am angry that I will want to hit someone. However, I am not going to go into great detail here as it will probably bore you. Do any of you have trouble with this? I am often scared with my thoughts about hurting others. I just have this incredible urge to hurt someone even though I know it is bad and I try to get these thoughts out of my head. Were you a violent child and how do you cope now?

 

Sorry

Wren

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
DominikaCupcake

Actually no, i never had those moments. I can get very aggressive when i'm frustrated, stressed or even depressed, but i always focus my anger on things instead of people. Like one time when i was at the police station and was waiting in the queue and some guy went in before even thought it wasn't his turn. I got angry, but i couldn't tell that it was my turn. I just felt frozen. So i got so frustrated that i started to kick a wastepaper basket right in front of all the people who were sitting there. They've must been thinking that i was crazy. But like i said, i never thought of hitting someone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Peridot

That's scary, Wren. What's the worst thing you can see yourself doing? 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest

That's scary, Wren. What's the worst thing you can see yourself doing? 

I often see myself killing people even though I would never want to do that! I hate this thought. I don't want to kill someone but I still get the little video in my head of me doing this. It makes me feel so horrible. I don't know the worst thing I have ever done but I do attack my parents quite a lot [it just seems to be happening more and more recently] and I can't believe that no one else gets these thoughts and feelings. Does this mean I am a terrible person? Should I be in prison?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Willow

I'm definately not a violent person and I don't really get this at all. I've never hit anyone, and I don't hit things either, now - but I used to throw things sometimes if I was really angry after a bad day at school (being bullied), or I would sometimes burn the things that upset me (things my Dad had bought for me, when he got angry at me and we didn't see each other for months). But the burning was in a controlled environment and my Mum supervised; it made me feel better. I also once punched a photo frame when someone was picking on me for the photo of me that was framed, and I didn't want to hit them, so I hit the frame. 

 

I was very angry or upset in these instances, and these are the only real things I could say are similar to your post, that I have experienced. Never people though, and I have never imagined killing someone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
AutismUnrestricted

I remember getting angry at my mum when i was 2 or 3, I used to hold my hands up and pull angry faces at her. I did this because I didn't like her cheating on my dad. I was soon put in my place and never allowed to display my anger ever again, not without terrible consequences. So since then, anytime I felt anger, I imploded on myself and self destructed. I am obviously getting therapy for it now So its all cool. 

I read somewhere that anger is one of the 5 stages of grief:

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression and

Acceptance

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
King_oni

As a child I was pretty violent and always ready to explode. And it didn't help that back in school the others always thought it was funny for me to get angry and then call a teacher so I'd get in trouble. And the one time I got my hands on someone it ended in the hospital, and thus teachers were more aware that I apparently was a danger that had to be contained... thus no more playing outside during recess. Because... it's easier to contain 1 person than 25 people who are just out there to push someones buttons.

 

Eventually I ended up in sort of a afterschool daycare thing (from 4 till 7 in the afternoon/evening) that had pediatricians there to help all kinds of trouble children who tend to had agression issues amongst other things. But even there they figured it wasn't necessarily just me who was the problem. School was doing a terrible job at keeping the atmosphere towards me friendly and thus I changed schools. New school (which had only a small amount of other kids in class; which meant I got A. more attention and B. teachers were more aware of what was going on. It wasn't special ed though) and the daycare I visited for a few years did help me learn some more self-control. Though like I said, the other school was a toxic environment in general and might have been part of the problem in general.

 

I rarely have really aggressive bouts now, but I should add. I don't deal with people in general. And I can't really get riled up being on my own for nothing. The times I get angry is when other people are involved. I have quite some patience and people have told me that they're surprised how someone in general can be that patient with someone. Even my girlfriend often tells me she's surprised how calm I can stay in most situations.

 

Yet, I recall a few situations in the past few years where I got irate... and that's were the proverbial shit hits the fan. 

