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Anon

Does anyone feel really normal and embarrassed?

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Anon

I am 17 and have aspergers, and was diagnosed when I was 14.
I have never told any of my friends, and find the whole thing really embarrassing, e.g.even if a teacher asks to speak to me after class, im paranoid that my friends will ask why, and find out. Even though I know I have it, I feel so normal, that I almost feel like im so mild that I shouldnt have even been diagnosed. Does anyone else feel like this?

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Willow

I sometimes get this feeling. But at the end of the day, there is still a lot I struggle with, or would struggle with if I had to do it. Because I'm older now and can make more choices of my own, I can choose to avoid things I know I can't do. But it doesn't mean that I'm okay. Some of those things are important and I should be able to do them - like going out alone.

 

When I'm doing really well and I've done everything I'm supposed to, I do sometimes feel bad. But as I say, AS still gets in the way of me living a full, normal life - although I'm happy the way my life is, I still have to say no to some things which I should be able to do...parties etc.

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Heather

I feel like that a lot too.  Especially when I was still in high school.  I hated when I had to skip class to go talk to the counsellor or something else related to my Aspergers or learning assistance.  I was so nervous to tell my friends.  I can't remember exactly how I told them, but I know I eventually did.  Whether they remember or not, I'm not sure.. because I don't like to bring it up.  In fact, I get self conscious talking to other people about anything personal to me.  I often have doubted I even have AS, because I don't have all the struggles that are associated with AS.  But that doesn't mean I don't struggle still with things other people find normal.  It's much easier after high school and you can make more of your own decisions about socialization and things.

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Willow

I think it's hard, after a while knowing you have AS, to remember what it is that you struggle with, because, of course, we've usually always struggled with it, and never been 'normal' (hate that word) so how could we know what is because of our AS. Me and my fiancé talk about this a lot, and he doubts the AS in himself more than I do for me. It's harder to see you have issues when you are around other people with the same issues!

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Heather
I think it's hard, after a while knowing you have AS, to remember what it is that you struggle with, because, of course, we've usually always struggled with it, and never been 'normal' (hate that word) so how could we know what is because of our AS. Me and my fiancé talk about this a lot, and he doubts the AS in himself more than I do for me. It's harder to see you have issues when you are around other people with the same issues!

I totally agree with this.   I also realized one day that even the friends I made in high school, while it might not be AS, they weren't exactly "normal" either.  I was also very quiet around people I didn't know well.. and when I did get to know them, usually adapted some of their behaviors or interests, so I didn't look weird or draw attention to me.  So then people didn't see me as weird as much as maybe they would've if I wouldn't have kept it all inside.  My boyfirend and I doubt our AS quite a lot too.  He was diagnosed later than me.  But he also has PTSD and OCD, which affect his life in a big way too.  My anxiety looks so mild compared to his a lot of times.  But then in some ways, he's better than me with things.. like he's better at talking on the phone than me.. and different things like that.  We both have AS though and both struggle with different things that other people might not.

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Whoknows

Well, I feel abnormally normal here. I feel stranged at home. I felt at home when I was partying with my family at Christmas. I feel the same when in the city or the internet. Well, also somewhere else.

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Heather
Well, I feel abnormally normal here. I feel stranged at home. I felt at home when I was partying with my family at Christmas. I feel the same when in the city or the internet. Well, also somewhere else.

That's okay.  This is a new community, and everybody with Aspergers are different.  My guess that there are other people who feel as you do but are not here yet, or have not posted yet.  Perhaps because they feel the same as you.  But you are welcome here and can give us insight into how you view things too.  :)

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Willow
I totally agree with this.   I also realized one day that even the friends I made in high school, while it might not be AS, they weren't exactly "normal" either.  I was also very quiet around people I didn't know well.. and when I did get to know them, usually adapted some of their behaviors or interests, so I didn't look weird or draw attention to me.  So then people didn't see me as weird as much as maybe they would've if I wouldn't have kept it all inside.  My boyfirend and I doubt our AS quite a lot too.  He was diagnosed later than me.  But he also has PTSD and OCD, which affect his life in a big way too.  My anxiety looks so mild compared to his a lot of times.  But then in some ways, he's better than me with things.. like he's better at talking on the phone than me.. and different things like that.  We both have AS though and both struggle with different things that other people might not.

My fiancé is a lot better on the phone than me, but he needed to get used to it for his job. I just think it's about what's nessecary sometimes; it's not vital for me to use the phone, so because I'm afraid, I don't. He had to, so he can.

 

I think the reason I've lost a lot of friends is because I've been trying to be someone I'm not in order to be friends with them. Which is exhausting :( Nowsdays, the people I get on well with are a bit different to what most people perceive as 'normal', but they're not full blown AS either.

 

@Whoknows - just stick around whilst the forum builds up a bit, we're only a few days old. You may find, as squeeker said, that people start to post who you feel similar to. :)

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EllaMay

I sometimes feel like that, but then I have a bad day and realise that I defiantly do have it. XD

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Heather
My fiancé is a lot better on the phone than me, but he needed to get used to it for his job. I just think it's about what's nessecary sometimes; it's not vital for me to use the phone, so because I'm afraid, I don't. He had to, so he can.

 

I think the reason I've lost a lot of friends is because I've been trying to be someone I'm not in order to be friends with them. Which is exhausting :( Nowsdays, the people I get on well with are a bit different to what most people perceive as 'normal', but they're not full blown AS either.

 

@Whoknows - just stick around whilst the forum builds up a bit, we're only a few days old. You may find, as squeeker said, that people start to post who you feel similar to. :)

Yes I think it is about what is necessary in my boyfriend's case too, I think he must've learned he had too more, and now he does it for me when he can see it makes me anxious because he wants to be protective of me.  I can call people when I have to, but if they are unfamiliar, I have to prepare what I'm going to say and calm down a lot before I do it, and if there's a way I can email instead, I like to do that. :)  My boyfriend has called people in Canada via skype when I was too scared to call them myself.  He's a much better talker too.. I can get jumbled up too easily especially when I'm nervous.

 

I know when I was younger and in my teen years, most of my friends I was pretending to be someone I'm not.  Mostly I was quiet, they talked to me, I found out how they were like, and I tried to be like that.  It's kind of sad, because my first "best friend," we had fun, I enjoyed a lot of what we did, we read, did crafts, went exploring, but I could never fully be myself around her because I felt like some of the things I did or my family did would not fit her and she wouldn't hang out with me anymore.  It was similar to how I was with my high school friends too.  Though in high school I started to get more comfortable with them, because I noticed they were a bit weird in some ways too.  But it was slow.  And I'm still not 100% comfortable showing myself to them.  But also at this point in my life, I am much more comfortable who I am and realize that they can either accept who I am or not be my friend anymore.  I think also since I met my boyfriend, then I am braver on this beacuse I know he will be there for me even if they aren't. 

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