 

My problem is that I'm a pretty big guy and from time to time I exercise as well... which clearly has some side-effects to increasing strength. Well, ok... I usually exercise with weights, I'm not really a jogging type of person, heh.

 

I remember 3 years ago I got in an argument with my dad over something which I found to be a big deal and was something I was seeing a therapist for already. His way of dealing with it just seemed detrimental. That and the fact that he pretty much wasn't up to listen to my side of the story. Clearly; I do not do well with those kind of authoritarian folks. I eventually left the table, though I was pretty close at lunging at him with a knife (since it was dinnertime). So I guess... hooray for self-restraint.

 

Two years ago I got into a rare argument with my girlfriend over a few things... I felt I could punch her, but I'm well aware that brings a few issues along and it's not necessarily the way to solve that issue. I ended up punching a concrete wall in the bedroom. I kept punching and actually thought I fractured my hand. Then, when I was back to "normal" it wasn't my hand that fractured but I actually punched a huge dent/hole in a concrete wall.

 

A few years ago I ended up tearing a door of it's hinges... 

 

Yes, that's the problem with having a pretty explosive character as well as some... I guess... explosive feats of strength backed up by an intense adrenaline rush.

 

Those are the few private incidents.

 

I believe in the past 10 years or so there has been one incident that could've ended ugly and was in public. It started when after a difference in opinion with a girl she got physical with me. Which was, as I might add, after a performance with a band I was in... thus it was at a small concert venue (150 to 200 people). The mood quickly changed and for her safety they decided to drag her out, into a car and take her home because apparently, and people told me this afterwards, I pretty much radiated this vibe that things would've gotten ugly if I gotten my hands on her. We did talk it over after a few days and she apologized and told me she was wrong for doing what she did. I'm not unreasonable and am up to hear what people have to say when everything has cooled down.

 

And then there's 2 years ago where 3 guys jumped me on a random night when they were out partying. Someone said something and I asked him what he said... some people clearly are mental to pick a fight with me... 

 

So that's the few violent incidents I had that I recall. Most of them tend to be of the more extreme variety I guess. Though I feel a lot of violent incidents, just like when I was a child, rely on being pushed rather than feeling violent for no reason.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Shōnen Bat

I often see myself killing people even though I would never want to do that! I hate this thought. I don't want to kill someone but I still get the little video in my head of me doing this. It makes me feel so horrible. I don't know the worst thing I have ever done but I do attack my parents quite a lot [it just seems to be happening more and more recently] and I can't believe that no one else gets these thoughts and feelings. Does this mean I am a terrible person? Should I be in prison?

 

Prison? For a thought? We haven't reached that stage quite yet.

 

When I was younger I used to get violent thoughts and fantasise about killing or hurting people (amply aided by extreme asian cinema). I had no way of releasing the frustration and confusion (and resultant anger) that came from being forced into close contact with people all day at school. I don't think I am a violent person and I only lost it sufficiently to attack someone over it. .

 

It was suggested that I hit objects to release the anger but that didn't really help. I did Krav Maga for a while and the hard sparring was excellent for control of long term frustration (I found the pain was a good distraction) but to deal with it when I couldn't train I found nothing worked better than running until I had to stop or made myself sick. I don't know if this would work for you or even that it was a particularly good way of dealing with the problems but it helped me manage the frustration and anger in a semi - useful way.

Edited by Shōnen Bat

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sofi

Yes - I was a very violent destructive child but it got much better but I definitely still can be. I don't feel like much at all recently. When I was a little child I hit kicked punched bit teachers and my family, I punched my sister a lot. Then I hurt objects more than people, like doors, walls but sometimes I threw stuff at my mum and hurt her I can't control my anger sometimes. I sometimes get intrusive thoughts to hurt/kill people too but I think that might be different to anything to do with my Autism violence... I hate it because I don't really want to kill anyone, sometimes I see myself with a gun and fire and stuff :( 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.